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Five hours after Edward Elric was born, his mother and father looked down to him, and the words his mother said were ones he'd grow to dread for the rest of his life.
"He looks just like his father, doesn't he?" She laughed, and the Rockbell's agreed, much to Hohenheim's confusion. "I don't really see it." He said, peering into him, until Edward's eyes opened, showing the bright gold of Xerxes. He couldn't stop himself from crying for the rest of the day, and Yuri had to force him to drink some water to stop the other man from dehydrating.
The people of Resembool saw Hohenheim and Trisha as a classic case of young love- both look young, but Hohenheim barely looks twenty! The older folks laugh at the idea of Trisha being the elder in the relationship, none more willing to tease than Pinako.
"You know you make her look like a cougar!" She laughed, starting a chain reaction in the three infants currently on playdate. "If I never met you, I'd be scandalised!" Hohenheim, who was simply trying to get Alphonse to sleep, furrows a bit, and so does Ed. "Ha! He really does look just like you."
The two sour further, and Trisha laughs.
After the two brothers leave for state alchemy, they think it's the end if it. How on earth could someone in the city see a resemblance anymore?
"Hey Edward!" Comes the voice of Maes Hughes one morning. "What's got you so down?" Edward scowls, and his stomach growls. "Colonel Bastard worked me to the bone tonight! You hear me!? The bone! And now all the shops are closed and I'm fucking STARVING!" Hughes laughs at his wallowing, which only further sours Ed's mood. "If you two want, my lovely wife Gracia is preparing some chicken for dinner! Would you two like to come over?" The two brothers thank their lucky stars, and the trio set off to the Hughes residence.
"Honey, Elicia, I'm home!" Hughes bellows, and the little figure of Elicia comes barreling into his arms, welcoming him home. Gracia turns the corner too, and Ed can see her face change from joy to a sort of happy surprised, as if she was gifted with something she didn't know she wanted.
"Hohenheim? It's been too long! Who's that next to you?"
Ed loses it, going on a tirade of how he is not that old bastard and how do you even know him!? Causing Al to have to hold him by the arms, and Hughes cover Elicia's ears.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Gracia says by the time they're all on the dinner table, "I met Hohenheim when Maes was off in Ishval - he was asking about alchemy research, so I let him come over and read those books about alchemy that Roy lent us." She explains. "I only knew him for about a week, but I swear, you look so similar!" Ed grimaces, downing the chicken piece in one gulp. "Yeah, yeah, I'm exactly like the guy. Ugh!" Al pats him on the back, and he calms down.
"Wait," Hughes asks a few minutes later. "Is that why Roy's alchemy books had all those coffee stains on them?"
"Fullmetal," Ed sours upon hearing Mustang call him. "Fullmetal, quit with that look on your face and tell me what you were doing in West City, why you decided to get drunk there, and how you managed to get there and back with no one knowing." Edward stares at him. "...Huh?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Fullmetal!" He bellows, showing the brothers a photo of... That is Edward, almost definitely, drinking way too many shots, with a few pretty women and men cheering him on, goofy grins on everyone's faces. The photo itself looks professional but silly, like they were using the camera for something really important, but wasted the last bit of film on something funny.
"What the fuck!? That's not me! What the fuck!?" He screams, while Al leans in to get a better look. "That's not Ed, that's our father, Hohenheim." Mustang stops in his tracks, flips the photo around, and glares at it. Really glares at it. "Are... are you sure?" He asks incredulously. "Yep! Look, he's tall." Alphonse states matter of factly, causing Ed's screaming to get even louder.
"I suppose Sheska was right that this photo was from 1890, then." He says after a moment of comparing the photo to Ed.
"You really look a lot like your father, Fullmetal- say, he doesn't act like him, does he?"
"Edward, I have to ask you this in case an issue like this ever comes up again- how old is your father?" Came the voice of Riza Hawkeye the day after that particular photo incident.
