Work Text:
Amy just didn’t understand Sonic sometimes. Most of the time. All of the time.
Everything about him drew her in but equally confused her. Amy was ashamed to admit that her love for him had become a bit of an obsession over the years. She acknowledged that. She’d been working on that. But Chaos, it was hard sometimes when she saw him.
His emerald green eyes were so dreamy. His fur was a gorgeous shade of royal blue. And when he spoke, his voice wrapped around her soul like a warm hug. It wasn’t too deep like Knuckles’ or Shadow’s voice. It wasn’t high or sort of raspy like Silver’s or Jet’s. It was smooth like custard, bright and springy like grass. She could listen to him talk for hours and never get bored. When he was excited about something, he was so animated and expressive, lost in whatever he was talking about. It was adorable.
But he could also listen. It was nice to speak and know he was listening to her. Genuinely listening. Sonic could be a tad airheaded at times but she knew he never meant to zone out. He always apologised if he did. And more often than not, he tried not to let that happen. He’d gotten so much better at listening as he got older. It made Amy feel seen.
But there were times where she’d say something and Sonic would act… weird.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” she’d asked once. “To the shopping centre in Station Square?”
They were in her garden at the time. Earlier, Sonic had been helping her plant camellias along the path up to her front door. She had previously expressed a desire to have a pop of colour out front. Sonic had come to her with the idea and she’d immediately loved it. He’d even picked out the flower himself; Sonic really, really liked flowers. It was one of those things that, at first, was a little surprising. And then, after some consideration, Amy though it was the sweetest thing ever. He was downright obsessed with them. It was a part of his softer side that not a lot of his friends tended to see.
Those pink camellias were perfect. Once they were in bloom, Amy was in love. They were so very pretty. She’d never actually asked why he’d picked them. But part of her didn’t care. They were a lovely shade that brought some vibrancy to her front garden. And Sonic had picked them; that’s all she really cared about.
But once they’d finished planting them – it took quite a while for the shrubs to grow and produce, so she hadn’t known just how good they’d look at the time – they’d migrated to her back garden. Amy had been pruning her roses. Sonic stayed to watch the clouds. Just another little thing he did that drove her crazy. Every now and then, he’d give her pointers on the pruning, proving he was still paying attention to her as well, attention split between both but not overly focusing on either. Sonic had originally suggested the roses too, naturally. Though she’d picked the colour of these – a mix of red and white, Sonic’s favourite colour combo. He had a strange knack for gardening. So she’d gratefully welcomed the help.
“No thanks, Ames,” he’d responded.
Sonic hadn’t been dismissive or anything. There was a slight edge to his tone though, hidden underneath his usual relaxed manner of speaking. But it was so subtle that Amy admittedly used to miss it. Knowing him better now, it was easier to pick up that difference. Still, she did not know what it meant exactly. Something bordering on unease that he tried to hide from her. It made her frown but acknowledging it always felt… dangerous. So she didn’t say a word. Just watched him observe the sky for a moment, unsure how to proceed.
She’d figured the phrasing might have been the issue. Amy wasn’t sure how she’d originally come to that conclusion. Maybe the pink hedgehog had been hoping to trick him into going with her or something; just trying anything she could to get him on that date.
“How about you help me carry my shopping then?” she’d tried instead.
“Sure.”
And there is was. Sonic was a walking contradiction. But she never seemed to be able to fault him for that.
Amy had put her hands on her hips. Partially exasperated, partially amused. There might have been a twinge of annoyance there and it probably came out in her voice. But she wasn’t mad; after all, she’d gotten what she’d wanted in the end, right? She was just a little irritated that her change of phrasing had managed to work but her original question hadn’t. She couldn’t understand what the difference was or why it had worked at all.
“Sonic the Hedgehog, that’s the same thing!” she’d exclaimed.
“No it’s not.”
And that’s what gave her pause. He’d sounded genuinely confused. Was Amy missing something? She always felt like she was missing something when she was talking to Sonic. Like the words were getting horrendously lost in translation between them.
“What?”
