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Woman in the Crease

Summary:

Svetlana has a popular hockey podcast, where people tune in to either hear her insightful hockey commentary, her cultural criticism, or hear her flirt with her guests

Ilya tunes in on occasions, but never as fast as he does when he sees the new episode has Rose Landry as a guest.

Notes:

slowly piecemeal editing this to change formatting inspired by my parasocial platonic crush bestbeforeapril

formatting resources:

Chapter 1: rose's episode

Chapter Text

Ilya's phone buzzed while he was working out, so he got off the stationary bike to check it in case it was a text from ‘Jane’.

It was not a text from ‘Jane’, but a notification from his podcast app that a new episode of Svetlana's podcast was out, with special guest… Rose Landry.

He swapped his keyboard over to Cyrillic and texted Sveta before he got back on the bike.

sveta

Today, 11:45 AM

ilyusha
how did you manage to get her on your podcast?
Translated from Russian, see original
sveta
Rose Landry? did you just find out? I've been promoting it on socials for weeks
Translated from Russian, see original
ilyusha
I have that name muted and blocked everywhere
Translated from Russian, see original
sveta
smart, you looked liked kicked puppy when she came up in conversation last
Translated from Russian, see original
ilyusha
you should change podcast title also. it is ugly
Translated from Russian, see original
sveta
don't get me started. I know its ugly. distro won't let me call it anything else.
Translated from Russian, see original
ilyusha
I'll listen and let you know if you should have let her walk free or not
Translated from Russian, see original
sveta

Hock Goss!

with svetlana vetrova

Episode 146: Superhero Hockey, Ladybug Diseases, and Nice Boy Hollander w/ special guest Rose Landry


January 17, 2017

episode transcript

Svetlana Vetrova:
Hello, priv, and welcome back to Hock Goss, the hockey podcast for the girls, with your favorite icy beauty, your host with absolute most, Svetlana Vetrova
We have a super exciting guest today, she's taking some time in between takes of her big superhero movie to talk to us about her MLH fling, among other things
Don't tune away, we've got Rose Landry with us today!
[theme music]
Svetlana:
Hiiiii, Rose!
Rose Landry:
Hi, so happy to be here!
You know, I've done a lot of interviews in a lot of studios with a lot of interviewers, this is easily my favorite
Svetlana:
Really? Thank you, a woman of taste
Here's hoping I don't scare you off [laughs]
Rose:
Don't worry, I have a high tolerance for these sorts of things
I'm pretty flexible
Svetlana:
Okay, I like to start with a question, y'know, not to insult your intelligence, or anything
but especially when I have guests where the hockey connection is less obvious I like to give them a chance to show their credentials, as it were
What is hockey to you?
Rose:
Yeah, totally, so I'm from Michigan which has pretty solid hockey culture, and my family was big into it
I played peewee hockey with my brothers but I fell off of it when I got bit by the acting bug
The elementary school play had a hypnotizing affect on me. I took my role as ‘Ladybug’ so seriously
I stopped going to hockey practice. Pitched a fit. but all my brothers stuck with it.
My brother Phil is in the minors, and my brother Eric got as far as collegiate but he loved it
He still coaches the little Ladybugs and such that are eager to learn
Svetlana:
Not to mention your relationship with MLH Montreal Metros Captain, Shane Hollander
Rose:
Somehow I knew this would come up [laugh] Holly and I are just friends at this point
Svetlana:
I love that you call him Holly like you're on the bench with him
Rose:
Oh, guys love it when you call them their hockey nicknames, really gets them going
but I do call him Shane a lot too
Svetlana:
I have this little segment I like to do, we can use his name for it
It's called Score/Assist/Fight, it's like Fuck/Marry/Kill except you choose which part of a Gordie Howe hat trick you'd do to someone
Let's say, out of Hollander, his rival Ilya Rozanov, and… let's throw in a WMLH player, let's say Emilie Proulx
Rose:
[laughs] This is a fun game. I think I'd assist Shane, anytime.
We're still really good friends, he knows he can call on me if he needs me
And he knows I will call on him if I could use his help
Svetlana:
Oh, I believe you
I'd like to call on him if you know what I mean
Rose:
Have fun with that [laughs]
I have to ask from here, is the ‘score’ part of this game like ‘score on’ or like score like… you seemed to be implying with Holly?
Svetlana:
Up to your interpretation
Rose:
Okay, fair. Well it changes my answer. I'd score on Rozanov but he's not my type. I'd score Proulx though, she's hot
But then if I fight her I get to get my hands on her… So I'll say score on Rozanov, fight Proulx
Svetlana:
Great answers all around
It seems like Rozanov and your Holly are going to be on the same team at the upcoming All-Stars game, how do you think that will go?
Rose:
Shane's the sweetest, I really think he could get along with anyone
It's not like the All-Stars games are that intense, it's more like a fun little victory lap
I think it'll be just fine. I think the animosity is for sure played up for the media, Shane couldn't hate anyone that much
Svetlana:
And what do you have to say about the rumors you were his ‘playoff beard’
Rose:
Well it wouldn't be my first time bearding, I went to acting school [laughs]
But really, I think that's silly to speculate about, especially with him
I understand the impulse to be curious, He's a pretty private guy, leaves his home life at home, and plays damn great
But really, people think he's gay because he's what, nice? Reserved?
I wish some gay guys would be nicer and more reserved [laughs]
Svetlana:
Harsh but fair. I totally know what you mean, too

Ilya paused and closed the app. This episode is stupid. He texted Shane about it.

Jane

Today, 11:56 AM

Lily
svetlana has new podcast episode
with rose landry
Jane
are you glad our friends are friends?
Lily
they talking lot about you
Jane
yeah, rose cleared it with me before she gave approval for release
Lily
I could give you release
approve me instead
Jane
🙄
Lily
were they flirting on there?
Jane
honestly I think so
Lily
good to be represented
bisexual
Jane
happy for you dude
Lily
does it make you sad to have her say you are not gay
its like knife for me to hear
Jane
I asked her to say that. it's the right move for now
but kinda
Lily
I could go on podcast. I have things to say
Jane
like what
Lily
shane hollander has dimples on his back only I get to see
I fill them like swimming pools
little swimmers
Jane
jesus
Lily
😒
he's not as hot as you
Jane
do not say that on svetlana's podcast please
Lily
can I say it on twitter?
Jane
no
Lily
no fun
Jane
fun later? just for us

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