Chapter Text
Dustin sat limp on the ground, clutching his hat that was now splattered with blood and dirt. Tears threatened to spill, and anger slowly burned a hole in his chest.
Andy just beat the shit out of him. The group left a while ago when they realized that Dustin was on the brink of passing out. None of them gave mercy, though. They kicked Dustin. Punched him. Spit on him. Kicked some more. Kicked harder. Punched harder.
He was absolutely defenseless. Dustin can only wonder how damn cruel someone could be to jump a guy right next to his friend’s grave. He wanted to cry, not because of the pain, but because he was sad. He was angry and confused, and he wanted to punch a wall and scream if he had the strength. Maybe rip his hair out. Yet, he just sat there, breathing in and out heavily.
Dissociation was inevitable in this case. He just stared at the ground, hoping they would come back and make sure to kill him this time. It would be a relief. They should’ve kept going in the first place. They should’ve killed him off. “Shit,” Dustin mumbled under his breath as he felt his chest burn up even more. Frustration almost swallowed him whole. He needed relief. He needed to do something.
With a swift motion, Dustin grabbed the ends of his hair and began pulling rapidly. His scalp was throbbing at the sensation, but no hair came out. He then slapped himself violently across the head.
It was all impulsive. It was all intentional. He wanted to hurt, to take the frustration out on himself.
As he wailed on himself, tears began to spill, and he noticed how sore his core was from the kicks he endured from earlier. He didn’t stop, though. He just kept going as the anger literally controlled him. “You did this!” Dustin screamed through his violent movements. He wasn’t quite sure who he meant by that…or what he meant by that. Did Dustin do it? Did Vecna do it? Did Eddie do it? What is it?
With one last pull of hair, Dustin stopped.
He felt his scalp throb, and the burning anger in his chest turned into a numbness.
Suddenly, a small shimmering light from the ground caught Dustin’s eye. The light was reflective from the sunset, and it shed just enough light for Dustin to take a glimpse at. Upon further inspection, Dustin realized that it was a piece of glass.
He stared at the sharp object with a blank expression. His heart was speeding up, but it felt like he was in slow motion. Dustin didn’t know what he was thinking, didn’t know what he was planning. But, something was clear; he needed to feel more. He wanted one last painful sensation to relieve his anger, his sadness. Without thinking twice, Dustin quickly grabbed the piece of glass.
He then rolled up the arms of his sleeves, which were now covered in dirt and grime from earlier. Confusion washed over Dustin as he pressed the sharp object against his forearm.
Why am I doing this? Why do I want this? Dustin thought to himself. He didn’t waste any time, though. Because as he felt the sharp end of the glass start to slice through the delicate flesh, relief hit him instantly. Blood drew, but that didn’t stop him.
He made another cut, but quickly this time. Then he made another.
Then another..
Then another..
And…
Dustin made one last cut, before abruptly stopping. A sniffle escaped him as he stared down at the bloody mess in his lap.
He was…calm. He was hurting, but calm.
He chucked the bloody shard into the distant grass.
After a while, Dustin just sat there, unsure of what to think of what he just did. I should get going. Dustin thought before standing up. It just started to get dark, and he had to get back to Steve for another crawl.
His bike was only a few feet away from him, but walking that little distance hurt him a lot. Grabbing the handles of his bike, he lifted it off of the ground. A groan escaped Dustin’s lips as he secured the bike on its wheels. Just before he was about to leave, he caught a glimpse of the dead snake just in front of Eddie’s grave. Dustin swallowed deeply. “I’m sorry, Eddie. Shit I-” Dustin stopped himself, as he was about to cry. “I’ll clean this up later, buddy.”
—
Dustin hadn’t hurt himself since the cemetery.
He wanted to, though. So many times.
He and Steve had been at each other's throats, and it’s been really bad since Dustin came back from the graveyard all beat up. The only thing Steve noticed was Dustin's face, not his arm.
Dustin was pissed at Steve for being an asshole. For not being there for his supposed best friend. Things were just…different after Eddie’s death. On the other hand, Steve couldn’t understand why Dustin was being so..reckless. Carrying ghosts. That shit’s too heavy, even Steve knew that. The two just weren’t getting along like they used to. It was nobody's fault, but they still subconsciously blamed each other.
After countless arguments, Dustin had been on the brink of cutting or burning or hitting. But he didn’t. There’s no time for that. But one thing was for sure, he was going to do it again. He was going to get to that point of anger, of sadness…of confusion. He felt like he was going to break any second. The only thing distracting him was the fact that the world was literally ending.
Though, in this particular moment in time, the familiar feeling of turmoil crept among Dustin as he stood in the doorway of the infamous “rainbow room” of Hawkins old lab. He was looking at Steve in annoyance. “You would just love that. Wouldn’t you?” Dustin asked in a sarcastic tone.
Steve hopped down from the counter, gripping his flashlight. Steve knew where this was going, but he was annoyed himself. “No, I’m just…stating the facts.”
