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There were three major points of gossip among the hockey team the Fall of 2015:
- Chowder’s relatively drama-free breakup with Farmer that everyone (Bitty) treated as a harbinger of the apocalypse.
- The ugly-as-fuck “Pan Pride” tank that Nursey had taken to wearing in the weight room and the confusion that followed. (“I don’t get it. Peter Pan Pride? Or like one of Bitty’s cooking pans? Does he think he’ll get more pie this way? Is this a weird, Manhattan thing?” “Holster, shut up.”)
- Bitty’s “secret” boyfriend
The last was everyone’s favorite topic of conversation. After a plea for privacy from Bitty - which included several plates of bribery cookies - the team stopped asking him questions outright. But the speculation continued, almost a game among the more interested teammates. (Ransom and Holster).
Bitty swore up and down that it was a boy he knew from back home, and that they kept it secret because his family was even more conservative than Bitty’s. But no one bought that story; as Lardo pointed out once, Bitty would be able to tell them a name if that was the case. It was hardly likely that his teammates in Massachusetts would accidentally out his boyfriend in Georgia.
“It’s gotta be someone at Samwell,” Holster said one morning, slamming his fist on the table. It was the weekly Sunday Haus Brunch and everyone was squeezed into the kitchen. Bitty had left to take a phone call from Jack - “Brah, I bet he’s told Jack. They’re, like, best bros.” - and the topic of conversation had quickly turned to the boyfriend.
“But it’s Samwell,” Ransom said through a mouthful of quiche. “And it’s us. Why would someone at Samwell need to stay closeted from us? I smell a conspiracy.”
“Maybe Bitty just knows how much you’d harass the guy,” Lardo said quietly. She was wearing dark sunglasses and flinched every time Holster spoke. It didn’t happen often, but even Lardo suffered hangovers from time to time, and when she did, it wasn’t pretty.
“Nope, conspiracy,” Holster said, stealing half the bacon off of Bitty’s abandoned plate. “Seriously, is he, like, dating one of Jack’s teammates? He goes to Providence, all the time.”
“Maybe he’s dating Mashkov,” Ransom said excitedly. “That would be ‘swawesome.”
“Isn’t Mashkov engaged?” Dex asked, standing to pour another cup of coffee.
Ransom and Holster gasped in unison. “Is Bitty a homewrecker?” Holster whispered, eyes wide.
“You guys are idiots,” Lardo grumbled. “Bitty’s not the type.”
“Maybe it’s someone on the team,” Nursey suggested. He was perched on the counter next to the coffee pot, icing one of the many bruises he’d acquired at the rager the night before. “I mean, why else would he need to hide it?”
Ransom and Holster turned to each other in tandem. “Holy crap,” Ransom said. “Why didn’t we think of that?”
“Because,” Lardo said again, pushing her plate away. “You’re. Idiots.”
“You okay, Lards?” Nursey asked.
“Gonna ralph,” she muttered, standing up. “Leave Bitty alone. He doesn’t have to tell you guys anything.” Face turning slightly green, she bolted from the room.
“She knows,” Ransom said. “She totally knows who it is.”
“Maybe it is someone on the team,” Dex said, stirring a splash of milk into his mug. “But it’s clearly none of our business so-”
“CONSPIRACY!” Holster shouted, jumping up. “C’mon, Rans, we gotta sleuth the shit out of this shit!”
“But, brunch, bro.”
They also dashed from the kitchen, Ransom still holding his plate. The Frogs sat in awkward silence for a moment. Then, Dex spoke.
“Yeah, alright. I’m going back to my place, it’s too early to deal with this shit. You guys wanna meet for dinner?” He dumped his coffee into the sink and rinsed out the cup.
“Yeah, man, sure,” Nursey said. Chowder was still deep in thought, nodding absently.
“Do you think they’ll actually figure out who Bitty’s boyfriend is?” He asked, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.
