Chapter Text
Ivan nervously fidgeted with his scarf as he waited outside the meeting room. He could hear Alfred inside; he was being so loud. As he always was. Ivan didn't dislike loud noises or the sound of people talking, it was actually the opposite. He enjoyed it a lot. But it was different when it came to Alfred, him alone was loud enough to be mistaken for a group of ten people.
Ivan sighed and glanced around before noticing a chair next to him. He decided to sit down and think about his plan once again.
"Okay," he breathed, "when he comes out, I get him away from the others and to my office, bribe him with whatever he wants, and if that doesn't work then..." He closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of his metal pipe.
But Ivan's focus returned quickly when he remembered why he was doing this in the first place. A shudder ran through his body. "I can't let Natalia be so persistent anymore..." he grumbled. His sisters were supposed to come visit him for the whole week. Normally, he'd be glad to hear such news, but with how creepy (and truthfully disgusting) his little sister had been towards him, he couldn't really bring himself to be excited.
"...And that concludes our meeting for today, my bros!" Ivan heard coming from the other side of the door. His head perked up and he got out of his chair to wait for the other countries, but more specifically Alfred, to come out of the room.
England was the first one to exit. He grumbled something to himself as he rubbed his temples. Germany followed suit alongside Japan and Italy, then China, and finally the man himself.
Alfred stretched his arms and yawned as he stepped out of the meeting room, but before he could walk away, a hand tightly gripped his shoulder. He let out a onfused "Huh?" when he stopped moving and looked behind him to see Ivan, looking down at him with that sort of fake smile he was used to put on for the sake of appearing somewhat friendly, but in reality it just did the opposite.
"Yo, Ivan! What's up, dude?" He tried to wriggle out of his grip, but it was just too tight.
"Could you meet me in my office, please? I'd like to discuss something important with you around lunch." Ivan said and gave Alfred's shoulder a small squeeze before finally letting go.
Alfred grimaced a bit and rubbed his shoulder where Ivan had touched him. "Right now...? I just came out of a meeting, dude, let me chill..."
"I'll pay for your food."
Alfred looked at him for a second before grinning, "Why didn't you start with that?!"
After getting their food, well, Alfred's food, they both went back to Ivan's office. He sat down at his desk with Alfred across from him and felt his stomach turning into knots. He hadn't realized asking him to pretend to be his boyfriend for a week was gonna make him this nervous. He was used to having his orders followed, but they weren't usually as embarrassing...
Alfred didn't seem to pick on Ivan's state. He dipped his nugget in barbecue sauce and shoved it in his mouth while letting out a happy hum.
"So," Ivan finally spoke up, "I would like to make a deal." He said with a small frown.
Alfred turned his attention away from his food and licked his fingers. "Uh-Huh? What kinda deal? If it's about military stuff again, it's a total no bro. I landed you way too much." He made a cross with his fingers.
"No it's uhm... it's about my sisters." Ivan clasped his hands together and grimaced, "They're coming to visit me for a week."
"Oh yeah? Neat. I think."
Ivan quickly shook his head, "No, not "neat". My little sister, Belarus... She..." His voice trembled before he put his face in his hands. "She wants me to marry her! I won't be able to spend a whole week with her so close to me!"
Alfred blinked. He swallowed his food and scoffed. "Marrying her? Aren't you like a total homo?"
Ivan glared at him silently. It took Alfred a second to fully register what he actually said. "Your sister wants to marry you?!" He shouted as his face turned pale.
"Keep your voice down!" Ivan hissed before sighing, "But yes. And that's why I need your help."
"Well, I mean sure bro. Hit me." Alfred shrugged, mindlessly picking back up his nuggets.
Ivan took a deep breath. "I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend, for this week."
Silence.
Alfred stilled before he could dip his food in his sauce. He slowly glanced back up and stared at him with a blank face.
"You want me to what?" His voice was much quieter now due to his shock. Ivan felt his gut wrench already.
"Pretend to be with me, but just for one week, until my sisters leave." He swallowed thickly, awaiting Alfred's answer.
Alfred let out a digusted "ugh!" and backed his chair away from Ivan's desk while vigorously shaking his head. "No fucking way, dude! I'm not doing that!"
Ivan's face dropped. He got up from his own chair and leaned forward on the desk. He wasn't used to being so desperate, but in that situation, he couldn't find the strength to put on a facade. "Please, Alfred I'll do anything! I'll pay for more of your food, I'll-"
"Nuh-Uh! I'm not gonna pretend to be dating you! Why- why are you even asking me out of everyone?! Go ask Wang, you're both commies, surely he'd understand! Or- Or Matthew, you seem pretty close!" Alfred blurted out, his voice shaking with panic. Even if they were on semi-good terms now, he and Ivan were still war enemies. Why would he come to him out of everyone?
Ivan groaned and shook his head. "I can't just ask everyone I know, I don't want the whole world to know about this. Besides, Wang and Matthew wouldn't fit for this. Wang can't act and Matthew is too introverted to make it look real."
"Why not ask Francis? He's a romantic!" He added.
"Bleurg, нет. He's gonna take it too far."
"Uh... W-What about Kiku? He can act pretty well..!"
"Not emotional enough."
"Feliciano?"
"Too emotional."
"Ludwig?"
"How long are you gonna keep naming every country you know?" Ivan pinched the bridge of his nose in both frustration, and also embarrassement.
"Stop dodging the question!"
"Fine, he's too inexperienced."
Alfred raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "How do you know that? You can't really be talking either."
Ivan moved his hand away from his face and glared at Alfred with irritation. "He just looks like it." He shrugged before sighing and straightening up. "Trust me, I considered my options before asking you. You're the most suitable one. Well, moreso the least incompetent one."
"Thanks, I-I think?" Alfred's eyes narrowed in confusion. Still, he kept shaking his head. "I'm not doing this man, go find someone else."
He got up and was ready to leave when Ivan, to his surprise, chased after him. "No wait!" He reached for Alfred's shoulder again, on the exact same spot where he'd grip him earlier right after the meeting. "I'll..." He paused, considering his words carefully, "I'll do whatever you want for the rest of the month. I-I'll buy your food, I'll agree with you on meetings, I'll do whatever you want from me." He blubbered hopelessly. "You're... the hero, after all." Ivan cringed hard as he said that, but at this point, shame wasn't his first concern. "...Aren't you?"