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“Conrad I’m so sorry-“
“Be quiet!”
“I mean it,I just didn’t think,please don’t tell my mother,please,I-“
“Stop.Talking.”
“Conrad,please!”
The huge,ornate doors opened wide before Peter and his older cousin.At the other end of the room,Uncle Nathaniel and his mother stood together,talking amongst themselves in hushed murmurs.Peter shrunk as his mother turned to him,eyes narrowed in displeasure.
He knew what happened to disobedient children in his family.
He’d watched Judith and Aaron get dragged away kicking and screaming and pleading for help,that they’d be good,that-
“Father!~” Conrad’s sing-song voice broke Peter out of his thoughts.His older cousin kept dragging him by the arm as he had been for miles now,ever since he’d found Peter after his half cocked attempt at running away from home,and he half shoved-half tossed Peter towards the adults when he decided they were close enough, “I found the little brat at last.At a party,no less.He was playing with common children like he was one of them.” He inspected his nails like his little cousin wasn’t trembling and afraid at his feet,sniffing once in distaste, “disgusting little creature,if you ask me.” Then,to Peter’s mother,syrup-sweet; “I mean no offence of course,Aunt Adeline,I’m certain it had nothing to do with you.some children are just-“ Nathaniel held a hand up,silencing his son.Conrad winced and stepped back,head slightly lowered in deference,hands folding in front of him as he effectively left his baby cousin to the proverbial wolves with seemingly no hesitation.
Peter looked up,trembling.To his nine year old mind,his mother and uncle were practically great,powerful,invulnerable gods that he had angered and would now face the wrath of,but what that wrath truly entailed he neither knew nor wanted to discover.
Nathaniel spoke,then,his voice firm and eyes narrowed slightly,
“Conrad.You say the boy was socialising with children outside of this family?Playing?”
“Yes,father.”
“You are certain he did not escape to try to be more Alone?”
“Yes,father.”
Nathaniel’s ice-cold eyes fixing on him once more.They were as blue as the deepest ocean,and Peter felt he could almost drown in them- not in the hypnotically soothing way his older brother’s eyes had been,that felt like what Peter imagined floating in a lazy river at a water park might be like,but in the chaotic,terrifying way a stormy sea looked,like it would drag you down and kill you there,where no one would find even your bones -and when Nathaniel spoke,the cold sharpness in his voice turned Peter’s blood to ice.
“Is this true,boy?”
“Well-“
“Yes or no.Answer me.”
“I-“ Peter swallowed.Looked to his mother for comfort,for guidance and,as usual,found none,found nothing but disappointment he was even daring to seek such a thing,daring to stray from the teachings of his family.Peter spoke hesitatingly, “yes,uncle.”
“Hm.” Then,as Nathaniel turned on his heel; “follow me!”
Conrad’s eyes widened,and his head snapped up.His mouth opened as if to say something,but then he seemed to think better of it.He went to leave,but then Nathaniel spoke once more, “and that means both of you.”
Peter looked to his mother again,however she was gone,leaving only fog in her wake.
He followed his uncle.
The three walked into the next room,Nathaniel in front and Conrad at the back,herding Peter like he was a disobedient animal.
Like a lamb to the slaughter,Peter imagines Aaron saying.He imagines Aaron doing a lot.And Judith.He does not use the word ‘miss’- he never will,he will spend his life refusing to name the hollow space in his chest that Mikaele will call grief and Tadeas will call missing -but he knows that he feels the gaps in their family where his siblings and father had once been more acutely than anyone else.
“Shirt off.”
Peter’s stomach dropped.
“Beg pardon?”
Nathaniel was facing away from the two boys,heating up a big pot with a long,metal stick- which is simply what little Peter Lukas called it,as he did not yet know what a branding iron looked like -inside.Conrad locked the door behind them with shaking hands.Nathaniel massaged his nose bridge like this was some terribly arduous task.
“Forsaken’s sake,are you deaf as well as stupid?Your shirt.Take it off and put it aside.”
Peter swallowed.Wrung his hands.
“But-“
“Get it off,or we do it through the shirt.”
Peter has never- and will never again -removed something from his body as fast as he tore that shirt off and set it aside.Conrad sighed as though he was not afraid,as though this was a chore to him.
“That looked expensive.”
Peter reddened and looked down at his shoes.They were made of shiny,expensive leather.They were scuffed and dirtied from his playing,and then the long trudge back to the manor.
Nathaniel grabbed the handle of the stick and spoke over his shoulder,
“Conrad,pin him down.I don’t need him flailing and causing a ruckus.”
“Yes,father.”
And then Conrad was behind him.Conrad was a boy too,just a few days older than Peter,but he was taller and easily overpowered the other,bending him over a nearby thing that looked eerily like the stocks that he’d seen a picture of in a history book Judith had excitedly shown him once.Peter bit back a whine of fear and struggled against his cousin.
“Conrad,let me go!” His head twisted to his uncle,who was lifting the stick now,the tip white-hot, “uncle,tell him to stop!”
Nathaniel scoffed like this was a childish,pathetic request and approached the two boys,stick outstretched.
“You’re not in charge here,boy.I hope this little mark will remind you of that in the future.”
“Uncle,what-“ and then Peter did not talk,because the sound of sizzling filled the room and he screamed all the air out of his lungs,then wailed with air he didn’t have.Every inch of him went tight and he kept screaming his throat bloody.When the iron was removed and Conrad let go of him like he was the one who’d been burned,Peter slumped to the floor in a heap and promptly lost consciousness when the new brand hit the ground,and fresh waves of agony his little mind could not process finally shut everything down.
Peter awoke in Conrad’s arms,being carried up the stairs,bandages wrapped around his chest.His eyes welled with tears and he sniffled,but Conrad gave him a harsh look.
“Don’t cry.Boys don’t cry,especially Lukas boys.You’re lucky you’re the golden child,you know - anyone else would be dead or vanished by now.”
Peter whimpered.He didn’t feel very lucky.He felt tired,and upset,and scared,and-
Conrad placed him on his bed,ignoring his yelp of pain.
“Listen to me,Peter.You either live a Lukas or you die.There’s no escaping this family,none.As long as you live,the fog will follow you like a stray mutt no matter where you go.”
He stood,making a move for the door.
“Someone will be up with your dinner in a few hours.Pull yourself together by then.And remember what I told you,Peter.”
And Peter shook,and Conrad left,and the brand would scar,and the scared boys would grow into calloused men.
But at that moment,they knew none of this.At that moment,they were Peter and Conrad Lukas,both 9 years old,cousins who could be twins,and they knew nothing but their strange little life,and perhaps how to survive it.