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Aziraphale stared at the freshly delivered letter, seal still intact. His gaze fell onto the cupboard, where his own half-written response waited to be finished. His fingers tinged with anticipation and nerves as he slowly opened the envelope, knowing exactly where it came from.
My Dearest Crowley,
At first I want to assure you, you did nothing that would require my forgiveness. Or anyone's forgiveness, on that matter. You were right to send your letter, especially as I failed to provide a response to your previous correspondence until now. I can see how it caused your thoughts to wander in various directions, for which I apologize.
Truth be told, my Dearest, there were so many things I wanted to tell you, all at once, to the point where I was fearing to overwhelm you with the weight of it. I think that I got caught up in my own mind a little, instead of doing what I ought to do, which was addressing your worries and trying to put your mind at ease. I know it might not account for much, but allow me to do it now instead.
Crowley, my lovely demon, my Shining Star. You were never a mistake, nor will you ever be. You were the best thing that ever happened to me on this planet, and with each day spent with you by my side you only prove to excel in that. You'll not disappoint me, because this - You, all of you, just the way you are, in any form you are - is exactly what I want. What I wanted for a long time.
And that faith of mine you speak so high of, my Dearest, is also thanks to you. Because you've been there for me, whenever humanity faltered, and I did so alongside them; when either Heaven, Hell or even Humans themselves led this world towards tragedy. Because you always believed in humans, in their capability to imagine and grow. Because you stood there as a prime example of goodness and empathy, despite how much you tried to hide it.
Dearest, you don't have to worry that I'll fall, because if loving you was an offense requiring such price, I would be damned millenia ago. The fact that I'm still there, with you, unchanged, means that She either approves, despite what Heaven might say, or She simply doesn't care - either way; I fear it is too late to worry like that, my Dearest, as I fell for you a long, long time ago. And I continue to do so anew with each day spent in your presence.
But, Crowley... I fear the situation we found ourselves in, is yet another trap of our own making. Because how else can I explain that limbo we're in?
You are asking me if I'm afraid of more? Dearest, no. Not at all. Each time you wander into my bookshop, I have to stop myself from throwing myself into your arms. You silly, adorable demon. Of course I want to kiss you, hold you in my arms, perhaps even more than that. Definitely more than that. I've been waiting, wishing for a chance to do just that for years. To be with you - openly and completely, until our souls become one, if they didn't do so already.
I do remember Venice. I must say, I'm still quite surprised by how bold I've been back then. Or by how close we were to something more. I really wanted to lean on that day, my dear. You were so infuriating and beautiful, it took every bit of restraint I've had in me, to stop myself from pinning you to a wall and kissing you senseless right there and then. I suppose eating that apple was the best move I could've afforded back then, without causing trouble for both of us.
If we were in the same situation today, I would either not hesitate at all, or do so for completely different reasons than I did back then.
Because I asked you to set up the pace, and you asked me to be patient with you; to let you figure things out. So that is precisely what I've been doing, or tried to, at least. I'm sure there were moments when my movements or my gaze betrayed me, where I almost crumbled when your hand touched mine, where I almost drowned in the depths of your beautiful, golden eyes and let myself loose. And I will - when you're truly ready to take this step, my Dearest.
And maybe when you're not drunk. I'd rather have you fully with me when that time comes, rather than hazed by alcohol.
Silly demon, why did you decide to drink alone? I have a couple of bottles of a very good wine stashed away. Or perhaps you'd prefer some whiskey? I'm sure I still have a bottle or two hidden away as well, just for you. You don't have to be alone, my Dearest, not anymore.
Please, come by when you find the time. My doors are always open for you. And if I may be so bold, I do miss your presence whenever you're not there. It simply doesn't feel like home without you.
Yours Truly,
Aziraphale
He put the letter carefully in a white envelope, before sealing it with a golden seal, marked with his pinky ring. Once he did that, he stood up, picked the letter, and approached the bird, which was nibbling on the seeds provided by the angel upon the bird's arrival.
"Thank you for waiting, my dear," he said gently as he leaned towards the corvid, "would you be so kind as to bring this back to him, please?" Aziraphale said, moving the envelope closer.
He watched as the bird slowly approached and picked it in his beak, before looking back at him. "I'll leave more seeds for you in the usual place, I promise," the angel said with a smile, extending the hand for the corvid to hop onto, after which he carefully carried him outside.
"Mind how you fly, my dear," he called to the bird, as it unfurled its wings and started flying.
When he couldn't see the bird anymore, Aziraphale headed inside, prepared promised seeds and went to make himself some tea.
There was nothing else to do other than wait, after all.