Chapter Text
VOICE MEMO FROM: CAVE JOHNSON
TO: APERTURE SCIENCE
10:17 am 13/8/10
You know what I miss from the eighties and nineties? Animatronics. At best they’re creepy. At worst they’re the robotic embodiment of nightmares. My birthday’s coming up in a couple of weeks so for my party that all of you are legally required to attend, I want an animatronic band. I want the works. I want them to sing my favorite songs. I want them to dance. I want them to dispense ice cream out of their hands, stuff like that. Get to it, mechanics! As for the rest of you, I need all personnel to devote their time to making this party a hit. Don’t want to contribute? Feel free to enter the unemployment line.
2:23 pm 26/8/10
For the first time, I don’t wanna fire any of you. These animatronics look great! Wow! I love what I'm seeing with these things! I especially like that purple rabbit with the guitar, damn that guy is a rockstar! And I like what you guys did with the yellow chicken making her dispense ice cream out of her beak. *laughter* Hilarious! I like the bear too, it looks neat but that fox is a little twitchy. Makes me a little nervous with that hook of his. Better get that checked out before my party or else.
11:30 pm 26/8/10
Fuck you guys. I told you to fix that fox. You all said he’s fine. I said are you sure? You all said sure as the sky is blue. Well, seeing as my party took place at 10:00 at night that wasn't the case now was it? I’m currently recording this in the emergency room. Doc says the cuts are pretty deep. I say deep as the shit one of you’s gonna be in once I figure out who exactly’s responsible for this. Assassination attempt or not I'm gonna have someone’s ass for dinner. Also to the funny guy that laced my cake with laxatives, fuck you. Hope you don’t mind not seeing your family for the rest of your life.
5:58 pm 29/8/10
Cave Johnson from the emergency room again. Looks like we know the guy who screwed with the animatronics. Think his name is William…something. Oh well, who cares what the guy's name is? I want this asshole in my room so I can fire him personally. I love the terrified look on their faces when they hear the two greatest words in the world.
4:24 pm 2/9/10
Okie dokie. So remember that William guy? Kind of a creepy that one is. Turns out he took the animatronics and ran. Now the police want him captured. Something along the lines of some missing kids. Boo hoo. If only they knew what those things did to me! Do you know how long I had to eat hospital food for?!