“You asked if I could help,” Sonic had said matter-of-factly. “I’m always happy to help, Ames. S’what I’m here for.”
Sonic had always enjoyed spending time with her. But whenever she brought up that word – date – he’d avoid her, find an excuse not to hang out. Like the word itself was dirty. Tainted. Like that fiery emotion that burned within her was foreign to the blue hedgehog. That just the mention of it made him squirm. Maybe they’d never truly speak the same language. Maybe she’d have to learn his and just be at peace with that.
Maybe… maybe she could do that.
So Amy tried to adapt. She stopped using that poisonous word. Just offered times to hang out that might not make him so shifty.
It started with asking for his help with shopping. Amy could tell he wasn’t exactly thrilled about being there but he always went regardless. To keep him more engaged, she’d often make a detour to grab a chili dog halfway through. Or sometimes a fresh sugar donut. Still, he’d see the shopping trip all the way through, if only to give her some company and hold her bags. Though, honestly, she never really needed him to do that; Amy was perfectly capable of carrying her own shopping. It gave him a reason to be there though, so she usually left him to it. He seemed to enjoy being helpful to her more than anything else.
A few times, she tried on some clothes for him. Stuff she thought he might like. Stuff she thought might get him to look at her the way she wanted him to. With interest and attraction and love. And while he always had some lovely things to say, his responses never had that… quality to them. That tone she was searching for. He never complimented her figure, her fur, her eyes or the way the clothes accented any of it. Never said she looked beautiful. The closest she’d gotten was him saying, “I like that one: it makes your fur pop.” And, well, it had been something. Not quite what she’d wanted but it was a reaction at the very least. He hadn’t said it in that way though. The way she heard in movies. With admiration and awe. His jaw never dropped to the floor when he saw her. He never widened his eyes or was blown away.
And that was ok.
Sonic was always genuine and honest. She’d never want him to lie about what he was feeling. And though she knew it was silly to be so obviously fishing for compliments like that, Sonic was always so nice. He was even gently honest with her when a yellow cardigan she’d picked out clashed with her fur.
“I don’t think that one is you,” he’d said.
Ultimately, she’d agreed. It looked horrendous on her. He could have been meaner about it for sure. But he hadn’t been. That’s what she loved about him; Sonic wasn’t afraid to be honest but she knew he didn’t like upsetting people either. So the softer delivery was appreciated. And so very Sonic.
Then, they started grabbing a hot drink together at various cafés. He seemed a lot more receptive to that. Sonic was particularly fond of a café-bakery in Central City called One For You, One For Me. An odd name for an equally odd little spot, tucked away on a quiet street, away from the bustle of the main centre. Amy would not have known about it had Sonic not showed it to her. It was a quaint little building with a gothic style that was sort of at odds with the cutesy cakes they sold. But Sonic found it strangely appealing.
She learned from this place that the blue hedgehog was partial to a mug of chai and a slice of cheesecake. Amy had never known that about him before. Not all the places they went to had chai though. Sonic tended to pick some form of tea or hot chocolate wherever they went if chai was not available on the menu. Never coffee. He’d explained once that it made him jittery. Chai was still caffeinated but not enough to upset his system. Though he sometimes opted for a decaf black tea or chamomile when he admitted he wasn’t feeling a hundred percent.
Amy was never privy to what “not a hundred percent” really meant. He didn’t really seem to act any different. Not around her. But that was Sonic; vague about the things he didn’t want to talk about. She never pushed it.
They had lunch together a few times too. Nothing romantic. No candlelit dinners or fancy restaurants. No holding hands while listening to a violin rendition of some popular love song. Again, that was fine. Slow steps. Sonic seemed to work best with slow steps; it was probably why he had a weird aversion to the word date. At least, that’s what she suspected. It was hard to really gauge anything about the blue hedgehog.
It was like every now and then, he’d let her in on little snippets of information. His love for flowers, his drink of choice, the fact that he had bad days even if they didn’t look like bad days. But there was always a strange distance between them. One that he didn’t often let her close.
Sometimes it was a physical thing.
