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Roy can’t pinpoint the exact moment he decides he’s going to propose to Jamie. It’s not like the idea of marriage hadn’t already been present, with Roy blurting out that he wanted to marry Jamie before they’d even kissed. But now over a year later, the idea of marrying Jamie Tartt has shifted from just a fantasy to something real that Roy can vividly see. It’s easy to imagine the rest of his life when Jamie comes home knackered after a long day of training and Roy cooks something he’s made a hundred times, only for Jamie to praise it like it’s a Michelin meal. Or when they’re tangled up on the sofa together watching something, whether that be shit reality TV or a film, with both of them proving an impassioned commentary throughout. Or when they head up to the bedroom and sometimes have absolutely mind-blowing sex, and sometimes just hold each other close. Or when Roy wakes up and the first thing he sees is Jamie’s face. Or when Roy watches him play and can practically feel the pride bursting out of his chest.
It’s so easy to think of all of these things and imagine having them for the rest of his life. A year ago, he might’ve tried to deny himself that, told himself that Jamie deserves better, but he’s been working on that in therapy. He’s been learning to believe Jamie when he says he loves Roy as much as Roy loves him because Jamie never lets him forget.
So, it isn’t one sudden moment, it’s a slow build that leads to this. They’ve got a long weekend in Amsterdam coming up, just the two of them, and Roy realises it’s perfect. The place they first fell in love. Jamie’s already planned to hire bikes (legitimately, this time) and take them back to that same windmill. All Roy needs now is to get the ring and then get down on one knee.
That’s easier said than done. Roy agonises for hours about the right ring. Jamie’s always been more into his jewellery than Roy has, and Roy wants to make sure it’s something Jamie will love. He ends up employing the help of Keeley, his sister, Phoebe and the diamond dogs, swearing them all to the utmost secrecy. Naturally, Jamie notices that Roy’s hiding something, but when Roy promises it’s nothing bad and he’ll find out soon enough, Jamie lets it drop.
The speech is another challenge. Roy refuses to get any help with this one, he wants it to be his words only. He fills almost a whole notepad trying to write something that matches what he feels, and still nothing seems enough. The enormity of his feelings for Jamie seem impossible to summarise in just a few sentences. In the end he decides he’s going to wing it, speak from the heart and just deal with whatever comes out. After all he’d never meant to confess he wanted to marry Jamie before they’d even started dating, but that had worked out well enough that he’s now going to be asking Jamie to marry him for real, so even if his speech is a vomit of words, it will be rather fitting for their relationship.
So by the time they’re sitting on a plane to Amsterdam, Roy’s got a ring safely tucked away in his hand luggage, unwilling to risk losing it, even if it does slightly increase the odds of Jamie accidentally finding it.
They have a nice little house booked in the outskirts of Amsterdam, private enough that they can go out without worrying about being bothered, but close enough that they can still cycle into Amsterdam, and more importantly to De Riekermolen. The light is starting to fade by the time they arrive and drop off all their luggage, so they head straight into town to pick up their bikes. Jamie is already exuding happiness, practically skipping along as they walk into town, and Roy, despite his nerves, can’t help but be pulled along. Their bikes are ready when they arrive, as are the helmets that Jamie insisted on, teasing that Roy couldn’t afford more brain damage after the number of headbutts he’d given people over the years. Jamie of course still looks ridiculously attractive in his helmet.
They go out for a meal. One of the nice things about being away from home is that they can do this without causing a fuss. Jamie’s become a national superstar now, back at Richmond he can barely step out his front door without being recognised. They work around it, with more meals at home, or going to those stupidly posh places where no one cares if you’re famous, but it’s nice to be able to go out to a normal place here and be able to sit and have their whole meal just the two of them, no interruptions.
By the time they cycle back to their little house, the sun has fully set. They collapse into bed together, Jamie curling around Roy like an octopus. It’s the kind of closeness that should be comforting, and it is, but Roy can’t shut his mind off, too busy thinking about his plans for tomorrow, about every little thing that could go wrong. He’s sure Jamie would tell him it didn’t have to be perfect, but Roy still wants it to be. Jamie doesn’t deserve anything less than perfect.
At some point, he must drift off, because he wakes up in the morning to sun filtering through the window, and the smell of fresh baked pastries and coffee.
“Morning,” Jamie says. He looks like a fucking angel with the sunlight almost forming a halo behind him. “I popped out and got us some breakfast.” He gestures to a bag and two coffees on the table. Roy gets out of bed and plants a firm kiss on Jamie’s lips.
“Thank you love.” Jamie grins back at him. Roy sits at the table and pulls a pain au chocolate out of the bag. The pastry is perfectly warm and flaky, and the chocolate flavour is rich and melts in his mouth. “Great choice.”
Jaime hums happily. “I knew you’d like it.”
They linger over breakfast, Jamie talking a mile a minute about all the places he wants to visit that day, the canals, the markets, the art museum he swears Roy will actually like. Roy mostly just listens, watching the light move across Jamie’s face and thinking that he could stay in this moment forever.
Eventually Jamie hops up, eyes bright. “Come on, old man. Gotta make the most of our day.”
Roy stands up to follow without a second thought, ready to do wherever Jamie wants to take him. He moves his hand to touch his jacket pocket and feel the now familiar shape of the ring box there, the wight of it small but steady. He tells himself he’s not going to let it weigh him down. He’s not going to overthink. He’s going to enjoy today and when the time comes, he’ll just do it.
