Chapter Text
"No, he won't." Sae's voice cuts in—sharp and unyielding. His arm shoots out and is crossing over Rin's chest the second the words leave Rin's mouth. It happens so fast that Rin doesn't even recall when Sae had gotten within arm's reach of him.
He can't remember the last time his Nii-chan's voice had sounded so angry either.
Rin opens his mouth to protest. "Nii-chan, it's okay I want to-"
"No." Sae snaps—but he's not even looking at Rin. His eyes bore into the officer sitting across from Rin instead. "He can come to the station to finish the interview but that's it. Rin's not touching anything else even remotely related to this case."
Rin tries to squirm away from his brother's grip feeling trapped and shoots him a sidelong glance that's coated in annoyance. "What? Why not?"
Luckily or unluckily for Rin the police officer is adept at social cues and decides that interjecting at this time wouldn't be ideal, but shoots Rin a hopeful glance.
Not that Rin notices as he starts to glare daggers into Sae while attempting to push his arm off his chest.
"I understand this is a sensitive matter." The police officer starts, already heading for the front door handle. "I'll be waiting outside in the car while you guys discuss."
It's then that their mother pipes up and for the first time since he came home, Rin hears a steady voice pass her lips instead of sobs.
"Because we almost lost you, Rin. Your brother is right; you are not getting involved with that man again."
Their father immediately steadies a hand on her shoulder in support. "It's safer for you at home, if he's still out there Rin."
Rin finds it in himself to falter at the statement to remember that initially, he too, was adamantly against the idea, in favor of pretending it never happened.
'I'm waiting' the voice whispers, crawling back into his mind.
Then he remembers how he's being haunted into insomnia and probable insanity.
"It'll be safer for everyone if he's in jail. If the police need my help to get him there then so be it." Rin retorts. He doesn't mean for it to come across as snappy as it did, but he's getting really sick of being treated like some damsel in distress.
Rin chooses to blame his shortness with everyone on the lack of sleep.
"Rin, no means no-" Sae starts but Rin shoves his arm away standing up, intending to use the one thing he has against his brother.
The fact that he's exactly two inches taller than Sae.
Rin glares down at him harshly for a long 10 seconds before he begins putting some distance between them. "I'm starting to think it would actually kill you guys to let me make my own fucking decisions for once!" Rin misses the way Sae's expression flickers in surprise.
"Rin," their mother chimes in trying to deescalate the situation. "You know that's not what we're trying to do. We just want what's best for you-"
"No, the fuck you don't!" Rin barks tearing his gaze away from Sae sending the room into a stifling silence. "You can't want what's best for me because nobody here even knows me." Their parents look conflicted, and Rin can tell he's biting his tongue, so Rin chooses to continue.
"You've been ignoring me my whole fucking life, you've never given a shit what I've done unless it affected you. So don't bullshit me with the 'we care about you' crap because not once in my life have, I ever felt cared for by either of you."
Rin's turning on his heel and shoving past Sae, throwing open the front door before anyone can stop him or get another word in.
The second Rin gets down the steps he catches the sound of the door creaking open and before he can turn around there's a firm grip around his wrist.
Rin can tell just from the hand that's holding him it's his Nii-chan.
He hates that now; he's forced to share the burden of perpetual familiarity with him instead of their childhood dream.
Rin forces himself to turn and meet Sae's eyes. He lets himself study how Sae's frown lines are etching into his skin before he cracks the tension between them.
"What part of 'I can make my own decisions' did you not understand?" Rin bites.
Sae immediately drops his hand at the tone he's given.
"What don't I understand? What don't you understand, Rin? You're in this situation because of your own decisions! None of this would've happened if you had decided to come to dinner like everyone else and not brood over a stupid goal-"
'A goal? He thinks this is about him not scoring?'
"Seriously? Is that what you think happened? You think I was brooding?" Rin snarls suddenly no longer feeling guilt for being so agitated with everyone today.
"Yes, I do because that's what happened. When I asked why you weren't there, Isagi told me that you didn't want to come because you were upset. I assume it was over not scoring that last goal."
"Well, you assumed wrong! I don't give a shit about the goal! You chose Isagi over me! You chose that fucking pink haired roach over me! You keep choosing anyone and everyone over me!"
Sae face contorts in confusion as he flinches back.
