Chapter Text
emma ♡ @emwatches · 9h why is there a tiny asian kid in my mom's 1999 sears catalog that looks EXACTLY like shane hollander wait WAIT [image attached: catalog page with young boy in cable knit sweater]
↳ emma ♡ @emwatches · 9h I'M GOOGLING
↳ emma ♡ @emwatches · 9h SHANE HOLLANDER WAS BORN IN 1991 THIS KID WOULD BE 8 IN 1999 GUYS
↳ emma ♡ @emwatches · 9h oh my god is this real is shane hollander a former CHILD MODEL???
r/hockey
u/throwaway_catalog_hunter · 8h Is this Shane Hollander??? (1999 Sears catalog)
Okay I know this sounds insane but my girlfriend just showed me this catalog page and I swear to god that's Shane Hollander age 8-9???
[Image: Young Wasian boy modeling a navy sweater and khakis, hands in pockets, bowl cut, gap-toothed smile]
The more I look at it the more convinced I am. Someone please tell me I'm not losing it.
Comments:
↳ u/hockeyfan2847: holy shit that's definitely him
↳ u/centaursfan283: THE BOWL CUT I'M CRYING
↳ u/penelopee847: wait WHAT
↳ u/shanehollander_fan: I NEED CONFIRMATION IMMEDIATELY
↳ u/admiralsfan28: okay but if this IS him he was the cutest kid ever???
↳ u/throwaway_catalog_hunter: UPDATE: I found him in a 2001 JCPenney catalog too. SAME KID. This is real.
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 8h SHANE HOLLANDER CHILD MODEL ARC????????? NO FUCKING WAY
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 7h i simply cannot process this information
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 7h WHERE DID THIS COME FROM
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 7h the way this information just APPEARED out of nowhere like an agent of chaos
NHL Updates @nhl_updates · 7h Rumors circulating online that Ottawa Centaurs captain Shane Hollander may have been a child model in the late 90s/early 2000s. Several photos from department store catalogs have surfaced. No official confirmation yet. [quote tweets the reddit post]
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 7h I'VE FOUND THREE MORE CATALOGS
TARGET 2001 - SWIMWEAR / JCPENNEY 2000 - SPRING COLLECTION / SEARS 2002 - BACK TO SCHOOL
THIS MAN WAS BOOKED AND BUSY [images attached]
↳ the RANGE. from cable knit to swim trunks. an icon.
↳ why does he look so serious in the back to school one 😭
↳ LITTLE SHANE IN SWIM TRUNKS WITH A BEACH BALL I'M UNWELL
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 7h the swimsuit one just took me OUT he's holding the beach ball like he's never seen a ball before in his life
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 7h ok but the formal wear catalog??? tiny suit vest??? TINY TIE??? this is killing me
r/hockey
u/penelopee847 · 6h MASTER THREAD: Every Shane Hollander catalog photo found so far
I've been on a deep dive and here's what we've got:
CONFIRMED SIGHTINGS:
- Sears Fall 1999 (age 8): Navy sweater, khakis, THE bowl cut
- Target Summer 2000 (age 9): Red polo, cargo shorts
- JCPenney Spring 2001 (age 9-10): Various polos and casual wear
- Target Summer 2001 (age 10): SWIMWEAR - blue trunks, beach ball
- JCPenney Fall 2001 (age 10): Formal wear - SUIT VEST AND TIE
- Sears Holiday 2001 (age 10): Holiday sweater (group shot)
- Kmart Back to School 2002 (age 11): Button-up shirts, serious expression
- JCPenney Spring 2002 (age 11): More casual spring clothes
- Target Summer 2002 (age 11): Athletic wear
- Sears Fall 2002 (age 11): Fall jacket collection
- Sears Fall 2003 (age 12): Denim jacket era
UNCONFIRMED BUT LIKELY: Possibly more 2000-2003 catalogs we haven't found yet. Someone better at internet sleuthing than me needs to find ALL of these. [Imgur album link]
Comments:
↳ u/centaursfan283: the dedication to this research is incredible
↳ u/hockeyfan2847: the suit vest photo is going to haunt me forever
↳ u/admiralsfan28: he was genuinely adorable though???
