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Saying Steve is stressed would be a vast understatement. Desperate is a better description for all the thoughts flying through his head. Honestly, so many things have his attention that he is surprised he hasn’t tripped over his own feet yet.
The top thing is that Jonathan and Nancy are in trouble. He hopes they are alive. Steve has more faith in them to ensure they would die from messing with exotic matter. They are supposed to grow old together in some form or fashion. Though he would bet money on them not being lovers when that happens.
Either way, he needs to get to them. What if they are in trouble? What if they have been calling for help that won’t arrive, and he makes it too late? Steve can’t let that happen. He doesn’t want to lose two of his closest friends, especially not when he is so close to them.
But, mainly, he can’t let them die because he can’t let Dustin see them die. Not again. Steve already failed his best friend once, and he refuses to do it again. Even if it costs him his own life, because he will do anything to make sure Dustin doesn’t feel all of this again. If it were up to Steve, he wouldn’t even be here. Dustin would be at Steve’s home, wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket with one of the Star Wars movies playing in the background. It's what he should have done months ago; it's what they should be doing now.
Instead, they are fighting. No, they aren’t just fighting anymore. This is worse. So much worse. How did I let it get this bad? Dustin hit him. But the sad thing is, that wasn’t even the worst part for Steve. He hurt Dustin. Steve brought up Eddie. It was not to help his friend or offer support; Steve knew he could injure Dustin with what he had said, more than any bruise or cut Dustin had left on him ever could. Not so long ago, even thinking the things Steve had said to the person who was supposed to be his best friend would have made him sick. He would have punched himself.
Forget that. Even now, if anyone else had said that to Steve or Dustin, he would have punched them.
‘He saved no one... Deep down, the reason you are so pissed is because you know the truth. Eddie wanted to play hero, and he made a dumb call, and he got himself killed.’
Steve clenches his jaw. The triangular cut left on his right cheek stung. Bile rises in his throat. How did I mess up this badly? Can we even fix this?
One thing at a time. Jonathan and Nancy first.
Steve sweeps his flashlight back and forth as he travels higher up the building. A burning smell lingers in the air. Dustin follows him up another flight of stairs. His footsteps are heavy. He must be beating himself up right now for his theory being wrong. Well, practically wrong. Dustin begs Steve to slow down, to stop and think through his actions.
If I slow down, someone will die. Thinking is your job. Let me do mine.
This thought makes Steve hesitate. It is so small, barely a pause. But it's enough. Enough for a loud creaking sound. Long enough for the floor to shift below Steve’s feet, threatening to knock him off balance. His arm shoots just enough to stop Dustin in his tracks.
They both watch as the stairs cave in, leaving a gaping, melted hole.
No. No, I have to get to them. I have to save them. It’s my job. I need to do my job.
Steve turns on his heels to find another solution. His flashlight sweeps over Dustin. Dustin froze in place as he stared at where the stairs used to be. His shoulders are as tense as Steve imagined them in his mind. His first instinct is to reach out and reassure him that everything will be okay, that they can figure this out. Melted stairs are just a silly obstacle compared to all they have dealt with.
He got us this far. Maybe I should help him out for once.
Instead of waiting for one of Dustin’s amazing plans, Steve does what King Steve does best. He jumps into action. There has to be something around here he can use as a bridge. All he has to do is find it. It’s basically hide and seek. He just needs to seek.
A hallway exists behind the landing where the boys had been stopped. Steve turns it out and sweeps his flashlight faster. Just one solution. That’s all he needs to find. He ignores the cold gray and blue walls. Metal and concern drip from the ceiling around him. Steve keeps his footing and moves fast, praying that anything, something is useful that has not melted yet. Not to mention Someone is looking out for us because we haven’t melted yet.
The sight of a storage closet answers Steve’s prayers. He fumbles with the doorknob, too antsy to be careful. Thankfully, the doorknob is intact and easily gives way. He doesn’t even flinch when the door bangs against the melting wall. He moves his beam of light quickly around the closet because if his solution is not here, then he needs to be fast about looking for something else. However, he moves so fast that he almost misses the thing he needs.
The closet has a ladder.
“Oh, thank you.” Steve thanks God as he shoves his flashlight into his back pocket to free his hands. “Thank you.” Darkness covers the closet as he grabs on and holds it with both hands. One end gets thrown over his shoulder. Then, Steve rushes back to Dustin.
The hallway door slams open louder than the closet door did. His eyes narrow on his target and glance over Dustin. A drop of guilt fills Steve’s chest when Dustin startles, but some things can’t be helped.
“Steve, what the hell are you doing? That’s never going to work.” Steve bites his lip to fight the urge to roll his eyes. He can feel guilty and still be annoyed all at once.
Maybe the guilt is making me more annoyed.
“Stop.” Dustin hasn’t moved, so it must not be that serious.
The melted gap is right in front of him. He squats and shifts the ladder to get in place. It looks long enough. This stupid plan may just work. He lines up the ladder in the air before trying to set it down.
“Stop.” He sounds a little more desperate, but again, this is going to work. I just need him to trust me for once.
“Steve!” A weight takes hold at the end of the ladder. Steve tugs with a little more force than necessary to loosen Dustin’s hold. Why is he trying to stop me so badly? Can’t he just see that I want to help?
“Stop! I’m serious, it's not safe!” This whole building isn’t safe! Steve relaxes just a bit when he places the ladder. It perfectly connects both ends of the melted floor. Now, he needs to simply cross it and keep going. He leans part of his body weight onto it to test the strength as Dustin still yells behind him. “You’re gonna fall!”
