Chapter Text
Flambae had his fair share of crushes.
But he didn't expect himself to have one on fucking Mecha Man.
God, it was so stupid. He had no idea why he was becoming so in love with that powerless bitch...
… Maybe it was because of the way his tired and husky voice spoke into his ear every shift…
... The way his hair was always ruffled and messy…
... Or maybe the way his lips were always chapped and in desperate need of some lip balm… but like... In a really hot way.
It made him feel… something… it made him feel… wet.
Wait, wet?
“Ugh, My hair! Flambae…!”
Ah… sprinklers.
“That's the third time this week! The fuck is wrong with you!” Prism groaned, covering her cup of coffee to prevent water from mixing in.
He looked above, noticing the smoke that had come from his head.
“Fuck. My bad… I was thinking about something.”
“More like someone." Prism sneered.
"I see you staring at Robert's ass. What the fuck do you see in him?”
“Robert? Nah, I was looking at something else, but… he was just in the way.” Shit… He had been staring?
“It… It's not like I like him or anything!”
“Yooo, you like ‘My cute bully is secretly in love with me’ too?! I loved that anime, that line was fucking iconic, man…” Sonar suddenly popped out, holding a pack of Twinkies in his hand.
The pair gave him an awkward look.
“Oh, shit. You two were talking about something else? My bad.” He walked out of the room, grumbling under his breath.
Once Sonar had left, Prism turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. “Boy, you know you ain't fooling nobody.” She accusingly points a finger at his chest.
Flambae slumped down to his chair, groaning.
“Ugh, fine... whatever. Just a small… tiny… unserious crush. It'll pass in a week. Just don't tell nobody.”
“... Uh huh. I see you eyeing that white boy like a piece of candy, but okay.”
“Hey.” Then another voice appeared from behind him.
“Are you two just going to sit there and let that sprinkler soak up all your clothes?” It was Robert, monotone as always.
“Shut up. Bitch. We were just about to leave.” Flambae stood up, running a hand through soaked hair.
“This is, like, the 3rd time you've set off the sprinklers, Flambae. What's wrong with you?”
“T-Thats... none of your fucking business!” Flambae snapped suddenly.
“Okay, okay. Jesus… just get out of there and change before you both catch a cold.” Robert put his hands up in mock surrender.
Flambae took a deep breath, trying to compose himself so he wouldn't set off any more sprinklers. He gave Robert a look before storming out of the room, with Prism following soon after, giving the smaller man a wink as she went out.
Robert sighed, paying no attention to it, letting out a sigh as he climbed up to the table to manually deactivate the sprinkler. He didn't get paid enough for this.
"I don't get paid enough for this..."
After lunch break had ended, Robert continued his dispatch work. It went as normal, assigning missions, trying to stop everyone from talking about sex in the channel… the usual.
“Flambae, I need you to go save someone's cat. Sending you the coordinates…”
“Fuck, why do I always get the stupid missions? I'm not wasting my time and energy saving some stupid ass cat.” Flambae complained.
“Well, you're the only other person available… other than Waterboy. And you know why I can't send him.”
“Y-Yeah… cats… hate– don't like… water.” Waterboy added sheepishly.
“Fucking fine… but I better get to do something good soon, bitch.” Flambae began flying over to the location.
“Yeah, yeah. Just go do your job.”
“Whatever.”
Flambae arrived at the location, and began climbing the tree, trying to avoid using his fire.
“So, Flambae. Word on the street says you got a crush on someone here.” Malevola piped.
“What? That's impossible. All the bitches here are too ugly for me to have a crush on.” Flambae scoffed, trying to keep his focus as he reached out for the cat.
“Well, earlier you did make the sprinklers go off, and I heard you saying some anime Tsundere shit.”
Sonar chuckled. “And it was clear you and Prism weren't talking about ‘My cute bully is secretly in love with me.’”
Flambae growled. “Stop mentioning that stupid cartoon. And... yes, maybe I do like someone, but I would rather kill myself than tell any of you.” He gently picked up the cat, trying to avoid startling it.
“Is it me? I've noticed you staring at my ass more than usual.” Robert joked, taking a sip from his coffee.
But Flambae choked, and his face went up into flames, literally. The cat, startled, scratched his nose and jumped off, thankfully returning to the owners arms.
“What the fuck?! You– You… you are not my type, bitch!” He tried to laugh, but it came out more like an awkward chuckle.
He could hear Prism groan in the background.
Once he regained some composure, he realized that the tree was now on fire, Flambae struggled to put it out, since whatever he tried to do just made it worse.
