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Buildings typically had poor insulation. They never held the heat or cold well enough and the outside temperature creeped in no matter what Dennis tried. On the farm, he could at least work to help him gain some heat from moving around. In the hospital, he managed to snag more than a few blankets. When it got too hot at the farm, there was no real cure for it. Working had the opposite effect. The hospital never got too hot. Trinity liked to keep the apartment hot. A little space heater that had long outlived it’s days puttered in the corner of her room or living room depending on where she went. It meant Dennis who ran hot when he got regular meals couldn’t stand being in the apartment anymore. The heat coupled with his new headache had him grabbing his thin jacket and pulling on shoes before heading out the door. Trinity shouted at him to grab his keys, phone, and gloves. He took two out of the three.
Brisk wind pulled at his clothes, so he zipped the jacket. It wouldn’t last too long and it wasn’t too cold. Snow wasn’t melting on the ground, but it didn’t stick as easy. Sidewalks were still clear from being plowed a few days ago. There were so many paths he could take and Dennis wanted to walk aimlessly. Heat still clung to him and he hated it.
His head stayed down as he walked. His phone buzzed a few times from Trinity as she asked him where he was going. Enough sense filled his mind to let her know he just needed to get out of the apartment for a while. There were days where Trinity did the same, although for different reasons. She’d need to get out of her head. Dennis just needed to cool down a little. His shoulders scrunched up when his ears started to get cold. None of his other extremities earned the same fate.
There were a few nice neighborhoods in the direction of the hospital. Dennis hadn’t meant for his feet to take him towards the PTMC, but he’d been there for nearly a year. It became muscle memory to move in its direction, even without a car. His brain just knew he wanted to move and it took him there.
The houses there were pretty, Large and probably filled with nothing on the inside. They didn’t look like family homes, though they clearly tried to. Most of the lights were off. A few buildings were lit and the ones that were had Christmas lights strung up. Dennis smiled at them. A few people even went more elaborate than the others. He stopped and stared at at one of them. The exterior used darker materials than the surrounding houses. Christmas lights hung from the gutters and the walk up had lit up candy canes. There were a few strings wrapped around the fence surrounding the porch. Whoever lived there used cooler colors. Dennis’ mom used cooler colors. The sight drew him in and he swayed on his feet a little.
Christmas would be in a few weeks. He’d call his family, hopefully, while they did the tradition of telling the story of Christ’s birth. Dennis enjoyed that time. There were few times when the family relationship didn’t feel so strained due to Dennis’ choice to leave organized religion. He much preferred to study the teachings on his own.
Beneath his feet, snow crunched. Dennis looked down and muttered a curse. At some point in his reminiscing, he’d managed to walk into the owners yard.
The door to the house opened and Dennis looked up. His head moved slower than he wanted it to. The person looked vaguely familiar, but for some reason, Dennis had to squint to try and see them. His vision fuzzed at the edges. Dennis raised a hand out of his pocket and tried to open his mouth to apologize but nothing came out.
“What are you doing here?” the person asked. Dennis frowned as the words came through muffled. Now that the homeowner got closer, they looked about the same height as Doctor Robby. Even had a beard and mustache. Again, Dennis tried to open his mouth to apologize. His balance felt off and before Dennis could say anything, he stumbled forward. The man gave a shout and Dennis couldn’t decipher it before the world narrowed and darkened.
Heavy blankets weighed him down. They were warm and Dennis could hear something crackling to his left. He groaned and tried to shimmy out of the blankets. The crackling thing sounded an awful lot like a fire, which was weird, because the apartment definitely didn’t have a fireplace. If there was fire crackling, Dennis should probably be moving.
“Hey, easy,” a voice said. Dennis was probably more sick than he thought cause it sounded like Doctor Abbot. A hand landed on his shoulder and helped him lay flat again.
“Wha’appened?” Dennis managed. He didn’t want to open his eyes. Not Doctor Abbot seemed nice, too. At least, he adjusted the blankets and pulled them up to his chin. He even lifted them so Dennis could twist into a more comfortable position. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Whitaker,” Not Abbot said, “You took a bit of a fall. You’re alright though. Already called Santos and let her know you’re okay.”
