Work Text:
Mydei throws aside his spear and collapses down on the grass, chest heaving. He can hear Phainon doing much the same, feel his body heat even though he's a few paces away. The sound of their heavy breathing echos throughout the training grounds.
He closes his eyes, letting the cool breeze caress his hair and bare skin. Birds sing in the distance, part of the idyllic peace that can only be felt in Okhema anymore. Little by little, Mydei feels his heartbeat slow and breaths even out. Perhaps he should take advantage of the stillness with a short nap.
"Hey, Mydei?"
Or not. He should know better than to expect Phainon to be quiet for more than a few minutes.
"What?" he says, though he resolutely keeps his eyes closed. He hears Phainon roll onto his side, closer. Mydei still doesn't move.
"Have you ever been with anyone else besides me?"
"...What's with the sudden interest?"
"No reason, just curious." A beat. Mydei counts the seconds, getting to around ten before the true answer comes tumbling out. "A storyteller at the market was regaling tales of your accomplishments, including your many lovers. The Kremnoans in the crowd were nodding along at the mention, so I thought—"
"Don't pay them or the bard any mind; those myths are always exaggerated. None of them know what I do in my private life."
Phainon says nothing in response, and after a few minutes Mydei assumes he's dropped it. The idea is ridiculous, anyway. When would he have the time or energy to devote to that many partners? His duties to his people and responsibilities as a Chrysos Heir are both more than enough. A large part of why his relationship with Phainon works is because they're together so much of the time anyway. Not to mention that they both understand there's no space for petty courtship drama when the fate of the world is at stake. Any sort of entanglement with an ordinary civilian or even warrior would be impractical at best.
"Have you, though?"
"Have I what, Deliverer?"
"Been with anyone before."
Mydei just barely suppresses a groan. He really doesn't want to be having this conversation right now. And he doesn't understand why it seems to matter so much to Phainon. They both have countless things in their pasts that neither of them can return to. Dwelling on them like this is pointless; the present and future are scant enough as is.
Phainon seems to misinterpret his silence. "I won't judge you, you know, no matter the number, if that's what you're worried about."
Propping himself up on one elbow, Mydei says, "No, it's not that. It's just—" he breaks off, tongue heavy in his mouth.
He could put an end to this whole discussion with a simple "no". That answer is probably what Phainon is secretly hoping to hear, or at least some variation of it. But while telling him as much is technically the truth, it doesn't feel entirely honest.
How else, though, Mydei wonders, is he supposed to sum up his not-quite relationship with Hephaestion?
"It's... complicated," Mydei says eventually.
"Oh," says Phainon. "I see." He laughs awkwardly. "You know, I thought it was a pretty straightforward question. Was it something casual, or...?"
"No, it was..." Mydei searches for the right words. "Never really acted on. He turned me down."
Phainon looks confused. "Isn't the answer just 'no', then?"
Conflicting impulses rise up inside of Mydei. The easiest thing would be to simply agree, say "I suppose you're right", and leave it at that. Yet now that the topic of his old friend has come up, now that he's been reminded of the man who haunts his memories but will only ever live on inside his head, Mydei isn't sure he wants to do that.
"Nothing ever happened between us, but... it felt different with him. Special. Hephaestion, he—he was my closest companion back then. The one who guarded my back and was always at my side."
Recognition flickers in Phainon's eyes. "You mentioned his name before when we spoke of what we each saw in Nikador's trial. He was the one who teased you about putting milk in your honey brew. I hadn't realized..." He trails off, gaze sweeping over the silhouette of mountains in the distance. "But, yeah. That makes sense."
Mydei had forgotten he had told Phainon about the years spent with his old comrades. And he doesn't know how to feel about Phainon recalling that inconsequential, yet fondly-held detail about Hephaestion. But the idea of somebody else remembering him—the idea of Phainon, the future world-bearer, who will recreate everything anew in Era Nova, remembering him—makes warmth bloom inside his chest.
Maybe those five will finally get the chance to have their glory known.
"You remind me of him, sometimes," Mydei says.
Phainon startles at this. "I do?"
"Actually, that's not quite right," Mydei amends, frowning. "You're more talkative than he was, and your personalities are pretty different. You do make one expression that looks a lot like him, though." He pauses for a moment, thinking. "Perhaps it's more accurate to say that being around you feels like it did with him.
"We weren't rivals, nor quite equals. First he was older, then I outgrew him and became stronger. We only ever competed when it came to sparring. But we held a sense of mutual trust and understanding, something that didn't have to be said out loud."
Mydei smiles at the thought, the memories returning with ease. Himself and Hephaestion sprawled out on the grass after a particularly grueling sparring session, not unlike him and Phainon now. How sometimes they could just sit together in comfortable silence, enjoying the other's presence. The way they naturally fell in-step together, both in– and out of battle, anticipating each other's movements. Losing themselves in the adrenaline of a fight, reckless in the exact same way even though Mydei was immortal and Hephaestion was not. The occasional romantic tension between them, and their friends' playful teasing. Sharing a bed more than once, but never to do anything other than sleep.
"You said he turned you down, though," Phainon says with a frown, interrupting Mydei from further reminiscing.
Mydei nods. "I tried leaning in to kiss him once, but he stopped me before I could get very far. He said it wasn't befitting of my station. No matter how much I tried to argue, he wouldn't hear of it. Eventually, we never spoke of it again." The corner of his mouth tugs up sardonically. "Didn't stop me from loving him, though."
Phainon is quiet for a long while. "Do you think if you weren't a prince he would have accepted your feelings? Or if he was still alive...?"
"Maybe," says Mydei. "I don't really know."
"But you still think of him with such fondness, so clearly—"
"Phainon," he says firmly, sensing the beginnings of an insecurity spiral. "It's in the past and nothing ever happened between us. His soul has long since departed this world and returned to Thanatos. You are mine now, and I am yours. And while I might consider him my first love, there are many things that you and I have shared that he never did."
Phainon lets out an amused huff. "You always know how to read me so well."
Mydei reaches out and flicks his forehead, though without any force behind it. "You make it too easy."
Phainon still rubs at the spot, likely more out of habit than actual pain. Then, he gets a glint in his eyes and rolls over, pinning Mydei to the ground. "So how many of your firsts did I get, Mydeimos? First kiss? First date? First lover?" He leans in to whisper in Mydei's ear. "First time?"
Mydei shoves him away with a scoff—"First annoyance, more like"—all while Phainon continues laughing beside him. He rolls his eyes and thinks about leaving the other man to clean up the weapons from their spar earlier, but another idea hits him. He reaches out, grabbing Phainon by the collar and pulling him in close. "How about my last?" he asks, voice low. "Is that good enough for you, Deliverer?"
Phainon's breath catches at that—just the reaction Mydei was hoping for—then he looks away, cheeks flushing. "I was just joking, you know," he mumbles.
"I'm not."
"Mydei... please," Phainon begs, burying his face in his hands. "You can't just say things like that."
"Why not?" he asks, prying Phainon's hands away. "It's the truth."
"Even so..."
Mydei tilts Phainon's chin up. "You have my heart, Phainon of Aedes Elysiae. In this life and the next."
"...And you mine, Mydeimos."
Then he leans in and Phainon does the same, their lips meeting in a slow, honeyed kiss.