Chapter Text
It's harmless at first.
One night, Albert and Jake are both free from their usual YouTube responsibilities, which calls for a Fortnite marathon. After hours of pathetically losing, seriously, they both suck, they both quit the game and decide to continue talking to each other.
By now, the moon has been hanging high in the sky for hours, spilling its silver light through Albert's windows and illuminating his face as he switches his camera on and waits for Jake's face to appear.
It's not uncommon at all for them to stay up late on the phone. Calling has always been the easiest way for them to communicate through the hundreds of miles of distance since they first met in that Roblox group, though both wished they could slip through the static of the call, slice the country in half and pull the state lines closer and closer until they practically lived inside each other.
As the sun begins to peek above the horizon, slowly filling the sky with light, Albert leaves to get a drink. It's been hours of talking and he can't squeeze any more life from his water bottle. He returns as soon as he can, peering at his monitor to find Jake asleep on his desk all the way in Ohio, his room shades lighter than before. He takes a moment to stare at Jake's peaceful face and ponder if he should go to sleep, too —
Oh, shit. It's nearly 5 AM. He definitely should.
Yet, something about the way Jake is sleeping soundly on his desk makes Albert never want to leave. He can't force Jake to wake up all alone again, just as he fell asleep. Albert sighs, unsure what to do, before he eventually lowers his head onto his own desk and falls asleep to the sound of Jake's soft breathing.
He finds he's able to sleep just a little easier with Jake's soft snoring trickling through his headphones, just barely audible in his ears. Albert may be painfully lonely, seemingly trapped in the walls of his too-big, too-empty house, but with Jake on the other side of the screen, he feels okay.
Of course, it happens again, and again, and again.
At some point, they start making excuses, though Albert would rather die than admit the truth, that they just want to talk to each other. They just happen to stay up later than ever before now, talking about nothing and playing stupid games. It's entirely Jake's fault, since he always asks Albert to call at ungodly hours, though Albert always agrees. He can never find it in himself to deny Jake anything, not when he's given him so much.
It's fine, Albert thinks as he averts his gaze and acts like he isn't watching Jake pretend to fall asleep on his desk. It's just nice to have someone else there. They've both been single for far too long. Albert craves the feeling of someone else next to him, and he's sure Jake does as well.
But Albert knows, when he lifts his aching neck each morning and glances at a still-sleeping Jake, that it goes deeper than that, though he'll never admit it. In the dark, he sees the beams of light that Jake shines in his life, how he manages to brighten every corner of Albert's room without even being there, how just his presence over a Discord call is enough.
Jake is just a good person. He's kind to everyone in the way Albert only wishes he could be. He can make anyone laugh. He has a way of illuminating the entire world, bright and steady. All Albert can do is wish he were closer to him.
They even start talking about the distance, Albert attempting to hide the desperate wishing and yearning in his mind as it now spills from his mouth. It turns out, Jake also wishes he and Albert had grown up together. They fantasize about what their lives would've been like, entangled even closer together without the crushing distance between them.
"It could be worse," Jake says one night. "We could be like, across the world from each other, dude. You could be in, fucking, Japan or something. We probably wouldn't even know each other."
Albert shudders at the thought.
So, for a while, they waste their evenings playing idiotic games together and spend their nights talking about what could have been and what they want. Albert knows it's probably unhealthy to waste so much time talking about impossible versions of the past, but he can't deny the feeling that blooms in his chest as he imagines going to school with Jake, visiting him all the time, seeing him, touching him.
Albert loves Jake more than anyone. Platonically, of course. Jake just seems to miraculously understand every piece of his mind and soul, and somehow just fits perfectly alongside him in every way.
They stop daydreaming eventually. It's better to think of the future, as Jake says. There's no use dwelling on things that never even happened 10 or 15 years ago.
"Fuck, man, my neck. I've seriously gotta stop sleeping here.."
Albert's heart drops down to his feet. He's really getting used to sleeping with Jake now, despite the severe pain and discomfort, and if he's going to end their little routine so suddenly, Albert might never be able to sleep again in his life.
But after clarification and a bit of reassurance, Albert realizes no, Jake doesn't want to stop calling. He just wants to sleep in his bed again, finally, and Albert wholeheartedly agrees with this; while he can't stand to not call Jake whenever available at this point, he can't sleep in his chair anymore.
Jake wants to FaceTime instead. It makes perfect sense. They must be stupider than they thought, because Albert can't figure out why they haven't been doing this the entire time.
"I, uh, I hate sleeping alone, and it's just like, easier when you're there," Jake says, his voice a near whisper, like a confession. Albert doesn't know how to respond, awkward silence covering the two of them for a moment. "Sorry, that sounded.. really.. I just like your company."