More often, a deeper thing. Sonic was available but he wasn’t emotionally available. No mobian could possibly be that happy all the time. And she knew he wasn’t – he’d even admitted he wasn’t. So why continue to play it up, pretend like he was fine? She’d never seen him cry, only ever heard him get genuinely snippy with Eggman a few times in her presence, usually during pretty tense battles that didn’t happen too often. But never actually get angry. Amy had heard him laugh and had seen what boredom looked like on him. But anything past than that was locked behind some gate she didn’t have the keys for.
She longed to find those keys, to be permitted to have a copy of them. Hell, even forge her own if need be but nothing she did seemed to break through that top layer of Sonic. The key was never quite right. Sometimes, it would slide into the lock but it wouldn’t turn. There was always something off with the design.
And all that led her up to this moment. Standing in the doorway to her own house, arm full of a shoddily thrown together bouquet. For a mobian with such an eye for flowers, this bouquet seemed… odd. There was no cohesion to any of it. The flowers were gorgeous, of course; they always were with Sonic. He’d gotten her flowers before, for her birthday and Christmas – those poinsettias had made a fine centre piece Christmas day – but there was no special occasion to hide behind today. These were different.
Not how she thought his confession would go, if she was honest.
She’d always expected some dream-like day out. In the park, during the haze of mid afternoon. Perhaps they stop on the bridge – though she knew Sonic despised water with a passion – and he’d take her hand. Maybe he’d look her in the eye, the confident hero she knew him to be. Or maybe he’d be too shy and bashful; imagining this always made her even giddier for some reason she couldn’t explain. He’d finally tell her how he felt. Maybe he’d present to her a big bouquet of stunning red roses.
But this would do just nicely. A little scatterbrained and sloppy, just like her beloved Sonic. The flowers had been shoved at her in a flustered sort of panic. He didn’t even say hello first. But she found his nerves charming, so that didn’t matter.
“Look, Amy,” Sonic said. “I know you’ve liked me since we met. And I…”
The rest of the sentence seemed to die on his tongue.
She’d loved him before they even locked eyes, really. Love at first sight truly was a real thing. Her tarot cards had said she’d meet someone special on Little Planet. She hadn’t quite known that “special” would mean soul mate until she laid eyes on that wonderful blue fur. Of course, it had been lighter back then but Amy had been immediately enamoured, still was. He hadn’t spoken a word when they first met, his own voice unfamiliar to him. Still, it hadn’t bothered her. It had given him a mysterious flair. He’d been heroic and kind and he’d saved her life. But when she’d hugged him he became instantly flighty.
Something about the chase had been sort of thrilling at first when they were kids. But Amy admitted it had become stale eventually. She quite liked where she was at with Sonic these days. Though the thoughts of moving to that next step sent a new kind of thrill through her.
“Yeah?” she gently prompted him.
Amy understood this was hard for him. He’d always been like this. But she gave him a warm smile, hoping it conveyed all she wanted it to and more. Her love and admiration and acceptance. She was ready for him to say those three little words that would make her heart soar up into the clouds; it would probably never come down again. She wasn’t sure she wanted it to.
“Well… I do like you. You’ve been my friend for many years now.”
She tried not to get impatient. Let him do this in his own time. Like she had been doing for a while now. Still, she couldn’t help wishing he’d just say it already. Amy had been waiting for so long, tolerantly slowing things down – now that was an ironic statement – for Sonic. Oh, how much she longed to both stay in this moment and also move on to the next. To be able to hold him in her arms and actually call him her boyfriend. To be able to hug him and not have him run away out of embarrassment. She wondered what his kiss would be like. Chaos, if he’d even let her kiss him today. But she’d wait for that too if she had to.
For him.
“Yeah?” Amy pushed just a little.
She hoped it wasn’t too much. But she was about to burst out of pure, unadulterated joy.
But Sonic huffed. Agitation? Or maybe something more than that. She hoped she hadn’t just pushed him away with one word. Sonic could be very sensitive sometimes. And that was also totally fine; more men should be comfortable with being vulnerable. Well, not that Sonic was comfortable with it either. But that was besides the point. He was here now, he was opening himself up to her. And that was an awesome step in the right direction. Amy was so proud of him for that.