“Ugh… great. Stupid cat scratched on me and I accidentally lit this fucking tree on fire. Fuck you, Bob-Bob.”
“What? Did I distract you, or something?” He laughed, while assigning Waterboy to come assist him.
“... No. Just– Just send Wetwipeboy or something!” He grunted.
“A-Already on the– … Coming!”
Soon, Waterboy arrived while Flambae was trying to control the flames enough for it not to spread to the houses.
“God, this is so fucking stupid. Just send the fucking fire guy to save a stupid cat from a highly flammable tree.” He grunted, before Waterboy began puking Water at the trees, putting out the flames and completing the mission without too many casualties.
“Ugh, great. Wetboy comes to save the fucking day.” He landed in front of him, looking at the charred grass and leaves.
“J-Just… here to help… assist.” Waterboy replied, fidgeting with his fingers.
“I-Is it true you like... you're… in love… with Robert?”
“What? Of course not. Just thinking about Mecha bitch makes me want to throw up.” He crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes.
“Ooookay…” Waterboy had a small smile on his face.
“Ugh… don't fucking look at me like that. Whatever rumor you've heard isn't true.” Then Flambae flew away, leaving Waterboy to walk back alone, as usual.
Flambae downed another drink.
It was the Z-team's weekly drink to the bar, with Flambae paying for their drinks again, as usual. But he didn't care too much about that right now.
“I'm beginning to think that my… thing for Robert is serious. Fuck.” Flambae downed another cup, before throwing it at the bartender and demanding another shot.
“Uh, obviously. I think the others are starting to catch on…” Prism replied, chuckling as she took a sip from her fancy cocktail.
"Theres a bet on you, y’know. Whoever guesses your crush right gets 276 dollars."
"Fuck... really? I can't be that obvious... right?"
“It is. But... Look, Flambae. You can't just hide your feelings like this. You need to… y’know. Ask him out, maybe?”
Flambae's face began to burn again, and slammed his fist to the table, leaving a few scorch marks.
“Ask him out? Are you trying to humiliate me, bitch?!” He barked, clearly irked at the idea.
“Ugh, no. Obviously not. Calm the fuck down.” Prism patted his back.
“Just sayin. Even if he rejects you, it might help you get over your little crush easier, and if he does accept…” She winked, and smoke began to emit from Flambae's face again.
“He's my… our boss, Alice. It'll be awkward if he rejects me.” He downed another shot.
“Confidence is key, girl. Just try to show him you're being genuine… Besides, he's poor as hell, so I doubt he'd pass up on free dinner.”
She patted his shoulder to try and show him she was genuinely giving him some advice.
“Just… be careful not to burn him. Ooh, maybe give him some flowers too. People like flowers…”
“Flowers…? What kind of flowers do typical ugly white men like…?” He asked.
“Rose's. The typical love flower. Those are all the rage in depressed white men. And also…”
She leaned in, voice dropping to a whisper… “I've heard from someone that he’s been checking you out lately too, y'know.”
That made Flambae perk up, but Prism splashed water at him right before his head was once again engulfed in flames.
“You are lying.”
“No. I swear on my dead dad, I'm not.”
“... Ugh. Fine, I… I might think about it.”
“Good. Maybe you'll go back to normal and stop acting like a teenage girl every time he touches your shoulder, or some shit."
“Oh, fuck you.”
It was a Monday. A sleep deprived Robert arrived at the breakroom, and went straight for the vending machine. He needed some Twinkies to start the day...
BAM!
Flambae bursts into the room, looking like his head was about to explode with how red he was.
He walked up to Robert and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, which made a sizzling sound at the heat.
“Go to dinner with me.”
Robert took a moment to process that, but then he smiled. Smirked, even. Flambae's eyes widened with either anxiety or anger… It was hard to tell which.
“Sure.”
There was a pause, then Flambae's head was suddenly on fire.
He punched his face, but then shoved something into his hands.
“Fuck you, bitch! Don't tell no one!” He spat, as if he had just been rejected.
Then he stormed off, leaving a trail of smoke that made the sprinklers go off… again.
But this time… Robert didn't mind that much.
He opened the palm, noticing Flambae had put a rose in his hand. Though, the rose had some burns by the edge of its petals. His shirt and some of his hair had been burnt a little, too.
But Robert didn't feel too annoyed for once. He even felt a little… endeared.
Suddenly Flambae burst back into the room.
“8PM, sharp. At Whitney’s steakhouse. Don’t. Be. Late.”
Then left again, slamming the door even harder this time.