“Mmm. ‘Hanks.” A hand found its way into Dennis’ hair and he sighed as he pushed into the touch. Not Abbot laughed. Dennis might be dreaming. That would make sense. The last thing he remembered had been his brain shutting down. Maybe he was still laying in the snow, getting ever closer to frostbite. It should concern him, but right now he felt warm. Not the bad heat from the apartment, but the type that came from his mother’s quilts and her soup.
Footsteps came down the hall and the fingers in Dennis’ hair disappeared. He whined at their loss and it got him two different toned laughs. There were whispers and Dennis didn’t even try to listen in. The fire crackling and voices were nice. They lulled him back towards that sleep. Plus, the second voice also sounded familiar. It probably counted for something.
“C’mon Whitaker,” the second person said and Dennis was definitely getting frostbite because that one sounded like Doctor Robby, “We need to get some fluids in you.”
“Nooo!” Dennis attempted to burrow deeper into his blankets. They’d make him sit up and drink, but he was so comfortable. “I’m fine.” The couch dipped next to his head and someone pulled at the blankets. He scrunched his face and tried to hide again, but a hand on his chin stopped him.
“Just a few sips,” Not Robby said, “Promise.” Dennis huffed and cracked one eye open. He opened the other. Then he blinked. “You okay?”
“Holy shit, I died!” Dennis gasped. It had be be that because nothing else made sense. Dennis had to tilt his head to actually look at the person, but it was Doctor Robby. Not just someone who sounded like Robby. And he had rumpled hair with a smile on his face (a little marred with confusion and worry) as he looked down at Dennis with a cup of water in his hand. It even had a bendy straw.
“Not dead yet,” Jack said. It had to be him, too, even if Dennis couldn’t see him. Maybe this was a gift from God. He decided Dennis had done enough good and would let him get this small slice between Heaven and Earth before he joined the choir. If he prayed, really hard, maybe God would let him stay. Dennis squeezed his eyes closed to do just that. When he opened them again after his small prayer, Robby still sat in front of him. The hand on his chin had stayed.
“Okay!” Dennis said. It made his head throb a little, with the sudden volume. He worked to sit up, struggled under the weight again, and Jack’s hands appeared from above to help him. Dennis sighed as he sat up. “Thank you.”
“Still got your manners even while delirious,” Jack said.
“I’m not delirious!” Dennis said. Robby shushed him and pushed the straw into his mouth. Dennis didn’t try to argue this time. He happily drank from the straw, even as the cold water sent his chills prickling all around him.
Once Robby determined he had enough, he pulled the straw back. Dennis went to follow it. He wanted more. Jack grabbed his shoulder again and eased him into the back of the couch. He giggled a little at how easy it was for him to be moved. In most situations, when Dennis didn’t want to move, he couldn’t be moved. Work from the farm had made him strong, and while that strength had dipped a little, the regular meals Trinity gave him helped fix it. He wondered if that strength would stay with him in Heaven.
The blankets were all askew from Dennis having moved. He worked to get them draped over him a bit better. Jack moved to stand in front of him and help.
“You’re bein’ so nice,” Dennis said.
“Well, when you pass out in my lawn, I tend to do that,” Jack said. Dennis hummed. Jack leaned over the couch, one hand on the armrest. It brought him very close to Dennis and he held his breath. He didn’t want to spread his germs and get Jack sick. Could he get Jack sick here? Maybe. Jack wasn’t looking at Dennis, though. He was staring over the armrest where his other hand was fiddling with something.
“There we go,” Jack muttered to himself and Dennis yelped when the bottom of the couch popped out into a recliner. Jack chuckled and pushed on the headrest to help Dennis lean back.
They were still so close. The stubble on Jack had grown a little, like he hadn’t bothered with shaving. This close, Dennis could look at his eyes and he smiled at the lighter color of them. Robby’s were a darker brown. Dennis wondered if he asked real nice-like if they’d stand next to each other so he could compare the shades.
Jack gave Dennis a quick pat on the shoulder and wandered off. Dennis tried to follow where he went off to, but there was a wall in the way. He huffed and fell back. The recliner had sat up from his movement but Dennis didn’t mind. It gave him a view of the fireplace. A real fireplace in the suburban home. Dennis grinned as he watched the flames. The hearth was made of darker brickwork. On the mantel were a few photos of Robby and Jack from their lives together. There were a few of them with a woman Dennis didn’t recognize, but assumed were Jack’s late wife. If he saw her on the other side, he’d have to tell her how good Jack was even now. She probably already knew. The reassurance might still be nice.
