Chapter Text
"Rumor has it that someone new comes in this week"
Robin's eyes glanced over the edges of her book, at the dark haired boy flopping down in front of her.
"Really? How do you know?"
"A magician never reveals their secrets."
She rolled her eyes, "Fine."
"And does the great magician know whether it's a girl or boy?", she asked, her focus back on the novel in her hands.
"Girl", Eddie grinned.
"You sure?"
"Yup", he popped the p. "Our age. Called Nancy."
His shit eating grin only widened as Robin's expression turned confused, her eyebrows furrowing questionigly.
"How the hell did you find out all that?"
Tapping his chin dramatically, he suddenly stood back up.
"Becauseee she's in the lobby and I listened in."
Rolling her eyes, Robin set down her book and followed him, secretly intrigued to catch a glimpse of the newcomer.
The two of them hushed through the hallway, stopping at the last corner right before the entrance. Skillfully hiding behind it, Robin stretched her neck to glimpse at two adults standing at the front desk, talking to Joyce.
The woman had wide, blonde hair which seemed to be bigger than her whole head, and next to her, a rather grumpy looking older man in a suit.
Joyce was smiling, her mouth moving, though Robin couldn't hear what exactly she was saying. Probably the regular stuff. A few papers were handed to the pair, which they started reading through.
Robin's eyes drifted further, to the girl standing a few feet behind her parents.
She was smaller than her, with brown curls and a gorgeous face. Her fingers were fidgeting with her necklace, seemingly nervous, although her face didn't portray any kind of emotion.
Behind her, there were two suitcases. A smaller one, and a slightly bigger one. Another smaller bag was placed at the girl's feet.
"Their car has a trump sticker", Eddie whispered behind her.
Ew.
"Okay?", Robin huffed. "That doesn't mean she-"
Suddenly the girl lifted her gaze, her eyes meeting Robin's directly. Frozen ice on a shimmering blue lake coming together with grayish clouds in a summer sky.
Robin swallowed. This girl truly was mesmerizing.
Forcing a small smile, she hoped came across as genuine, her hand offered the girl an awkward wave, which was returned by a slight lift of the girl's own hand, the corners of her lips turning upwards hesitantly.
"Nancy, we're ready", her mother's voice chimed apruptly.
Nancy.
"How are you holding up since school's started again?"
Robin shrugged, her feet dangling over the edge of the armchair.
"Fine."
"Did you find some new friends?", Dr. Kelley asked, a warm smile on her face.
"Not really. But that's fine", she muttered. "I don't want any new friends."
"Why not?"
Letting out a sigh, Robin absentmindedly traced the fabric of the cushions with her index finger. "I have enough friends."
"Well, that's totally fair. Many people claim that if you can count your true friends on one hand, you're one of the lucky ones. It's better to have a few deep, meaningful friendships than many superficial ones", Dr. Kelley explained, all the while Robin continued fiddling with a loose thread of fabric sticking out of the cushion.
"However, interacting with some new people might have a positive impact on our mission to break down some of your barriers. Not to mention boosting your confidence. Even brief positive interactions combat loneliness and increase happiness, as well."
"Right", the girl nodded half-heartedly, then stopped and turned to face her therapist. "We're getting a new girl, did you know that? l mean, yeah, pretty sure you do, but.."
"I did know that", the woman smiled again.
How could someone smile so damn much?
"Have you talked to her?"
"No, I haven't. What about you?"
She shook her head, "No"
"She'll be your new roommate correct?"
"Yup"
"How do you feel about that? You haven't had a roommate since Carol Perkins left, right?"
Her heart stopped. She hadn't heard that name in a long time, and she preferred it to stay that way. Just the mere mention of her old roommate let a shiver ran down her spine.
Crossing her arms inconspicuously, Robin took the chance to covertly press her nails into the scarred skin of her arms. Hard.
Why did she start this topic?!
God, she should just learn to shut the fuck up.
Realising she hadn't responded yet, she muttered out a tight, "Yeah".
Dr. Kelley's expression was a clear indicator of encouraging her to keep on talking. Though this time fainter, that smile was still plastered on her face.
Robin just shrugged again.
