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Damian didn’t get his Bachelor's Degree, pass the MCAT, graduate from a four-year medical school, complete a multi-year residency program, and pass the USMLE licensing exams just to deal with this bullshit.
“Damiiii…” Dick whined, a hand over his forehead like the dramatic imbecile he was. “Please!”
“No.”
“But-”
“No!” Damian growled, his voice final. “I’m not going to approve the discharge.”
Dick pouted, like he wasn’t trying to disobey medical advice for his own good.
Damian knew this is what he was getting into when he agreed to be the medic for his family. He knew from the many times he’d done this exact thing to Alfred before he had to experience his first patient lockdown.
The thought of karma had crossed his mind before, but Damian even this was disproportionate to how he acted as a literal child.
Dick leaned in his bed, trying to catch Damian’s eye, his own expression morphed into one of pleading. “Damian, I promise I’ll get you another cat if you let me go.”
“Are you truly trying to bribe a medical professional? You’re more idiotic than I remember.” Damian snarked back. “Are you sure you weren’t drugged on patrol?”
Damian was a grown ass adult, he could buy himself a cat anytime. It seemed like his family decidedly gained group amnesia when recounting his age however. He might be the youngest in the family, but he wasn’t a child anymore.
Before Dick could continue his useless endeavour to make an escape, the sound of the Batmobile making its way through the cave echoed around loudly. It only irritated Damian’s growing migraine.
But like some cursed prophecy, out of the Batmobile stumbled his father, the smaller frame of Tim next to him. Jason followed behind like some brooding teenager in all his dramatics.
“Hey Dami.” Tim called, expression unapologetic and less than cheerful. “B pulled a stunt and needs stitches.”
Bruce grunted, favoring his left side. “I’m fine. I can handle myself.”
Rolling his eyes, Damian stepped in front of Jason before he could angst in a different direction. “You’re on Nightwing duty.”
Jason groaned, but still turned around with no other complaint. That was one thing Damian noticed, when his family got an order in regard to their siblings medical care, they tended to obey orders.
When it was their own medical care though…
“Noooo, Jay, let me go!” Dick whined.
“Shut up and just lie down!”
Ignoring the two, Damian grabbed the necessary medical gear and head over the cot Tim managed to sit Bruce down at.
Damian got a few antibacterial wipes and knelt to reach Bruce’s right leg. Just as the cloth was about to touch his skin, Bruce’s hand softly grasped his wrist, pausing him in place.
Looking up, Damian met his fathers worried, uncowled face. “Damian, you don’t have to do this, I can handle myself.”
The blank stare Damian conjured up was only natural for the stupidity he was hearing from this man.
“Father, surely you did not pay for me to go to medical school only for me to waste that education, correct?”
“Well of course not, I just—“
“Then let me do my job.” He interrupted. Their eyes were locked, Bruce’s determination wavering until his eyes lowered with a sigh.
Taking that as the defeat it clearly was, Damian took to cleaning the gash.
The workspace would’ve been silent and perfect if it weren’t for the two grown adults behind him a cot away fighting.
“No— NO! GET IN THE BED!”
“YOU CAN'T MAKE ME—“
This family is a nightmare.