A few trinkets were interspersed between the photos. Dennis couldn’t see them very well, but they looked like things someone would pick up on trips to different states. There was a bell, a spoon, and some art sculpture. Dennis itched to get his hands on them and turn them over. If this were a recreation, maybe those things were actually in their house. Then Dennis could take more knowledge with him to the other side.
The TV above the fireplace stayed off, though Dennis looked around for a remote. These mirages wouldn’t mind if he turned something on, right? He found one on a table just an arms length away. Probably to keep space for the recliner to work properly. Dennis reached and managed to snag the remote. He blinked several times before he could properly read the remote. He aimed it and hit the on button, giving a little cheer when it worked. There were a plethora of streaming services to choose from, but when Dennis tried to navigate to any of them, the selection option didn’t move.
“What?” Dennis tilted his head at the remote. He looked back at the TV and tried again. Nothing happened. He huffed and swiveled his head around the room. It made his headache grow worse and his vision swam with dizziness. Still, he managed to find another remote on the other side of the room, on the second couch.
Dennis leaned forward to check if either of the men were showing up again. He could hear distant sounds of a kitchen and some talking, but nothing that told him someone would be coming down the hallway. The blankets were still heavy, but it didn’t take as much effort to move them while sitting up. He gave a short sound of triumph once they were off his legs. The chills ran up and down his body, goosebumps traveling in their wake. His teeth chattered as he swung his legs over the couch and made his way across the room.
There were footsteps approaching. Dennis tried to move a little faster. With all the shivering it was hard. He managed to grab the remote and turned. Right when Robby rounded the corner. Dennis stared at him with wide eyes, incriminating TV on and remote in hand.
“You’re supposed to be on bed rest,” Robby said. Amusement and something else tinged his voice. Dennis let the man approach him and help him back to his spot on the couch.
“You left me!” he complained. “I got bored.”
“Sweetheart, you could’ve asked for help.” Dennis shook his head at the statement. Asking for help wasn’t something he did. Growing up, he was taught how to do things. If he didn’t get it right the first time, his father had him do it again. And again. Until he got it right. Dennis just learned to work that way. Not in the professional sense. If in the PTMC he needed help, he got it. Those were other people’s lives on the line. When it was just Dennis’ life on the line, he didn’t need to get help.
Dennis watched Robby pull the blankets up to his lap and thanked him. Robby chuckled at the word and patted Dennis’ hip. He smiled up at the older man. If he asked this mirage to stay, would he? Robby was halfway around the corner before Dennis gathered the courage.
“Come back,” he said. Robby stuttered to a stop and grabbed the edge of the wall to lean back. Whatever face Dennis was making had Robby’s shoulders slumping.
“I’m just helping Jack with dinner,” he reassured Dennis. His eyes were so kind as he spoke. Robby blurred in Dennis’ vision. They were so kind to him. This little slice of life was a miracle. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?” There were tears running down his face and Dennis hid his eyes behind the cuffs of his jacket sleeves. He sniffled and the couch on his side dipped. Before he could protest and tell Robby he was okay and he could go help Jack with dinner, he was pulled into the mans side.
His head throbbed with the new intensity. The chills weren’t as bad, but they still poked at him. Robby’s arm around his shoulder and hand tugging at Dennis’ wrists were helping a little. It proved there was someone, even just a mirage, there beside him. There was something pressed into one of his hands and Dennis realized it was a tissue. He tried to pull away from Robby so he didn’t have to blow his nose right next to the man. Robby’s grip tightened.
“I’ve seen worse, Whitaker, it’s okay,” he laughed. It didn’t come out as a mean sound. Something like a fact. Dennis blew his nose and blinked away the tears. When he finished, Robby took the tissue.
“What’d Robby do to you, sweetheart?” Jack said. Dennis curled closer to to Robby to keep him on the couch. Every time one of them came in, the other would leave with them. He wanted to keep one of them next to him for longer than a few measly seconds.