Albert chooses to ignore the way his heart jumps at that.
He hangs up, switches his computer off and excitedly grabs his phone, accepting the incoming FaceTime call from Jake, and.. Oh.
Jake is already laying in bed, impossibly fast considering he was just at his desk, comfortably wrapped in a blanket in the dark room. The only light coming from his phone which is propped up on his nightstand. He's so close Albert can count his eyelashes in the faint glow of the screen. He grins when he finally sees Albert's face, his smile far too sweet and soft and Albert panics. It's too intimate. It feels like he's actually here.
But isn't this exactly what he wants? He wants Jake closer, so close he can reach out across the bed and feel him. Now that he's presented with the closest he can get without plane tickets or lengthy road trips, he freaks out. Stupid.
Thankfully, Jake doesn't seem to notice the internal turmoil Albert is going through. That's for the better; after all, there's nothing weird about what they're doing. It's like a sleepover. They're making up for their teenage years they lost to distance.
But it's still not quite normal. Calling on Discord, playing Fortnite and Roblox together, they had a way to defend it. It was just two bros hanging out late at night and getting tired. Now there's no excuses, no jokes to hide behind, no laughter that can save them from the tension they both feel and choose to ignore. Albert props his phone up so that Jake can see him and lays down too, ignoring his rapidly beating heart.
It's easier, Albert finds, than he expected. After some initial awkwardness they're right back to their usual banter. It feels so, so natural to have Jake so close before he sleeps, making him laugh out loud in the middle of the night, watching him yawn and sleepily close his eyes.
He could get used to it.
The FaceTimes become a nightly thing, just like their Discord calls, some nights the two of them being so tired they instantly go to sleep without saying a word other than "goodnight." Sometimes Jake will go to sleep early, and Albert stays awake scrolling on Twitter. Sometimes he doesn't even open Twitter, he just watches Jake, so tranquil as he sleeps. He prays Jake never notices because, fuck, that'd be really weird.
It's already pretty weird, though.
Albert really, really likes these calls. He likes to hear Jake's quiet snoring, slightly clearer over his phone's speakers than his wired headphones. It calms him down. Jake even admitted one particularly late night, his cheeks somehow visibly flushed in the darkness of his room, that he really likes it, too. Hearing him admit he felt the same scared Albert, made him start rethinking everything. It wasn't worth it to stop, though.
They hardly wake up together. Usually Jake wakes up much earlier than Albert and hangs up, texting a simple "good morning :)" and going about his day while Albert sleeps. He's kind of glad for it, though, since waking up together is even more terrifyingly close.
He wouldn't give FaceTiming Jake up for the world.
Jake and Albert start getting so much closer the second they started calling each other every night. It feels like their friendship has reached new heights, like they're better friends now than ever before in their entire decade-long friendship.
Sometimes, Jake jokes that it's like they're in a long-distance relationship. Albert think it's funny, though he doesn't like to think about it for too long due to a sick feeling erupting in his stomach. Even though it's just a joke.
Their FaceTimes take on a new tone after about a week of slight awkwardness. They feel weirdly domestic, but neither of them will complain. Sometimes they brush their teeth together, Albert making Jake laugh and spit his toothpaste all over his bathroom counter. His heart soars whenever he makes Jake laugh.
One late call, hours past midnight with neither of them caring, Albert impulsively invites Jake to visit him to Florida, just for a few days, since they haven't seen each other in a while, and Albert misses his physical presence a lot. Jake likes Florida, as if it's his second home, and he agrees the second Albert even begins to mention it. He smiles wider than he has in months, a slight twinge of nervousness hidden beneath. Albert can't help but smile too.
"A whole week? Dude, I don't think I'll ever leave," Jake had said to him. Albert knows how bad of an idea that is, yet he wants it so badly. He'll never tell Jake that.
Now, as he waits outside the airport's arrivals area for Jake's flight to land, he realizes he regrets inviting him. It might be the worst idea he's ever had.
Maybe they've been getting a bit too codependent lately. Albert understands the couple comparisons and the annoying fans when he truly thinks about it, how they've started texting each other about every little detail in their lives, how they tell each other everything, how they can't even fucking sleep without each other on the phone. Albert learned that the night before. He tossed and turned all night, glancing at his darkened phone screen and craving Jake's face on it. It worries him, how he can't stop his heart from beating just at the thought of Jake. He won't let himself develop a crush on Jake, no, that would ruin everything.
What if one of them gets a girlfriend? Not that either of them are looking. How do they explain this to anyone, that they can't fall asleep without their best friend who lives hundreds of miles away on a FaceTime call. That Albert can't even think of sleeping next to anyone else any time in the future. That no, he isn't gay, it's just his best friend, and—
"Hey, jackass," Jake exclaims loudly, slamming his suitcase down right in front of Albert and scaring him from the spiraling thoughts.