"Fuck if I know." He curtly replies, the anger evident in his tone. Al places a soothing hand on his shoulder. "All I know about the guy's that he's an alchemist and I just look soooo much like him."
"I see." She writes something down and goes back to work, letting that be that, but not before letting out a little "It's honestly uncanny." Like a little traitor. "Traitor! Don't compare me to that bastard!"
The fifth laboratory. The fifth laboratory.
It wasn't enough for there to be living armour like Al, and it wasn't even enough for him to run into the two most annoying people ever, and for them to be really good at fighting.
The spiky haired one gave Ed a once over, grinning like they didn't expect something so funny to happen to them, and said "Wow, he sure looks like Father." To which the lady with too many nails scoffed "Of course he looks like Father, dumbass."
Immediately, Ed's blood pressure spikes, and if he weren't two seconds away from passing out, he'd be so pissed off right now.
"It's not my fault I look like father! He's the one who just had to get me to look like him!" In his rage, Ed sort of bungles his words- he knows that his father had no say on what he looked like, and really, with how genes work, shouldn't it be more like his mother got with someone blonde to have blonde haired kids? He doesn't know, head too fuzzy, blood too going away.
He's passing out, but not before a final fuck you. "You two're just jealous that I look soooooooo much like father.... ha! Jealous bastards......." He sees the way their faces shift, and then he's out for the count.
Afterwards, in the hospital, Edward explains what happened, and a sudden realisation comes to him.
"Fuck, did our father have even more bastards than just us?"
He eventually meets Hohenheim again, and fuck, they're right.
"Fuck you, old man!" He blurts out, even though Hohenheim looks his age.
"Alright then." He says. Fucking old man.
Dublith sucked. All of it, awful, starting the moment he got to Teacher's house.
She had opened the door, stared at him for a few seconds, and asked "Hohenheim? What are you doing here?" And it never got any better.
Even now, Al is kidnapped, and the spiky bastard who did it thinks Ed's his dad.
"Hey, pops!" He says, and Ed can feel the pops of his remaining sanity. "You're not... are you here to kill me?" He asks, a suddenly nervous tone.
"No, I'm not." Fuck, why's this guy even so scared? Hohenheim's a rat bastard, sure, but he's sure he'd never kill him. "I'm not our father, either, I just look like him."
"Woah, so does that make you Wrath? Jeez, a guy leaves for a couple decades and they just up and replace him? Or, actually, it's probably more like a century. Anyways, wow is that egotistical, makin' you look just like him! And here I thought his Pride was the first thing he got rid of." What the fuck is this guy talking about? Ed's about to ask, but then Teacher and Fuhrer King Bradley show up, and his thoughts are cut short.
("Wait," Greed says later, "How are you Wrath? I just met the guy!"
Lust looks up at him with a confused expression. "What? What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"I mean that I met him, he looks exactly like Father!" He wiggles his head to point at the real Wrath "So who's this guy!?"
The other homunculi have the decency to explain the misunderstanding before melting him, so never say they're not nice sometimes.
Sometimes.)
Ling Yao is the most annoying son of a bitch he's ever met, and even worse, Ling just keeps it coming, no matter what he does. He snarks, and yells, and even swipes, but Ling just retorts and laughs and dodges, and acts like he's playing.
So yeah, he's an annoying guy, and he's pissing Ed off.
Ling continues to eat and eat, and then between bites asks "So, about immortality," and Ed braces himself for another talk about it, when Ling's two bodyguards show up behind him.
"Young Lord!" The old one screams, but then his eyes trail upwards, towards Ed, and a familiar look enters his eyes, and Edward braces for impact.
"Hohenheim? Is that you? It's been over 40 years, how do you look the same?" At the proclamation, Ling exclaims as if he were the victor "So you do know how to become immortal!" And Ed's contemplating how deep the shit he'd get into would be if he killed a foreign Prince.
"Hohenheim," He starts, already knowing what they'll say, "Is my father. Big whoop." How did Hohenheim even get to Xing? And how old was this guy!?
