Chapter Text
Everyone was loading supplies and weapons into Murray’s truck for their last crawl. A sense of finality hung in the air, heavy and bitter against the soft golden light of the sunset. Will’s nerves were causing a slight tremor in his hands as he walked quickly up to his mother from behind, his heart thumping so loudly against his chest he worried she might hear it.
“Mom?” His voice rose slightly as anticipation and fear threatened to strangle him before he could even say what he knew he had to. He had to tell someone and he knew it had to be his mom. She would understand. She would know what to do, what to say. And Will knew that even if she didn’t say anything, it would be a huge relief to tell someone his secret. He was tired of it eating him alive from the inside, corrupting his thoughts and heart with doubts and fear that made him want to push people away. Will was tired of pushing. He wanted to embrace what made him different. And to embrace it, he couldn’t hide anymore. Not from the people he loves.
Will was standing beside his mother now, the two of them facing each other with worry written all over both their faces, but for different reasons.
“Um,” Will swallowed roughly and looked down at the ground, his throat tight with fear. He looked back up into his mother’s face, who was searching his with concern etched into her brows. She could tell something was wrong. Will looked in her eyes and took a steadying breath. He was ready.
“Earlier today, when you asked me what happened in Vecna’s mind, I-“ Will stuttered slightly, his courage dipping, “I didn't tell you everything.” Will reached up to touch his neck, a habit he couldn’t help when it came to thinking of Vecna. It was like he was subconsciously checking to make sure the coast is clear. He needed to be sure Vecna wasn’t lurking around, watching him. Waiting to strike right before Will could tell her, or anyone for that matter, the truth. His truth.
Will’s nerves were rattling louder than his heart now and his mother’s face wasn’t helping to calm them. For a moment, her face was open in shock as she absorbed what he had just said and then her face instantly fell into an inquisitive, concerned look that meant she would not let this go even if Will tried to back out now. He had taken the first step. Now he just needed to follow through.
They walked back into the radio station and sat down where they had sketched the wormhole earlier, the room no longer echoing with the voices of all their friends and family. It was eerily quiet now with just the two of them shifting in their seats, Will’s sharp intake of breath seemed too loud in the space. He tried to calm his nerves as he looked at his mom, who was sitting patiently next to him. She looked like she was about to unravel too, like the silence was slowly suffocating the both of them. Will took another readying breath and began.
“When Vecna attacks, he weakens you by turning your own mind against you, by bringing out everything inside you that hurts.” Will takes another breath as the memories of what Vecna showed him flash across his eyes. He sees the truth of what could happen if he doesn’t say something now. He looks intently at his mom as he continues.
“So I fought back by focusing on happy memories, memories from when I was a kid, and when I wasn’t scared, and when I felt most happy.” Will briefly thought back to the memories he used in that moment. Mike and him meeting on the swings for the first time, meeting Lucas and Dustin later on, playing D&D in Mike’s basement, building Fort Byers with his brother, and so many more happy memories. He wished they had been enough to stop Vecna. But they weren’t.
“That’s how I took control in the MAC-Z and how I killed those demos. And I thought the same would work on Vecna too. But he found a way past.” His eyes burned with tears and his voice shook slightly as he remembered how it felt to have Vecna tearing through his mind, ripping right past those happy memories and dragging Will's fears out into the open for the both of them to see.
“And he showed me things Mom.” Flashes of his family, friends, and specifically Mike, scorched the front of Will’s mind then. He wished he couldn’t remember it so clearly. So vividly. Like it had actually happened, like he lived through it already and none of his family or friends can remember it but him. He had to keep reminding himself it wasn’t real. But he knew what he had seen wasn’t a lie either. Will wasn’t looking at his mom anymore, the memories were too difficult, too painful.
“He showed me the most awful things.” Will felt a million miles away before he suddenly felt a warm hand. He snapped his attention back toward his mom, focusing on the warmth of her hand on his. She gave his hand a light encouraging squeeze.
“No, listen,” she said, leaning toward her son intently as she tried to get her message across clearly with her eyes. “Whatever he showed you, it’s not real. He plays tricks. He lies.” She sounded so sure. So incredibly sure. But Will knew better.