"Nothing, to be honest. There's nothing I can do anyways, I just have to accept it. Whether she'll be a total bitch or not."
"I don't think that's gonna be the case, Robin", she offered, which the girl ignored, her gaze focusing on the cushion again.
She liked the woman, she really did. Dr. Kelley had helped her through some of the hardest times of her life, and never turned to abandon her.
Well, not like it was her job..
But her too positive, too perfect and too overwhelming smile just irritated the hell out of Robin today. And she had no idea why.
She heard Dr. Kelley letting out a small exhale, before, thankfully, changing topics. Staying silent sometimes did have its benefits.
"Okay", the woman bared her teeth, again. "Did you write down the goals for the school year like we talked about last session?"
"Yeah", Robin bit her lip and fumbled to get the rattled piece of paper out of her pocket.
"And here's the girls' bathroom on this floor. It has more space than the one downstairs, because you'll be getting ready in here most of the times. There are two showers and two toilets, and the sinks and mirrors are big enough for four people to be in there at once, so no worries about tha-"
"They all have to share one bathroom?", Karen asked, her tone almost horrified. "Nancy needs her space in the morning, she gets overwhelmed very easily."
Nancy rolled her eyes at that, biting her lip hard.
It was fine. They'd be gone soon.
Everything was gonna be okay.
The brunette woman, Joyce, only smiled at her mother's comment.
"I can assure you Mrs. Wheeler, we pay very close attention to our residents to ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable in this environment, while still learning to step out of their comfort zones at times and grow during that process."
She then turned to Nancy, her eyes and smile warm and welcoming.
"Now, how about I show you your room?"
She nodded her head with a plastered on smile.
The door was opened to reveal a rather big room, bigger than Nancy had expected it to be, with two beds and desks on either side, as well as two closets and some shelves.
The right half was decorated extremely, almost overehelmingly so, while the other side was bare, minus a few posters here and there, and a few things scattered around.
"You'll be sharing with Robin", Joyce said with a smile.
"While her room's kinda chaotic at times, her company is very much caring and inspiring. Also, she's not had a roommate for a while now, so don't worry, I'm sure she'll keep her side intact from now on."
Nancy forced another smile. She honestly couldn't care less about a messy room right now. As long as it wasn't her stuff that was being touched or rearranged, she didn't mind.
"So, that'd be all", Joyce added. "You'll receive more info before dinner. I'll give you some time to say your goodbyes and settle in, and get you at 16:20, to introduce you to Dr. Kelley, our fantastic therapist of the facility. Does that sound okay?"
"Yes", Nancy said, quickly adding a "thank you!", after registering her dad's expression.
"You're very welcome"
The woman turned to her parents, offering her hand to shake. "It was nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler."
"Likewise, thank you."
With another gentle smile, Joyce turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her. Giving them some private space for their goodbyes.
Her mother's hands were on Nancy's shoulders all of a sudden.
"Sweetie, you will realize time passes a lot faster if you don't fight against this opportunity."
"I know mom"
"Please do not humiliate us by causing any unforeseen trouble", her father muttered.
"Ted!"
"I won't. Dad.", Nancy said sternly, though her eyes weren't meeting his.
"I expect so", he said, looking at his watch. "We rather get going, don't we?"
Karen nodded, and Ted was already out of the room, before either of them could've said anything else. With tears in her eyes, her mom turned to hug Nancy tightly against her chest.
"I will text you everyday okay? And if you need to talk, just call me and we can chat. Don't think I'm not here for you to turn to anymore, just because I'm not physically at the same place, alright sweetie?"
Biting her lip, Nancy nodded, her sight starting to get blurry.
"We'll come and visit you whenever you'd like", Karen whispered into her daughter's hair. "Holly will be delighted to spend some time with you."
At the mention of her little sister, the tears couldn't be held back any longer. Nancy sniffled.
"Please tell her that I love her and-, And that she really has to be careful when taking the route on west street without me, to n-"
"I will", her mother assured her, her hands brushing tenderly against Nancy's tear-stained cheeks. "You do not have to worry one bit about her okay? Not about her, not Mike, not us. We're fine. And we'll be totally okay. Just try to concentrate on you. On getting better. Yeah?"