“Nah,” Nursey said with a vague wave of his hand. “Bits is so careful, we’re never gonna know anything he doesn’t want us to.”
“It’ll just have to be a mystery,” Dex said impatiently. “Nurse, you coming with or not?”
“A mystery,” Chowder sighed as his two best friends left the Haus. “Maybe that’s for the best.”
Things had been weird with Caitlin since the breakup.
She insisted they could still be friends, and they were, but it was just weird being friends with someone who’d once been more. Plus, outside of the hockey team, all of his friends were also her friends, and they seemed to think that they had to choose sides or something.
Everything was just weird.
It was weird living in Jack Zimmermann’s old room, knowing that Jack had spent three years sleeping here and studying here and planning hockey plays here. It was weird - in a good way! - living across the hall from Bitty and hearing his pop music at all hours of the day. And it was weird knowing that Bitty had a boyfriend and that he didn’t want to tell any of them about it.
Chowder wandered down to the kitchen, hoping to talk with Bitty. He didn’t need to tell them about the boyfriend - especially if he was worried about his parents finding out - but Chowder needed Bitty to know that he could tell them. If he wanted. The team would always have his back.
As he reached the doorway, Chowder heard a familiar voice mingled with Bitty’s in the kitchen. Nursey, though banned from cooking by himself, liked to study at the kitchen table. Chowder thought it was sweet, wanting to read while Bitty puttered around instead of holing himself up in the library like Ransom and Holster. He liked that about Nursey.
Drawing closer, Chowder could hear his friends’ conversation - or, rather, he could hear Nursey reciting something to Bitty. His voice always got lower when he read out loud, going soft and smooth in a way that made butterflies flutter in Chowder’s stomach.
“-unfurl my heart like crumpled, paper notes / I smooth his edges with trembling fingers / and under my nails is soil / his smile blooms the flowers in his eyes.”
There was a pause as Nursey finished. Then Bitty sighed dreamily and said, “Gosh, hun, that was lovely.”
“Thanks, Bits.” Chowder could hear the soft smile in his voice. “I’m still not sure about a few lines-”
“Honey,” Bitty said admonishingly and Chowder could imagine him waving his spatula in a menacing gesture. “That was the sweetest darn poem I’ve ever heard. It’s perfect the way it is.”
There was another pause and then Nursey said, voice soft and rough, “Thanks, Bitty.”
An unfamiliar sort of sadness weight heavy in Chowder’s gut as he backed away, retreating up the stairs to his room. Was Nursey the secret boyfriend? He didn’t know why Nursey would want to keep the relationship secret - he’d come out to the team when Holster asked about that goofy tank top and Bitty had been out as long as Chowder had known him.
Maybe they just valued their privacy. Maybe they knew they’d get fined for being super adorable.
Or maybe it was to protect someone’s feelings…someone like Chowder…
Caitlin had seen his crush on Nursey - and his crush on Dex - from the very beginning of their relationship. “Everyone gets crushes,” she’d said when he’d apologized. “It’s totally normal.” But the volleyball team had three out lesbians and two out bisexuals in its roster; their locker room culture was so open and accepting. Even at Samwell, having a crush on a male teammate was taboo. The only out players on the hockey team were Bitty and Nursey, and Chowder just couldn’t imagine what would happen if one of them developed a crush on one of the other boys.
(Actually, he could imagine. Bitty’s crush on Jack last year had been even more obvious than Chowder’s crushes on Nursey and Dex. Some of the other guys had talked shit about Bitty that year, the way he followed Jack around like a puppy, batting his eyelashes. But Ransom and Holster had, uh, taken care of those guys once they caught wind. As far as Chowder knew, Jack never found out about the crush and Bitty never found out about the guys who wanted him off the team.)
And maybe that’s why they hid. The Haus would wholeheartedly accept their relationship, but the rest of the team might not.
Chowder sighed and shuffled into his room, collapsing on his bed and burying his face in Sharkie. It hurt that Nursey and Bitty - two of his best friends - didn’t think they could tell him about them! And it hurt that Nursey was dating someone…else…without him…
Maybe Dex would know what to do. Dex always knew what to do.
