Chapter Text
Kuga Leo had been on many bad dates in his life.
In truth, he likely had been on more bad dates than good ones. He rarely found people he clicked with enough on a first date to go on a second, and if it were up to him, Leo wanted no place in the dating scene right now.
Unfortunately, he had quite a few well-meaning friends who were overly invested in his love life— or lack thereof. Either his friends had the absolute worst taste in people, or they somehow thought his taste was that bad yet were still willing to be his friend. He wasn't sure which possibility was worse.
(And, seriously, Elira? Why would she try to set him up with that detective who would smooth talk one second and then say the most unhinged, misanthropic statement the next. Leo was near certain Akechi had to be on several crime lists, but somehow his blue-haired friend was convinced he was great.
He didn't understand why she was so invested either. Surely Elira, who was already in a committed relationship with Finana, could focus on her own girlfriend instead of finding awful partners for him.)
Right now, Leo sat across from his date of the day and desperately tried to come up with ways to back out. While his date had initially been cute, ginger hair and ice blue eyes with a bright smile, the more the guy went on talking about how fun it was to battle to the death, the more Leo knew he had to get out.
"So then after breaking out of that prison, I returned home and got to see my family again." The guy beamed as he thought about his family, but unfortunately Leo could not admire the family man trait without being painfully aware of the crimes the guy admitted to.
"Look—" Leo paused, realizing he didn't remember the name of his date. In his defense, the ginger had introduced himself with 3 separate names, including his codename in the mafia he said he was part of. There were more pressing details to remember than his name.
Like the details he should probably tell the police if this guy was being at all honest, and not under the influence of hallucinogens.
"Yes?" He prompted Leo, flashing a twinkling boyish grin.
"Uh... I don't think I'm a good fit for you. Sorry, you seem great though," Leo laughed awkwardly. Might as well stay polite to the man, especially if he was going to report him to the police station after.
Without more fanfare, Leo got up and left his untouched coffee on the table before making a swift retreat out of the café, desperately avoiding eye contact.
Crisis averted.
Why did he keep agreeing to go on these dates anyway?
Leo's phone rang, the familiar ringtone indicating who it was before he even accepted the call. Immediately, Leo felt tension leave his shoulders and his face quirk up into an easy grin.
"Hey, Claude."
Ah, right. That's why.
"'Sup, dawg. Just checking in on you, in case you need me to help bail you out of your date?"
The deep voice of his best friend sent a warm feeling throughout his body, and Leo felt his face flush as he approached the train station. "Actually, I escaped myself this time."
"Already? What the fuck did they do?"
"Bro, you aren't ready for this." With that invitation, Leo eagerly shared all the details he could remember, though he made sure to keep his voice hushed when elaborating on the crimes his date had admitted to.
Throughout it all, Claude remained quiet, humming at each interlude to indicate that he was listening. At some point, though, he started laughing, effectively interrupting Leo.
"Bro, wait, I think I know this guy. I see him at my gym early as fuck everyday. I think his name was Childe?"
"Yeah, that sounds right. What the fuck?" Leo managed, in disbelief. He instinctively exited the train and began weaving through the crowd.
"Yeah, dude. I'm like 70% sure he isn't actually a criminal. Probably..." Claude's voice halted, before he chuckled again. "Honestly, that guy is buff. And super committed to fighting for the love of the game. You sure you didn't want to continue your date?"
Leo cackled. "Bro, how do you have the worst taste in men? Finana literally warned me about Childe when she set this date up."
Claude's voice raised in pitch. "Don't come after my typeeee. It's not that baddd," he whined dramatically. Leo couldn't help the fondness that tugged his face into a smile. After a moment of fake complaining, Claude settled, "Anyway, I ordered your usual bubble tea. Do you want to meet me here or should I meet you at the station?"
Leo quickened his pace, glancing up at the street sign he just passed. "I'll be there soon. Thanks, bro. I'll pay you back." He ended the call on Claude's protesting words, swiping to open a payment app and transferring the money to his best friend.
Claude predictably started spamming him with texts as soon as the money went through.
THE DUO <33
bro
i swear
one of these days
you'll let me pay the bill fight
Leo
nope
THE DUO <33
one day bro
you're carrying me in valo
it's the least i can do
Leo
Nahhhh your cypher is crazy
Also never
:3
Let me treat you
THE DUO <33
it's going to happen
also hurry up before i steal ur drink
btw i have a gift for u too
Leo
Be there soon
Thanks for always making up for these shit dates bro
THE DUO <33
anytime
Well, Leo couldn't really complain about so many bad dates when they always ended up with Claude and him spending time together after. It had become such a routine that Leo almost looked forward to the awful dates, knowing that he could hang out with his favorite person after.
×××
Finana groaned, flopping down onto the bed. Elira glanced away from her laptop to look at her girlfriend.
"You okay?"
"It was my turn to find a bad date for Leo." Finana said simply, her words slightly muffled against the bed. Elira made an "ah" sound, filled with understanding.
"I'm surprised we still manage to find more. This has been going on for so long."
"I can't believe Claude still hasn't grown the balls to just ask Leo out," Finana sighed, rolling her eyes. "Why did we agree to this convoluted plan of his?"