"When was I choosing-"
"I trained until I almost passed out for that match—for the past year because I thought if I beat you one on one, I'd finally get the version of you that loved me, back." Rin scoffs lest a sob comes rushing past his lips in its place. "All just for you to say that Isagi is going to be the future of Japanese soccer. Not me. It's never me. It's never going to be me."
Rin sees Sae's face drop.
He doesn't care. Not anymore.
"Rin, I've always-"
"Isagi said you couldn't get a flight out of here that night." Sae stays silent long enough for Rin to keep going. "I didn't go to dinner, because he said you'd be there."
"Rin listen to me-"
Sae sounds desperate for once in his life.
'Good riddance' Rin thinks. Maybe now he'll finally find out what desperation feels like.
And what it could do to a person—what it had done to Rin.
"This is your fault." Rin says his voice strained with hurt. " I didn't want to go to because I didn't think I could've been in the same room as you after what you said without crying and humiliating myself even more."
Sae keeps his mouth glued shut and stares with wide eyes-the same ones he gave Rin that snowy night.
"So no, Sae I was not in fact almost killed because I was, brooding. By your logic, I'm in this position because of you, because you decided to love a sport instead of loving your own little brother. You don't get a say in what I choose to do or don't do, and I am choosing to help the police find this sicko. I don't know why you're so against it honestly, you're the one who said I needed to start doing things that didn't revolve around you, right?"
Rin takes the silence as an answer or an admission of fault, he's not sure if there's a difference at this point because he doubts Sae will admit any wrongdoing on his part. He can't bring himself to stare at Sae any longer, so he turns his attention to the police car parked on their street and lets his feet guide him to the passenger side door.
When Rin climbs in the car he pointedly ignores Sae who's still standing by the stairs and speaks to the officer instead fisting the seatbelt in his hand yanking it over his chest and into the buckle.
"I'll help you find the bastard. Just drive already."
Not that Rin would ever admit it, but the sheer thought of car trips has started to make his body repulsed even if his brain disagreed.
So naturally, when the familiar scent of a car's interior waft through his nose Rin chooses to ignore the way, his stomach turns and spends what he thinks is most of the ride staring at his sneakers.
They're new and an obnoxiously matte white. The kind that gives you a headache just from glancing at them for too long. Rin remembers Sae saying something about the police needing his old pair as evidence because of the spots of blood on them. He thought it was strange they weren't taken with the rest of his clothes at the hospital, but he doesn't feel the need to dwell on it.
What he does dwell on however, is the fact that Sae was the one who picked out and bought him the new shoes. Rin wonders why he chose a color that would get dirtied so easily. He finds it ironic because Sae knows Rin was, still is, and will always be the reckless type, so Rin of all people would be the least deserving candidate to take care of such a delicate color. His Nii-chan knows this. Yet, he chose to buy them anyway.
It makes Rin fill with an indescribable frustration, did Sae buy them to mock him when he eventually splatters mud on them? Or was he not even paying attention to color before choosing the worst option at the store?
For all of Sae's talents Rin knows his observational skills shone the brightest.
And Rin knows it's childish and straight up silly to make such a huge deal out of something so trivial but, it makes Rin think he's not even worthy of being a receiver of Sae's attentiveness.
Which stings because once upon a time it was all he ever had.
Another equally as childish part of him hoped Sae bought them intentionally and thought Rin could be described with an adjective that wasn't a synonym for destructive. That maybe, Sae had believed that just because Rin was born with a faulty fuse that was made too short it didn't mean that everything he said or did would cause causalities.
'I'm waiting for you'
The pestering voice that's been circling Rin the past week causes him jolt violently in his seat as it chooses to sink its claw back through the grooves of his brain.
Rin blinks rapidly and tries shake it off knowing he's well past the point of ignoring it. Though it doesn't stop the shiver that's eating its way up his spine.
He decides to look out the window instead only to find that the police station was in sight and coming up in few hundred feet or so. Just as Rin is about to unbuckle the seatbelt he watches as the officer drives right past the station and makes a right turn instead.
Rin pauses and contemplates saying something but he's on a losing streak in his track record of calling people out on their shit as of late. He thumbs over the buckle before he kisses his teeth.
Fuck it.
You can't win it big at casinos if you're deterred by losing right?
"You passed the police station..." Rin says nonchalantly swallowing the dryness in his throat. "It's back there.."
There's a brief moment of silence before he gets a monotone response.
"Oh. We're not going to the police station."