“I didn’t do anything!” Robby said.
“You say that, but angel here is crying.” A jolt went through Dennis as he realized Jack meant him. They were the angels. This was Dennis’ little miracle. If anyone should be called angels it should be them. Maybe that’s what they were instead of mirages. Angels sent to give Dennis one last blessing. It had been a long time since he got one. Him dying made it feel like it was more than due.
“I checked on him like you told me and he just,” Robby moved a little and Dennis didn’t want to open his eyes. A pitiful sound came out of him at the idea of Robby trying to move away from him. He tightened his grip on the man’s side. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry. Just yelling at Jack.”
“I bring our boy soup and you yell at me,” Jack tsked, “Real nice. Dennis?” There was shuffling and when Dennis finally pulled his face away from Robby’s chest, Jack was squatting in front of the couch. At least as low as he could comfortably get.
“‘M sorry,” Dennis hiccupped. He shifted to untangle himself from Robby. Except, Robby didn’t let him. “You can have your husband back.”
“It’s okay,” Jack said, “I just brought you some soup. We want to see if you’ll be able to keep it down. Are you willing to try?” Dennis stared at Jack a while. His brain churned and failed to agree with the words he heard. Jack made him soup. Dennis blinked and looked around for the bowl.
“I can try,” Dennis said. He saw the bowl on the side table next to him. The moment he started wriggling in Robby’s grasp, the man pulled him closer.
“None of that,” Robby muttered. Before Dennis could ask what he meant, the arm around his shoulders lowered to his back. Dennis yelped as Robby hauled him halfway into his lap. The couch dipped where he’d previously been and a moment later, he’s deposited into Jack’s lap. Legs stretched over Robby’s lap and head flopped against Jack’s chest. Dennis couldn’t even argue. This made him warm. It made him especially warm as two sets of hands worked together to adjust the blankets around him.
“You still gotta eat, Den,” Jack said. His chest rumbled as he spoke and Dennis didn’t stop the way he nuzzled into the feeling. If it were real, Dennis wouldn’t have let the motion happen. A laugh rumbled through Jack again and Dennis gave a small, satisfied noise.
“Wake up a little, angel,” Robby said, punctuated with a thumb running a circle against Dennis’ ankle. Dennis groaned. They should let him have a little more rest. Soup wouldn’t be doing anything now. A squeeze around his ankle made Dennis open his eyes. “There you go.”
Being spoon-fed only made Dennis want to sleep more. It had never been something his mother did. None of his brothers got the treatment. It was considered coddling. Dennis had grown so used to the expectation of taking care of himself while sick. He didn’t have to in this space. Here, he’d let Jack feed him as much soup as he needed until Jack was content.
It took some time for the bowl to empty. When it did, Jack set it down and wrapped his arms around Dennis. He let him lay his head against his chest again. There was some quiet talking and a little shuffling from Robby. Dennis made sure to press his weight into the man’s thighs to keep him there. It earned him another laugh. Then the TV started playing something. Dennis hummed and sunk further into the hold both men had on him.
Whatever they were watching only lasted a few minutes before Dennis’ stomach rolled.
“Oh no,” Dennis muttered. Robby swore and moved fast. Jack helped him sit upright and just before he could vomit on the blankets, a trash can got shoved under him. Everything Jack fed him came back up between gasps of air. A hand rubbed circles in his back and even though he’d curled around the trash can, Robby helped him hold it. He choked on a sob before another retch had him clutching the trash again.
“‘M’orry,” Dennis cried, “I don’t even know I’m throwing up.”
“You’re sick, angel,” Jack said. He pressed his palm harder between Dennis’ shoulder blade. Dennis just shook his head in the trash can. Robby shushed him and pulled it away, asking if he was done. Dennis nodded and let Robby wipe his mouth with a tissue.
“I shouldn’t be!” Dennis flopped back against Jack’s chest. They didn’t need to keep pretending. Surely the frostbite had sunk in by now. It would kill him in just a little longer. “This is ‘posed to be my miracle.”
“What do you mean?”
“‘Cause I’m dying.” They went silent at that. Dennis frowned and curled in tighter to Jack. Did he ruin it? Did him saying it out loud mean he’d lose this mirage and move on? He didn’t want to. Dennis sent another quick prayer.