The blue hedgehog rubbed a hand down his face, forehead to muzzle. And Amy let herself relax. It wasn’t directed at her. She was in the clear. Amy really did wish he wouldn’t get so mad at himself though. She wanted to take his hand and tell him he was doing great. Fear of spooking him kept her at bay though. And the flowers she was still holding close to her chest, of course. The organised chaos of them was very charming. And they smelled absolutely wonderful. Despite the strange array, she would be delighted to have them in a vase on her bedside table – so she could wake up to them tomorrow morning and remember this moment. That sounded so romantic and dreamy. Amy almost sighed contentedly at the image.
“This isn’t coming out right…” Sonic mumbled.
He sighed once more. Amy admitted his phrasing was a little strange. But that was just one of the quirky little things that made Sonic, well, Sonic. Whether it was speaking in general or just finding the words, oftentimes Sonic still had trouble with talking. But she knew him well before she knew his voice, so Amy understood.
“What is it, Sonic?” she asked.
“Ames, I…”
Sonic trailed off again. Then he took a really deep breath. It left him a little trembly. Amy furrowed her brow. This really was difficult for him, wasn’t it? She was overcome with sympathy for him. But it was all fine. He’d get there eventually.
“I-I think I like guys.”
It left him in a quick burst, like he couldn’t get it out fast enough. Amy just froze, trying to process the words. Her brain kerchunked over from excitement to a sick numbness. Had she heard what she thought she just heard? Was this a nightmare? Oh, she really, truly hoped it was. Amy wanted to wake from this moment now. That would be nice, to just open her eyes and leave this dreadful moment. Her heart just seemed to stop in her chest. Was her blood even circulating anymore? She just felt cold. And numb.
Sonic started to fidget. Swaying from side to side, shaking out his arms. Part of her hated seeing him like that, hated seeing the clear worry on his face. But another, deeper part of her just wanted to smack him in the nose with her Piko Piko Hammer as hard as she could and cry.
“Amy…?” Sonic said nervously.
Her brain couldn’t even come up with a response for him for a good while. What the hell could she even say to that? What was he expecting her to say? Amy had loved him for years. And he was just going to drop this on her like this? No warning, no signs. Just out of the blue. She could feel her eyes starting to water.
And what the hell were the flowers for? Why give them to her if he was just going to break her heart? What was the point? Was it a cruel joke? She didn’t want to believe he was capable of something so mean. But that’s what it felt like. A way to get her hopes up before slapping her across the face with the fact that she could never, ever have him. No matter what. And that was the part that really, really hurt.
“You…” Amy started, paused, then tried again. “You came over here, with flowers, to tell me… you’re gay?”
Sonic hunched his shoulders.
“W-well, I…” Sonic stuttered. “I just…”
“Did you think that through?” Amy snapped at him. “At all? What a confusing message to send, Sonic.”
She became aware that she was glaring at Sonic. Her instinctive reaction was to yell at him. To get mad. Because that was easier. Easier than addressing it. She couldn’t keep looking at those wide, emerald eyes anymore. They no longer enchanted her they just made her miserable.
“They were s-supposed to-” he started.
But she cut him off. Fuelled only by a horrible, all-consuming anger that she couldn’t quite let go of. Amy clung to that feeling like a lifeline. Because if she let it go, all she’d have left would be an abyssal sorrow.
“I don’t even understand your thought process sometimes.”
She was being completely honest, getting something off her chest that had weighed her down for years. Why had she bothered? Why had she tried? Now she realised why they’d never be on the same page, never speak the same language. They just couldn’t. She’d only ever be able to glean a rough translation of his language. His was just too complex and different than her own to ever fully understand. How had she never realised that?
Had she deluded herself? Locked herself in a fantasy that she felt for sure was real? Were there signs she’d missed? Sonic was always so cagey about this stuff that it had never occurred to her that he might not even like girls. She thought he was just sweet and awkward. She supposed he was but maybe there had been a genuine reason for that.
“I’m sorry, Amy,” Sonic said. “I-I just wanted you to know. I didn’t think it was fair to keep it from you.”