"Jake!" Albert gasps, though his face quickly changes to a smile. He grabs Jake's bag and walks with him out of the airport to his car, listening to him whine about the sudden sticky, suffocating Florida heat.
Albert drives them to his house, trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road, away from Jake's presence, and stop his heart from beating so rapidly. He's never felt like this when picking Jake up before, maybe he should book a doctor's appointment. Jake makes sure to catch Albert up on everything he missed in the few hours he couldn't text him, leaning on the center console of the car, into Albert's space. He complains about the occasional swerving, yet all Albert can focus on is how much clearer his voice sounds in person than on the phone. The thick layer of static surrounding him is gone, and now Albert is reminded that Jake is a real person.
He complains about the man next to him on the plane who slept the entire short flight and snored harshly directly into Jake's ear. "Fuck, he was louder than you," he says, and Albert laughs. "No, seriously, I was concerned. I thought I'd go deaf before I got to Florida."
"I wish you did," Albert smiles. "Then I wouldn't have to deal with your nonstop yapping."
"..I'd still be able to talk."
"Nope. Also, we're playing Fortnite when we get back. We're gonna have an epic Fortnite party."
Jake sighed. "Dude, we play Fortnite all the time. Now that I'm actually here, that's still all you wanna do?
"Well duh."
"…Get a life."
"Kill yourself."
By the time they get to Albert's house, it's already afternoon. Albert orders pizza for them, though he miscalculates and orders far too much. Jake says it's alright, they'll eat it anyways. He's too patient. They end up playing Fortnite just as Albert planned out.
Albert's really happy, he's ecstatic. He feels like a kid again, like he's sneakily staying up late and playing video games at a sleepover with his best friend, who… is now alarmingly close to him. He can feel Jake's warmth, him sitting so close on the couch that they're practically touching. Their knees bump occasionally, sending jolts down Albert's spine and making him jump.
He's so distracted. They've done horrible in every single game they've played, entirely his fault, and Jake rightly calls him out on it. Jake has to be doing this on purpose. He's so frustratingly close, every slight movement and twitch of felt by Albert. He can even hear his breath. Albert can't really find it in himself to move away, though, so he blames his missteps on the sticky pizza grease covering his controller and Jake seems to buy it.
He could finally reach out and touch Jake for real if he wanted to, feel the face he's fallen asleep staring at for weeks, find the light inside of him and steal it for himself.
Albert quickly moves away and hides in the bathroom for a while to compose himself.
Fortnite is abandoned after a few hours of getting obliterated, entirely Albert's fault, and instead they sit in Albert's backyard and catch up, like they need to. They tell each other everything, yet somehow they still find new things to talk about. Albert still can't seem to calm his heart.
Seriously, what is going on this time? He's never felt like this around Jake. He's acting like some blushing cringe teenager with a crush. He blames one too many close FaceTimes.
They talk for hours somehow, watching the sun fall and the moon rise impossibly higher and higher in the sky. Jake's face looks so much more familiar now that Albert's seeing him in the dim light. It feels like one of their calls, minus the distance and Jake's poor WiFi making him sound like a robot.
Albert has to forcibly keep his hands away from him, stop himself from running his fingers along his face just like he touches the screen when Jake dozes off, praying he won't wake up and notice the redness high on Albert's cheeks.
"I'm tired," Jake says after a long pause, softer than before. "Sleep time?"
Albert nods. He's getting tired too, honestly. He doesn't wanna sleep so early on the first night Jake's here, but he barely slept before. He stands up, trying to quietly open the door and walks inside with Jake.
He turns around before opening his door and realizes Jake has been following him around, all the way to his bedroom.
"Uh, goodnight, man… Uh, there's monsters under your bed, so good luck!" Albert jokes, desperately trying to dissipate the thick tension that's suddenly appeared in the air. Fuck, his house is really humid.
Jake's smile falters. A look of confusion crosses his face, or maybe disappointment. It's too dark for Albert to tell. He can't see anything clearly, he doesn't know anything that's going on.
There's a long pause between them, though they both have more to say. Albert reaches and switches the lights on in his room, and now he's able to clearly see Jake's face. He notices how his head is faintly tilted and the corners of his mouth are pointed down, how he looks like he wants something and he's waiting for Albert to let him have it, he's always so patient, like he's confused why Albert hasn't let him in already.
Oh.
Albert thinks he might want it too, though. He already saw last night how he can't fall asleep without Jake. Now, seeing him in real life, feeling him, he doesn't know if he can bear to let Jake go to the guest room.
