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Mickey has been home from giving birth to Mikayla for five days, and his daughter has only been on this planet for six, and Mickey’s not entirely sure what to do with her. Somehow, Ian keeps coming and going, each times schlepping in more baby stuff that Jason gave him or he picked up at the store. In a matter of days, his and Ian’s apartment has been transformed into what looks like a thrift store for newborns.
It makes Mickey’s head spin. He’s pissed the fuck off that he can’t go and do half the shit himself but his body feels sore all over. Mikayla might be tiny, but she sure as hell did a number on his body coming into the world. Katie told him to stay active, but not push himself. So, he’s using the fact that someone needs to stay home and watch the baby as a good excuse to help him come to terms that he’s leaving everything to Ian.
Ian has been amazing since they brought Mikayla home. Hell, who is he kidding, he has been amazing since she was conceived. They’ve been such equals that the steady force between them tethered them to a shared feeling of comradery. That’s not to say they have any idea what they’re doing. They’re out of their comfort zones and having to learn on the fly.
It seems that lately Mickey gets Mikayla for all the fun parts of learning. He gets to hold onto her, curl around her when she is sprawled out on the bed beside him, and feed her. Ian is the one running himself ragged by getting up in the middle of the night every time Mikayla does, feeding her every two hours, changing every diaper, and not complaining even once. Ian’s completely in awe over Mikayla’s presence, head over heels in love and wearing a sappy expression on his face that Mickey would make fun of if he hadn’t found it so endearing.
Mickey loves Mikayla too, is absolutely crazy about her, especially when she looks the way she does and makes those adorable puppy noises that melt his heart. She’s always searching him or Ian out, whimpering and wrinkling up her face until she’s nuzzling against either of their chests. She’s family. She’s his and Ian’s. She’s completely perfect and Mickey figures he’s going to ensure that she stays that way. At day six, he figures that letting Ian do everything has gone on long enough. He is sore – he just had a baby, of course he is sore – but he isn’t dead.
That was the plan anyway. But once he has Mikayla waiting for her bath, undressed and blinking at him, he isn’t quite sure what to do with her. Of course he knows what to do with her…he just can’t seem to focus enough to do anything.
Mikayla doesn’t seem to care. She is content to have her daddy’s attention and snuggle in the plush baby towels laid out for her. They’re new and fluffy with pink elephants all over them, something completely cliché that Ian picked up at Target. She yawns a tiny baby yawn and Mickey’s heart gets lodged in his throat. He can’t believe that she was inside of him.
When he looks at her, he can’t believe that he gave birth to such a perfect human being. Seriously, him and Ian. It’s dizzying. He never manages to express the feeling right when he brings it up to Ian, because the emotions are too powerful to be contained by words. He thinks Ian understands; they’re both floating in this weird bubble, one he’s terrified is going to pop before they’re ready. He’s not delusional to think things will feel this easy all the time. Right now, however, Mikayla is simple. She needs to stay warm, clean, and fed. He and Ian can handle that.
Mikayla cries out and makes sure her father focuses his attention back on her. “Sorry, princess,” he says in hushed tones. “You’re going to be just like your dad, glowering for attention,” he snorts. This ‘dad’ word is going to start becoming awfully confusing, because he means Ian just then, but how does Mikayla know? He feels stupid for even having that thought. Mikayla was just born, she has barely managed keeping her eyes open, she definitely hasn’t mastered the English language. He’ll let Ian be ‘daddy’, it fits him more. They can discuss him being referred to as ‘tato’. Mickey thinks it suits him, his heart thrums at the idea of filling that roll. To word is a little harsher, but it’s like Mickey, it’s meant to be taken seriously even though the underbelly is just as soft as the word ‘daddy’. “Alright, Kayla…help me out here. I have no idea what I’m doing,” he rambles on as he tries to fit the tiny bath kit Jason had given them in their meager kitchen sink. He gets the warm water going and has baby wash on hand, but has no idea what he’s waiting for.
