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Basira stared down at the loose potatoes in the produce section of the Tesco as she pulled out her phone again.
Daisy had texted her to get potatoes, but she hadn't given any more details than that and she wasn't responding to Basira's follow up texts.
Frozen, pre-cut ones? Baking potatoes? Yellow? Sweet? Red?
There was a whole world of potatoes to choose from.
With a grunt of frustration she put her phone away and grabbed a bag of Yukon Golds so that she could get on with her life.
Basira had barely dropped the grocery bag in the passenger seat of her car and straightened up when her shoulder bag was ripped away from her.
"Hey!" She barked and spun around in time to see someone sprinting down the sidewalk.
"God damn it." She muttered under her breath as she locked her car with the fob and took off after them.
They had a head start but Basira had been working with Daisy for several years at that point and she knew how to chase.
She dodged people on the sidewalk and dashed through traffic until she'd caught up.
Basira fully body slammed the would be thief into a wall before they could make a turn. She tore her bag away from the man in the second it took him to recover.
She backed up a few steps while she checked to make sure everything important was still there and the thief looked at her with wide eyes.
"Fuck off." She told him just as her lungs began to constrict and she had to fight to get enough air into her body.
Having just been chased down, knocked into a stone wall and then got a glare so icy it could freeze over hell, he didn't need any more prompting and scuttled away from her.
As he disappeared and a few people gawked at Basira for having just run down her own purse snatcher, the exertion caught up to her and she let out a wheeze as she panted for breath.
She clutched her bag to her chest as she doubled over and gasped in an effort to catch her breath but only began to cough.
Her issues were getting worse and several scary possibilities bubbled up in her mind.
Lung cancer.
Basira pushed that one away. There were a lot of other things that could be the problem.
She should have gone to a doctor as soon as she'd started noticing issues, but she just kept putting it off. Between work, her and Jon's unofficial book club and outings with Daisy it just never seemed like a good time to make the call.
But as she struggled to breath, hunched over on the sidewalk while a concerned passerby asked if she needed help, she came to the conclusion that she needed to do it now.
"Asthma."
The doctor said with a sage nod of his head.
Not cancer.
Basira relaxed in her seat.
The worst case scenario had been ruled out, but the reality was still less than ideal.
While the doctor talked to her about attack triggers and everyday irritants, in the back of her mind a nagging worry kept trying to draw her attention.
What will Daisy think?
Her partner depended on her to be strong, to have her back and keep pace with her- would she look at Basira differently if a short sprint left her gasping for air? If a bit of cigarette smoke triggered an attack?
Deep down she knew this was the reason she hadn't seen a doctor sooner.
The needling fear that she would get confirmation that something was wrong paired with the delusional hope that if she kept ignoring it that it would go away, had kept her sitting on her hands in this regard.
So far she'd been able to ignore it.
The shortness of breath always came after the pursuit was over, when she could afford to fight for air- but she couldn't count on that staying the case.
She got her prescription for an inhaler, a list of thing to avoid as well as signs that it was getting worse, and just like that she was back to her life.
When Basira slid into her car she realized the bag of potatoes was still sitting on her passenger seat.
She finally checked her phone and saw there was a follow up message from Daisy asking if she'd gotten them.
Basira shifted in the driver's seat for a moment before responding that she had, then she tossed her phone aside and put the car in drive.
As she drove over to Daisy's flat she thought about her lungs and what would happen if she couldn't count on them.
Right before she'd been sectioned she'd been about to quit the force, but then she'd started working with Daisy and all at once her own discomfort seemed trivial. Now there was a part of her that saw her asthma as an out, an excuse even.
Maybe Daisy would forgive her leaving if it wasn't due to her weak will.
It's not that big of a deal. The stubborn part of her brain that sounded a lot like her dad told her. You've been managing it fine and you'll be even better once you have an inhaler on you.
She stop at a cross walk to let a man and his young son cross the street. The dad held up a hand to her, signaling that he acknowledged her stopping for them.
