Chapter Text
the door shuts fast, his weight pressed against it as a slew of banging quickly proceeds on the other side. ragatha’s muffled voice bleeds through the wood, a dozen complaints about how he could possibly get any more frustrating, remarks slowly trailing away until it ended with a soft “…was that too mean?”
there wasn’t a smile on his face as ragatha spoke, but he plasters one quickly to give a sly “sorry Princess. it’s mine now.”
that chesire smile drops as quickly as it comes, and he unclenched his hand. sat on his palm was a pair of scissors.
he thought about asking first, but who woukd possibly trust him with scissors? he asks anyway though, just to rile the girls up. pomni responds with a casual, shake of her dull, humdrum head. ragatha is a little more… defiant about his distrust however. he takes at least two paragraphs of lecturing from her until he turns away with a whistle.
then he approaches gangle. she cowers pathetically, and how could his grin NOT get wider at that stupid face of hers?
…but of course, zooble unsurprisingly gets in his way, and unsurprisingly starts chewing him out.
they think he’s going to hurt gangle with it. and well, that would be fun comedy to test out another time. but not today.
pomni and ragatha quietly join the fray, and with the fun party up in his face, it gives the perfect opportunity to bolt towards the dorms. of all the humans, ragatha was most likely to have something sharp inside. he’s been inside after all. what else would fix the stitches on her body when he plays mean?
of course, the others can’t catch up, and of course he finds the scissors quickly. surprisingly quickly, given it sat neatly on her bed. the others weren’t even at the entrance of the dorms when he darts out, quickly getting into his room and slamming it shut.
the voices follow after one another. first ragatha, then zooble, then pomni. gangle doesn’t even get a word out because jax begins giving her hell from the first syllable.
it takes a while for them to leave after that. finally he’s alone.
he sits on the bed, eager to play with the small scissors in his big hands. they don’t hurt when held… but that’s because he willed it not to. it’s… sharp, of course, but also circus-like. as with all things in this rotten place. and blue, which was somewhat fitting for ragatha.
the scissors dance casually on his fingers, the sharp clacks ringing out in his room as the blades cross paths over and over. of course, caine wouldn’t put one in his room… it’s too “dangerous” for whatever this prison is. flowers adorned the pink walls, checkerboard table, hearts and stars and rainbows. it felt like one cruel joke, every morning and night and… moments he needs solitude, being surrounded something so… far removed from him now.
but not anymore. somehow, a bitter laugh leaves his throat. now there laid an innocent scissor in the mix.
jax sits up straight, takes a deep breath, before pressing the blade against his arm. he doesn’t feel the pressure of the scissors against it, but for now, he hopes it’s because it’s not deep enough.
with his metaphorical heart pumping, he looks to the photographs on the wall. there they are. ribbit and kaufmo besides him, holding up their favourite ice-cream with smiles on their faces. he remembers the day, because it was a different time. because ragatha took the photo, with a big stupid grin on her face.
he continues to trail his eyes up. ribbit. ribbit again. kaufmo. kaufmo and rabbit. always those two, and always a genuine smile on their faces. and always ragatha taking the damn photo. jax doesn’t remember the last time he truly meant that smile, and he hates that fact so very much.
finally he reaches the top. there they were, ribbit and jax with their hands around each other. it’s snowing where they stand. pristine. innocuous. as if nothing else was going to happen only a few minutes later.
with that, he screws his eyes shut. the grip on the scissors tightens. and with a forceful jank, he rips it across his skin.
and of course, nothing fucking happens.
jax wants to scream.
but nothing comes out.