They spend the day cycling through Amsterdam, winding along the stone brick streets, or side by side along the edge of the canal. They stop every few minutes or so, whenever Jamie spots something he finds interesting. Roy lets himself be dragged along, his worries fading away with the wind in his face and the constant background of Jamie’s chattering.
The day passes quickly and suddenly it’s time, their last stop of the day. As the familiar path stretches out before them, Roy’s heartrate picks up. Every rotation of the pedals brings him closer, to the windmill, to the question, to everything that comes after.
When the windmill comes into sight, it takes Roy’s breath away. It looks a little different this time, in the low light of the evening as opposed to the darkness of night, but nonetheless it takes Roy right back to the first time they were there. He looks over at Jamie and sees him already looking at Roy, with a smile brighter than the fucking sun. The ring burns in Roy’s pocket again, but this time not with anxiety, but excitement. Roy can’t wait to marry him.
“Come on, nearly there,” Roy says, and Jamie nods, pushing back on the pedals, the two of them making it the rest of the way there.
At the base of the windmill, stood exactly where they’d stood last time, Roy expects to feel the anxiety bubble back, but it doesn’t. Roy has no doubt that Jamie will say yes, he talks about what their wedding will be like all the time, suggesting ideas or even dates, and Roy certainly has no doubt about his own thoughts. It hadn’t really taken any time at all for Jamie to become fully integrated into Roy’s life, and Roy can’t imagine ever going back to a life without him, just the idea of it makes him sick.
They share a look, but no words pass between them, they don’t need to, because Roy can see it all in Jamie’s eyes, and he imagines Jamie can see the same. They’re both reflecting on how far they’d come, how glad they are to have made it here.
When Jamie looks back up at the windmill, wonder in his eyes, and the setting sun casts a beautiful golden light on the scene, Roy decides now is the time. He gently leans his bike against the railing, then gets down on one knee.
“Jamie,” he says. Jamie’s eyes immediately snap to him, and for a moment he looks confused. Roy starts speaking before he can react further.
“You are my favourite person. If you’d told me that three years ago, I would’ve said you’re fucking crazy, but learning how wrong I was back then, getting to know the real you, has been the greatest privilege of my life. Every morning when I wake up beside you, I remember how lucky I am and I never want to go another morning without you. You are kind, funny, intelligent, thoughtful and I admire you so much. You make me want to be better every day. I want to put in the work and be there beside you for the rest of our lives, but the truth is you make it easy. I never thought I could be so comfortable with someone, I never believed that I could be worthy of such love, but you make me believe. And I know it won’t always be easy, but what I do know is that it would be a whole lot harder without you by my side, so Jamie Tartt, will you marry me?”
When Roy meets Jamie’s eyes, there are tear in them, and a wobbly smile on his lips, but something doesn’t look right. Jamie looks almost confused, and when the next few seconds stretch on and Jamie doesn’t say yes, Roy’s stomach sinks. Could he really have got this wrong? He searches his mind through all his recent memories, trying to find some sign he’d missed of why Jamie is acting this way, but he comes up blank.
“That… that was all really nice,” Jamie begins to speak. “But why are you asking me to marry you?” Roy’s stomach now feels like a black hole. Had it not been as serious for Jamie as it was for Roy? Had this all just been a bit of fun for him.
“Because I love you,” Roy hates how broken and desperate his voice sounds. “And I thought…” I thought you loved me too, he doesn’t finish.
“I know obviously, and I love you too. But we’re already engaged.” What?
“No we’re not.”
“Uh, yeah we are. When we first got together you said you wanted to marry me. And then you said we had to try actually living together and shit first. I kept suggesting dates and stuff but you brushed it off so I figured you wanted to wait a bit longer.” Roy’s eyes widen further and further as Jamie speaks. Roy remembers that conversation, of course he does but he’d never realised Jamie was actually serious. He’d thought he was just playing around, teasing Roy a little for his blurted confession. Had Jamie really thought they were engaged this whole time?
“Were we not? I’ve been telling everyone you’re my fiancé.” Fucking hell that actually explains a lot.
“That wasn’t an actual proposal. It would’ve been a shit one if it was.”
“Nah,” Jamie laughs, “I thought it was sweet. You were so into me you just couldn’t stop yourself.” Roy snorts a laugh. Jamie is right about that at least.
“You deserve fucking better than that.”
“So that’s what this is then?” Jamie gestures between them and the windmill. “You doing better?”
“I hope so,” Roy says tentatively, desperately hoping he hasn’t fucked it all up by being oblivious. Suddenly Jamie’s eyes go all watery again.
“It’s perfect,” Jamie’s voice comes out slightly strained. “Wait shit I haven’t said yes yet. Yes! Yes of course I’ll marry you!”
Relief finally floods over Roy, and a grin breaks out across his face. He holds up the ring towards Jamie and Jamie streches his hand out, allowing Roy to slip it onto his finger. It's a perfect fit and looks even more stunning on Jamie than it possibly could've just sitting in the box. Roy struggles to get up off his knees, having spent longer down there than he anticipated, but Jamie quickly jumps in to help and then pulls him right up until their lips meet in a searing kiss.
When they break apart, they’re both breathing heavily, but unable to keep smiles off their faces. Roy could stay in this moment forever, but at the same time, he can’t wait for what the rest of their lives together will bring.