↳ u/throwaway_catalog_hunter: I'm the OP who started this and I can't believe how far it's gone
↳ u/shanehollander_fan: has anyone checked if roz knows about this???
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 6h IMPORTANT QUESTION: does ilya know? does ANYONE in shane's life know? did he just... never mention this
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 6h the idea that shane just never brought up "oh yeah i was a child model for six years" is so fucking funny
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 5h shane really said "that's not relevant information" and moved on with his life
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 5h i would pay actual money to see ilya's reaction to these photos
Ryan Price @ryanprice11 · 5h [screenshots of group chat]
Foundation Chat (No Gossip)
Wyatt: SHANE
Wyatt: SHANE WHAT IS THIS
Wyatt: [image of sears catalog]
J.J.: oh my god
Hayden: IS THAT YOU
Bood: HOLLZY
Bood: EXPLAIN
Shane: Where did you find that
Wyatt: TWITTER
J.J.: IT'S EVERYWHERE
Shane: Oh no
Hayden: "OH NO"???
Hayden: THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO SAY??
Shane: I can explain
Bood: PLEASE DO
Shane: I did some catalog modeling as a kid
Wyatt: SOME????
Wyatt: MY ENTIRE TWITTER FEED IS YOU IN A BOWL CUT
J.J.: Why did you never mention this
Shane: It didn't come up???
Hayden: IT DIDN'T COME UP
Hayden: WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 15 YEARS
Shane: It was just a way to pay for hockey equipment
Shane: It wasn't a big deal
Bood: NOT A BIG DEAL
Bood: THERE ARE TWELVE CATALOGS
Wyatt: does ilya know
Shane: ...
J.J.: oh my god he doesn't know does he
Shane: I never thought to mention it
Hayden: you NEVER THOUGHT TO MENTION
Hayden: YOUR MODELING CAREER
Shane: It was catalog work not a "career"
Bood: DUDE.
Wyatt: ilya's going to lose his mind when he sees these
Shane: Please don't show him
J.J.: too late i'm sending them right now
Shane: J.J. NO
Hayden: this is the greatest day of my life
josh @joshuatalkshockey · 5h the fact that shane apparently never told ANYONE about this is killing me like he just... didn't think it was relevant information
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 5h "yeah i did catalog work as a kid to pay for hockey. anyway—" and then never brought it up again for 20+ years
↳ liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 5h ILYA DIDN'T KNOW I'M GOING TO PASS AWAY
Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h What is this. Why do I have fifteen messages with photos of Shane as child
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h I can explain
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h You did child MODELING?????
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h It was a long time ago
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h It never came up?
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h HOW DOES THIS NOT COME UP??? We are MARRIED??? You think I do not want to know you were tiny model in catalogs???
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h I'm sorry?
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h I am looking at photos now
↳ You are so CUTE
↳ The bowl cut. The tiny suit vest. The beach ball.
