Chapter Text
Daniel had barely slept the night before.
It wasn't that he couldn't sleep, he had been exhausted, but something had kept him up. There had been this nagging feeling in the back of his head that he just needed to stay up, he wasn't at all sure for what purpose, but he had been very convinced there was one, and that if he let himself fall asleep he would miss whatever it was.
He had never really found out why he had felt so compelled to force sleep deprivation onto himself, but he knew for a fact that it had been a really stupid choice.
At the time it had somehow seemed like staying up long past he really wanted to be awake would somehow help him relax, but now he felt more stressed than ever and barely awake. He was in no mood to be mocked by his fellow Horsemen, so he did his best to act perfectly normally and to keep his distance.
He felt like he had been fairly successful in hiding the fact that he was in no way okay. Sure, he had completely missed the fact that people were addressing him a number of times, and he had almost fallen asleep at the breakfast table- but he was pretty sure no one had noticed that one…
It wouldn't be long until the day was over and he would be safe back in his bed, no one the wiser that he had only just barely been able to drag himself through the day.
He glanced at the clock to see what time it was- to his dismay he found it was barely half past one, it would be hours before he would be able to go to bed without raising concern.
He had to be tough, it wasn't right for him to feel as aggressively miserable as he did. It was childish, plain and simple…
That knowledge didn't change how he felt though.
He still wanted to ball up his fists, dig his nails so deep into his skin it left a mark that lasted, and just scream… But he didn't, he was in control. He was fully capable of acting perfectly normal.
He just needed something to focus his mind on. This wasn't an unfamiliar feeling so he immediately knew exactly what would help, he just needed to practice some card tricks- hell, even just practicing shuffles would give his over active mind something better to do than just spiral.
He always has playing cards on hand. But to his great annoyance he found that for some unfathomable reason he had left his favorite deck on cards on the coffee table, which meant to get them he would have to risk interacting with Dylan who was currently relaxing on the couch. Even on a good day Daniel had some trouble interacting with people without making them at least a little upset with him, but this was by no means a good day and he had found it impossible to speak with any of his fellow Horsemen without instantly losing his temper and making them very upset with him.
He really wasn't in the mood to get in another argument, so he would simply have to avoid talking with Dylan all together.
Maybe if he moved very quickly he would be able to grab his cards before Dylan got the chance to say anything to him.
It was really his best chance.
Alas, his plan was apparently very flawed, which he was able to easily blame this on his current state of exhaustion, but that explanation did absolutely nothing to help him out of the situation.
He hadn't even managed to grab his cards before Dylan addressed him,
“Daniel, we need to talk.”
That was exactly the last thing Daniel wanted to hear in that moment,
“Do we have to?”
Dylan gave a nod.
Daniel just rolled his eyes, hoping the way he was rapidly drumming his fingers against his leg came off as a gesture of annoyance as opposed to the mild panic he was actually feeling.
“Fine. About what?- What is so critically important that it can't possibly wait.”
“The other Horsemen told me that you’ve been…”
“What? I’ve been what?” Daniel cut in, feeling far less than patient.
“That you’ve been snipish, even for your standards,” Dylan said apologetically.
“What do they know?- I’ve been fine.”
“You seem tense,” Dylan remarked, “Why don’t you take a seat…” He said, patting the couch next to him, “And tell me what’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on,” Daniel snapped back.
“Really?” Dylan asked, sounding completely unconvinced.
“Yes. Really. Can I leave now?”
“Danny,” Dylan said with a sigh, “You’re clearly upset, please, don’t drag this out any longer. Just talk to me.”
“Why? Why are you like this?- You never leave me alone!” Daniel was very aware that he was speaking louder and faster than was strictly necessary, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself, “Can’t you just believe me? Can’t you just for once in your life mind your own business?- You seem to be under the impression that being our leader also means you have to be our therapist- But you aren’t. So just stop.”
Dylan seemed unfazed, as he said, “Daniel, relax.” This only made Daniel all the more upset.
It was like he could feel this frantic energy building up inside his body, everything felt wrong, like if he didn’t do something he would explode- but he had no idea what that something was. So he dug his fingers into his palms, bit his lip, stomped his foot down on the ground as hard as he could and all but yelled, “Fine! Be that way- I’m leaving!”
He was half way out of the room before Dylan was suddenly there, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder.
“Danny, please, slow down,” Dylan said imploringly, deep concern making its way into his voice.
Daniel wanted to shove Dylan away from him, wanted to yell at him as loud as he could- but he managed to at least get enough control over himself not to do that, instead he just pressed his fingernails a little deeper into his skin and shook his head.
“Look, we don’t have to talk about whatever's going on, okay? But I want you to stay here.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want you to be alone when you’re feeling like this, that’s all.”
