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Bruce stares down at the baby in his arms, bright blue eyes gazing happily into his own, more jaded eyes. A pacifier in dark green is firm in the baby’s mouth, but Bruce knows that soon enough he’s going to want food. Downy black hair covers a small head, and a tiny green and red onesie with a yellow hood makes the baby even more adorable, and gives a hint to his real identity.
A once again deaged Damian Wayne. This time instead of 18 months, barely 6.
“You know, it’s oddly arousing to see him holding a baby,” Hal murmurs, low enough that Bruce knows he’s supposed to be able to hear, but Hal can claim he isn’t.
“Mmmm, yes it is,” purrs Talia, his former lover not even bothering to lower her voice while talking to his husband. “Much like you were earlier when cuddling Damian.”
“He is a cuddly baby,” Hal says, a bit louder and with a nod of his head. “Happy too. Fusses when he wants food or makes a mess, but outside of that, all smiles and cuddles.”
“Damian was like that the first time around too,” Talia reminisces. “Always happiest when being held and given attention to. You haven’t heard him scream when he feels you aren’t giving him enough; too long seems to be five minutes.”
“Damn,” Hal whistles.
“Will you two please stop gossiping?” Bruce growls, glaring at the duo. “And maybe help me figure out how to reverse this?”
“Beloved, the magic users you ally with have all been called, and at least three of them are on their way,” Talia says, relaxing so that her head is on Hal’s thigh and the rest of her body is sprawling along his couch.
Bruce is sitting on the chair opposite of them, having coaxed Damian into his arms earlier. He remembers the last time this happened, and Damian’s refusal to let anyone not named Hal Jordan-Wayne hold him. This time he wants to cuddle his presently-infant son. Talia got to hold Damian when he original was an infant. Hal got to hug Damian the last time he was deaged. Now it’s his turn, but just because it is his turn didn’t mean he wants his husband and ex practically cuddling on his couch!
“While magic was used to do this, there is always the possibility of science being able to revert the process,” Bruce says, glaring at them both, gently rocking Damian as he starts to fuss, as if sensing his irritation. “And the ring may have answers.”
“The ring does not have answers, no one but Zatanna or Constantine might really know what’s going on, and I refuse to deal with Constantine after what happened three years ago,” Hal says, ignoring Talia’s curious look. All Hal would ever say about the event is he woke up with his uniform smelling of cigarette smoke and a deep sense of shame. How the hell Hal could still feel shame baffled Bruce to this day.
“I still---,” Bruce starts, then cut off by Talia.
“The three of us would made an attractive child together,” she says thoughtfully, making both men choke. “A very attractive one.”
“What?” Hal asks, gaping down at her.
“I said, we’d all make a very attractive child together. We have the science to do so,” Talia adds, voice even more thoughtful. “Damian could always use a younger sibling. And another child would get Father off my back for the time being.”
“I want a little girl,” Hal says contemplatively. “We’d all make an adorable daughter.”
“No, we are not using science to make a baby,” Bruce says, glaring at both of them.
“Two out of three say yes Beloved,” smirks Talia. “And you know you want another. Jason, Kyle, and Soranik aren’t going to be giving you a grandchild this soon. Alfred would enjoy having a grandchild around who’s an actual baby. I would enjoy having a little girl who I can dress up. Damian did not appreciate the frilly things he would end up in as a baby.”
Bruce is suddenly immensely grateful that Damian’s clothes had magically transformed with him again. A bit disappointed at the same time though…
“Do you have pics of that?” Hal asks, very interested.
“I do,” Talia says. “He was quite adorable.”
“He still is. He’s like a tiny kitten full of murder and rage. And not part of the Red Lantern Corps,” Hal adds thoughtfully, slightly shaking of his head at Talia’s curious look.
“We are not creating a genetically modified baby so that we three have a baby,” Bruce repeats, exasperated. “We aren’t.”
“We’ll convince you,” they chorus, and Bruce absolutely hates Jason’s decision to tell Talia about Hal’s status as Damian’s favorite, and they’re mutual decision to find each other attractive and amused by vaguely tormenting him.
“Or we’ll just make one without you,” Talia adds, giving Hal a more contemplative look. “Hmmm…possibilities…”
Bruce knows he is so very, very fucked.