↳ Shane why are you holding beach ball like this
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h They told me to hold it that way
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h It looks like you have never seen ball before in your life
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h I was 10 and focused on HOCKEY not beach balls
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h This explains so much about your modeling contracts now / You have experience
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h This is not the same thing
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h You were PROFESSIONAL even as baby?? I am buying all these catalogs
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h Please don't
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h Too late already on eBay
maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 4h THEY'RE MARRIED AND SHANE JUST... FORGOT TO MENTION IT
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 4h "forgot to mention my six year modeling career" is the most shane hollander thing i've ever heard
↳ liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 4h ilya discovering his husband's secret past as a catalog model in real time on twitter dot com / cinema
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 4h the "you are holding beach ball like you have never seen ball before" tweet just fucking sent me
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 4h they're roasting each other in public i love them so much
r/OttawaCentaurs
u/centaurs_fan_ottawa · 4h I WORK AT THE PRACTICE FACILITY - UPDATE
Guys I was here when Ilya arrived this morning. He walked in, went straight to Shane's stall, and just STARED at him for like 30 seconds. Shane looked up and went "I know." Ilya: "Bowl cut." Shane: "I was eight." Ilya: "Beach ball." Shane: "Ilya—" Ilya: "SUIT VEST." Then he walked away laughing and Shane just put his head in his hands. But THEN (and this is the best part) Ilya came back with his phone and showed Shane something and Shane went "You did NOT buy those." Apparently Ilya bought six catalogs on eBay this morning. Update: Practice just started and Ilya keeps laughing every time he looks at Shane. Shane is pointedly ignoring him. Update 2: Barrett just skated past Shane and said "nice sweater" and the entire team lost it.
Comments:
↳ u/hockeyfan2847: TROY 😭
↳ u/penelopee847: "bowl cut" "beach ball" "SUIT VEST" i'm crying
↳ u/admiralsfan28: ilya buying the catalogs immediately is so on brand
↳ u/centaursfan283: shane suffering is my new favorite genre
Foundation Chat (No Gossip) [screenshot from J.J.'s twitter]
Ilya: I have catalogs arriving on Wednesday
J.J.: you actually bought them??
Ilya: Six of them
Hayden: lmfao
Ilya: They will look very nice in frames
Shane: You're not framing them
Ilya: I am framing all of them
Ilya: One for every room
Shane: Ilya I'm serious
Bood: which one's your favorite
Ilya: The beach ball
Ilya: He looks so serious
Ilya: Like he is in business meeting not at beach
Wyatt: i'm dying
J.J.: The suit vest one is objectively the funniest
Hayden: Agreed
Shane: I hate all of you
Ilya: No you don't ❤️
Shane: ...
Shane: No I don't
Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs · 3h We've been made aware of some photographic evidence regarding our captain's past. After extensive review, we have determined that the bowl cut was indeed a choice. [retweets one of the catalog photos]
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I'm requesting a trade harris
↳ Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs: Denied
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77: You cannot leave me now that I know about bowl cut era
↳ J.J. Boiziau @jjboiziau: we're never letting this go
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 3h NOT THE CENTAURS OFFICIAL ACCOUNT GETTING IN ON IT
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 3h "after extensive review" THEY'RE SO UNSERIOUS
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 3h every single person in shane's life is clowning him right now and i love it
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 3h the group chat leak has me in TEARS "one for every room" ilya is unhinged
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 3h shane: you're not framing them ilya: already ordering frames
married couple behavior
Hayden Pike @hpike19 · 2h Jackie just informed me that Ruby and Jade are making a "Uncle Shane Through The Years" poster for their room (It's mostly catalog photos) I have no control over this household
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h That's actually sweet
↳ Hayden Pike @hpike19 · 2h They captioned the beach ball one "Uncle Shane doesn't know how to hold ball"
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h I take it back
Fabian Salah @fabiansalah · 2h ryan just spent 20 minutes showing me every single catalog photo
i haven't laughed this hard in months
↳ the POSES. the OUTFITS. the little SUIT VEST. shane you were iconic
↳ Ryan Price @ryanprice11 · 2h The formal wear shoot is my personal favorite, the tiny tie really makes it
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h I'm blocking both of you
↳ Fabian Salah @fabiansalah · 2h no you're not, you love us
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h Debatable
r/hockey
u/hockeyfan2847 · 2h Theory: Shane never mentioned the modeling because he genuinely didn't think it was interesting
Like in his mind it was just "job I did as kid to afford hockey equipment" and not "notable thing about my past" Meanwhile the rest of us: BABY SHANE IN CATALOGS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCOVERY OF 2021
Comments:
↳ u/penelopee847: this is extremely on brand for shane hollander tbh
↳ u/admiralsfan28: "it didn't come up" as if this isn't the most interesting thing ever
↳ u/centaursfan283: meanwhile ilya is buying every catalog on the internet
↳ u/throwaway_catalog_hunter: the duality of man
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 1h the catalog photos being a complete shock to everyone INCLUDING HIS HUSBAND is so fucking funny. like shane really just... never mentioned it. for TWO DECADES
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 1h "hey babe did i ever mention i was a catalog model for six years" "what" "yeah anyway what's for dinner"
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 1h the way shane probably would have taken this secret to his GRAVE if someone's mom hadn't found that sears catalog
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 1h imagine being ilya and finding out your husband had a whole secret career you knew nothing about via TWITTER
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 1h not even a dramatic reveal just. slowly unfolding on social media while ilya watches in real time... truly iconic
David Hollander @david_hollander · 1h Since people are asking: yes, Shane did catalog modeling from ages 8-12 to help pay for hockey equipment and ice time. He was very professional and took it seriously. We're proud of him for his work ethic even as a child. Also the bowl cut was my fault. It was 1999. I'm sorry.