Nursey was struggling with this last stanza and he needed to turn the poem in before his workshop tomorrow morning. The rest of the poem was polished, flowing crisply and rhythmically, mirroring the stuttering of his heart when he glimpsed flaming red hair or a sunny, brace-faced smile. (A part of him was afraid his classmates would start making connections between all his poems, and realize he wrote about two very specific people. A part of him wanted everyone to know how in love he was, and how much it hurt.)
Bitty was his favorite critic. Incredibly nice and complimentary, but willing to make suggestions when he felt something was lacking. Lardo had greater artistic sensibilities, but she was either too quiet or too harsh, never settling anywhere in between. Ransom was usually too busy, Holster was an uncultured heathen, and Dex and Chowder…would never read these poems as long as Nursey lived.
Also, Bitty fed him whenever he came within a ten-foot radius of the kitchen. And that was rad.
Hungry and frustrated, Nursey opened the front door of the Haus, grimacing as it wobbled on its hinges. That couldn’t be safe. He’d have to ask Dex about it.
“Oh, oh! Dex, yes!”
Nursey paused, eyes widening. That couldn’t be what it sounded like…
“It’s perfect!” Bitty exclaimed, voice going up an octave. “Seriously, these pictures look perfect! Dex, you’re a miracle worker.”
Nursey sighed a breath of relief. He was being silly, Dex and Bitty weren’t like that. He sauntered down the hall and stuck his head through the kitchen door. Dex was doing something complicated with a string and a level as he hung a picture frame on the wall by the kitchen table. Two more were already hung neatly next to it, and Bitty stood by holding the hammer, bouncing a little with excitement.
“I’m really not, Bitty,” Dex said with an amused grin. “Just hammering some nails into a wall.”
Bitty scoffed. “If I or any of the other boys tried to do this we’d either get them all crooked or end up in the E.R.” He pointed at Dex with the hammer, one hand on his hip. “You, sir, are getting any kind of pie your heart desires.”
Dex ducked his head to hide his smile. “Blueberry?”
“Mmm.” Bitty set the hammer down on the table and danced over to the fridge to peek inside. “Should I use the last of the wild blueberries you brought me from home?”
Dex brought Bitty blueberries all the way from Maine? That seemed…oddly personal for Dex, especially since Nursey was almost certain he’d hated Bitty all of fall semester last year. But something had changed and now they were suddenly close-
Nursey gasped out loud as it hit him. Both Bitty and Dex turned to look at him, just now noticing his presence.
Bitty misunderstood, bless him. “Don’t they look great?” He asked Nursey, pulling a large carton of blueberries from the fridge. “Dex did a great job hanging them.”
“Again, it’s just hammering stuff, it’s not a big deal,” Dex said, face turning red. “They only look good ‘cause Jack’s such a good photographer.”
“Jack took these?” Nursey asked, thankful for the distraction. His chest felt tight when he looked at the two of them, so he focused on the photographs. “They’re really good.”
And they were. All three were studies in motion. The first was at a kegster, taken from the top of the stairs, a time-exposure shot of dancing bodies; he caught sight of Ransom’s head and Holster’s hair, another blonde blur he assumed was Bitty surrounded by the ghosts of other people, and a large beige-and-brown blur that must have been Shitty racing up the stairs to tackle Jack. The second was players at Faber, blurred forms in red and white tangled on the ice, no one player easily discernible. And the third was of this kitchen, a single, blonde figure captured over a long time whirling around the room, never quite looking at the camera. They all made Nursey smile.
“Mhmm,” Bitty agreed, laying out some chilled dough to roll into crust. “Dex, sugar, you can stop measuring, I promise they’re even.”
Dex huffed and reluctantly put away his level. “I just want them to look nice, Bits. We can’t all be slackers like you.”