No. No it absolutely wasn’t fair. How could he do this to her? Why couldn’t he have just told her that one of the many times she’d admitted her own feelings for him? If he’d said it from the beginning, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much right now. Yes, it would have still stung but she wouldn’t have built it up in her head for so long. She wouldn’t have thought about their future together; about holding his hands, kissing him, marrying him. Would never have sat in the garden, watching him stare at the sky, just imagining growing old with him by her side. Forever. They could have watched everything together. And now she’d never have that.
“And exactly how long have you known that, Sonic the Hedgehog?” Amy retorted. “How long have you let me sit here thinking I had a chance?”
Amy felt those tears break free from her eyes, slicing down her cheeks like daggers across her skin. They hurt. The tears physically hurt. The pink hedgehog couldn’t even bring herself to wipe them away. A selfish part of her wanted him to see them. Wanted him to know. Know that he was the cause of those tears. Because she knew that Sonic would be torn up about that and right now that’s exactly what she wanted.
She saw his ears flatten an a surge of dirty satisfaction rose in her chest. Amy found herself hoping it was painful for him too. Sonic reached for her arm but she flinched away from him, relishing the way he drew his hand away slowly.
“A-Ames…” he mumbled
“Don’t call me that!” Amy cried. “Just go away!”
Sonic winced. His eyes looked glazed, damp. And some manic part of her wanted to laugh. She’d finally seen him close to tears – still, did this count as crying? Amy didn’t even care. For such a long time, she’d sort of wanted to see him cry, just to know he was capable. Of course, she hadn’t actually wanted to see him upset but the idea of being there for him if he was had felt good. Well, now she knew he could cry. And it meant nothing anymore.
Suddenly, Amy became aware of the fact that she was still holding those stupid flowers. She didn’t want them anymore. Instead of being a symbol of his love they’d just remind her of this awful moment. She still couldn’t fathom why he’d gotten them for her. What was the point? Looking at them just made her feel worse, made her chest constrict and burn.
“Amy, I’m sorry.”
She didn’t want to hear it. Chaos, she felt so humiliated.
“And you can take your poxy flowers back!” she snapped.
Throwing the flowers was cathartic. Like letting go of her love for him in one angry toss. She knew it would probably take a very long time to fully get over Sonic. But it felt too good in the moment to really matter to her. The loose flowers scattered before they actually reached Sonic, which wasn’t quite as satisfying as it could have been, but a few did hit him directly. The blue hedgehog held his hands out, catching the single white flower that had been in the centre of the bouquet. A hydrangea. It was weird that her mind only registered that now, when she no longer wanted them. Amy had been too focused on what she thought he was going to say to really pay attention.
Something about Sonic’s face seemed to fall further after he looked at the flower. Amy didn’t wait to see what he’d do next, didn’t wait to see if she’d actually get to see him cry. She just slammed the door closed. The loud sound jolted her out of her anger a little. Amy leaned her back against it, feeling a fresh swell of agony pierce her chest. But it was much too late to open it again; Sonic was probably on the other side of the world by now anyway.
Amy grabbed a handful of tissues from the box she kept on the coffee table and wiped her eyes. For a few minutes, she just stood there, drying her tears intermittently. She took deep breaths but didn’t will the feeling to go away. She knew that it would feel so much better if she just rode it out. It was healthy to let the emotion happen, even if it felt so horrible in the moment.
She caught a glimpse of a photo on her mantle that made something inside her snap.
It was one she’d taken of Sonic a year ago. It was at One For You, One For Me. Amy had taken the picture. They were sat together at a table in the far corner by the window; Sonic’s go to spot. All the staff knew him so well they didn’t even have to ask his order. And he always sat at that table. Amy was not sure why. Sonic had the mug up to his face, a big beaming smile on his muzzle. The wide mug was a seafoam green colour with a tan speckled inside. He’d always liked those mugs too; he said they were pretty. So he could compliment something, just not her.
