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Matt and Jay were in their teens, lazing around Matt's room after school one Tuesday afternoon, and Matt had found himself feeling bored and antsy. Jay was sitting on Matt's bed, and Matt was pacing around in front of him, unable to keep still or focus. He'd had a lot on his mind recently, thoughts and feelings buzzing around in his brain. Every time he looked over at Jay, it sort of made his skin crawl with this overwhelming nervous energy. He’d been having these thoughts lately, thoughts that a guy wasn’t supposed to have about his (male) best friend. Thoughts about Jay’s stupid, beautiful swoopy hair and the exact curvature of his Cupid’s bow.
"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Matt blurted out.
"Of course not. If I had, I would've told you." Jay replied.
An idea was forming in Matt's head, a way to satisfy his curiosity, and he tried to figure out how to phrase it in a way that wouldn't immediately result in rejection.
"I have a really good idea." Matt said, grinning, "What if we kissed each other?"
Jay frowned.
"That sounds gay, Matt." Jay said.
"No, think about it. We'd get our first kisses out of the way, and then we'll have experience and be better at kissing when we finally get girlfriends!"
Jay considered it.
"I dunno, Matt. That still sounds very gay."
"It's not gay. We'd just be helping each other out. As friends. It's only weird if you make it weird." Matt said.
Jay continued to consider it. Finally, he let out a sort of bored, beleaguered sigh.
"Ok. Sure. Let's try it." Jay relented. "Sit down."
Matt sat next to Jay on the bed, facing each other. They made eye contact for a moment before glancing away.
"What do we do now?" Matt said, suddenly nervous and beginning to regret this plan. He felt unpleasantly warm and sweaty and he was beginning to get a little nauseous, too.
"We'll just… close our eyes, and pretend we’re kissing girls." Jay said.
"Alright." Matt hesitated a moment, then shut his eyes and leaned in, his slightly agape mouth connecting with Jay’s tightly sealed lips, his teeth scraping against Jay’s top lip. It was bad. Jay pulled away immediately.
"Augh, Matt, what was that?"
"What?"
"Don’t do that. Don’t come at me with your mouth open like a fish."
"Ok. You don’t have to be an asshole about it. Can I try again?"
Jay rolled his eyes.
"Fine."
They gave it another go, and this time Matt kept his mouth shut.
He tried to think of a girl, maybe one from school, or an actress he thought was hot, but all he could think about was the fact that he was kissing his best friend. The worst part was that he liked it. Matt put his hands on the sides of Jay’s face and tried to pull him in closer, to deepen the kiss. Jay pulled back sharply.
"Eugh, Matt."
"Too much?"
"Yeah." Jay grimaced and scooted a little further away from him.
Matt flopped back onto the bed dejectedly, his heart beating so loud he was surprised Jay couldn’t hear it. It had been wonderful. Terrible and wonderful, how perfectly they fit together, how much more Matt wanted to do with him. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Not about a guy, and definitely not about Jay.
Jay was still sitting on the bed, just a little ways away, red in the face and staring at the wall.
"Sorry." Matt said.
"Whatever." Jay mumbled. "You’re a terrible kisser."
"We could keep practicing and then maybe I won’t be anymore?"
Jay gave him a sharp look.
"Sorry." Matt said again, and he laughed to try and break through the tension.
Jay softened his expression.
"Yeah. Whatever." Jay said.