That earned him a face full of flour, which he accepted with a laugh. Nursey ducked back out of the kitchen before he could get caught in the crosshairs of their weird flirting.
He wasn’t really sure where to go now; he’d come to use Bitty as a sounding board for his poem but didn’t want to interrupt- well, whatever that was. Nursey hadn’t even known Dex was gay or, at the least, not straight. If he’d known…well it was too late for that, he guessed.
It made sense that Bitty and Dex would be so secretive in their relationship. Bitty still wasn’t out to his parents and Dex wasn’t even out to the team, his friends.
Still, didn’t Dex know he could trust Nursey of all people? One of his best friends? One of his best, not-straight-in-any-way friends? One of his best friends who’d been super in love with a certain redhead for a really long time-?
Nursey stopped himself and scurried from the Haus entirely. He didn’t have time to pine over a taken friend or a sweet, probably-straight boy fresh out of a breakup. He sighed heavily, stomach in knots, and headed to the library.
He had a poem to write.
Dex knew that Chowder was Bitty’s secret boyfriend. He didn’t understand why it was secret, exactly, when it just seemed so damn obvious. But whatever, that was their business.
He was often jealous how close Bitty and Chowder has become. He wanted to be the one Chowder came to when he was sad or excited, wanted to wrap Chowder and Nursey up in a big hug and never let them go. But he wasn’t the kind of person people wanted to hug, and he seriously doubted Nursey and Chowder would want to hug him in that way.
In a way, Bitty and Chowder were set up for a perfect romance. They lived across the hall from each other, ate breakfast together and walked to class together. It was soft and sweet and made Dex’s heart ache to see.
Dex was bored when he wandered into the Haus several hours before the kegster was supposed to begin. He’d asked Ransom and Holster if they needed help setting up, but they’d already put Whiskey and Tango in charge of dragging the kegs up from the basement and pushing back the furniture in the living room, so he had nothing to do. With a shrug, Dex trudged up the stairs to see if Chowder wanted to hang out.
As he reached the landing, Dex heard Bitty laughing in his room. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d overheard Bitty laughing by himself, on the phone with Jack. But another voice joined Bitty, and Dex’s heart sank.
“Bits…I just want you to know that you’re, like, the best friend I’ve ever had.”
Dex could hear Bitty’s soft sigh of contentment. “Oh, sugar, I love you, too.”
Yeah. So fucking obvious. But still, Dex’s heart plunged into his stomach to hear it confirmed.
Bitty’s door was closed, but he could imagine them together, maybe side-by-side in Bitty’s bed, exchanging lazy kisses and whispering their little declarations. It was sickenly sweet.
“My mom really wants to meet you,” Chowder said, a little awkwardly. “Since I talk about you so much-”
“Is your family coming up for Parents weekend?” Bitty sounded excited and a little amused. Dex could almost hear him leaning his head on Chowder’s chest, looking up at him fondly.
“Yeah! Mom wants to try your pie- not that she expects you to make her one or anything-”
Bitty laughed, sweet and happy. “Sugar, of course I’ll have pie. I’m dying to meet the woman who gave birth to the sweetest goalie in the world.”
It was all too much. Dex scurried back down the stairs, ignoring Ransom and Holster as they asked where he was going. He loved Chowder, wanted Chowder to be happy but…it hurt a lot more than he thought it would. It hurt more than anything ever had.
The kegster that night was, in Bitty’s own, slurred words, a hot mess.
Holster was in the corner crying on some poor girl’s shoulder. When asked, Ransom told Bitty that Holster had been marathoning “Dogs with Jobs” on Netflix instead of studying and was inspired by how smart and caring service dogs were. Bitty cooed a little in Holster’s direction and wandered off, not willing to be the next human tissue.
“Bit-tay!” Lardo shouted, slinging an arm around his shoulder. She was at the pong table with the Frogs, as part of her ongoing quest to turn one of them into the ultimate pong partner. “You look hot.”