When he picks Mikayla up and lets her little body mold to the crook of his arm, he wants to keep her there because she looks so darn cute. Realizing a diaper-less baby is probably not a good idea for an extended period of time, he gently lays her in her baby bath. She doesn’t seem to mind the water at all. In fact, she looks pretty content. Mickey’s never had to do anything like this before, but he’s watched Ian. It doesn’t look that hard. He’s overly gentle and careful while he washes her face and sparse amounts of hair. Everything is slow, like he’s afraid he’ll break her. She’s the most delicate thing he’s ever trusted his hands with and that sends a jolt of fear down his spine. He’s fucked up delicate things before, made missteps when Ian was low. Needing to remind himself that he’s learned from those experiences, Mickey take several moments to wash over Mikayla’s belly, making sure she’s completely find. Letting her know she can trust him.
He gets more comfortable with the situation, actually laughing when Mikayla goes cross eyed as a drop of water lands on her nose. It’s funny how easily her eyes do that, always bouncing back to normal and looking pouty at Mickey. The only people he’s ever washed clean are himself and Ian, both resilient men, with man parts and nothing he hasn’t seen before. Mikayla is everything a baby girl should be, uncharted girl part territory included. What the hell are he and Ian going to do with a daughter? Sure, she is rolly polly, with cute little baby folds of chubbiness and soft baby skin, but she is other things too. Other things that worry Mickey a little.
He must have been taking too long for Mikayla’s liking because she lets out a squealing cry. He was also too drawn into his thoughts to notice that Ian has entered the apartment, silently leaning against the wall and cocking his head in interest as to what’s going on in the kitchen sink.
After a beat, Ian comes up behind him and kisses the back of his neck, startling him. “Hey, Mick,” he whispers, watching Mickey’s hands stay static where he’s holding the small washcloth over their daughter’s chest. Demeanor changing, Ian picks up on the fact that something is off. “What’s up?”
“It’s just…she’s just…” Mickey furrows his brow, voice deeper than he intends to. “She’s a girl and shit.”
Going on autopilot to lighten the mood, Ian gasps. “Fuck, she is? I thought maybe we were missing a part,” Ian teases.
“Shut the fuck up.” Mickey hits Ian across the face with the wet rag. Now that he’s said his concern out loud, it doesn’t seem so scary. “I guess she’s not too hard to figure out. I just don’t know what we’re going to do with all her parts and stuff. It kinda weird. What do we do with a girl?”
Ian presses his chest against Mickey’s back, hooking his chin over his shoulder. “We wash her, for starters. They’re just parts of her, Mick. And she’s six days old. Too early to think about anything else. She’s gonna be fine. Plenty of people are raised by the opposite gender. Hell, I was raised by Fiona, and you weren’t really raised by anyone. I think we’ve got a good chance of not fucking this up.”
“Why do you gotta go and make it sound so easy,” Mickey scoffs but his heart lightens at the words. “It’s just ‘cause you’ve done this before. You know…washed a kid.” Ian has siblings who are enough years younger than him to require sink baths and he’s going to bet that Ian and Lip were on the bathing duty rotation.
“You’re doing pretty good,” Ian says, nudging Mickey slightly so both of their hips are square to the sink. He takes Mickey’s wrist and forces the older man to finish Mikayla’s bath all by himself, teaching him that he can, in fact, take care of their daughter. In the end, it only takes another minute, and he has Mikayla wrapped in a towel and snuggled into his arms so fast that Mickey’s not sure what just happened.
“See,” Ian says, letting the one word hang between them as he gives Mickey a knowing look and is rewarded with a playing flip of Mickey's middle finger.
Mickey has to admit, it does make him stand a little straighter, feeling a sense of pride over doing something so stupid as washing his kid. But both he and Ian are aware of the fact it’s more than that. He gets it a bit more now. He once asked Ian how he just seems to know how to take care of Mikayla and his response had been, “I just know because she’s mine.” Mickey hadn’t understood what that meant at the time, but he thinks he does now. She’s just a baby. She’s perfect and they can figure the rest out as they go along. Mickey thinks he can do that. He loves Mikayla enough – more than enough – he just needs to trust himself enough and remember that he is somehow turning out to be a good parent.
Mikayla may be a girl, but Mickey and Ian have females in their lives to help them if need be.
Plus, Mickey has a stubborn streak, a refusal to surrender, the internet, and years to sort things out.