A new wave of rage caused her to snatch the frame up. After staring at it for a beat, Amy chucked the frame at the floor with a scream. The glass shattered on impact, scattering across the floorboards. The pink hedgehog wasn’t even sure why she did it. Perhaps she was chasing that same liberating rush that the flowers had given her. But it didn’t feel the same. It just made that hole in her chest grow bigger.
She crouched to scoop the frame back up, bursting into tears once more.
It took her only two weeks for a different pain to take effect. One of scorching regret. So deep and so pure that it gave her the opposite desire than the one she’d had for days.
Part of her had not wanted to see him again. Ever. She spent every day crying on and off, dealing with random fits of desperate anger. She broke a lot of plates. And glasses. The vase she’d mentally planned to put the bouquet in before things went south. A few more picture frames; the rest she had to put away in a box, more to prevent herself from smashing them than anything. And even after everything, she missed them. Missed him.
Now, right now, all she wanted to do was see Sonic. Because it finally occurred to her that maybe it didn’t matter that they couldn’t date. What about her friend had really changed? He was still Sonic. She just… wouldn’t get the chance to ever truly love him. And that was still devastating. But she was beginning to accept it. And with that acceptance came several epiphanies.
The first being she still had a super rad friend who would always be there for her. Just because he couldn’t love her didn’t mean he no longer cared. Sonic was an extremely compassionate mobian, even if he wasn’t so open about it like she was. He was also brave and heroic and selfless. The blue hedgehog was always willing to spend time with her, even if that meant doing things he didn’t exactly enjoy. Her expectations were not his expectations. It now occurred to her that this likely hadn’t come up before now because Sonic was scared of hurting her. Not because he was deliberately being an asshole. Maybe he truly hadn’t known how to bring it up; Amy bet she hadn’t made that any easier by being so obvious in her interest for him.
The second was the reminder that none of their routines had to change just because he didn’t like her the way she liked him. Hanging out at cafés, grabbing the occasional lunch together, gardening. None of that had to stop. Sonic hung out with her because he wanted to, because he enjoyed spending time with her. Her feelings for him had never swayed that desire. This was something she had to overcome, not him.
The third was that she’d been so horrible to him last week.
She’d found the flowers again, the day after he’d originally given them to her. Seeing them gave her a mix of emotions, the strongest of which had been anguish. They’d been a little wilty by then, having been left out on the step without water – Sonic had obviously gathered them back up and left them for her, even after everything. Still, she’d scooped them up and tried to salvage them as best she could. They still looked rather sad, upright in a glass that was much too short. But it had at least slowed their decay. Which only marginally eased her guilt.
With a clearer head, she really did wonder why flowers had been Sonic’s go to for this. She then realised that flowers were always Sonic’s go to. If he didn’t have another gift in mind for special occasions, he gave flowers. That was just his thing. It was probably his way of showing her he still cared about her and she’d thrown that consideration back at him.
That had seriously been lost in translation, she held firm on that. But she didn’t have to be so cruel about it either. Honestly, Amy should have realised by now how different their minds worked.
And then a horrible thought occurred to her: did she make Sonic feel ashamed of being gay?
That was never her intention. Amy had nothing against same sex relationships – she had nothing against any sexual orientation. She was an ally, through and through. She’d just been very upset at finally seeing the crack in her own rose-tinted glasses. It had caught her off guard. But now she was worried she’d given him the wrong impression. That perhaps her own actions may have been interpreted differently. There was nothing wrong with the way he felt. Nothing. Chaos, whether he was with her or not, it changed nothing about him as a person. Who he loved was who he loved; he couldn’t control that. And he should never have to feel bad about it either. Not because of her, not because of anyone. Amy was terrified she’d made him think that being gay was wrong.
She’d never considered that fact before springing her love upon him all those years ago. How blind of her. She had to work on that ignorance.
She had to apologise.
And if anyone ever gave Sonic any shit for his orientation, she’d personally smack them into next week with her Piko Piko Hammer. She had no way of knowing if any of their other friends already knew. But if they didn’t, she wanted to be there for him, to stand up for him in the – hopefully very low – chance that someone reacted poorly. She should be standing by him not avoiding him. And Amy was going to make this right.