Bitty blushed. He’d been skyping with Jack earlier and Jack really loved when Bitty wore his sinfully tight black jeans. He didn’t have much of a booty to show off in them, but they did make him feel sexy.
“Thanks, darlin’,” he said, pressing a kiss to Lardo’s cheek. She curled into his side, snuggling close. Since Shitty graduated, Lardo found she had no one to cuddle with her on command, and Bitty found himself in the position of being her new teddy bear.
“You all dressed up for the boyfriend?” Lardo teased, patting his ass lightly. Bitty yelped and pushed her off while she cackled.
In tandem, the three Frogs tensed. It was honestly very creepy. Bitty raised an eyebrow.
“What’s up with y’all tonight?” He asked, hands on his hips. All of the Frogs stared at him silently, each looking more awkward than the last.
Lardo raised an eyebrow. “Is this about the boyfriend comment? Because, what the hell, guys, what aren’t you telling me?”
They knew. The three of them had to know. But Bitty and Jack had been so careful! Unless…unless the Frogs had overheard his Skype date last night…
The Haus was supposed to be empty. That’s the only reason he let himself go full volume. No one was supposed to hear him having Skype sex with his professional NHL player boyfriend.
Were he sober, Bitty might’ve played dumb or politely excused himself. But Bitty was not sober. Instead, he quite literally ran out of the room and the up the stairs, flopping down on his bed with a dramatic huff. He felt like he’d failed Jack in a huge way, outing him like that. It was mortifying and heartbreaking.
“Um, Bitty?”
The Frogs stood in his doorway, all looking varying shades of concerned. Chowder was almost vibrating with anxiety.
“How did y’all find out?” Bitty asked softly, not meeting any of their eyes. “We were so careful.”
All at once, the Frogs started talking.
“I mean, it made sense, you guys are so close-”
“-poetry! Really sappy poetry! Which was sweet, but-”
“-flirting like mad, bro.”
They all froze, staring at each other. Bitty was was not sober enough to deal with this. Bitty just wanted to drunk dial his boyfriend and fall asleep listening to Jack talk about Tater’s latest antics. Sometimes he worried about his bizarre, Frog sons.
“What’s going on, y’all?” Bitty hedged, rolling over to sit up. The room was spinning a little and the Frogs were still all staring at each other in shock and confusion.
“Wait,” Dex said slowly, almost glaring at Chowder. “Why are you talking about poetry?”
Chowder’s cheeks flushed a little. “I, uh, overheard Nursey reading a poem to Bitty. It was really romantic!” He added, casting a worried look at Nursey. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
“And you’re jealous?” Dex pried, crossing his arms over his chest.
Chowder’s eyes went wide, then he looked away a little sadly. “I mean…yeah…”
Nursey looked even more confused. “Why would you be jealous? If anything, Dex should be jealous.”
Dex’s face turned a dark shade of red. “Jealous?! Of what?!”
Nursey frowned and shrugged. “If you overheard me reading poetry to your boyfriend-”
“What?!” Dex and Bitty shrieked at the same time.
“Chowder’s his boyfriend, dumbass,” Dex bit out as he tried to recover. “Obviously.”
“Um, no…?” Chowder looked over to Bitty helplessly. “I mean! Bitty’s awesome! But we’re not-”
“Wait, wait, hold up.” Bitty stood, wobbling a little, and shushed the Frogs with a wave of his hand. “Let me get this straight- or, um. You-” He pointed at Nursey. “-think I’m dating Dex. You-” He swung his arm over to jab it at Dex. “-think I’m dating Chowder. And you, my sweet sunshine goalie-” He pointed to Chowder, whose ears were still flushed pink. “You think I’m dating Nursey. Is that correct?”
All three Frogs nodded dumbly. Bitty barked with laughter, feeling a thousand times lighter knowing that he hadn’t outed Jack at all. “Good Lord- no.”
“No…what?” Nursey asked hesitantly. Bitty huffed another laugh.