This time, that spark of annoyance flares badly. Steve turns and finds himself glaring at his best friend. His knuckles turn white from the death grip he holds on the ladder.
“It’s unstable! I got it already, okay?” Just trust me! You trust Eddie and his stupid plan, so trust me! He huffs in anger, turning to start his climb.
“No. Don’t. Stop!” Dustin cries out. He sounds terrible. Steve already knows he will hear that cry in his nightmares to come.
Dustin fists the back of Steve’s shirt. Before the older boy can react, he is yanked off the ladder. Steve leans into Dustin’s arms, trying to keep his footing. He quickly lands back on the floor with Dustin and away from the ladder.
“Stop being an asehole!” They grip each other’s arms tightly. Dustin’s flashlight shines in Steve’s face. Black dots dance in his vision.
“I’m not being an asehole! I’m trying to get to them, man!” Steve winces at the crack in his voice.
He needs this. They need this. I have to save them, Dustin. I have to be useful. I have to protect. Please just let me go protect you!
Dustin screams in his face. He shakes Steve as if trying to wake him up. Steve has never seen his eyes that wide and wild. They search every part of him as if looking for an injury or something broken. It makes the bags under his eyes stand out. Dustin hasn’t slept in weeks.
It’s obvious Dustin hasn’t slept in weeks....
“You’re always trying to get yourself killed!” Steve has always prided himself on being the strongest of the group. He’s not sure he could break out of Dustin’s grip if he wanted to. “And I can’t let it happen again!” Steve freezes. He stops struggling entirely. Something clicks. Dustin wasn’t stopping him just because the ladder was a bad idea.
He is stopping me from dying for him.
“Stop being so selfish! Please!” Steve feels tears in his own eyes as he watches them gather in Dustin’s. “If you go on there, you’re gonna die.” One of Dustin’s fists hits Steve’s shoulder. There is no weight to it, no fight. He just needs Steve to listen.
Steve shakes his head. His own eyes scan wildly over Dustin’s face. I need to listen.
“And I can’t deal with it again.” The more he talks, the more Dustin cries, and the more dread that chills Steve’s bones. His mouth gapes open and closed because he can’t do anything else. “You can’t die because I can’t deal with it again. Don’t let it happen again!”
Let what...
Oh.
Oh. Steve was the it. Edde died. But, he didn’t just die. He took part of Dustin with him. A part that Steve had been missing. A longing so bad that Steve has spent months angry and mourning it. He looked for answers in old relationships and blamed a ghost for his problems.
Dustin can’t lose another best friend. He can’t lose me. He won’t survive it.
If you die, I die.
That phrase never made sense it Steve. He has spent years trying to understand it and why it felt so big. But Dustin’s best friend, Steve, couldn’t understand it because, as his best friend, Steve could never imagine letting Dustin die. The thought brings his mind to a halt. It feels like a panic attack. His hands shake, his vision fills with spots, and he gets dizzy. Now, he can’t comprehend how he never understood that it was the same feeling for Dustin.
“Please, please, don’t let it happen again.” Dustin leans towards Steve’s chest, but it's no issue because he is already grabbing him. His mind is still catching up to him, but Steve’s body and heart know what to do. They remember how to hold Dustin Henderson close and protect him from the world that doesn’t understand how important he is. His hold tightens on him as his hand rubs over the back of his hat and head.
Steve still feels stuck. Oh, Dustin, I have failed you. Will you ever forgive me? Dustin had been right there. He has been there all along, crying, begging for help.
‘I remember what it was like to have a good friend. A real friend, who actually believed in me and was actually kind to me.’ Dustin hadn’t been talking about Eddie.
When he looked so scared when I asked, ‘How come I’m the one still standing here?’ Dustin wasn’t thinking about Eddie dying. He was picturing me...
Oh, please, no.
“Not you.” Steve finally understood. Eddie broke Dustin.
But, just like for him, Steve would end Dustin.
“I’m sorry.” The cracks in his heart fractured more as Dustin apologized through his tears. Steve didn’t need to ask what for. He understood because he understood Dustin Henderson.
It is sorry for their fight, for fighting at all, for being angry, for pulling me back, for holding onto a ghost, for not being able to let me go.
“No, no, no.” Steve cradles Dustin’s head against his chest. He gets it now. And there is nothing to apologize for on his end.
The only sound that gets as close to Steve’s least favorite sounds as Dustin’s sobs is the sound of more floor melting. He barely has time to turn his head.
Steve watches as the ladder melts through the floor and falls multiple stories.
I won’t have crossed in time.
Steve and Dustin watch as Steve’s death plays out before them. Only, Steve isn’t involved because Dustin saved him. Because Dusrtin hadn't been able to let him go. 'Because Dustin pulled me back. I was about to do exactly what Eddie did. I was trying to be a hero.'
He tightens his grip on his best friend. Steve lets a small, relieved smile settle on his face. They still need to find Jonathan and Nancy. But, he won’t be the first to pull away. Honestly, if it were up to him, Steve would never let go again.
But that is unreasonable. So, for now, he will just hold onto Dustin as they both cry. He will thank the Lord and Dustin in his mind that he wasn’t on that ladder. Steve will mentally add ladders to the growing list of things he is now irrationally afraid of, along with pools. And then, when they are ready, they will go save Nancy and Jonathan.
Not because it's what Steve is supposed to do.
It is what we are supposed to do. The best plans come from us working together as a team.
My main job is what it always has been to do: protect the kids, protect Dustin.
And from now on and always,
If you die, Dustin Henderson, I die.