“No, he doesn’t.” Will replied quickly before his mom’s hopes had a chance to rub off on him. “What he showed me, it didn’t come from him. It came from me.” He forced out the last word like it was wrapped in barbed wire. His throat felt raw and his mouth was sour. His pace quickened and his breathing began to turn ragged, panicked. He looked down before he continued, the guilt and shame of the truth weighing him down. He had to make sure his mom understood. Really understood what he had seen. And why.
“He sees everything mom. He sees my thoughts. He sees my memories. And,” he pauses, the fear and panic turning frenzied inside of him, “he sees my secrets.” Will felt like he was about to have a panic attack. His breathing was too shaky, too quick, like all the oxygen in the room had escaped and he was desperately trying to seek it. His eyes felt wild and burned with tears that were more than ready to pour out of him. He was spiraling already. Losing himself in the memory of what Vecna had shown him. He had to stay focused. He had to make sure his mom understood. He looked at her then and saw only worry and confusion written across her face. He shook his head slightly to ground himself before he continued.
“But Max, she told me he’s also afraid, which proves I can beat him. But for me to do that, you need to know…” he paused, staring at his mother with wide pleading eyes and he tried to memorize her face at this moment. The moment before he spoke. The moment before she knew. “I think you need to know the truth.”
The clang of a door opening behind them snapped their focus away from their conversation as they both swung their heads toward the noise. Mike walked into the room quickly, wearing a camouflage vest over a blue long sleeve sweater and a green beanie hiding most of his hair. Will’s heart stuttered at the sight of Mike, his nerves so shocked he stopped trembling. Mike looks surprised too, his face scanning Will over quickly while throwing short glances over to Will’s mom.
“Oh, uh… sorry,” was all Mike was able to manage as he seemed to understand he interrupted something important or, at the very least, something personal. “We just heard from Hop, he’s 15 minutes out.” Mike points his thumb over his shoulder, indicating the rest of the group that is still outside. “So we should probably leave in 5.” Mike sounds hesitant and soft as he speaks, and Will’s heart gives a tight squeeze as he tries to level out his breathing before Mike can notice. But he knew Mike already had. Mike always notices.
“Is everything okay?” Will recognized the tone of voice Mike used, the one he specifically reserved for Will. Will could feel his heart tug toward Mike, trying to compel him to let Mike stay. To let Mike in again, let him really know this time. Will briefly thought about his last confession in the van. How he had hid his feelings behind El’s name. Guilt and shame prickled on the back of his neck. Will glances down, trying to still his stuttering heart.
“Yeah, we’ll be out in a minute.” His mom’s voice was soft too and her hand was now on Will’s arm, comforting him. Will felt so lucky to have so many loving and caring people around him. He felt his heart tug again toward Mike. He wanted him to stay. He really did. He needed him to hear it too, even if it ruined everything. Ruined them. But he wasn’t ready to tell Mike everything. And Will decided in that instant that he would either tell Mike everything all at once or not at all. And now was not that moment. Because he was still scared. Still afraid of what Vecna had shown him. Will wasn’t ready for the whole truth to be out yet, just part of it. And he didn’t want to lie to Mike again. Not like in the van. So he decided not to. If they live through this, he will tell Mike the truth. The whole truth. But not right now.
Mike simply nodded at Will’s mom, worry still clearly etched into his face as he turned around and started walking away. Will swallowed hard, knowing that Mike was definitely going to worry about him now. Will stuffed down any words that would have stopped Mike. And he really wanted to stop him. Instead, he watched Mike go, his heart tugging again and again with each step Mike took. But Will had already decided. Not now. Not yet. Then the moment was gone because Mike rounded the corner and Will’s shoulders slumped in defeat. The opportunity had slipped away. That was that.
The decision was made. His mom will know first. He’ll tell her right here, right now. Then, after all this is over, if he lives, he’ll tell Jonathan, And after that? He’ll tell his party, he’ll tell Mike. He’ll tell Mike everything. And then Robin. He figured he could cry into Robin’s arms after whatever happens with Mike happens. Because she would understand. She would know. And after that? Will didn’t want to think that far yet. But for now, he is telling his mom. Just his mom. He decided to focus on this moment alone. The future can change, but right now, it’s time. Will sniffled slightly as he turned back to his mom, pushing his thoughts and worries of the future to the side.
Suddenly the moment felt more real. More serious. His mom’s face was set in suspense, worry, and patience. They were both ready. So Will inhaled slowly, building up the last bit of courage he had and began.