Daniel wanted to be mad, wanted to find a way to take what Dylan had said as an insult, and for just a second he did; but then the words actually sunk in.
It suddenly struck him that he didn’t want to be alone at that moment.
All the anger that had seemed overwhelming left him just as abruptly as it had come, he still felt physically just wrong, but now he was left with a deep sense of shame and an even more crushing sense of exhaustion.
“Okay,” He said, painfully aware of how small and pathetic his voice sounded.
“Good,” Dylan said, clapping him on the shoulder, “Come on,” He led Daniel back to the couch, making sure that Daniel was fully settled with pillows and blankets before he joined him.
“Comfortable?” Dylan asked.
Daniel couldn't help but feel deeply embarrassed. He had just lashed out at Dylan, and yet Dylan was still taking care of him; he didn't deserve him.
“Yeah…” Daniel said, ducking his head a bit, suddenly incapable of meeting Dylan gaze, then after a moment he managed to add -all be it in a very small voice-, “I'm sorry… I'm sorry I yelled at you like that.”
“I forgive you, Danny,” Dylan reassured him.
“You shouldn't,” Daniel said coldly, that horrible frantic feeling this time manifesting as intense self hate, he subconsciously brought a hand up to his hair, pulling at it with more force than he did when he was trying to use the action to calm himself, “When I get upset I just- I act like some overgrown child,” Normally, even when he did feel that sort of thing was true, he would never dream of voicing it, but he was so tired that the logical part of his brain didn't kick in and he couldn't stop himself from telling the truth.
“Daniel,” Dylan said softly, “Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It's true.”
“It's not.”
“It is. I lose a little sleep and suddenly I'm throwing a tantrum.”
“We all have bad days,” Dylan reassured him and before Daniel could say anything in response he continued, “I know you've been having a hard time lately, and I'm gonna guess that you're idea of ‘losing a little sleep’ is different from the rest of world’s- How much sleep did you get last night?”
“About… Maybe an hour, I think.”
“No wonder you're feeling bad then, Danny,” Dylan said with a sigh, “You need rest.”
“I will get rest. Tonight.”
“Why not now?”
“Because… Because I don't need to,” It felt silly when he said it like that, but his pride drove him forward, “I don't need to nap like some toddler.”
Dylan shook his head, “Alright then, Daniel.”
The conversation seemed to have come to a close.
Now that there was no discussion to distract him he couldn't help but realize how terribly comfortable he was surrounded by all the pillows and blankets Dylan had set up for him.
If he stayed there he knew he would fall asleep, and even though there was a part of his mind that rejoiced at that thought there was a much bigger part of him that told him he would have failed if he did.
So he pulled off the blanket and was up on his feet when once again Dylan stopped him.
“Where’re you going?”
“I thought we were done talking- And I'm feeling much better so I really don't need your company.”
Dylan seemed to think this over for a moment before saying, “Would you help me with something?”
“Fine- What?”
“I need to write my weekly report to The Eye, would you help me proofread it? No one knows small grammar stuff as well as you.”
“Sure. Send me the draft when you're done.”
“I was actually thinking it would be more helpful if you just watched me write it. You know, correct my mistakes as they happen.”
It was a strange request… But Daniel was too tired to figure out what ulterior motive Dylan might have.
“Just make it quick,” Daniel relented with a sigh, taking a seat back on the couch, this time closed to Dylan so he could better see the laptop which had just been moved from the table to Dylan’s lap.
“I will,” Dylan promised.
But this was a promise that apparently meant very little,
“Let me just check my email first.”
“If you must.”
As it turned out Dylan had a lot of emails in his inbox. From coupons to correspondents with friends. And Dylan felt the need to look at every single one of them and respond to everyone of his friends.
Daniel did occasionally point out when Dylan made an error in these more casual emails, but he didn't pay much attention, in fact, he found that it was extremely difficult to focus as much as he was.
He was just tired.
Sitting still and just waiting for Dylan to actually get to his weekly report had only made him focus all the more on how tired he was.
But he couldn't admit that.
He had to stay awake…
Although his head felt so heavy… Maybe if he rested his head on Dylan's shoulder it would just seem like he was trying to get a better look at the screen.
It appeared to work, Dylan didn't even look at him to acknowledge what he was doing… Maybe he was so focused on his stupid emails that he didn't notice.
It seemed likely.
It really was taking a very long time for Dylan to write these things…
And the light from the screen was making Daniel’s eyes burn- or it could be the lack of sleep- it was probably both.
Maybe if he just closed his eyes for a minute… Less than a minute even… Just a second- or a moment… Was a moment less than a second? Daniel really wasn't sure, all he knew was that he felt so much better now that his eyes were closed-
But he wouldn't fall asleep of course, the very instant that Dylan was ready to get to the weekly report then Daniel would be too…