Elira sat beside the green haired girl, rubbing her back slowly to comfort her. "We thought he would stop pining now that he goes on these almost-dates with Leo every week."
"But he's so annoying that I still hear him whine about his crush in calls!" Finana exclaimed, turning her head to catch Elira's hand. She pouted, as though Elira didn't know that Finana always rushed to answer Claude's calls. Both of them always pretended to be super frustrated by the other, but Elira was close enough to both to see the unmistakable fondness underlying their complaints. They may not have been biological siblings, but there truly was no other way to describe Finana and Claude's dynamic.
Their phones buzzed in sync as a text message came through. They glanced at each other before Elira removed one hand from her girlfriend to pull out her phone and swiped open the notification.
Claude had sent a picture of two hands holding matching keychains, with bubble tea in the background. After a few seconds of typing, an influx of messages started coming through
HOPCON MINUS LEO (CLAUDES GAY PANIC ROOM)
clawmark
[Attached Image]
he's so cute
he smiled so bright when i gave it to him
i can't do this
asfgfhdk
shu
cute keychains :>
uki
you have it so bad for leo lmao
clawmark
bro i know
also wtf whyd u have him date childe
rly? you're supposed to give him bad dates
wiwa
1) stfu claude just confess already
2) childe has 1000 red flags how is your taste so shit
claude
wtf?
why r u so mean to me
and my types not bad i like my duo
so there
hmph
shu
hi finana!
uki
hey feesh
wiwa
why do u all know it's me?!
shu
well...
uki
elira has no place to insult other's taste in men
claude
guys if a bro calls you
his duo in sickness and happiness, together forever
wtf do you say
uki
why are you typing wedding vows here??
how are you this oblivious?
claude
was "bro you're my best friend too" the wrong answer
wiwa
oh my GOD
CLAUDE YOU'RE SO STUPID
[wiwa is calling...]
Elira laughs, watching Finana furiously smash the call button on her phone and begin to berate her pseudo-brother, begging him to just confess.
At least it sounded like the real date— even if Claude and Leo wouldn't admit it was a date— went well, if Finana's reactions were any indications.
(Yaoi. Aweshome.)
Finana, still using Elira’s phone to tease Claude, suddenly bolted upright in their bed. “Clawmark, you can't be serious. We didn't all agree to set up these dates for Leo just for this.”
Elira tilted her head slightly, squinting her eyes in confusion. It was hard to piece together what was happening when she could only hear one side of the conversation.
After a beat, Finana continued, her voice going softer, sweeter. “I promise you he likes you. He literally only agrees to the dates because he knows you'll spend time with him after.”
Elira could practically hear Claude's pouty “Nuh uh” that interspersed with Finana's “Uh huh”s in response. After a few cycles, with each iteration getting more dragged out, Elira reached her hand out to take the phone.
This was her queue to interrupt the bickering. She quickly changed the call to put Claude on speaker, and then set the phone down on the bed. She then grabbed her girlfriend's hand and squeezed, before speaking up as gently as possible.
“Claude, I know it's scary to confess, but you have nothing to worry about.”
“... what if he doesn't like me like that? I don't want to lose my best friend.” Claude's voice quivered, before cutting off abruptly. After an audible inhale, he continued, though his voice sounded slightly muffled behind his hand. “I can't lose him. He's the only one for me.”
The raw words floated in the air, unable to be dismissed. Elira hesitated, unsure how to convince Claude to take the leap. Luckily, Finana spoke up.
“You aren't going to lose him. He told you that you guys would be together forever, no matter what.”
“That was as bros—”
“And even if it was, it still means that you'll be friends, no matter what. Even if he doesn't feel the same.”
For a moment, nothing but shaky breathing could be heard. Elira glanced at Finana, but her girlfriend's gaze was locked onto the phone. Her grip on Elira’s hand tightened, before she spoke again.
“You don’t hear the way he talks about you when you aren't there. You may not look at anyone but him, but he looks at everyone in hopes of seeing you.”
Elira nodded, finally speaking up again. “It's true. At the start, we did find him good people to go on dates with. Leo always simply said they weren't right, that they didn't click with him instantly. You're the only person he ever said did.”
Claude remained silent, though his breaths started to stabilize. Finana shot a grateful smile towards Elira.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Claude spoke.
“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry for interrupting your date night.”
Elira scoffed. “Yaoi can only ever improve a date night. No apology needed.”
Finana side eyed her. “Unless it's interrupting yuri.”
Claude groaned, back to his normal self. “Ewww, I don't want to hear about your love life, Feesh. Gross.”
“Hey!” Finana snatched the phone and started bickering loudly into the mic. “I'm never doing a favor for you again.”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
“Finee!”
“Stop mocking me!”
Elira leaned back, smiling fondly at the sight of her girlfriend passionately arguing about something so childish. Cute.
Once Claude finally internalized the words, he would be his go-getter self and confess, and everything would work itself out. Elira had full confidence in her boys.
If soulmates existed in this world, she knew damn well Leo and Claude were each other's.
Now, they just had to confess and kiss.
If they needed a push, well, Elira would just have to finally start Operation Get Kugamark Together.
But surely it wouldn't come to that, right?