He knows Jake is trying his hardest to convey his truest desires. He glances behind Albert into his room, looking directly at his bed, gazing into Albert's eyes. He's not being subtle.
Despite how much Albert jokes about it, he's pretty sure he's straight. He's just not like that. He doesn't care if other people are, the issue is him, because he isn't into guys, and no amount of wishing he could let Jake in his bed right now and wrap his arms around that will change that. Albert likes girls.
Jake continues almost nervously staring through his soul, his mouth now a frown. He gets the sudden, horrifying idea to kiss the slight frown off of Jake's face, grasp onto the corners of his mouth and pull them up. The sight of Jake so sad, because of him, smashes his heart into pieces. It's all his fault. He's too much of a coward to make anything right.
Albert really has to hurry up if he wants something to happen, but he can't. Him and Jake aren't like that, even if it seems like Jake wants it. They're just two totally straight best friends. Yet Albert wants (loves?) him more than anything. He makes a sudden call, his throat closing up around the words, him desperately trying to get them out before he can't speak.
"I-"
"Uh, sorry, yeah, goodnight." Jake abruptly turns around and walks over to the guest room, nearly slamming the door. Albert didn't act quick enough.
Albert tiptoes into his room, shutting the door quietly and turning the lights off before he crawls into bed. He did a good thing. He saved their friendship, stopped Jake from destroying everything they've built in the past decade and a half. His bed still feels too cold, despite the hot weather outside. He immediately knows he won't get any sleep again, for the second night in a row, and he could've prevented it.
Worst of all, he probably hurt Jake. Albert wonders if he really should've just let him stay, just to stop his heart from breaking. Albert feels like his heart is broken after seeing that. It's too late to fix things now, though, and even then, Albert's too scared to do that. He'd be forced to actually admit what's going on between them, the thing they both choose to ignore. He'd have to think about why he suddenly wanted to kiss Jake so badly just a moment ago.
He chooses to lay in his bed in silence instead. He can't hear Jake's faint breathing through the walls.
The next days are painfully normal. It feels like their older hangouts, in the worst way possible; Jake keeps a safe distance from Albert at all times, and Albert pushes himself away the second he realizes they've gravitated too close together. They don't talk about anything from that haunting first night. They hang out like friends again, but it feels like they're both holding themselves back. They definitely don't make any gay jokes.
When Jake returns to Ohio a few days later, Albert is relieved. He's never felt happy at Jake's departure before, but he's thankful for time to breathe and think without his heart pounding in his chest.
He spends the whole time worrying. He thinks about the electricity that went down his spine whenever their knees or elbows brushed. He thinks about their calls, how they let themselves get way too close for best friends, how Jake had whispered one night, "You're the only one I talk to like this," and Albert was overjoyed at the recognition that they had something special. He thinks about how badly he wanted Jake, and how he refused to let himself have him. It’s getting harder for Albert to deny he might be into guys somehow, it’s always been lurking in the back of his head, even if he ignored it, though after a few too many late nights awake with nobody next to him and his brain far too lively, he thinks he's a bit closer to accepting it.
Jake stops asking him to FaceTime when he gets back, and that's for the better. They got too intimate, too comfortable with each other for too long and started acting far outside of the boundaries of anything platonic. It wasn't okay. Jake starts sounding much more distant whenever they have to call each other for a video, almost upset. Albert starts taking melatonin instead of using Jake's calm, slow snoring as a sleeping aid.
Albert really missed his chance, but he's glad. That was the only chance Albert had to finally get what he wanted, what he now recognizes he denied himself for so many years of knowing Jake. He always knew he loves Jake, that he always wants him by his side, but he never realized the depths of his love. His fear of destroying the bond between them, terrified of a repeat of their separation in 2019, may have actually ruined everything this time. They don't talk the way they used to, their texts significantly shorter. They leave each other on delivered for hours at a time. Albert hardly hears about Jake's day and Jake doesn't hear about Albert's either.
Of course, they're still friends, like they have been for half of Albert's entire life, but now there's a layer of awkwardness and panic covering every interaction, every word they say to each other, every moment between them. He'll never have Jake the way he did the past few weeks again, he'll never get to watch Jake's eyes light up or how he looked at Albert like he was the sun and he couldn't tear his eyes away even though he'd been blinded.
He continues on with everything like normal, though he never stops thinking about that night with Jake. He's doomed to an eternity of wondering what could have been, yearning for the boy who slept next to him every night through a screen. He’s sure their friendship will heal from this. After all, it’s survived so much worse, though they’ll never be like that again.
If he closes his eyes and really focuses, he can almost hear Jake's breath all the way from Ohio, and that's enough for him.