“I mean, no, you’re all wrong. Weirdly, hilariously wrong. Honestly, where do you three come up with these things?”
“So…” Dex scratched the back of his neck. “No one in this room is your secret boyfriend?”
Bitty shook his head, still chuckling. “No one currently in this Haus, sugar. No one currently on this campus. I’m not lyin’ when I say it’s long-distance.”
“But you call Dex ‘sugar!’” Nursey protested, looking properly embarrassed. “What was I supposed to think?”
“Really, Nursey?” Bitty sat back down on his bed and rolled his eyes. “I call you ‘honey.’ I call Chowder ‘sunshine.’ I’m pretty sure I called Holster ‘muffin’ the other day. It’s a southern thing, I swear.”
“Oh.” Chowder looked stunned.
Bitty giggled, so overwhelmed by how ridiculous this situation had gotten. “Were y’all really that desperate to figure out who my boyfriend is?”
No one said anything, but Bitty could feel the tension as they looked at each other, eyes dark and wanting. Oh, he thought. That’s it.
Sober Bitty might’ve be a bit more subtle in his handling of this situation. But drunk Bitty had no qualms jumping straight in.
“Or…is there maybe a bit of projection going on here?”
All three boys froze. Bitty sighed.
“Alright, clearly y’all are projecting some feelings. I mean, really? For all y’all to think that I was dating…well, all’ve y’all? That’s not normal.”
“Oh,” Chowder said, cast glances at Nursey and Dex. His cheeks were tinged pink and his eyes were sad. Bitty nodded, looking at the other two.
“This is something that needs to be discussed, I’m gonna guess,” he said. Nursey nodded and Dex’s jaw tightened. “Alright, this is the part where y’all leave my room,” Bitty said decisively, shoving Dex towards the door. The others followed him into the hallway, not protesting when he opened the door and herded them all in. “Have fun, stay safe, use your words. Bye.”
Unceremoniously, he slammed the door in their faces and darted back to his room, whipping out his phone and mumbling at Siri to call Jack.
“Bits?” Jack’s voice was a little groggy, but Bitty knew he didn’t have practice tomorrow, so he only felt a little bad for waking him.
“Sweetheart, you aren’t gonna believe the night I’ve had.”
“Are you drunk? What did Lardo make you do?”
Bitty snorted. “Surprisingly, nothing.”
“Okay, lay it on me. You never call during parties, it must’ve been something exciting.”
Bitty made a mental note to call Jack during parties more often. His voice was rough with sleep, but he sounded genuinely pleased to hear from Bitty unexpectedly. “Apparently I’m dating all of the Frogs.”
There was a pause and then Jack said, dryly, “You’ve certainly been busy this week, huh?”
“Oh, shush.” Bitty shucked off his jeans and crawled into bed, still feeling warm and loose from all the beer Ransom had plied him with. “It’s been a wild night, let me tell you…”
Jack chuckled, low and soft, and Bitty’s toes curled at the sound. He bit his lip, reveling in this quiet little moment between them, then launched into his story, all thoughts of the boys across the hall disappearing.
Chowder wasn’t sure his room was really the best place for this conversation. Of course, he wasn’t actually sure there was a best place for this conversation.
“So, uh.” He sat down on the edge of his bed and fiddled with Sharkie’s fin. “Um.”
“Spit it out, Chow,” Nursey said, not unkindly. Dex still elbowed him in the ribs to shut him up.
“I…really, really like both of you and have had big, fat crushes on you two since, like, we met on the Taddie Tour and I just really want to date both of you! But it’s okay if you don’t feel the same! I love having you guys as my best friends! It’d be like Jack and Bitty, no pressure, I promise!”
“Chowder,” Dex said with a grimace. “Breathe.”
Nursey was smiling, beaming at Chowder. “Same, man. Mega in love with you guys. Think I have been for a while.” He rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. “All those poems I read to Bitty…they were about you guys. I think my workshop is tired of hearing about you guys, honestly. Prof banned me from comparing freckles to stars for the rest of the semester.”
