Work Text:
Greg: Goooooood morning L.A! We’ve got an exciting one for you today.
Jenny: Welcome to Good Morning L.A. With Greg and Jenny. You’ll have to excuse Greg this morning. He’s had a little too much cold brew.
Greg: You can never have too much cold brew, Jenny. Anyway everyone, welcome to this morning’s Second Date Update. Today we have Eddie on the show with us. How’re feeling this morning Eddie?
Eddie: I’m alright. Honestly, I’m just kinda hoping nobody I know listens to this.
Greg: Don’t say that Eddie, we need ratings! So listeners, we recently got an email from Eddie. He needs our help getting someone he recently went on a date with on the phone to figure out exactly why they’re not wanting to go out on a second date.
Eddie: I mean, not exactly. He’s not dodging my calls or anything, just my questions.
Jenny: Interesting. So, Eddie, why don’t you tell us a bit about your date. What’s his name?
Eddie: His name is Buck.
Greg: And where did you meet this Buck? The woods? Is he perhaps a deer?
Eddie: No. I, um—we’ve known each other a long time. We met through work. Almost ten years ago now.
Jenny: Oh wow, so have you just recently reconnected?
Eddie: No, no, we’ve been friends that whole time. Best friends, actually. Buck is my best friend.
Greg: Wait. Hold on a minute. You went on a date with your best friend, and now he’s not calling you back?
Jenny: That’s a new one.
Greg: You’re bold for calling this show.
Jenny: How did you two end up on a date?
Eddie: I…asked him.
Jenny: And where did you guys go?
Eddie: I took him to a restaurant, this nice Greek place. We normally just grab takeout when we hang out or go to a bar, so it felt pretty fancy. We drank wine and everything. Then, after dinner, I surprised him with a light show at the planetarium.
Jenny: Wow, that sounds like a great date. Anything weird happen? Like, was the waiter hitting on one of you? Or you started smoking weed at the light show?
Greg: So you can’t think of anything you may have done that made him not want to go out with you a second time?
Eddie: No—nothing! Every time I ask him if he had a good time last weekend hanging out he says it was great. But then looks at me like I’m being weird for even asking so…I don’t know.
Jenny: Do you think he just wants to forget about it? Only wants to be friends?
Eddie: I don’t know, we’re super close. I think if I did something wrong he would have told me.
Greg: Okay Eddie, well, let’s hope you’re right. When we come back, we’re gonna get Buck on the phone and find out exactly why he’s not giving you a straight answer on that second date. Eddie, when we call him, you’re gonna stay on the line, but, don’t say anything until we queue you in, understood?
Eddie: Got it. Uh…thanks.
Greg: What would you do if you got the courage to ask your best friend on a date, and you two went…but then your best friend acted like it never happened?
Jenny: And then, you had to face him every day at work.
Greg: Doesn’t sound fun. This is what one of our listeners, Eddie, has been faced with. He and his best friend, Buck, went on a date. They had a great time, but Buck is acting like nothing’s changed between them. So, we’re gonna help Eddie out by trying to get Buck on the phone and asking why he’s not planning a second date with Eddie.
Jenny: Let’s hope Buck picks up.
Ring…..Ring…..Ring….
Buck: Hello?
Greg: Hi, is this Buck?
Buck: Um…yes, this is Buck? Sorry, who is this?
Greg: This is Greg. I’m here with Jenny. We have a radio show called Good Morning L.A. Ever heard it?
Buck: I don’t know, maybe once or twice?
Jenny: Great. So, have you heard of our Second Date Update segment?
Buck: Uh, I’m sorry, I don’t really know what you’re talking about. Who gave you my number? Is this like a prank or something?
Greg: We got your number from a friend of yours who wanted us to get in touch with you for them.
Buck: Did I win a contest or something?
Greg: No. I mean, maybe. I guess it depends on how you feel about this person.
Buck: What person? Look, are you sure I’m not being scammed? Last time I got a call claiming to be the Salvation Army and I donated to them, my bank account got hacked.
Greg: Yeesh. We’re not asking for donations. Unless you want to contribute to my cold brew fund
Jenny: Greg, you’re not helping. Buck, we don’t want money. Someone you recently went on a date with wanted us to get you on the phone because they got the vibe you didn’t want to go on a second date, but didn’t know why. Any ideas on who may have contacted us?
Buck: I….I don’t know. I haven’t been on too many dates lately. I went out with a girl, uh, Allison, recently. She never called me back, though.
Greg: Rough, but no. It was actually your friend Eddie who gave us a call.
Buck: Eddie? Why would Eddie call you about my dating life?
Greg: He wanted to know why you weren’t interested in a second date with him.
Jenny: Come on, he said you two were best friends. Don’t you think your best friend deserves an explanation?
Buck: Look, I’m really sorry. I don’t know who put you guys up to this, but…I never went on a date with Eddie. We’re just friends.