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 1h David do you have MORE photos
↳ David Hollander @david_hollander · 1h I have boxes of them
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 1h Can I see
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 1h NO
↳ David Hollander @david_hollander · 1h I'll bring them to dinner on Sunday, Ilya
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 1h DAD
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 1h Thank you David ❤️
Yuna Hollander @yunahollander · 1h I was Shane's manager during those years. He worked hard and was wonderful to work with. Every shoot meant new skates or more ice time. He understood the value of the work he was doing. I'm very proud of him, then and now. 💙
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 58m Thanks Mom ❤️ Love you
↳ Yuna Hollander @yunahollander · 57m Love you too, sweetheart. (The bowl cut was very cute, by the way.)
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 56m MOM
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 55m It was VERY cute
↳ David Hollander @david_hollander · 54m We thought so!
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 54m I'm being attacked by my own family
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 53m Is not attack is APPRECIATION
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 52m That's not what this feels like
maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 50m shane's parents joining in to roast him is sending me "the bowl cut was my fault. i'm sorry."
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 49m david offering to show ilya MORE photos 😭 shane's never going to recover
↳ liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 48m "i'll bring them to dinner on sunday" DAVID IS FULLY ENABLING ILYA
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 47m shane: dad NO david: already getting the photo albums out ilya: 🥰
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 46m the unified front of shane's parents + husband against him is beautiful
Foundation Chat (No Gossip) [screenshot from J.J.'s twitter]
J.J.: Update: Ilya has printed out the beach ball photo
J.J.: It's now taped to Shane's locker
Hayden: Please send pics
Wyatt: doing the lord's work
Bood: what did shane say
J.J.: He walked in, looked at it for a solid 10 seconds
J.J.: Then said "I'm going to get you back for this"
J.J.: Then Ilya blew him a kiss
Shane: I hate you all SO much
Ilya: No you don't solnyshko ☀️
Shane: ...fine I don't
Hayden: He's gotten soft
Wyatt: completely domesticated
Shane: I can still trade you all
Bood: no you can't
Bood: you love us
Shane: Unfortunately yes
r/hockey
u/admiralsfan28 · 30m The Ottawa Centaurs locker room right now (via J.J.'s twitter)
Apparently Ilya printed the beach ball photo and taped it to Shane's locker. Shane's response: "I'm going to get you back for this" Ilya's response: *blows kiss* This is the greatest timeline.