She nodded weakly.
"Try to fight Nancy. Please. It's all only in your head."
Yeah, that's like the whole point.
She nodded her head again.
"I love you Nance"
"I love you too, mom", she croaked, as she hugged her one last time.
"I'll text you goodnight", Karen promised, pressing her lips against her daughter's forehead. "Bye my love. It's all going to be okay again. You'll be okay."
With that, she turned around and walked through the door, leaving Nancy behind. Completely alone in an unfamiliar life she never would've chosen for herself.
When she calmed down enough after her mom had left, Nancy wiped away her tears with the sleeves of her shirt.
She was being pathetic, wasn't she?
But wasn't it kinda normal to cry when having to say goodbye to your loved ones whom you wouldn't be seeing regularly anymore?
She had no idea.
She hadn't ever been in such a situation, nor experienced it anywhere around her.
Letting out a breath, she turned to properly take in her new room. Well, her and her roommate's room.
The only time she'd ever had a roommate of sorts, was when Holly had been born and her nursery hadn't been finished yet, so she had to let her baby sister sleep in her room, in her tiny crib.
She wouldn't have minded her staying for longer.
However, this didn't really count as having a roommate, after all. Not to mention a roommate her age. That's what Joyce had mentioned at least.
Maybe the girl was the one she'd seen in the lobby earlier? She'd seemed nice enough.
Not that it mattered anyways.
She was here to work on her.. issues, get better and then get the hell out of this place. 90 days. Not more, not less. She could do ninety days. She would make her mom proud and be back to care for Holly and watch over Mike, whenever she wanted to.
They only had to survive until then.
Shaking that thought out of her mind, she took a few steps towards the desk of her roommate. There were loose sheets scattered around everywhere, little notes, doodles and lyrics written all over them. Almost automatically, her hand moved to touch one.
Often an entire family is crazy, but since an entire family can't go into the hospital, one person is designated as crazy and goes inside. Then, depending on how the rest of the family is feeling, that person is kept inside or snatched out, to prove something about the family's mental health. -Susanna Kaysen
"Well that's relatable..", Nancy muttered as she drew her hand back and let her eyes wander.
Posters were plastered all over the walls. Bands, movies, artworks.. The pretty Reckless, Bikini Kill, The Smiths, a movie called 'Desert Hearts' and another one that appeared to be french.. 'Portrait de la jeune fille en feu'. While most of the titles and band names she had never even heard of, no matter where she was looking, her eyes did always find something to focus on.
There was something about everything.
This girl seemed to have a very passionate personality.
Nancy ended up having unpacked most of her clothes when someone knocked at the door.
"Come in!", she replied as vibrant as possible.
"Ah I see you're already unpacking, that's a great way to get settled in", the woman from earlier, Joyce, spoke from the doorframe, after cracking the door open.
"Are you ready to meet Dr. Kelley?", she asked, and the question really seemed to be one she could reply honestly to. What would that woman do if Nancy just straight-up told her 'No, not now'?
"Yes, of course."
"Great. Let's go downstairs!"
Her fingers felt clammy. She hadn't washed them since leaving home, she noticed. Once that thought was planted in her brain, there was no getting it out again.
The comfort of playing with the locket on her necklace disappeared into thin air, the only thing on her mind now being the feeling of dull skin against clean metal. She'd have to give it a proper wash later. Her necklace, not her hands. Well, her hands too. Obviously.
Hopefully this getting to know each other - session wouldn't be taking so long. Maybe she should ask to be excused for a moment? Go to the toilet and wash her hands. Was that allowed? Could she just ditch therapy whenever she wanted?
Even though it was killing her, her fingers continued to press against the locket from both sides. Twisting. Turning.
One time. Two. Three. Four. Twist. Turn.
Again, other finger.
"Nancy?"
She paused, her anxiety spiking up.
Again. Do it again, NOW. Time's running and you have to-
"Sorry- What?"
"I asked about your relationship with your mother", the dark-haired woman in front of her asked with a smile.
Everyone seemed so happy here? All those smiles just had to be put on. There was no way in hell they were real ones. No-one had any reason to smile that often. Right?
"Oh. Uhm-"
Twist. Turn.