After his explanations, Ling just clings further, and Ed wishes he could leap into a chasm.
When Ed said chasm, he did not mean a homunculus' stomach.
The thing- Gluttony, according to Envy- had stared at him, and stared, and asked "Father?" And Ed was so pissed off.
Envy explained that Ed just looked like Father, and god what the fuck was Hohenheim getting up to?
"So," Starts Ling, even though Ed was trying so hard to use psychic powers to make him shut up, "Father? What's... could you tell me what that's about?"
He can't, really, so he just shrugs, and they leave it at that until Ling asks the same question to Envy, at which point they get regaled the tale of Xerxes, and a Dwarf in a flask.
"Holy shit." Ling says at the end of it, and Ed can't help but agree with him. Holy shit.
"Oh wow." Says Al much, much later on, and Ed can't help but admire the fact that no matter how much bullshit comes his way, he's steadfast in not being a sailor mouth.
On the present, Edward's bullshit alchemy worked, and now he's face to face with...
"I thought you only had one brother!" Ling whisper-yells, and for once, Ed's glad he's here.
"Oh, I thought they were all exaggerating, wow do you look similar to him!" The man- Father, he guesses?- says, and holy shit, man.
Greed and Ling are one guy now, and it's pissing Ed off.
A lot of things are pissing Ed off now- Briggs sucked, Kimbly sucked, and he's separated from Al for who knows how long, so that sucks the most.
And now this fucker.
"So Dad!" Greedling starts, again, and it takes everything in Ed not to strangle his technically boss. "Yes, Greedling? What the fuck could you need now, huh? Could you tell me, or are you feeling greedy for my anger, too?"
Darius and Heinkel glance at eachother, both obviously confused by the scene.
"It's not what you think!" He yells, but Greedling, the bastard, just laughs.
Hohenheim thought that Liore would be an interesting visit- obviously, he was primarily there for Dwarf in the flask related business, but Liore was one of the only places his travels had neglected to take him, and despite the... rather unfortunate events that have recently taken place, he enters with hopes of at least getting to try a nice dish or two. He's hungry
What he wasn't expecting, however, was for everyone there to apparently already know him?
Everyone was waving at him, saying hello's, acting as if he were there before- Hohenheim knows he used to go on benders, and a part of him, the part of him that just wants something to eat almost thinks it could be from that, but the last time he did was about 40 years ago in Xing, so how in the world did these know him, and like him? Last he checked, Drunk Hohenheim was a rather annoying character-
Oh, he's hungry. He is so hungry.
He ends up crawling to the soup and begging the rather pretty lady for-
She's hugging him, smile wide on her face, repeating how glad she is that he's back.
Now when could he have been anything with her? The last time he loved a woman was Trisha, and after her death he had simply never felt it again, but this lady was far, far too young to be before he met her, and-
"Hey Ed, where's Alphonse?"
...
"You think I'm Edward?" He asks, and she pauses, looking him up and down.
"...Are you... not? You just... I- I'm sorry!" She exclaims, suddenly apologising very profusely, "You look just like Ed, except a little taller, so I thought he had a growthspurt, and- and- Wait, how do you know Edward?"
Hohenheim chuckles, and after getting food to eat, explains how he is Edward and Alphonse's father.
"What!? No offense, but you barley look 16, much less however old you actually are!" He was 19 when everything had happened, but he always did have a knack for looking younger than he was, so he lets it slide.
After his homunculus business is over, he decides to stick around.
When Alphonse gets to Liore, he assumes it'll be a normal trip, and then he sees Rose again.
"Rose! It's been too long!" He says, and she smiles at him and Winry, with Al exchanging formalities between the two.
Eventually, the get going through Liore, when one of the men yells down "Rose! Tell you boyfriend his cooking's the best!"
"He's not my boyfriend, but sure!" She tells back, and Winry can't help but ask about it. "No, he's much too old for me. Oh! That reminds me!" Rose suddenly says, and now they're being dragged to where the hungry are being fed, and...