Comments:
↳ u/hockeyfan2847: THEY'RE SO MARRIED
↳ u/penelopee847: "blows kiss" ilya is unhinged and i love him
↳ u/centaursfan283: shane threatening revenge while being completely soft for ilya
↳ u/throwaway_catalog_hunter: i can't believe i started all this
Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs · 20m [Photo: Shane's locker with the beach ball catalog photo taped prominently on it] Caption: Updates from practice 📸
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77: 😌
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: You're all banned from my house
↳ Hayden Pike @hpike19: worth it
↳ J.J. Boiziau @jjboiziau: completely worth it
↳ Ryan Price @ryanprice11: no regrets
↳ Wyatt Hayes @wyatthayes1: absolutely worth it
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 15m THE CENTAURS POSTED IT . THE OFFICIAL TEAM ACCOUNT
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 14m shane: you're all banned everyone: worth it
LMAOOOOO
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 13m this is the best day in hockey twitter history
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 12m somewhere shane is suffering and ilya is having the time of his life
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 11m the chaos of it all is beautiful
(Two days later)
Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 9h [Photo: framed catalog photo on living room wall - the beach ball one] First one arrived
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 9h You actually framed it
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 9h Of course, is best photo. You are very cute
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h I can't believe you
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h Five more frames coming tomorrow. One for bedroom, one for kitchen, one for gym, one for office, one for hallway
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h You're not serious
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h Very serious
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h I'm going to take them down
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h Then I put them back up, it is my house too
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h I hate you
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h No you don't ❤️ You love me
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h ...yeah I do
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h I know 😌 also I love you . Even with bowl cut
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h Thanks I guess
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h Especially with bowl cut
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 8h You're the worst
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 8h And you love me anyway 😘
maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 8h ILYA FRAMED IT :(((
↳ liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 8h "especially with bowl cut" I'M OBSESSED WITH THEM
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 8h shane: i hate you ilya: no you don't ❤️ shane: ...yeah i do
is married couple behavior at its finest
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 8h ilya is never letting this go and honestly? good for him
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 8h six framed catalog photos in their house... shane is going to be haunted by bowl cut era forever
Hayden Pike @hpike19 · 6h Update: Ruby and Jade's poster is complete. It's hanging in their room and Shane has seen it
He called it "actually pretty good"
Then saw the "doesn't know how to hold ball" caption and left
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 6h The artistic quality was impressive... the commentary was unnecessary
↳ Hayden Pike @hpike19 · 6h They're 13, Shane. What did you expect?
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 6h Fair point. Tell them I love it
Ryan Price @ryanprice11 · 4h Game changers update: Shane walked in to find catalog photos printed and hidden in various places: His water bottle , His stick tape, Inside his helmet, Between his jersey and padding, His skate guards. J.J. outdid himself this time
↳ J.J. Boiziau @jjboiziau · 4h I had help
↳ Wyatt Hayes @wyatthayes1 · 4h Teamwork makes the dream work
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h I will remember this
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h I helped too
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h Of course you did
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 4h The one in the helmet was my idea
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 4h I should have known
liv (shanestan) @shanestolemyheart · 3h the entire coaching team + ilya coordinating to hide catalog photos everywhere / this is peak comedy
↳ maya ✨ @mayaschaos · 3h "the one in the helmet was my idea" ILYA IS SO PROUD OF HIMSELF
↳ alex @alexshockeyblog · 3h shane's teammates really said "we're going to make sure you never forget bowl cut era"
↳ josh @joshuatalkshockey · 3h between ilya's frames and the team's pranks, shane is never escaping this
↳ sam @rinkratblog · 3h as he shouldn't! this is too good
(One week later)
Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h [Photo: All six framed catalog photos displayed throughout their house] He actually did it
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h Told you. They look very nice
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h They're ridiculous
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h They are perfect. My favorite house decoration
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h More than the Stanley Cup photo?
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h Much more... Baby Shane with beach ball > Stanley Cup
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h I don't know whether to be flattered or offended
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h Flattered. Definitely flattered. You were very cute baby
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h I guess I can live with that
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h Good, because I am never taking them down ❤️
↳ Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer · 2h Yeah I know. Love you
↳ Ilya Rozanov @rozanov77 · 2h Love you too solnyshko ☀️ Bowl cut and all