Chapter Text
It had been three days since Ilya and Shane had said ‘I love you’ to each other for the first time.
Three glorious days of love, laughter, sex and (finally) no holes barred conversation!
It was Shane’s idea. Go back through their relationship and say all of the things they should have said at the time.
They were snuggled together on the couch when Ilya brought up the night Shane won Rookie of the Year.
“I was so proud of you!”, Ilya admitted, “yes, it would have been nice to win myself. But even that early on in us, I was so attached to you, your win felt like a win for me too because the boy I couldn’t stop thinking about had won!”
Shane was surprised.
“I genuinely thought you were jealous of my win”.
Ilya shook his head. He opened his mouth a few times to say something but then would close it.
Shane looked at him with gentle eyes. Ilya reminded himself that he was safe with Shane. That Shane saw him for exactly who he was and loved him anyway.
He took a breath.
“I was scared. I knew I was going home to Russia a couple of days later. To my father. I knew he would be so angry and disappointed in me for losing. I would be a failure in his eyes. Again”.
“I had no idea. I’m sorry”.
Ilya touched Shane’s freckles.
“How could you have known? Your experience was so different. You have supportive parents”.
“You have them now too”.
Ilya smiled. He had grown very fond of David and Yuna over the short space of time he knew them.
“I couldn’t tell you. It would have felt like I was letting my father down. And I didn’t want to scare you away!”
Shane wondered if knowing the truth back then would have.
He rubbed Ilya’s neck.
“With the sheer amount of rookies there are every season, it’s a win in itself just to be nominated Ilya! I know it’s easy for me to say but winning isn’t everything”.
“I know that. Now. But I was so young. My father had such influence over me. I believed what he said about me”.
“That you’re lazy”, Shane muttered to himself, remembering another conversation they had had.
“Yes”.
Shane moved to straddle Ilya.
He cradled the face of his beloved boyfriend.
“Well, you can start believing what I say about you now”, he kissed Ilya softly.
“Oh yes? And what is that?”, Ilya asked.
“That you are loving and kind and talented and smart and fun and passionate and sexy as hell and a bit of an asshole sometimes”.
Ilya laughed.
“I love you Ilya Rozanov. You are the best person I know”.
“I love you too Hollander. More than you will ever know”.