Basira raised one hand off of the steering wheel awkwardly. It wasn't as if she'd done anything special, but she supposed little gestures of recognition helped to keep the world spinning.
When they were on the other side she took her foot off of the break and kept going.
She wanted to be dependable and strong, but doubt had been her constant companion in life and it lingered by her side even now.
Especially now.
When Basira arrived at Daisy's door step she could hear muffled voices beyond it and felt some of the tension ease from her body. She knew what was on the other side of the wood in front of her and it was safe.
She knocked once and called through the door. "It's me. Open up."
It swung open and there stood her partner, as powerful and sure of herself as ever.
"You got the goods?"
Basira had to bite her lip to keep herself from cracking a smile and ruining the bit early. She made a show of hunching over and glancing up and down the hall of the building before she pulled out the potatoes.
"Two pounds of gold."
Daisy made as if to take them from her but Basira pulled them into her jacket defensively.
"Ah ah ah. Not so fast. You got my money?"
"Could you two stop playing potato dealer and give me those? I'm trying to make soup."
Jon's unamused voice came from out of sight behind Daisy.
Despite her brother's protests Daisy didn't break character.
"I do." She shifted her weight from foot to foot, eyes darting around. "Fifty, all right here." She patted the breast pocket of her flannel where the outline of a pack of gum could be seen.
"Seriously? I'm potato poor and you're doing a bit?"
Jon said with an audible pout in his voice.
At that Daisy did let up and stepped back from the doorway to allow Basira entry.
"Alright. No need to get worked up."
"I'm not getting worked up." Jon told her and as Basira entered he came into view. He was surrounded by prepared ingredients with a pot on the unlit stove top looking less than pleased with them.
"But I'd been expecting the core ingredient for the potato soup long before now."
"Sorry." Basira said as she handed over the grocery bag to Daisy and kicked off her shoes. "No one told me they were needed for tonight's dinner."
"You didn't?" Now Jon had turned his accusatory gaze to his sister who just shrugged.
"I thought it was implied."
"It wasn't."
Basira moved to join Jon in the kitchen, leaving Daisy to defend herself for her poor texting etiquette.
"Look." She showed him her message history with her partner and let him come to the same conclusion she had.
"Daisy this is shit." He said with a scowl on his face.
"It's- I thought-" She made a helpless gesture as she really and truly didn't have a defense for her lack-luster communication.
"Whatever, Basira's here now and we have potatoes again." Jon turned his attention to the food as Basira took up potato peeling duty.
Having lost the debate of whose fault it was that they'd been deprived of potatoes for so long, Daisy resigned herself to checking on the lamb roast quietly while the other two finished preparing the soup.
As the evening rolled on in comfortable familiarity Basira felt a drop of fear slosh around in her belly.
This- Jon and Daisy and the little family unit they made together- was everything to her.
If she left the force or betrayed an inability to keep pace with her partner, would her place in this be lost?
As she peeled and Jon diced she thought about the place in Daisy's life they each occupied.
Jon was her little brother, he didn't need to do anything except to be that. He was a person she protected and took care of, while Basira was someone Daisy expected to be able to bear the weight of the world with her.
Already there was a gap between them, between Daisy who took on the darker, stranger aspects of their job and Basira who floated around the edge, aware of the unexplainable but not stepping into it.
She couldn't let that divide become larger.
She couldn't let Daisy leave her behind.
As the scent of roasting meat and herbs filled the air, Basira took in a deep breath and felt her exhale come out as a wheeze. She turned her head away in case she started coughing but was able to steady herself with some more shallow breaths.
"Alright?" Daisy asked her where she hovered by the counter since she wasn't actively on potato duty.
"Yup." Basira replied, doing her best to keep her tone casual and unbothered.
She might not be able to fully hid it forever, but for now nobody needed to know but herself.
She wanted to keep her place, in this family and in the world. She wanted to be strong and fast like Daisy, but keep a curious mind like Jon.
Basira didn't know what the person she wanted to be looked like, but it started right there in that kitchen with her tongue held and her hands busy.