“Dennis, what does that mean?” Robby asked. Something thunked then sloshed. Probably the trash can he’d thrown up in. Dennis whined and shook his head. Why were they still pretending? They could stop now. He didn’t want to say it. The silence stretched on and Jack’s hands started rubbing up and down his arms. “What do you mean you’re dying?”
“Out in the snow! I passed out.” Dennis tried curling his knees to his chest. Robby grabbed his ankles and pulled his legs back to his lap. “So I’ve got frostbite, probably, and this isn’t even real.” The men around him went silent. Dennis waited. He waited for it to all melt away and wake up on the other side or back in the snow for his final moments. After this blessing, he’d have to feel the pain, most likely, before moving on. A small blessing before the pain.
Robby and Jack started talking in hushed tones. Dennis swallowed another sob and fisted his hands in Jack’s shirt. If he held on tight, he could stay. He could keep this good thing for as long as he wanted if he forced himself to keep grounded in this haven. Except it didn’t work because Robby lifted Dennis’ legs and stood from the couch. Dennis hid further into Jack to hide the tears falling down his face. Jack let him, wrapping his arms around him tighter. He pressed a kiss to the top of Dennis’ hair.
“He’s cleaning out the trash,” Jack said, voice low, “Then he’s coming back with some meds. Okay? We didn’t want you taking them on an empty stomach, but we’re going to try. You kept water down good enough. You’re not dying, angel. You’re here.”
“But—” Dennis didn’t even know where his complaint would go.
“You passed out in our lawn. Robby got the alert from our porch camera of movement. He went out to ask if you were okay. Still wanna know how you ended up here when you’re more lucid.”
“Okay.” Jack hummed and kissed the top of his head again. When Robby came back, he had water and two pills. Dennis made a face at them. “Don’t wanna.”
“Sweetheart, with how you’re acting, you have to,” Robby said. He pressed the straw to Dennis’ lips and waited until he took a few sips before handing him the pills. Dennis stared at them before slipping them into his mouth and swallowing. Jack rubbed his back again and cooed at him for doing a good job. It made his head go fuzzy.
Robby took his place back on the couch with Dennis’ legs over his lap. Dennis sunk into it. He still thought they were lying. There was still the chance of his body out in the snow slowly succumbing to the cold. But here Jack pulled the blankets up higher around his shoulders. Robby ran smooth circles into his ankle. Here, the only snow was outside. Here, Dennis was warm.
When Dennis woke up a while later, everything became more clear. His head felt full of cotton the last time he’d been awake. Now, there was nothing that stopped the all-encompassing headache. The chills were gone, replaced with the body heat still under his ear and by his legs. General aches around his body had lessened. The nausea made no return as he groaned and lifted his head to work out the kinks.
In front of him, Robby leaned forward to get a better look. Something was playing on the TV at a low volume. Dennis jumped at Jack’s hand helping him sit up. He muttered a thanks as his neck popped. Both older men flinched at the sound but Dennis just sighed. That, plus most of his symptoms waning, plus the delusion of being dead gone, meant Dennis locked up. He froze and looked between Jack and Robby.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Dennis said. He started fumbling, ready to just leave. It was hard when both men worked to keep him right where he was. And the dizziness hadn’t gone away. It made it easy for Jack to pull him back to his chest and Robby to hold his legs still. Dennis groaned and clenched his eyes shut as he waited for the dizziness to leave.
“Are you going to throw up again?” Robby asked. Dennis shook his head. It made him dizzier and he groaned louder. “Are you sure?”
“Dizzy,” Dennis managed. Robby stopped asking. It didn’t take much longer for the world to right itself. Dennis opened his eyes and met Robby’s gaze. Robby gave him a smile and squeezed his ankle. Of course Dennis thought this moment was a blessing. All of it seemed surreal. He knew where Robby and Jack lived. He just hadn’t meant to walk there while sick. The men hosted a few get togethers for the Pitt so the route wasn’t memorized, but still familiar. His cotton-filled head managed to take him here after trying to cool off.
“Better?” Robby asked.
“Yeah,” Dennis said. If he nodded again, he would puke for the second time that day, “Sorry, I can… I can head back to mine and Trin’s. I don’t even know how I got here.”
