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*somewhere on the desk lies the Diary, open on the last entry and forgotten*
Dear Diary,
I fear that I’ve done something utterly foolish.
Not that long ago, I’ve decided to write a letter, and confessed all my hidden fears and desires within it, in a feeble attempt to calm my roaring heart. As you can imagine, the effect was very temporary, as usual. Said correspondence was never meant to be read by anyone other than me; I planned to bury it deep in the drawer alongside the rest of them, just like I did before. However, I’m afraid I’ve been interrupted by a sudden visit from Crowley. And, oh, he looked so dashing on that day. He always looks dashing, mind you, but on this particular day, the early afternoon sun was peeking through the windows oh so perfectly, turning his coppery hair into a picture of living fire, elegantly defying gravity, stealing my breath for a moment or two. I was so enraptured by his beauty, that I even missed the first time my dear Crowley asked if I wanted to go for dinner! I still can’t believe how I could’ve been so rude. But I digress.
All of that is to say; I’m sad to report that I forgot about my letter until the next day. And when I went to retrieve it from my desk, it was nowhere to be found. I do hope that it just got lost under all the other papers I left scattered around, yet I can’t stop worrying that it was Crowley who found it first. And as much as I don’t want to believe it, he did act somewhat weird when he visited earlier today. He was even more fidgety than usual, and he didn’t take off his sunglasses. He also quickly left, which was even more suspicious.
Oh, my Dearest… Are my worries true? Did you somehow find my letter, and now you don’t know how to look me in the eyes? Did my selfish wishes upset you so? Was I really asking for too much?
*there is an ink stain, and couple of wet spots on the page*
Oh, My beautiful, Shining Star.
I can’t believe it. Is it truly possible for me to be so lucky? How did this happen, that my wildest fears became true, yet ended with my greatest wish instead? A letter left on my desk for me to find, confirming that you not only found my missing correspondence, but also your response to my words? Saying what my heart - no, my soul wished to hear? Confirming that you are Mine? And Only Mine? Oh, Heavens, am I dreaming? Did I get discorporated, and now live in a fantasy of my own making? Could this be real? Please, let it be real. I wish for it to be real. My demon. My beautiful serpent. My Shining Star, that led me and showed me the way for all these years, even when I doubted, even when I faltered. Could you truly be mine? Do you really want to keep me, this stubborn angel, that always went too slow? Do I dare hoping that we’ll stay together, that we’ll be ‘Us’, for the rest of time? Or am I going to wake up and find you gone?
And how could you defy your brilliance, my Dearest? You, the one that always looked for a way to bend the rules, to play with Hell's orders as you saw fit, with them being none the wiser? You, who ever had more heart than Heaven itself? Whose imagination is as vast as the cosmos you created? I won’t let you say that you simply reflect; I’ve been there, all these millenia ago, when your own hands created the first nebulae; I saw you shining even brighter than them. And I’ve seen the same light inside you ages later, that fateful day on the wall of Eden. And no matter what you say, my Dearest, this brilliance was there - inside your heart, written into your soul - every time I’ve met you, slowly growing as the years went by. It was never mine to begin with, you see. It’s an integral part of who you are, always has been. And I’ve looked at it with awe ever since you called for me and asked for help, as you started the stars.
I truly want it, my dearest Star. I want you. All of you. In any form you’ll let me.
And I want you to have me, if that is your wish. In any form you can think of.
I have been too slow for you for too long, my dear. You’ve waited enough. Now it’s your time to set the pace for this dance. So I’ll be waiting for you, whenever you are ready.
Forever Yours,
Aziraphale