Chapter Text
Alchemy was a discipline that Albus Dumbledore knew better than most people alive, in that, due to the Statute of Secrecy, most of the world’s population did not know it existed, and many of the rest had little interest. He knew enough of the basics to impress people, and, if need be, where to find the resources to learn more, and in this era, that made him something of an expert by comparison.
But there were many things about it that he did not know, so when his friend Nicolas contacted him asking to speak about something, he prepared himself for anything.
Somehow, he was not prepared for a teenager.
“Name’s Greed the Avaricious.” The boy’s grin was sharper than most knives, his red-violet eyes glimmering dangerously. “You’re the guy who’s supposed to be able to help me?”
“I suppose I must be.” Part of Albus wanted to look into the boy’s mind. Curiosity, mostly. The rest of him, the part ruled by self-preservation, screamed at him that that would be a terrible idea. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t have any pressing reason not to listen to it. “It depends on the sort of help you need.”
“Greed here is a homunculus,” Nicolas explained. “His creator is a… thoroughly unpleasant individual, to say the least, and he came to me looking for somewhere to be safe from him. I thought that Hogwarts would be a good place for him to learn how to function in society.”
“I know how society works,” Greed muttered, slumping in his seat. “I’m not five.”
“He is also a menace to society. If he is at Hogwarts for the full seven years, that is up to seven years where he will have some amount of adult supervision.”
“Okay, now that’s just uncalled for. It’s true! But uncalled for.”
Greed looked a bit too old to pass for a normal first year student, but that didn’t create insurmountable difficulties. It would be simple enough to smooth over, so long as Albus invented an appropriately tragic backstory. If he decided to go through with this. He needed a lot more details to be sure it wouldn’t just invite disaster. “I think we’re going to need to talk about this a bit more.”
Greed watched the old men go into another room, idly wondering if it would be worth following them. At least some of it was about him, after all.
But he could only have his attention in so many places at once, and there was something a bit more important to worry about. Or rather, someone. Really?
Is something wrong? He could see Ling smiling in the back of his head. Maybe he was good at looking innocent to people who didn’t know him, but he and Greed literally shared a brain. Innocence was not a look he could pull off.
Is something- I wake up in this random guy’s house, no idea how we got here, you don’t respond to me for two days, show up again just to make that jab, and you ask me if something’s wrong!? I thought I was supposed to be the one having a crisis! Where have you been!?
He hoped Ling didn’t ask which part of that he was most upset about, because he had no idea how he would have answered. It wasn’t like he was worried about him, or anything. It was just… weird not having an idiot prince babbling in the back of his head all the time. Really!
Ling didn’t ask, but maybe that didn’t actually make things any better. Aren’t you the one who’s always telling me to shut up or you’ll eat my soul? He might have done. A few times. Using those exact words, even. He didn’t exactly have a lot of ways to threaten someone who lived in his head. It usually wasn’t serious.
For, like, fifteen minutes? Sure! Maybe even an hour! Not two days! Sadly, them being the first people they knew of in their situation meant that, if Greed wanted to mentally throttle his body’s original inhabitant, he’d have to figure out how all by himself.
It wasn’t like he could do it physically without making a fool of himself.
He’d have to figure it out quickly, because Ling was smiling even wider. So you did miss me!
Greed, as a rule, did not lie. He didn’t think it was even physically possible for him to lie to Ling, any more than it was possible for him to fall for the innocence act. Their minds were too closely connected for that. And yet the temptation had never been stronger.
He settled for slumping down even further in his seat. ...I just don’t like it when my things disappear. Hey, kid, want to eavesdrop on what those old guys are doing?
...I know you’re just trying to distract me, but… yes. Yes, I do.
“Perenelle found him passed out from hunger on our doorstep,” Nicolas explained, handing Albus a cup of steaming hot tea. “He said he was fleeing one of his master’s other creations. He still won’t say much more than that, but whatever it was was clearly… traumatic. Despite his origins, he didn’t know anything about magic, though he clearly possesses enough to transport himself here.”
Albus took a sip. The flavor was stronger than he’d expected. “And you trust him?”
“He is a kleptomaniac of the highest order, uncouth, and very much not above threats.” Not exactly a shining endorsement. “However, I don’t believe he will harm anyone unprovoked.”
And that was what it came down to, wasn’t it? The homunculus needed somewhere safe, and he was not explicitly unsafe to have around children, which was more than could be said for some of the things hidden around the castle. One student had lost a hand to a hungry tapestry thirteen or so years ago, and they still hadn’t managed to find the thing.
They should probably have been more concerned about that.
It just left the question of what ‘unprovoked’ meant. “Would he respond well to being in a class with eleven-year-olds?” Albus knew how teenagers worked, being in charge of just under a thousand of them every school year. Maybe more once the post-war generation started trickling in. They generally did not respond well to feeling looked down upon.
“He is also easily led by the promise of shiny things. He makes me think of a particularly intelligent niffler, really.”
There was an audible squawk from nearby. They both ignored it.
They’d end up telling him whatever it was they decided, anyway. May as well let him have his fun. “I won’t bring him anywhere unless he consents to it.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that. He’s been complaining about being bored for the past two days. Having something to do will be good for him. Maybe he will even learn something.”
It was as much a reason to make the attempt as any.
It was the longer-term commitment of the two favors Nicolas would ask of him today, but had he realized everything that would come of it… his decision would still remain the same, for a wide variety of reasons. But he would have taken the time to wonder how his life had reached this point.
All that needed to happen was for him to speak to the boy again. Greed was doing his best to pretend he hadn’t been obviously listening in on their conversation, which mostly consisted of slouching into the same chair he’d been on before, this time with his feet on the table.
Albus couldn’t tell if that last part was just an attempt to get a reaction. Just in case it was, he didn’t give him one.
“Well… I guess I don’t have anything better to do. Life plans kinda went out the window when we… yeah. Does your school have cool stuff in it?”
“We have a collection of art pieces dating back centuries.” It was… probably safe to say that. Most of it was things they’d notice being stolen. “Most of them aren’t even cursed.” Unfortunately, while he wanted to say they’d cleared out all the things that were, you could never be quite certain. Again, there was still a carnivorous tapestry that was unaccounted for.
At least he didn’t have to worry about that one being stolen.
“Only most of them?” Oh, he knew that smile. He did not like that smile. It was a smile that promised Interesting Times, and those had already been promised once a decade ago. “Sounds like fun.”
Well. That settled that. There was just one thing to ask. “In that case, I just need a human alias for your official documents. Do you have any ideas?” He hoped he didn’t have ideas. It had been a long time since Albus had the chance to name anything. Surely, he could come up with something whimsical that stuffy members of high society would still take seriously- they did it all the time!
He didn’t get the chance. “Yes, actually!” Something in the homunculus’ smile changed, showing less teeth but carrying exactly the same amount of danger. It would be over four years before Albus found out exactly what that meant. “Ling Yao. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”