“Like hell,” Jack said, “You’re not well enough to walk back, it’s barely been an hour since you took the meds, and if we put you in a car, you’d throw up. I am not cleaning vomit out of my foot well.” Dennis actually laughed at that. It turned into a coughing fit. Again, there were two sets of hands working to help him sit up and get through it. It was all something he never had back home. The homemade soup to make him feel better, someone doting on him and helping him through it. Two people, even. If he went back to his and Trinity’s, he’d be taking care of himself. And he was fine with it. Used to it. Being cared for made him squirm.
Jack and Robby must’ve noticed because Robby looked over his head at Jack and Dennis felt the latter nod. He should be standing up and getting out of there way. Instead, Dennis fell back against Jack’s chest with a moan of pain and an apology. All he received in return was a muttered “it’s okay” and those calloused hands running up and down his arms again.
Robby lifted Dennis’ legs and he didn’t complain about the loss this time. He let it happen. Didn’t even watch Robby leave the room. He’d probably come back with keys to help Dennis get back home. Jack didn’t want puke in his foot well, but maybe Robby’s car would be okay. Or he’d have a bag or trash can to throw up in on the way home. Then they wouldn’t even have to deal with it. That would be the smart thing.
Dennis shifted in Jack’s lap, ready to stand and find where his shoes had gone. The hands on his arms gripped him and Jack grumbled something about him to stop being so wiggly. Dennis stopped and Jack forced his head back to his chest. The thump-thump of Jack’s heart under his ear caught Dennis’ attention. If he could be here for a few moments longer, Dennis would take it. He let his brain go fuzzy again as he listened to the steady heartbeat.
“Willing to try eating again?” Robby asked. Dennis frowned and peaked out from Jack’s hold. Robby had a plate with buttered toast. Dennis blinked at it. His stomach was painfully empty, but the idea of eating just for it to come back up made him curl in. Besides, Robby should be taking him home. Not feeding him.
“I thought…” Dennis sniffled, “I thought you were going to take me back.”
“No, angel,” Jack squeezed his arm, “Unless you really want to go back, we want to take care of you.” Dennis blinked sluggishly. Robby sat back on the couch, under his legs. Dennis really liked being so close to both of them. It still didn’t click to him why they wanted to hold him like this. Although they were closer to each other than most, none of this really made sense.
Dennis had developed feelings for both Jack and Robby. It had been weird, first falling for Robby then over the year getting to know Jack and falling for him as well. Dennis figured it was no big deal and he’d get over it easy as pie. But the two men were so inviting. Kind. Sure, there were times either of them could be a little rough, but they seemed to understand when it happened. They apologized and worked to make sure it didn’t happen again. Dennis just figured they acted that way with everyone.
Well, maybe not the nicknames, but those were new. Dennis hadn’t even been processing them until he became lucid. Jack called him angel.
“Why?” Dennis asked, “I’m not… I’m just bothering you on your day off.”
“Not a bother,” Robby said. His eyes were soft and they were crinkled around the edges with an easy smile. “We like having you around.”
“Even while I’m pukey?”
“Especially when you’re pukey,” Jack said. Dennis snorted then winced. Light hands on his ankle and arms. All of it was so soothing. It grounded him. Told him this was real and not a fever dream. The two men of his dreams were holding him in their laps and willing to care for him, no matter how much it made Dennis’ past understanding of love twist. Made his gut twist as he rewrote what someone who cared about him should look like.
“I don’t understand,” Dennis said. He tilted his head to look up at Jack. It made the world spin again, but with Jack and Robby holding him steady, he didn’t mind. “Help me understand?”
“Of course, angel,” Jack said. He cupped Dennis’ jaw and ran his thumb over his cheek. Dennis’ eyes fluttered shut at the feeling. “Whatever you need.”
“After you eat this toast, though,” Robby said, “You need something in your stomach.” Dennis groaned as he sat up with Jack’s help. But the idea of eating didn’t seem so horrible now. If he threw up, he threw up. And Robby and Jack would help him. Whatever made them think they had to care for him would be a conversation for later. Dennis could wait for later.
Now, he reached out for the plate and ate his toast. He didn’t even throw up after.