Even if, at the moment, it still hurt. It would take a long time to get over her feelings for him. But she could no longer pretend keeping him out of her life would help.
Amy only briefly considered calling him before immediately abandoning that idea. This was a situation that had to be handled in person. So she called the next best thing; Sonic’s brother. Tails was able to give her a general area to search for him, as he usually did. It was almost customary at this point for everyone to go through Tails in order to track down the hedgehog. Of course, the fox was not always that helpful because Sonic was… Sonic. And she was sure he probably got fed up with having to be the middleman all the time. But Tails was always pleasant enough.
And today, the blue hedgehog might still be around the Mystic Ruins. So, that’s where she’d start. Even if that meant she’d be searching all day with no results. She believed this had to be a face-to-face conversation. Anything less would be doing them both a disservice. Sonic and Amy needed this conversation in order for them to move on and heal. Even if it would be helping Amy with that more. She just needed him to know she didn’t blame him for being himself.
It took her two hours but she did eventually find him. The blue hedgehog was sitting in a meadow that Amy had not really seen before; she’d never gone this far into the Mystic Ruins past the brothers’ house. He was surrounded by flowers, just painting an even more obvious picture of what Sonic had clearly meant with his gesture. Even if it hadn’t come across the way he’d intended.
When Sonic saw her, Amy noticed him visibly tense. It made her feel worse. He hopped to his feet and his ears steadily began to flatten themselves. This time, seeing that didn’t give her satisfaction. Just guilt.
“A-Amy,” he said, starting to back away. “Sorry I… I’ll leave.”
It struck her that he thought she wanted him to go. When he’d been here first. In his defence, she had snapped at him to leave her alone two weeks ago. And there wasn’t exactly a timeframe placed on that demand. He must have thought she truly meant she didn’t want to see him at all. And at first, so had she. But Amy had changed her mind about it since then. She didn’t think that was really what she’d wanted in the first place; his distance was just easier then. Now, she wanted him close.
“No,” Amy said, reaching her hand out towards him. “Stay, please. I wanted to apologise.”
“Apologise?” he asked, genuinely confused.
Something in her heart constricted. Was he not expecting to get an apology? Did… Chaos, did he think he didn’t deserve one? That was very in character for him. Sonic the Hedgehog, world’s most compassionate mobian, always expecting nothing in return. Amy knew him and she knew he would still be beating himself up for making her cry. He probably blamed himself. And while his confession wasn’t the smoothest and probably could have been handled better, Amy should not have reacted the way she had. He’d been bearing his soul for her, being vulnerable, and she’d yelled at him. She knew he had trouble with emotional conversations. And she’d still taken out her misery on him. What must he think of her?
“I shouldn’t have snapped at you last week,” she started.
“Oh, Amy, no,” Sonic rushed. “P-please don’t worry about that. You’re right, I-I should have told you sooner, should have gone about it differently. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry.”
It was a little gratifying that he realised his mistake. Though Amy should have known his intentions were always as pure as could be. The first step to moving forward was them both acknowledging their faults. They had both started down that path now so she knew they’d be fine. In time. They could get back to a healthy relationship after this, she was sure of it. A relationship with no one-sided expectations. Frankly, it would be nice not having that pressure.
“It still wasn’t ok for me to react that way,” Amy insisted. “I just… I didn’t know how to respond. It was just easier in the moment.”
Sonic shifted his feet but there was understanding in his brilliant green eyes. She knew at once that, though he probably took her words to heart, he was aware that she hadn’t meant it. Her anger and despair had been talking a week ago. Now, these were Amy’s words.
“I know.”
“But it’s alright,” she assured. “Really. I didn’t mean to make you feel like what you’d said was wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Sonic. There isn’t. I promise.”
Sonic didn’t respond for a moment. Something was holding him back. Though he’d begun to relax and no longer looked like he was itching to flee, there was an unease there that just seemed to rise in him further at her words. What about what she’d said had bothered him? A beat later, the uncomfortable look vanished. As though it had never been there. Almost everything about Sonic moved fast, even his mind.
Almost.