"Brother?" Al asks, but on further look, he realises...
"Dad!?" He yells, and Rose giggles, almost shocked herself.
"Wow, so the two of you are related, huh?" She mumbles almost to herself.
When Hohenheim tells Al of his origins, he expects him to be shocked.
"Oh, brother already told me." When Hohenheim asks, he gets regaled the story of Gluttony's stomach.
"Oh wow." Hohenheim says, because no matter what bullshit comes his way, he is steadfast in not being a sailor mouth.
The promised day sucked. It sucked so bad, in just about every way.
But Al's back. He's back, and all it took was beating up a shirtless version of himself and giving up his alchemy. Seriously, if it were that easy, why didn't he do it from the start?
After giving Selim to his mother, he finds Ling, and even though Greed's gone now, the bastard's given Ling this glint in his eye, one that tells Ed all he needs to know.
The next day, Pinako Rockbell finds the corpse of Van Hohenheim, in front of Trisha's grave, a smile on his young face that showed the years he truly lived.
As soon as he and Al get good enough to walk, they set off back to Remsembool and find his grave next to Trisha's. Ed didn't think he'd ever cry over the old man, but the tears come regardless, and he and Al mourn their parents.
After that, being mistaken for him treads from annoying to sad, and Ed finds himself almost looking forward to it- it's sort of a way to see how his father's memory traveled, isn't it? Seeing all the people that knew him is... Ed sort of enjoys it.
"I must say," One old lady says, "You look like him, but your brothers the one who got his personality!" She shows pictures she had taken back in 1890, the very same ones that Colonel, now Fuhrer, Bastard had mistaken for him, and sure enough, the way he looks is all Ed, but Hohenheim held himself and smiled exactly like Alphonse.
"Papa!" Nina screams as she drags her father to an old box. "Look, Papa! Me and Yuri were lookin' around and found these old pictures!"
Peering in, Ed can see various photo's Winry had taken in their youth, from wedding pictures that showed Ed and Winry enjoying cake and flowers and eachother, to pictures of Mei and Al in Xing. (He tries very, very hard not to pay attention to the pictures of Ling that had managed to sneak their way in their, no matter how hard Ling wanted him to think he was some cool emperor, he would not budge.)
"These are pictures your Mama took when we were younger." He explains, and smiles seeing Yuri's face light up as he looks at the old camera. "If you want, she could show you how to take some pictures." Yuri looks up at him with those big blue eyes, the one thing he took from Winry's side, and smiles Ed's classic grin.
Nina gasps as she lifts up a photo of Ed and Al as babies, Hohenheim crying and Trisha smiling.
"Is this you as a baby!?" She asks, and Yuri scoffs a 'duh', with Ed nodding affirmative. "Is the lady with brown hair Nan?" She asks, pointing at Trisha. "Yes, she would've been your grandmother if she was still alive. "Woah..." Nina gapes.
"She looks just like you, Papa!" She smiles, and Ed blinks at her, once, twice, and tilts his head to the side in confusion. "Really? Look at the blonde man- that's my Dad, everyone always said I looked like him."
Yuri scoffs again, and Ed hopes it doesn't become a trend. "Kinda, but you look way older than him, and your hair's the exact same style as Nan." He says it with all the authority a 10-year-old can have, and his little sister nods in agreement. "Yeah!"
Ed toys with his hair... Yuri's right, he hadn't even noticed how similar he had become to Trisha. He just put his hair in a ponytail because he liked how it looked, but now...
"Papa, are you ok?" Nina asks, and he smiles at her, wide and bright. "Duh I am! Lookin' at all these photo's just makes me feel old!" Nina looks him up and down. "But you're already old, so how can you feel old?"
Yuri looks at her with wide eyes. "Rude! Remember when Selim was tellin' you off for bein' so rude? Anyways, if he's old than he's always feelin' old, like how if you're warm you're always feelin' warm, dummy." Nina gasps "I'm a dummy!?" And the two begin to fight.
Ed smiles, and he feels like a father.