He laughed and Chowder relaxed. Shyly, he reached out and took Nursey’s hand. Dex was still staring at them with a vaguely constipated look on his face. Maybe Bitty had been wrong about him, only gotten it right with Chowder and Nursey-
“Yeah, alright,” Dex grumbled, looking down at his feet. “I…like you guys. Oh, god, that sounds so junior high.”
Chowder felt like he’d just won the lottery. He grabbed Dex’s hand, too, and pulled both boys closer to him. “‘Swawesome!”
Nursey and Dex exchanged a look before they both burst into laughter. “That’s one word for it,” Nursey said, leaning in to press his forehead against Chowder’s. “I can think of a few others…”
Dex huffed. “Of course you can. Please, tell us again how you’re a Lit major, Nurse, I don’t think we get it-”
He broke off when Chowder kissed him, soft and chaste. Nursey chuckled and wrapped an arm around Chowder’s waist, lips ghost up his neck. Grabbing Chowder’s shirt in one hand, Nursey’s in the other, Dex deepened the kiss, tongue sliding against Chowder’s as he adjusted the angle.
“You know,” Nursey said as he tugged on Chowder’s earlobe with his teeth. “Now I really want to know who Bitty’s boyfriend is.”
“Why?” Chowder asked, pulling back from Dex. Dex surged forward to capture his mouth again.
“So I can thank him,” Nursey said, pressing a kiss to Dex’s temple. “For existing and for being such a big secret. Who knows how long it would’ve taken us to do…this…”
“We should make him cookies or something!” Chowder said, nuzzling against Nursey’s neck. “Get Bitty to send ‘em for us.”
Dex snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure Hallmark has a whole “thanks for inadvertently getting me and my two new boyfriends together, mysterious stranger” line of cards.”
“You’re cranky for someone with two new boyfriends,” Nursey pointed out, nipping at Dex’s chin.
Dex rolled his eyes. “Maybe because those boyfriends aren’t kissing me-”
Chowder and Nursey leaned in together, peppering Dex’s face with kisses. They fell onto the bed in a tangled heap, laughing, and stayed that way until morning.
Several months later, Bitty and Jack stood in the living room, addressing the Haus, the Frogs, and Shitty, whose partially regrown flow was braided with ribbons and flowers leftover from Lardo’s latest project. Nursey was perched on Dex’s lap - mostly to annoy him - with his feet resting on Chowder’s stomach. Chowder absently rubbed at them, shoulder bumping up against Dex’s every now and then.
Bitty looked nervous, wringing his hands as he waited for Ransom to sit down by Holster’s feet. Whatever he was about to say, it was clearly huge - and yet, Jack looked totally calm, smiling fondly down at Bitty.
“So, y’all might be wondering why we asked you here today-”
“Nah,” Holster said. “I mean, you promised us pie, so the actual reason isn’t very important-ow!”
Lardo chucked her shoe at him. “Shut up. Let Bitty talk.”
“So, some of y’all-” He shot a pointed look at Ransom and Holster. “-have been harassin’ me about my secret boyfriend since August…”
Realization dawned on Lardo’s and Dex’s faces. Everyone else listened intently, not quite putting together the pieces. Jack grinned and winked at Lardo, who was gaping openly.
“Well, um, I- we think it’s time y’all knew, huh?” Bitty looked up at Jack, who nodded and grinned. He took Bitty’s hand, and everyone else finally understood.
“Holy shit-!
“-are you motherfuckers kidding me-”
“Oh my gosh! Congrats!”
“C’mere you beautiful douchebags-”
To Bitty’s apparent surprise, it wasn’t Shitty who attacked first. It wasn’t Lardo in a fit of surprise. It wasn’t even Ransom and Holster, who’d been desperate to know for so long.
Instead, the Frogs pulled Jack into a tight, group hug, not saying anything or answering any of his questions as they held fast, so grateful for the absolute confusion his existence had caused.