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The world was a cruel place. Barty had already decided that when he was young, growing up with the devil that was his father, but at some point, he thought maybe, maybe, he would be proven wrong.
That was not today because Barty couldn’t think of a worse person to give a needle fear to than a diabetic.
He sat on the sofa, his equipment all laid out in front of him for a pump site change and a CGM change. He already hated to do one, but he could manage. He could psych himself up to press that button for one change. But two? No, having to do both on the same day was torture.
And he had lived with that all his life, maybe he should have gotten used to it, but he hadn’t. It didn’t matter how many times he clicked needles into himself.
Barty looked up when Regulus came back into the room. He fiddled with the syringe he had gone to get between his palms, pacing around the room like a restless puppy.
Actually, scratch what Barty said about needles, he could think of a worse person to give a needle fear to.
A trans person.
“Reggie, darling?” Barty spoke softly, carefully, because he knew Regulus wasn’t exactly responsive.
Regulus stopped pacing when Barty called for him. He didn’t say anything, but he looked up.
Barty patted the seat next to him on the sofa.
Regulus walked over the floor, socked feet making no sound on the carpet. Barty liked their flat. It was cosy, but he guessed that was thanks to Regulus’s decorating and presence rather than anything else.
“I don’t want to do this today.” Regulus pouted, putting down the syringe and vial of testosterone on the table among all of Barty’s things that he also didn’t want to do today.
“We both know that’s a lie.” Barty wrapped an arm around Regulus, placing a kiss on his temple. “Three months today, is it not?”
“Yes.” Regulus didn’t sound happy. He sounded more annoyed than anything else.
“So you’ve done this eleven times already, you can do one more.” Barty hummed, closing his eyes placed another kiss on his head and just breathed in the scent of Regulus’s hair.
“It is not just one more.” Regulus leaned into Barty’s touches even if he would never admit it. “This is for life. I will be alternating thighs until the end of time.”
“Oh, what a fate.” Barty smirked before he pulled back. “Taking a needle once a week.”
“Shut up.” Regulus shoved him gently. “If anything, you’re living proof to me that it never gets easier.”
“It does get easier.” Barty leaned forward, taking Regulus’s syringe and the testosterone vial. “Sometimes you’ll have a week and feel nothing, and you’ll be on top of the world. After that, the next time will go easier.”
“I don’t believe you.” Barty was very aware of how Regulus stared at everything he did. He could feel his eyes digging into his neck as he flipped the vial and filled the syringe with great precision. He was used to it, he did it with his insulin every three days. “No, I’m not ready.”
“I’m not stabbing you yet.” Barty placed down the vial, holding his hand out for Regulus. He grabbed it, squeezing it hard. “Fucking hell, Reg. What did my hand do to you?”
“It filled the syringe with testosterone.” Regulus murmured, his eyes fastened on the needle.
“Don’t look at it.” Barty clicked his tongue. “Hey, look at me.” Regulus turned his head slightly, reluctantly. “There you are. Look at me.”
“Barty, I’m scared.” Regulus’s shoulders were tense, his jaw was too. He still squeezed Barty’s hand like he was giving birth.
“I’m not doing anything. I’m just sitting here. We’re just sitting here.” Barty leaned closer, placing a soft kiss on Regulus’s cheek. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Regulus nodded slowly, his eyes still locked on Barty’s face. Barty moved his hand holding the syringe closer to Regulus’s thigh, and when he did, Regulus jumped. “No, no, no. Wait.”
“Reggie.” Barty whispered, pausing his movement. “It’ll be okay. It’ll go quickly. I promise.” Regulus shook his head, shifting closer and wrapping himself around Barty. “I can’t do anything like this.”
“Good.”
“Come on, Reg. I know you want testosterone, you know you want it too. So be a man and suck it up.” Barty cringed at his own words. Regulus pulled back and glared at him. “Aye, sorry. You’re a lovely man already.”
“Better.” Regulus took a deep breath, pulling up the leg of his shorts slightly. “Okay, but don’t count down, I hate that.”
“I know.” Barty nodded, waiting until Regulus looked away before he cleaned the site with an alcohol swab from the table.
He placed his hand on Regulus’s thigh after, holding the syringe straight before he went for it, sticking it gently into his thigh.
Regulus bit back a whine, but he sat completely still as Barty slowly injected the testosterone.
“It’ll hurt less if you relax, you know?” Barty mumbled, pulling the needle out once it was empty. He grabbed a cotton pad and pressed it down on the spot he had injected the shot.
“Easy for you to say.” Regulus exhaled shakily, his entire body shaking when he finally moved again. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“Oh, please don’t. Cleaning sick from the carpet is not on my list of things to do today.” Barty grabbed the plaster from the table, switching the pad for the plaster. “We should get you some pretty plasters. I bet that would make this more appealing.”
“That might have been the smartest thing you have ever said.” Regulus hummed. His head leaned against the backrest of the sofa, eyes shut as he took deep breaths. “My heart is racing so bad, I think I’m dying.”
“And here I thought I was the dramatic one in our relationship.” Barty started cleaning up from giving Regulus’s shot, finding the table only full of his diabetic equipment.
