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“I just don’t know how to take care of a disabled child.”
Her mom’s words were ringing in Max’s ear as she sat in the lobby of the physical therapist’s office. Her PT session had ended about twenty minutes ago. Her mom had not shown up to pick her up like she had promised. And Max was tired. Too tired not to let the darkness win.
Her physical therapist had said that she always pushed herself too hard, but they let her do it anyway. There was no gentle reassurance from them, no encouragement. Just a steady, ‘this is what we’re doing today.’ Then after she did it, ‘do you want to do it again?’ The answer was always yes, despite how her muscles would scream.
Max knew exactly where she was. Having gotten home from work, Susan was passed out in their apartment, drunk on whatever wine she still had. She may have saved the world, but she couldn’t save her mom.
“Max, who else can I call for you?” The receptionist glanced up at her again, her curly hair impeding her glasses.
Max sat there in her wheelchair, glancing out the window again at the January air that had started to chill and swirl the few leaves that were left on the streets. The grey had settled in as night drew upon them and it felt like it would rain. Max could feel it in her bones now, same as the cold.
“Sweetheart?”
“Can you wheel me over, and I’ll call them myself?”
“Of course, dear,” the receptionist said, a sad little smile on her lips that was more pitiful than anything else, as Max looked back out to the window again.
Twenty minutes later, Steve’s car pulled up in front of the office. He met her eyes as he parked and gave her that little half-smile. It made the pit in Max’s stomach start to go away. He rushed in, not even glancing at the receptionist as he jogged over to her. Then he knelt down in front of her.
“Hey, Red. You ready to get out of here?” Steve asked, grabbing her hands and giving them a squeeze.
“God, yes,” Max said, letting herself laugh as he chuckled too.
Steve got her all packed up and settled in the front seat of the car. He put her wheelchair into the back after tucking the blanket around her shoulders. Max played with her headphones, twisting the cord around her fingers. As Steve got in, he had the radio going on the squawk as Robin played Billy Joel.
“Are you hungry? Do you want to get some food? You know they just opened up that burger shop on 4th and 5th, right where Maddie’s used to be. It’s really good. They've got, like, a pickles burger. It might be worth a try.”
“Yeah.”
Max focused on Steve’s voice, trying to pay attention to what he said, but it was hard to hear him over the radio as it bumped beneath the dashboard.
“Hey, so I can't get a hold of your mom but…”
“Don't.”
“Max...”
Steve looked over at her, his eyebrows knitted together. The lines on his forehead seemed deeper than usual. Things grew quiet again as they drove. Max looked down at the headphones, twisted around her fingers so tightly they were white.
“My mom doesn’t know how to take care of a disabled child.”
Steve sighed, looking over at her as Max stared out her window. The rain finally started with a pitter on the roof. Max watched as the trail of water made its way across the window. He opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say, then closed it and looked back at the road ahead.
“I think your mom is overwhelmed, kiddo. She works two jobs, she drives you to all of your doctor’s appointments, and she’s trying to get sober at the same time. It can be a lot sometimes.”
“She thinks I don’t feel it like it’s all a lot sometimes,” Max said, jerking her hands up as her headphones came unplugged from her Walkman. “I can’t even move half the time. I can’t go to school. I can’t skateboard. I’m still in a lot of pain, and every night I have nightmares. Even during the day, it’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Vecna to come back. I'm waiting for him to come and take me again, or Holly, or Lucas… somebody else.”
The tears blurred her vision of the rain as she turned and wiped her nose on her shoulder because she was too tired to raise her arms. Steve turned off the radio. Max looked up as he glanced around before he veered off the road. The engine rumbled in protest. He parked on the side and the noise lessened. He shut off the car, and all she could hear was the rain.
“You're safe, Max,” Steve said, reaching over to slide closer across the bench seat to her and put an arm around her.
“And I’m not trying to justify anything. I’m just…. Look, have you talked to your mom about all of this? I mean, I know you’re talking to Lucas, and everyone else, but…. Have you even told your mom where you were when you were in the coma?”
“No, she would never understand,” Max said, as she stared straight ahead at the road, but let herself lean into Steve.
“I think you should just try it.”
“I’ll think about it,” Max said, as she looked over at Steve. He gave her that little smile again and grabbed a tissue from the glove compartment, wiping her face.
“In the meantime, I was thinking Tuesdays and Thursdays aren’t too busy at the Squawk. And my college courses are in the mornings. So why don’t I just take over bringing you to and from your physical therapy? I could take you to therapy with Ms. Kelly on Mondays as well, even if you don’t go back to school.”
Max raised her eyebrow. “You’d do that for me?”
“Yeah, it’d be no problem,” Steve said with a little shrug, glancing over at her.
“Okay,” Max found herself saying.
As long as she had Steve, she knew he would always come and pick her up. He would always babysit her, as he still liked to call it, despite the fact that she was sixteen. Still, he hovered. Not in a worried way, but in a protective big-brother way. And every time she would catch him behind her, he would just look at her and smile, and she knew everything was going to be okay.
“Okay, but I got one rule, Red. You can’t complain about the music.”
“But you have such bad picks,” Max said, turning to argue with him.
“Do you want me to put on some Starship?”
“NO!” Max shouted as Steve laughed.
He reached over for her Walkman. Then pulled the Kate Bush cassette out and put it into the dashboard. The song started up again as he pulled back onto the road. He turned the heater on blast without asking if she was cold. The warmth seeped into her and loosened the muscles that had been tight from therapy.
Steve started to sing along, and Max rolled her eyes as they drove. His steady voice was like Mr. Clark’s sometimes. He used to lull her to sleep in the middle of class. The car rocked gently as they continued on. She had to fight to keep her eyelids open; her body was so exhausted after PT each and every time. But today, Max gave up the fight and closed her eyes.
“Okay kiddo, what do you want?” Steve said as he pulled into the burger place. Only to look over and find out that Max was asleep.
He smiled a little bit before ordering a burger and fries for both of them. Then took the long way back to the Squawk. When he got there, he circled around the building a couple of times before Robin ran out waving at him. Until she saw Max asleep in the front seat. Steve pulled to a stop as he rolled down his window. Robin leaned over into the car, resting her arms on the door.
“I didn’t have the heart to stop.”
“Poor thing. I got ahold of her mom. Her boss made her work an extra shift, and she didn’t have the number for the therapy office. She was trying to call the Wheelers' and the Sinclair’s house, but I guess both of their lines are busy.”
Steve looked over at Max and shook his head. “Ever since Truman took over Benny’s Dinner, he’s run it like an asshole.”
“Come on, let’s get her inside,” Robin said, stepping away and gesturing for Steve to pull the car in.
“Nah, I’ll stay out here with her. I don’t want to wake her,” Steve said with a shrug, looking over at Max and pulling the blanket up to her neck, where it had fallen.
“You’re a good babysitter, Steve,” Robin said, climbing in the back as she reached for the bag of food.
“Hey, don’t eat all the fries, they’re her favorite.”
“Well, you only got the smalls, you should’ve gotten more.”
“And keep it down,” Steve shushed her, watching Max’s chest rise and fall.
Robin held up her hands as she sat back with her fries. They sat in the car, eating burgers and watching the rain fall. It smelled like fries and gasoline, and it got too hot. But Steve refused to let her crack a window. He kept the car going, the engine rocking Max. Letting her rest for as long as she needed.
Maybe others would struggle to take care of her, but Steve would always know just what she needed.