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The new routine was exhausting, though Dick managed. If he could deal with the chaos that was the Titans, the unpredictability of Bruce and… Deathstroke, then he would be able to handle the Cowl, Damian and his other duties.
He could almost pretend that things were fine, just… fine. Nothing wrong at all. Not like he had two brothers unaccounted for and his ex-girlfriend and the superhero he looked up to most kept one of his brothers away from him. No problem at all. Not like there was an ugly, bitter mix of jealousy and resentment under his skin.
He did believe in Clark and Babs, he did it’s just… Why couldn’t they tell him? Ultimately, Dick was weak and decided to try and search for Tim by himself. He was under no illusion that he could fool Barbara, but he didn’t expect her to be so upset about his efforts. She was so angry at him. Selfish, overbearing and untrusting, were just a few of the many words Barbara called him. She even gave an ultimatum. Let it be.
From deep in his throat Dick had to contain the manic laugh he wanted to give as he heard the order to “let it be” the order to “let Tim be”. His brother, alone, without him. In what universe could Dick possibly let Tim just go alone on his own?
The feeling of being ignored made him so much more bitter. He felt like he couldn’t trust them anymore. Two of the most important people in his life, just suddenly excluding him. From all of these feelings at Clark and Barbara, Dick also began to grow angry at Tim.
Dick had begged, he had promised to be better, but no, that didn’t satisfy Timothy at all. He had to just leave to God-knows-where and wreck Dick’s emotional stability alongside it. Tim leaving and not trusting Dick with his location or his objective began to feel personal, as if it had been the goal from the start to just isolate Dick even further.
He even had a horrible nightmare where Tim came back. He knocked at the door and looked embarrassed when Dick screamed at him about all of his frustrations. Dick banged the door in his face, but not before calling him a saboteur and demanding that he never show him his face again.
Dick woke from that nightmare almost wanting to puke. He apologized profusely to the photo on his bedside and went on with his day. This damned new routine.
—
An alert rang out and took Dick’s attention while he drove the Batmobile.
Entrance detected.
Suddenly, all of his composure left, his thoughts vacated his mind and he found himself turning back. He was interrupted by Oracle on his comm.
“Dick, there-”
“No time, Babs!”
He took out his comm, though his ears were filling with static. What even was going on? Would he allow himself to hope? Tim?
The fastest he had ever driven, the Batmobile arrived in the cave. He sprang to his feet and saw him.
Tim.
So many things had gone through Dick’s mind at that moment. He couldn’t find the words to speak despite how often he would dream of his baby bird’s return.
He approached the boy in dark clothing as he turned his face away from the med bay.
“Dick.”
With all the levity in the world Dick’s brother spoke and smiled.
Dick wanted to cry. He wanted to run towards Tim and hold him captive in the tightest hug he could possibly manage. Though he did none of that, he stared and approached slowly.
When he was just a few meters away from him, he felt an unwanted rage erupt inside of him.
How could you just leave me while I begged at your feet?
Like what usually happened in the fights between him and Bruce, Dick opened his mouth to scream words he would regret and didn’t truly mean.
“WHERE WERE YOU?!”
A surprised look appeared on Tim's face.
“Dick, I-”
“Do you- fuck…”
The sentence was stopped by a cough.
“Do you have any idea how much I suffered here while you were gone?”
An expression of hurt appeared within Tim’s face.
Good
“…”
“You’ve complained to me so many times about feeling alone, about your parents, about people leaving you, so you just turned around and left me?”
“I had to…”
Tim’s words were weak.
Dick threw his arms up in the air in exasperation.
“And then you just told them and not me!”
There were tears on both of their faces.
“And you just… come back, like everything is fine… As if my whole life didn’t fall apart again when you left.”
A gloved hand touches Dick’s shoulder, he recoils.
“I hate you… And I hate it…”
Dick curled on the floor in front of Tim.
“I’m sorry.”
Gaze still on the ground away from the person he had wished so much to return.
“I had to.”
Cold emotionless eyes stare at Tim.
“I HAD TO! NO ONE ELSE WOULD HAVE!”
Tim screamed and gestured wildly.
“You left me.”
“I had to go find him. I’m sorry…”
“…”
“He’s alive and I found him. We found him, Dick.”
Tim used his strength to haul Dick up to his feet despite the elder’s protests.
In a cot sat a face he thought he’d never see again. Bruce. Battered and scarred. He had lost a lot of weight and looked incredibly beaten, but he was there and he was alive.
You didn’t trust me in finding our dad.
Dick collapsed crying by Bruce’s side. The old man would have woken up normally at the slightest sound. His prolonged unconscious state was not comforting.
“He’s sedated. He’ll be awake in a few hours, but me and Clark thought that it would do him good to have an actual rest.”
“…”
“Look Dick… I’m sorry for leaving, but I had to find him or else he would be lost forever.”
The figure of Tim was blurry.
“Why couldn’t you trust me?”
“…”
“Why couldn’t you trust me? I would have helped!”
Tim went away back towards the door. He signaled Dick to follow him.
“I know you Dick… You’re my brother, but I also know what you wouldn’t do.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You wouldn’t have believed me if I told you. I know it!”
Dick took off the gauntlets.
“That’s not… No… I would have.”
Tim gave a dry humorless laugh.
“Yeah, right you would. Your depressed brother who gave up on everything suddenly started believing that his deceased father was still alive.”
“Timmy…”
“Look into my eyes and tell me that you would believe me if I told you Bruce was alive.”
The frigid ice blue of Tim’s eyes pierced at Dick’s soul.
“That’s not fair!”
“Yes, it isn’t. Is it?”
“That is all a hypothetical! You can’t know how I would have acted! You can’t!”
Both brothers acted like children throwing a tantrum.
“I know how you would.”
Dick started to get mad again, but Tim sighed and started to leave again. The despair he had often felt came back with full force.
“I… I’m sorry. You can hate me all you want for as long as you want. I won’t bother you anymore.”
He sprang towards the younger and knocked both of them to the ground, strong arms didn’t allow Tim to escape Dick’s embrace.
“No, d-don’t leave. I’m sorry, please stay.”
Tim was shaking in Dick’s arms.
“But I’m just like them. I left you when you begged me to stay, just like what they did to me.”
“It’s OK.”
“No it’s not.”
“I forgive you. We can fix this. We can still fix everything.”
Gasping cries escaped from Tim’s mouth.
“Baby bird, I love you so much. You’re here now and everything’s gonna be OK."
There were still way too many feelings between them to digest, but for the time being both brothers reunited cried on each other’s arms, home at last.