"We're good. I..I mean we're tight. I guess."
One. Two. Three. Four.
"Are you spending much time together?"
Twist. Turn. One. Two.
"Sometimes"
Three. Four.
"What are you doing when you're spending time together?"
One. Two- No.
Twist.
Turn.
"Uhm.. I'm..I'm not sure", she whispered.
Okay, that woman just had to be thinking of how dumb Nancy seemed to be.
"We do ordinary stuff.. mostly. Like.. uhm-"
One. Two. Three. Four.
Twist.
Turn.
"Like cooking together, with my sister. O-or going to the park.. being crafty.. Things like that."
Were her hands really sweating that much or did she just imagine the moisture steadily increasing?
She wiped them on her jeans.
Better to wash those today, too.
They had to have a washing machine. They had to? Right?
Were they allowed to use them whenever?
Maybe she'd be banned from using them, if they knew how much she was relying on their ability.
"That sounds lovely. Can I ask if your interactions have changed since having been aware of your condition? Both from your side, and theirs? If yes, how so?", she held the pen close to her clipboard.
Ready to write everything down.
To analyze everything Nancy said.
Every. Little. Detail.
She knew how this worked.
Clearing her throat, her fingers found the locket again, repeating the cycle, while responding.
"Well, my mom thinks this is all in my head and I'm just getting myself worked up about it for no reason whatsoever.. And that I'm.. choosing not to get better, because I'm.. Uhm. Weak. Or whatever."
Dr. Kelley nodded, the pen resting still against the paper. She was looking at her intensely, so Nancy decided to just continue.
Twist. Turn.
"My dad doesn't care at all, not really. He only cares about harmony in our family which, by his definition, is about as much as not talking to each other about anything that truly matters.. and well, just like.. live around one another in silence."
One. Two. Three. Four.
"My siblings.. I actually don't know. Guess my brother doesn't care. We're.. we're not that close. Not anymore, and uhm, my sister-"
Her voice broke promptly at the mention of her sister.
God she hoped she was safe.
She had to be safe.
"She's.. uhm..", a wet sensation ran over her cheeks. Of course. That's what she needed right now.
Twist. Turn.
"I don't know.."
"That's okay."
Nothing about this was okay.
One. Two. Three-
"How old is she?"
"Four", she stated, before cringing. "Sorry, I-I meant seven."
Dr. Kelley didn't bat an eye.
"An adorable age", she only smiled. "Are you two close?"
"Yeah, I guess, I- I mean closer than me and Mike for that matter. She.. My..my mom says she looks up to me, which really isn't a good thing, like, at all, but-", Nancy moved her forearm to wipe away the tears still streaming down her face.
Washing machine.
Jeans. Shirt, too.
First her hands. Take off the locket, take off the clothes, get them cleaned, wash the locket, wash her hands again.
"It's probably better she's getting a bit of distance from me.."
I don't want to ruin her too.
"I'm by far not the best influence."
Twist. Turn.
One. Two. Three. Four.
"I bet she and everyone else in your vicinity loves you very much", the woman spoke.
Lies.
She put her notes aside, leaning forward a bit, "I want you to settle in properly, and take it easy the first week. I'll still give you some papers and tests to fill out, but I won't expect you to have them ready till our next session, okay? Give yourself time and patience."
Nancy nodded absentmindedly.
That sounded like a goodbye. So she could finally go to the bathroom and-
"I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to. My phone number is on the blue sheet of emergency numbers you've been given. Do not hesitate to call if you're not adjusting well", she passed Nancy a stack of papers.
"We'll be seeing each other on..", a quick look at her calender. "Thursday next week. 5 pm."
They exchanged a glance. "Is there anything else you want to get off your chest right now?"
She only shook her head once.
"Well then. I can't wait to hear about your first week experiences next session. I wish you all the best, Nancy", the woman stood up, holding out her hand for Nancy to take.
Only one second.
She could do this.
Bathroom. Only a few seconds.
Her hand reached out and squeezed around hers.
"Thank you", she forced out, and pulled her hand back with an awkward smile.
"Bye!"
"Goodbye Nancy"
She left the office as calmly as possible, but as soon as she stood in the hallway, her back to the closed door, she let her guard down. To the slightest extent.