Greg: That’s not what Eddie thinks.
Buck: I’m pretty sure it is! Eddie’s straight. Was it my sister who called you guys? Or—oh shit, was it Tommy? I have an ex-boyfriend who was really threatened by Eddie, and he could be a bit vindictive. I wouldn’t be surprised if—
Greg: Buck, man, I’m sorry to cut you off, but it really was Eddie who contacted us. I swear on my mother’s life.
Buck:…Okay, fine. If Eddie called you, what did he want?
Jenny: He told us about the date you two went on a couple of weeks ago. Eddie thought that it went well, but said that you’ve been acting a bit weird every time he’s brought it up.
Buck: Except Eddie and I never went on a date.
Jenny: Buck, just–okay. Did you spend time with Eddie two Saturdays ago?
Buck: Yes. We went out to eat after work.
Jenny: Okay, well why don’t you just take us through that night.
Buck: Sure. Eddie asked if I wanted to go grab something to eat. I said yes, went home. A couple of hours later, Eddie picked me up, and we went out to dinner.
Greg: And nothing about that seemed date-like to you?
Buck: No. Eddie and I go out to dinner all the time. We’re best friends. Don’t you go to dinner with your friends?
Jenny: Sure, but…The night didn’t end there, did it?
Buck: No, it didn’t. Eddie suggested we go see the light show at the planetarium I had been talking about. We did that, it was great.
Greg: And there was nothing date-like about that either?
Buck: Look, I know what you’re trying to imply, but Eddie and I are just friends. Just because I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I’m hopelessly pining away for my straight best friend.
Jenny: Sure. We get that, but what if Eddie wasn’t straight and wanted to go on more dates with you? Because that’s exactly what’s happening right now.
Buck: This isn’t funny. Sorry, but I don’t want to be part of your prank show. I’m gonna go.
Greg: No, no, no! Stop! Buck, wait. Just, for five seconds. Imagine that everything we’re saying is totally the truth. What would you say to Eddie, right now?
Buck: Honestly? I would tell him if he was going to ask me on a date, he should have called it a date.
Eddie: I did!
Jenny: Oh god.
Buck: Sorry, Eddie, is that you? What the hell?
Greg: Uh, sorry Buck. Forgot to mention this, but part of this segment is that the person asking for the second date is on the other line listening in. So, Eddie, do you have anything to say to Buck?
Eddie: I did call it a date. Very specifically, I asked if you wanted to go on a dinner date with me that night!
Buck: Yeah, okay, but…that’s not so specific. I thought it was just a cute way of asking me to grab some dinner.
Eddie: Isn’t that all a date is anyway? You seriously thought I would joke about going out on a date?
Jenny: Uh, sorry. Greg, are they fighting?
Greg: Like an old married couple.
Buck: If you wanted to go out on a date date, you should have warned me it was supposed to be romantic!
Eddie: You need explaining? I put my arm around you during the whole light show.
Buck: You could have…been cold.
Eddie: Cold? Okay, what about when I kissed you goodnight?
Jenny and Greg burst into laughter.
Buck: I thought you were just being friendly!
Eddie: How is that being friendly? When have I ever given you a friendly kiss?
Buck: Two years ago. Chimney’s bachelor party?
Eddie: Wait—what? I don’t remember that.
Buck: We were pretty drunk. The drag queens were egging us on, I think. But the kiss when you dropped me off the other night was way better! A lot less slobbery.
Eddie: Oh my god.
Buck: What? Oh no–it wasn’t bad or anything! I don’t mind slobbery.
Greg: Sorry, did you just say you went to a bachelor party for a chimney? With drag queens?
Jenny: Greg, shush. Let them talk.
Buck: Wait a second. So, us hanging out last weekend…we were on a date?
Eddie sighs.
Eddie: Yeah, Buck. It was supposed to be a date. Clearly, I didn’t do a very good job of making that clear, though. Maybe it’s best if we just forget about this whole–
Buck: Hey, no. Wasn’t the whole point of this that you wanted to go on a second date?
Greg: And that’s where I jump in! Buck, Eddie wanted to go out on a second date. If you both agree, we’ll send you out on our dime. That is, uh…if Eddie still wants to.
Eddie: I mean, yeah. I still want to. If Buck wants to.
Buck: This is real, right? Like, this isn’t a joke?
Jenny: Oh my god, yes, Buck, he likes you!
Buck: Okay. Well then I’d love to go on another date. You know, one where I actually know what’s going on.
Jenny: Yes! Greg, this is my favourite second date we’ve ever done.
Buck: So, Eddie, what are you doing right now?
Eddie: I, uh–, maybe let’s get off the radio for this part.
Greg: Wait! I–
Click.
Jenny: Awwww, they’re gone.
Greg: Do you think we’ll be invited to the wedding?
Jenny: Not even a little bit.