“No, you're gloating,” Dustin snapped back. “Despite the fact that if I am wrong, we don’t reach past the wall, and we don’t find Holly and the other kids. Do you not understand how gross- how selfish you’re being-”
“Me? Selfish?” Steve interrupts. “You wanna talk about selfish? How about the fact that when we finally reach Hop and El, we promptly ditch them to pursue this bullshit theory of yours.”
Dustin stared in disbelief.
“Not to mention, you’re the reason that we lost contact with them in the first place because of your no-show at the crawl. So this whole mess is actually your fault. And I haven't even heard so much as a sorry.”
Heat slowly rose through Dustin’s chest at hearing Steve’s words. It was hurtful. Steve wasn’t there for him when Dustin got jumped. The only thing Steve cared about was that Dustin was late to the crawl. He was mad at Dustin. And for what? Getting beat the shit out of?
“Shit. Again, it’s not like I didn’t just show up, Steve. I was attacked.”
Steve inched closer, pointing at Dustin. “No, you wanted a fight and that’s exactly what you got,” Steve waved his finger at Dustin's face, still walking forward. “Just look at your face, man.”
The only thing Dustin could do was stare at Steve, and try his best to not cry out of pure anger. Steve continued. “You’ve done some stupid shit in the past. But this..man. This takes the cake.”
“You wanna talk to me about dumb shit? How about chasing after somebody else's girlfriend while the world is ending.” Dustin just wanted to take a jab at Steve, try to hurt his feelings.
“Nancy is a friend. She’s a friend! Okay? You remember what that’s like? Having friends?” Steve said mockingly.
Eddie popped up in Dustin’s mind immediately. And memories hit Dustin like a train.
It was Dustin’s first day of high school, and like any other freshman, he was terrified. Until Eddie found him, Mike, and Lucas sitting at lunch alone. Eddie could’ve teased them, made them even more scared about high school. But he didn’t. He let them into his club. The Hellfire Club. And not only did he give them kindness, he gave them a sense of belonging.
“Yeah..I do. I remember what it was like to have a good friend. A real friend who actually believed in me, and was actually kind to me.”
“Ah-ha!”
“What?”
“There we go. That’s what this has all been about, really, is Eddie. All your bullshit, pushing everyone away. It’s because no one could ever be as perfect as he was.”
“Well, he wasn’t perfect but at least he knew that unlike you.” At this point, Dustin was fuming. “He was never fake! He didn’t care about what other people thought about him. He was just himself. And you know what? He was the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever met and he would’ve solved this in 30 seconds flat.” Dustin gestured to the Rubiks Cube that he held in his hand.
Steve was angry as well at this point. Henderson was being completely unreasonable.
“Well, if I’m such a goddamn idiot, how come I’m the one that’s still standing here?” For a second, Steve regretted his words as he saw the look on Dustin’s face. Maybe it wasn’t true, but anger replaced Steve’s sense.
Dustin tried to process Steve’s words. The urge came back. The heat in his chest was slowly but surely burning a hole through his chest again. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Steve thought back to the night that Eddie died. The night that killed Henderson. Tears threatened to spill, but Steve kept talking. “That night…I told you not to be heroes. I told both of you. And what did Eddie do? He charged into a swarm of killer bats.”
“To save my life!”
“He saved no one.” Steve said coldly.
“HE SAVED EVERYONE!" Dustin yelled back.
“You can keep telling yourself that, Henderson. But deep down the reason you’re so goddamn pissed...is because you know the truth.”
Dustin just stared, his mind racing, thinking about his next move. He wanted to wail on Steve. To throw him across the damn room. But Steve kept fucking talking. “And he made a dumb call…and he got himself killed.”
Just then, Dustin broke. “SHUT UP!”
He threw the Rubik's Cube in Steve’s face, and with a hard push Dustin ran Steve against the wall.
Steve was shocked to say the least. Surprised. Concern and anger washed over him at the same time, and he wanted nothing more than to deescalate the situation immediately. But Dustin kept going. Kept freaking out. He punched Steve in the side as hard as he could. “What the hell, man!?” Steve pushed Dustin off of him, and Dustin slid on the ground, breaking the walkie talkie in the process. Dustin didn’t care, though. All he wanted was to take all his anger out right then and there. He was pouring everything out.
Steve has absolutely no right to talk about Eddie like that.
“What are you doing, man? Stop it, stop it.” Steve said out of breath. Ignoring his pleas, Dustin picked up a checkerboard that was on the ground and started hitting Steve in the leg with it over and over.
The hits didn’t necessarily hurt Steve, but they meant a lot. Dustin was attacking him, and giving it all his strength to do some damage. Steve didn’t want to hurt him back, so he just guarded himself the best he could. “Stop it, man! Henderson!” He chucked the board out of Dustin’s hands, attempting to calm him down. But Dustin just kept going.
Pulling back, Dustin slipped.