Papers pressed tightly against her chest, she closed her eyes for a second to breathe in. Then, her next step. Bathroom. Now.
Finally.
Her sleeve wiped at her face again.
She's been on the edge of tears all day long. If it was going to continue like this, she'd-
Suddenly, her mind went blank, as she felt something heavy and resistant crashing into her.
"Ow", she muttered, rubbing her forehead.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry"
She cracked her eyes open to see a slightly taller guy standing in front of her.
"It's fine", she said, as her eyes drifted over the floor to the scattered papers.
She kneeled down to pick them up, just as her opposite decided to do the same.
"Wait, let me-"
Both of them froze as they were directly looking into each other's eyes, both kneeling on the floor, their faces only a few inches apart.
This was getting more and more awkward.
The guy cleared his throat, before gathering the lost papers as quickly as possible and raise back to his feet.
"Here", he smiled. "Sorry again, I really didn't want to introduce me by running you over."
Nancy smiled, and for the first time that day, she wasn't so sure whether it was a fake one.
"Don't worry about it. Seriously"
A second of silence passed.
"I'm, uh.. Jonathan", he spoke.
"Nancy", she introduced herself.
"Nice to meet you, Nancy."
Thank god she was gripping the papers with both her hands, otherwise he surely would've gone for a handshake.
"I see you had your first chat with Dr. Kelley?"
She only bopped her head.
"I know things are quite overwhelming the first days, but you'll soon realize how laid-back everything around here actually is. And the professionals are really great, too."
"How long have you been here?"
That's such an inappropriate question to ask.
"Oh!", the boy, Jonathan, laughed awkwardly, rubbing his neck. "I'm not a resident here, I mean, not that that would be bad or anything, I'm just not-", he shook his head, starting anew. "I'm Joyce's son."
At Nancy's furrowed eyebrows, he elaborated.
"My brother and me live here. Upstairs, rather. You know, when my mom had started to realize her dream for this facility, she didn't want us to be alone most of the time, so one thing led to another and- well. Here we are."
The girl hesitated. "Isn't that weird for you? Random kids entering your life all the time? Doesn't that affect your relationship with your mother?"
As soon as the words had left her mouth, she wished she could've sucked them back into her.
Damn her urge to investigate everything, all the damn time.
At least, Jonathan didn't seem to be bothered by the questions.
"Not really. We're all like a big family here", he sent her a genuine smile. "I think you'll like it."
They started walking a few steps together. The compulsion for a bathroom having been pushed into the back of her mind. For now.
"You're rooming with Robin, right?"
"Uh yeah, I- I think so."
He only grinned. "You'll like her, she's amazing."
His words had a calming effect on her. If everyone agreed that this Robin was so 'amazing', maybe her stay here wouldn't turn out as bad as she'd anticipated.
Maybe.
"We'll see each other at dinner alright?", Jonathan smiled at her, as they were standing at the stairs to her stock. She hadn't even paid attention to where they'd been going.
"Alright", she forced another smile.
Right. Dinner.
Fuck.
Scratch everything, she really wanted to go back home.
Watching as Jonathan took the stairs to the next stock, she tried to keep her breathing steady. It would be okay. They couldn't force her to eat anything she wasn't comfortable eating.
They couldn't. Could they?
How could she have ever agreed to come to such a place? How did anyone really believe something like this would help her? It. definitely. would. not.
She had to think about something else. Anything.
Getting her first panic attack even before dinner would be just straight-up embarrassing.
A question arose in her mind.
Was that Jonathan boy Robin's boyfriend? He seemed to be very fond of her. Were people in here even allowed to have some kind of relationship?
She really needed to write down all of her questions, and ask Joyce to give her some clarity.
The uncertainty was driving her insane.
Standing in front of her new room's door, she took one last deep inhale, and swiftly pushed down the door handle.
After entering the room, she placed the sheets on her side's desk, and sighed exasperatedly.
"That rough of a start, huh?"
Her whole body flinching at the sudden voice, Nancy turned around immediately. She came face to face with a girl that was sitting on her bed.
The girl from the lobby.
Her roommate.
Robin.