Of course, she knew Sonic was particular about certain things. He could take it easy on a nice sunny morning – hell, she’d caught him just sitting in this gorgeous meadow today. Emotionally, he took things slow with the people he was really close with. Sonic wasn’t all speed all the time.
“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want,” Sonic uttered quietly.
“You shouldn’t have to be,” Amy responded. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you did.”
Something flitted across Sonic’s face. An expression she wasn’t accustomed to seeing on him, one that she couldn’t quite process. Then he hugged her. Amy blinked in surprise. Sonic never hugged her. At least, he never initiated one. It was different than hers were. Softer, more hesitant, like he might pull away at any moment. But it was lovely. It sort of made her feel giddy, her love for him spiking again before she shook it off. They could never be but that was ok. Because he was still in her life. And maybe that was enough.
“I really am sorry, Ames,” he whispered.
It broke her heart. How could she have ever yelled at him? How could she have been mad at her dearest friend? Amy hugged him back full force. Sonic seemed to freeze for a beat but he shook it off fairly quickly. Not for the first time, she wondered what that was. And if Sonic was bothered by something – many things – that he just didn’t tell her, it wouldn’t help anything.
But was there a bigger reason why Sonic never hugged her first? Was there some issue he was battling internally and he just didn’t want her to know? When she was younger, she’d thought it to be embarrassment. When she grew older, just nerves. But now she thought it might have been something else. There was no use asking about it, not now; it would ruin this already obviously fragile moment. It was something to tackle another day. Any and every interaction with Sonic went one of two ways. Either Sonic was smooth and laidback, completely at ease in his surroundings. Or, he was two steps from picking a direction and running until he was in a different country, perhaps even a different continent. The latter of those reactions was more often than not subtle but there.
Was Sonic still worried that she might get snappy? Or was something else bothering him? It was hard to really know.
“Even if I can’t be your girlfriend, I want to be your friend,” she told him. “It might take me some time to get over you. But I don’t want our friendship to be ruined by that. I want you to know I love you no matter what and that doesn’t have to be romantic.”
Sonic actually nuzzled the fur on her head slightly. Actions had always seemed to be Sonic’s way rather than words. Perhaps that stemmed from when he was a kid? Actions were all he’d had back then, so maybe that stuff was still ingrained in him after all this time. She couldn’t tell what the actual nuzzle was for though. Another apology? The accepting of her own? Or just his way of trying to show her that he still cared about her? Maybe it was all three, maybe it was neither. Still, she took it as a good sign.
Amy wanted to ask what the deal with the flowers was but knew that he might get upset. After all, she had thrown them at him. Maybe she’d wait on that one a little longer too, when they’d moved past this point. That seemed safer and he was probably more likely to talk to her once they were at a complete understanding with each other. Maybe that was what had been missing between them. A real connection. Not a romantic one but a platonic one. It wasn’t exactly what she had expected to build with Sonic all those years ago and maybe that was on her. Amy bet she’d made him so uncomfortable over the years and he’d just grinned and bared with it because they were friends. Friendship was very important to Sonic.
“If you need some more space, I get it,” Sonic mumbled into her fur. “I know it wasn’t easy to hear. Believe me, it wasn’t easy to say so I can’t even begin to believe how much it hurt. But I’m here if you want to hang out. Always. If…”
Sonic trailed off and took a deep breath. She heard it stutter in his chest and wondered if he was getting tearful over this. Amy waited with bated breath to hear what he was going to say. Patience, she had to have patience. But the confirmation that he would be here when she felt ready to actually spend time together again was relieving. Amy liked that she could count on Sonic. It made her feel so much better instantly.
“If you w-want to talk about it,” he said. “We can. I-I’m not good at this stuff but I know you are.”
“Thank you, Sonic.”
The blue hedgehog sniffed. He was crying. And this time, she’d be here for him. Just like she’d always wanted to be. Even still, there was a quite resentment bubbling away deep in her chest that she knew would be there for quite some time. But Sonic was here, ready to listen to her, ready to comfort her should she need it. He’d let her vent. Because they were friends. And maybe…
‘Maybe this is enough,’ she thought.