“Hey! Hey, Henderson!”
Next to Dustin was a shelf of block pieces, and he grabbed a handful before throwing it at Steve.
Anger completely consumed Dustin now.
Steve covered his face with his arm, attempting to shield himself from the flying block pieces. “Hey, what are you doing? Calm down! Henderson! Henderson!”
Dustin charged Steve against the wall a second time. “You’re gonna hurt yourself, man!” Steve tried to hold him, but Dustin didn’t hold back. The two tasseled on the ground, and rolled over. Both got up on hands and knees, and Steve gave another attempt to calm Dustin down. “Alright, Dustin.” Steve breathed.
Dustin looked at Steve, and the only emotion that could be felt with anger. And with a swift motion, Dustin struck Steve in the face.
His shock was subsided by Dustin pushing him against the wall a third time. They kept struggling. Dustin kept fighting.
This has gone way too far. Steve thought.
He put Dustin in a loose choke hold. “Enough!”
Dustin was giving it everything. Fucking everything that he had. And with one last burst of anger, Dustin kicked the wall in front of him, sending the both of them to the ground. The two then lay there on the ground, breathing heavily.
Steve was done. He wanted to scream. To lose his temper, and he was about to before Dustin let out an angry cry. “Stupid.” Dustin whispered. “Stupid!” Dustin repeated loudly. Without thinking, Dustin pulled up his sleeve and began scratching violently at his wounds from the cemetery. He needed this. He wanted to feel the relief. To let all of his anger out.
Steve sat up quickly in horror. He furrowed his eyebrows as the scene unfolded in front of him.
He looked down at Dustin’s scabbed arm. There were cuts, about four or five…and they looked intentional. And Dustin was scratching at them, opening them. Blood trickled down Dustin’s arm.
Steve’s heart broke.
“D-Dustin-” Steve swiftly but softly approached Dustin. He tried to mask the horror on his face, but the sight of seeing this kid…who was crying, who was hurting…It broke Steve. “No, no, no..”
Dustin kept scratching and crying. “Hey!” Steve said. “Dustin, what are you doing!? Stop it, man!”
Steve wasn’t quite sure what to do, and to be quite honest he was freaking out. Dustin wanted to stop, but he couldn’t. He needed the feeling.
“That’s enough, Henderson!” Dustin didn’t stop. “I said that’s enough!” Steve pulled Dustin’s hand away from left harm, and he let it stretch above Dustin’s own head so that he couldn’t reach. Steve pulled Dustin up from the ground, with his arm still held above his head.
Dustin didn’t even try to fight it anymore. He had no energy left. He was crying so hard that his vision was blurry. He couldn’t even see the horrified look on Steve’s face. “That’s enough, okay? Don’t…Look I-” Steve sighed. “Why, Henderson? I mean, what-”
Suddenly Dustin broke from Steve’s grasp and engulfed him into a hug. Sobbing.
Steve swallowed, slightly tearing up but not letting a single drop spill. Without hesitation, Steve wrapped his arms around him, letting Dustin cry. “It’ll be okay, man.”
“I’m sorry.” Dustin’s voice cracked through his tears.
“No, no.” Steve said softly. “Let it out.”
Steve’s mind was racing. How could he not know that Henderson was hurting like this? What’s the next step to helping his best friend? Steve’s never dealt with something like this before. He was scared for Dustin. He was heartbroken for him.
After a few moments, Dustin’s sobs turned into sniffles, and his death grip on Steve’s jacket loosened. But he didn’t let go yet. He needed that hug.
“Henderson…We don’t have to talk about this now, man. But, this isn’t…I mean, I’m concerned. Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”
“It’s okay, Steve.” Dustin sniffled before pulling away from the hug. Suddenly, embarrassment washed over him as he looked down at his blood arm. “I didn’t mean to put you through this shit.” He began to roll his sleeve back down. “Sorry, man.”
Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t..”
The two stared at each other. Steve didn’t push any questions, and Dustin was thankful for that.
“Look, man. We can talk about this whenever you’re ready. But we’re going to have to talk about it either way, dude. I can’t just sit here, and-” His breath hitched as he tried not to shed a tear. “You’re my best friend, Henderson. I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, there. Like I should’ve been.”
Dustin chuckled, wiping his tears away. “The world is ending, Steve. More things to worry about, you know?”
Steve sighed. “You promise me. Promise me, Henderson…that if you feel like you want to hurt yourself, please just talk to me. I don’t wanna force anything on you, I just can’t let you hurt like that. You know?”
Dustin nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He smiled slightly.
Steve hesitated before speaking again. “Why?”
But before Dustin could answer, something creaked behind them, averting their eyes to a secret passage door. The two looked at each other with curiosity. “Let’s check it out.” Dustin said.
I guess this conversation can wait.
(This was ass, I'm sorry. :( I was lowkey rushing before New Years Eve before the big finale...you know trying to get my hits in. But anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this. Uhh, let me know if you want more.)