Rin feels the sudden urge to flee. But knows it's uncalled for considering he realizes logically the officer isn't trying to trick or harm him in any way. So, he waits for further elaboration.
"Sorry, I should've mentioned it earlier. When I was waiting in the car, I was told you'd do the interview later if you agreed to help us with the case."
"...Okay. So where are we going?" Rin draws out his words in a questioning manner signaling for the officer to continue.
"I don't know if you remember, but during the interview you said you accused Kamishiro of not being a Christian but never got into the specifics of why you thought that."
Rin leans his head against the window and lets out a sigh.
"I don't think it, it is true. He admitted it to me, and I told you why. Also, answer my question. Where are we going?"
He watches the officer cock his head to the side for a second in his peripheral vision.
"I'm aware...Though, you mentioned it briefly and what I'm asking for is more detail. Like what made the lack of holy water or crosses cause the conclusion that he wasn't Chrisitan?"
Rin notices how the officer disregards his question and chooses not to answer if he isn't going to be given the same decency.
"Rin?"
His eyes snap to the officer who still has his eyes on the road.
"Why did you question his faith?"
"Tell me where we're going first."
The officer doesn't answer for a grueling 20 seconds. Rin studies his conflicted expression with impending dread.
"I'll explain in due time. By agreeing to help us you are agreeing to be as cooperative possible."
Rin rolls his eyes and entertains the idea of pushing until he gets his answer first, because he's been submitting too much and too easily recently.
And well, Rin doesn't know who he is if he isn't fighting with someone or something—even if it is himself lately.
"Fine." Rin concedes with a bite clearly displaying how he's unhappy about the choice.
"Like I said, he was contradictory about the practices the whole time." Rin's tongue feels oddly heavy and wrong. He can't help but think it's a sign to shut his mouth. But if Rin ever listened to his gut or warning signs, he supposes he would've kept his mouth shut around Kamishiro too. "He...I don't how to explain it but, it felt like he needed to defend or justify everything he was doing to me with God. But, if he really believed in what he was doing and that it was right, he wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive about it"
"You didn't think your observations were a result of your concussion?" The officers asks when the stop at a red light.
Rin thinks about punching him in the jaw but keeps his fists drawn to his sides.
"No. What the fuck are you trying to say?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. However, we have to acknowledge you weren't completely mentally competent due to your injuries and take that into account when we build his profile."
"Whatever. Why even bother asking me then?"
"Any information is vital even if it needs to be processed through a filter."
"Shouldn't this be recorded down at the station or something? Why are you asking me now?"
"Just curious."
"What else was odd about him, Rin?"
Rin takes a moment to be thoughtful about his next answer. He wonders why the officer is prying so deeply when they've chosen to delay the interview where he could've given this information then.
"He's a damn good actor that's for sure." He settles on
"What else?"
'He lied to you about the blood~'
Rin swears this voice never shuts the fuck up.
"I don't know off the top of my head."
"Try and remember" Rin sees the officer's hands grip the steering wheel tighter. "Did you see something else in the house that could give us any clues?"
"His house didn't have any windows..?"
"I meant about his behavior"
'Lie~'
'Fuck off'
Rin gains the courage or maybe the limit of annoyance he can take from his torturous head to deter the conversation.
"I answered your question. Answer mine."
"There's a possible lead relating to the Hayashi girl.." The officer says finally. "You remember her, right? Or her mother at the very least?"
"What?" Rin's eyebrows scrunch so quickly he's sure he may have pulled a facial muscle.
"After you confirmed she was taken and killed by Kamishiro, I sent a team to her house to interview and investigate the family—only to try and find more patterns in his victims of course...but..." The officer says. It's obvious to Rin how the officer's eyes purposefully avoid his and how nervousness tinges his tone.
"But?" Rin presses sitting up straighter in his seat.
"Her mother, who I'm sure you're familiar with by now, says she'll only talk about it if she can talk to you."
"The fuck?" Rin's already shaking his head before the words leave his mouth.
"This is quite common actually with victim's families. Often times they'll want to speak with someone who...went through the same event for closure because that person was actually there while they couldn't be." The officer quickly supplies like it helps the situation.
"Okay? So, what? I told you and that lady that I didn't-" Before Rin gets the chance to finish his sentence they're already pulling into the woman's driveway.
It's only 9am and Rin's already starting to regret waking up today.