“You are.” Regulus sat up straight. “Take your jumper off, it’s your turn.”
It was amusing how Barty had no problem handling a needle when it came to giving Regulus the shot, but the second he was about to get his own done, his throat tightened.
“Can we do it later?” Barty fiddled with the hem of his jumper, biting his lip slightly as he looked at Regulus. “You look hella good today, I think we should focus on that. I can worship you.”
“You think bribing me with sex will get you out of this?” Regulus snorted, his hands finding Barty’s. He tugged on Barty’s hands so his jumper came off. “I swear you only wear jumpers when you need a pump site and CGM change.”
“That’s not true.” It was. “I wear them all the time.” He didn’t.
Regulus looked very unimpressed. He pulled off Barty’s jumper, and Barty didn’t help, making it as difficult as possible.
Regulus fished his pump up from his pocket, disconnecting it.
“Oh, no, I am without insulin, I will now perish. Guess I don’t need a change when I’m dead.”
“And that’s why you’re more dramatic.” Regulus shook his head, handing Barty the syringe and insulin vial. “Here.”
Barty pouted as he opened the syringe. Barty didn’t mind needles, not really. It was only when they were aimed at him, going into him. But unlike Barty, Regulus struggled to handle all visible needles. Stabbing Barty was fine because the needle was never visible, he just pressed a button. Barty was still very aware it was there.
Barty swallowed as he flipped the vial, draining the units he needed. He tapped the syringe to get out all the air bubbles. Regulus opened the inserter of his new pump site, handing Barty his new cartridge so he could fill it with his units.
They worked efficiently because it wasn’t the first time Regulus had helped Barty with his insulin. Regulus had wanted to learn when they started dating. It was more than most people had in Barty’s life.
Barty watched as Regulus took out the old cartridge and put in the new one and then filled the tube. Barty knew what came next.
Barty leaned back as Regulus reached to pull off his old site. He closed his eyes and braced himself because the patch had ripped his skin on multiple occasions. It wasn’t too bad, though, he preferred it over the needle.
“Three, two, one.” And Regulus ripped.
Unlike Regulus, Barty wanted a countdown for everything. He needed it even. “Do you want the other side?”
“Yes.” Barty took shaky breaths. “Fuck. Shit. Fuck.”
Barty started rocking in the seat, trying to calm himself down as Regulus held the inserter in his hand.
“Sit still.” Regulus said, placing a hand on Barty’s stomach.
“Fuck, Reg, I don’t wanna. I have to do one more after this.” Barty looked away, his fingers digging into his own arm as he leaned back.
“You will be fine.” Regulus placed the inserter against his skin. “It will hurt less if you relax, you know?”
“Oh, fuck you.” Barty rolled his eyes as Regulus repeated what Barty had told him. He knew he was tensing his stomach, but he couldn’t just not do it.
“Three, two, one.” And click.
Barty jumped and blinked tears. Regulus pulled away the inserter, and it was done. “Here.”
Regulus put his pump back in his pocket before he pulled Barty’s face to his, placing kisses all over his face. Barty’s eyes fluttered closed. He leaned into Regulus’s kisses, to his touch.
“Three, two, one.” Regulus whispered, and then Barty felt him tear off his old CGM.
“Fuck, Reg!” Barty whined, rubbing his arm. “That was fucking mean.”
“I counted down.” Regulus rolled his eyes, reaching to open the new CGM. Barty stared at him with betrayal. “Do you want it on the other arm?”
“Yes, please.” Barty hummed, spinning slightly on the sofa. He held his arm out. “Or, how about, we don’t monitor my glucose levels anymore?”
“Funny.” Regulus deadpanned, lifting Barty’s arm slightly before he gripped it so Barty wouldn’t move. He placed the inserter against his arm. Barty shut his eyes hard, taking short, rapid breaths. “Three, two, one.”
And click. Barty jumped again, biting his lip not to whine. It was over, it was done. He took a shaky breath to regain his composure.
“Fuck.” Barty’s head fell onto Regulus’s shoulder. He nuzzled into the crook of his neck, taking slow breaths. “Thank you.”
“Always.” Regulus placed a kiss on Barty’s head. Barty’s eyes fluttered shut at the feeling. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” Barty closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Regulus. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You would probably be dead.”
“And you’d not be on testosterone without me.”
“I would manage without you.” Regulus glared, something sharp in his stunning grey eyes. Barty didn’t doubt him, he knew he could probably shut down and just do it. It didn’t sound healthy, but he would manage. “But I don’t need to.”
“I’ll gladly do your shot. What was it you said? Alternating thighs until the end of time.” Barty chuckled, and Regulus giggled softly with him. Barty placed a soft kiss in the crook of Regulus’s neck. “Well, now that I’m full of fresh insulin, let’s eat ice cream. We deserve something for our bravery.”
“Idiot.” Regulus flicked Barty’s forehead before he stood up and walked into the kitchen. “What flavour?”
“Strawberry.” Barty smiled, leaning back on the sofa because even if the world was a cruel place, it was easier when he wasn’t doing it alone.
