Chapter Text
Alastor got his hopes up at the sound of panic coming from the hotel foyer. It was common for the building to derive into chaos and even more common for him to be expected to fix it, though this round of senseless panic sounded more incoherent than usual. Perhaps there would be something more entertaining than a minor case of arson this time.
Fading into the lounge, he was pleasantly surprised by the sight of Vox having an angelic spear held to his throat.
“What the fuck do you want?” Vaggi barked, Charlie cautiously standing behind her.
“Pleasure to see you, too.” Vox rolled his eyes, going over the wary demons watching him. Hell had yet to formally hear from the picture-box since his little temper tantrum, with VoxTek releasing a statement of ‘We have no idea who you’re talking about, you’re being crazy right now’. How silly it was, for anyone to think the man was a threat to anything but his own ego and Alastor’s personal space.
Speaking of which, he clearly hadn’t noticed Alastor by the sidelines yet if he still bothering with conversation. Perhaps wires were crossed when his new body was installed.
“I’m not here for a fight,” he droned on, sidestepping the weapon. “Consider it a… follow-up more than anything.”
“On what, exactly?” Alastor spoke up, making his presence known as he approached the tv demon. “Don’t tell me you’re looking for a rematch.”
Vox… glanced at him? No, no, that was clearly false. He glared at him. Just very briefly. That was all.
“Call it what you want,” he seethed, albeit blankly, while looking over Alastor’s shoulder. “Look, it’s been so great being here again, really, now where’s-”
“Ugh, why is he here?” Lucifer asked, belatedly arriving to the scene of the crime as he glided down the stairs. Still in that ridiculous robe, as well.
Two for the price of one, then-
“Lucifer!” Vox’s screen lit up as he- pardon?- pushed Alastor aside. “Luci, Lu! Long time no see. Good to see you’re still in one piece; told you I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“Yeah, well, can’t say the same for you,” Lucifer snapped. “Didn’t you get your head ripped off?”
“I got better.” Energy sparked between Vox’s antennae, and Alastor was only staring to discern whatever gambit he was orchestrating against him was.
“You don’t look like it; same old sinner garbage.” Lucifer paused, remembering where he was. “As in, him specifically. Not sinners in general. Trying to work on that.”
“Always so eager to please. Not sure who you think you’re winning over, Lu,” Vox mocked, continuing to act as if Alastor was not directly in front of him. He should’ve been sending half the pentagram into a power outage by now.
“Whatever, guy,” Lucifer replied. “I’m not taking advice on how to look good from you.”
“Why not? You could use some PR now that your wife’s gone- everyone knows who wore the pants there.”
“Keep her name out of your mouth, you mortal son of a bitch-”
“Care to tell me exactly what you think you’re doing here, old pal?” Alastor asked, getting between them.
Vox scoffed, as if he was bored with him or something ridiculous like that. “Fighting this dorkass bitch-less shortstack. What does it look like?”
“Yeah, is old age finally getting to you or something?” Lucifer added, stepping aside to better face the tv demon. Why in the seven rings was he encouraging this?
“You are older than me.” Alastor did not take his eyes off Vox. “And surely you must have better things to do than trade barbs with a man who doesn’t even know your name.”
The inane, newfangled manchild should be looking at him, not attempting to act as if he was better than that.
“I’ll make him remember,” Vox seethed. “We’ll see who’s a failure then.”
Failure? He was doing this because Lucifer had called him a failure? Alastor had called him a failure in the past. He had called him plenty of things, all of them much, much worse than a failure. He could call him a failure right now if the man wasn’t busy ogling at fucking Lucifer.
“Still you, tv-head.” the aforementioned angel interrupted, eyes bouncing between the two. “And I totally do know his name, by the way. I just don’t feel like saying it right now. I don’t need to prove anything to you.”
Yes, he did.
“But you need to prove something to him?” Alastor asked.
“Oh my god, Al, why do you even care?” Vox groaned. “This is embarrassing.”
“The only embarrassment here is you,” he stated firmly. “Spare us both the drama and tell me why you’re really here.”
“I just did. Shut up and stay out of this, Alastor.” If Vox was telling the truth- which he obviously wasn’t- he was doing something that had nothing to with Alastor.
Was… was that possible? Was that even allowed? It shouldn’t have been, not without his explicit consent.
“Hey, telling Alastor to shut up is my thing,” Lucifer snapped. “Shut up, Alastor, we’re in the middle of something.”
“Can you please just get the fuck out of here already?” Vaggi demanded. Oh, right- other, less relevant individuals were present at the moment.
Vox rolled his eyes. “Fine. But this isn't over, daddy.”
The man evaporated into a nearby security camera, letting the witnesses disperse
“Try to put a handle on… whatever that was, Al,” Vaggi scolded. “We don’t need this.”
“With pleasure,” Alastor dismissed, sparing her half a glance with his mind preoccupied with far more pressing matters.
“Mouthy little… tv-headed loser,” Lucifer grumbled to himself as he stormed up the stairs. “I never liked that guy.”
One of the many benefits of the man being barely five feet was that it was exceedingly easy to keep up with his stride. “Don’t tell me you actually plan on entertaining this little delusion of his?”
“Why do you even care?” Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “I’m allowed to hate other people, you know.”
No, he wasn't.
“You don’t hate Vox,” Alastor asserted. “How could anyone, when it’s impossible to take him seriously? You don’t even know him.”
“I know that he put me in a giant torture box and tried to turn everyone against Charlie,” the angel said far too proudly, concerning the subject matter. “Sounds pretty serious and hate-able to me. What have you done so far, Mr. Useless?”
Alastor’s grin tightened; if Lucifer knew what he was planning, he’d never even think to waste his loathing on another soul. “It’s not a competition.”
“Vox would win if it was. Just putting that out there,” Lucifer replied in a sing-song tone. He appeared to suspect that Alastor had some deep-seated irritation with the situation at hand.
Wrongly, of course.
“You do not care about him.” It was not an order, because he had nothing to worry about.
“We’ll see.”
Ridiculous, was the best word to summarize what had occurred. It was ridiculous to watch those two make fools of themselves over each other- downright absurd, even.
They were supposed to be making fools of themselves over him, goddammit.