Chapter Text
It was girls' night at the Lighthouse. Sort of. Neve and Harding had dragged Clementine from her room for a simple dinner prepared by Bellara, Lucanis too tied up with business in Treviso to be there. It had all started out calmly: no wine or gossip or twenty questions, which Clementine was more than happy with. A relaxed, low-key night with her new friends would’ve been perfect.
Unfortunately for Clem, that was where the good night promptly ended.
Neve had slipped away for the briefest of moments, returning with a devious grin and two bottles of wine. Clementine felt her head start to throb before Neve had even fetched the glasses. 'Oh please, for the love of all that's good...' She had to suppress a groan when Neve poured the glass in front of her, gesturing for her to relax and take a sip. Clem had learned a lot in the past four years. Namely, she was not a wine person. But in an effort to avoid being the biggest mood killer possibly ever, she thanked Neve with a smile and took a small sip from the glass. Bellara and Harding had far less reservations, unsurprisingly, and Clementine found herself being swept up in the revelry of it all. She really hadn't let loose in ages, had she?
Slowly, discussion turned from what their next plans were regarding the Gods to things slightly more exciting, like the books Bellara and Harding had been reading, and what cases had caught Neve's eye recently. Clem stayed mostly quiet, even with two glasses of wine in her. Not that she would've had much to contribute to the conversation. Not much exciting with her life besides all the ‘impending end of the world if they didn't stop it’ mess. It didn't bother the trio, thankfully.
Until it did.
It might've been Neve who suggested they all spill about their love lives. Maybe Bellara. Clem couldn't really tell with the way the wine made her head fuzzy.
Neve had gone first, mentioning something about a girl she'd dated briefly a few years ago, and how it hadn't worked out between them. That she might've had her eyes on someone new, though. She didn't give in when Bellara begged for her to give the group details. Harding was next, sharing a frankly unbelievable story about how she could've sworn the Inquisitor used to flirt with her, and how they might've gone on a maybe date once. Bellara talked about how she was with a fellow Veil Jumper, but not for very long, and that maybe her serials gave her unrealistic expectations for what a relationship would be.
When they turned to Clementine though, eyes trained expectantly on her, she froze up. There was no way they wanted her to actually answer that too, right? They all stared, Bellara leaning so far forward in her seat that Clementine genuinely thought she might fall out of it.
Clem put a finger to her chin, like she was thinking of what exciting paramour she should tell them about. It seemed to be buying her time, so she continued her hemming and hawing until they all looked entirely unenthused with her antics. With a sigh, she shrugged and shook her head. ‘May as well be truthful.’ Not that it would be the exciting answer they probably hoped for. “I’ve never dated before,” she admitted, hand dropping from her chin to circle the rim of her empty wine glass. The trio didn’t say anything, at first, until Neve rolled her eyes.
“I don’t believe it. Look at you,” Neve said, hand gesturing vaguely in Clem’s direction. “You’re gorgeous. You can’t honestly expect us to believe that no one has ever even tried.” Bellara nodded in agreement, and Harding chimed in with a rather drunken ‘yeah’ to boot.
Clementine shook her head and groaned. ‘Don’t make me explain this,’ she thought, only relenting when she realized there would be no escape from their prying. Eyes trained down into her lap, she tried to find the right words. Her nervous demeanor definitely didn’t help with Neve’s accusations. “I’m not lying! And I never said no one ever attempted to. Just that,” Bellara shouted triumphantly and pointed at her, grin widening. Clementine’s eyes shot up frantically, eyes wide.
There was a pause before Bellara realized she had the floor, a surprised noise escaping her. “Neve’s right! You’ve definitely had a partner before. I’ve read enough books to recognize when someone’s just too shy to admit it.” She nodded to herself as if to reinforce her opinion as fact. “It’s okay, Rook! You can tell us. No need to be embarrassed,” Bellara rambled, dragging another annoyed sound from Clementine.
They really weren’t going to take no for an answer, were they?
Who was she even going to drag into this? Her closest friends were immediately out, given that Harding had met them and probably remembered they were all dating each other, not her. In a similar vein, she couldn’t say she had a whirlwind romance with some stranger on her travels with Varric, because what if they asked him? Maybe he’d back her up, spin them a believable story- or maybe he’d rat her out for a harmless chuckle. That didn’t leave her with many options, considering how sheltered her life had been, and the standout option was the most embarrassing by far.
‘Sorry, Professor.’
Setting the long forgotten wine glass on the coffee table, she raised her hands in mock defeat, cheeks absolutely burning. Thank the Maker he’d never find out, otherwise Clem might have to throw herself into the nearest body of water and let herself drown. “Okay, fine. You win,” she conceded, though she immediately wished she could take it back when she saw Neve sharing a triumphant look with Bellara. Clementine thanked the alcohol for giving her just the right amount of boldness for what she was about to say. “I was just trying to save us both some dignity by keeping quiet. He’s a fellow Mourn Watcher. Emmrich Volkarin.” Surely that would shut them up. Someone who was well known in her social circles…and practically nobody to anyone else’s. Unfortunately, Bellara’s gasp ruined her short-lived relief, replacing it with a sickening dread creeping up her throat from the pit it formed in her stomach. ‘Oh no. Nonono.’ Of course, out of every non-Necromancer in existence, Bellara would know who he was.
Harding exchanged a weird look with Neve, before squinting back at Bellara. “Do you…also know him?”
Bellara nodded vehemently, but paused, backtracking with a handwave and shake of her head. “Not exactly. I mean, sorta? We’ve never met! In person. I have been exchanging letters with him for a while, though! He’s so smart, oh! And kind, and well,” she paused and cast an almost pitying glance at Clementine. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about it.” With a grimace, Clem shook her head to confirm.
“Not particularly…but it’s alright.” She could’ve picked anyone else. Should have, more like. “Just, try to not bring it up? That you know, I mean. Maybe also avoid mentioning you know me. I don’t want things to be awkward, you know?” Bellara nodded emphatically, giving her a far too over-exaggerated thumbs up. “Anyways…. I think that’s enough fun for me tonight. You three have a good one.” Awkwardly, Clementine stood, brushed some nonexistent dirt off her pants, and slipped out of the dining room as fast as she could manage without seeming rude. She wanted to scream. Why did she have to say his name out of every other possible person she could’ve thought of? Why not some random person from one of her classes, or a Watcher who had as little contact with the outside world as she once had? A stray thought saying exactly why crept into her mind, and it made her face flush with shame.
She slogged upstairs and threw herself onto the cushions of her chaise, staring into the aquarium tank ahead of her. Before she could seriously ponder how to get in there and end it all, the glasses of wine and her finally exhausted nervous energy caught up with her, pulling her eyes shut and dragging her into sleep.