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Chiwa tried her best not to think about that boy again. Out of sight, out of mind, from the moment he dropped into the pit.
It was hard because the other boys teased her about it. “Chiwa had a crush on a murderer! Chiwa had a crush on a murderer!”
Her mother had dropped the sighing and “I told you that boy was bad news” a couple of months after the execution. How many “I told you so’s” Chiwa dealt with outnumbered the days she’d been alive.
Everyone was awful. The people in the slums. Awful. The rich. Awful. The royals. Awful. Everyone was awful.
Chiwa…
Chiwa was awful. Because she was a hypocrite.
She remembers how he called out to her. Begging for Chiwa to vouch for him. And what could she have done in that moment? The question haunted her for days.
Over the years, she came to terms with the real reason she always went out of her way to hang out with that boy. It was her own kind of rebellion. Her resistance against the system. All the other dickheads would hit and kick the boy, but she’d tell them to screw off.
These days, Chiwa didn’t do much of anything. She helped her mom, ignored catcalls and teasing from other kids her age. When that boy dropped, Chiwa realized that her rebellion would lead her nowhere. So she kept her head down.
Occasionally, she’d open the bottom of her dresser and look at something she should’ve discarded. Something she told her mom she had thrown out. She’d wonder.
What could she have done?
What would’ve happened if that boy had never arrested?
What would she say if she could see him again?
She didn’t think she missed him as much as the feeling of superiority. An easy way to tell all those bullies to buzz off and go jump in a hole. Now, when she did it, she never felt good about herself.
She couldn’t help it. Her mind would wander and wander. In those moments, Chiwa knew how awful she truly was.
She replayed that day over and over, spiralling over what she was supposed to do. What she could’ve done. But the answer was clear. No one could’ve done anything, especially not Chiwa.
She had liked him, but not enough to risk her own life. No one would do that, especially when everyone was so sure he was a killer.
She would close her dresser drawer with a sigh. The days would pass, and she would wonder less and less. She knew it wasn’t worth ruminating on. Rudo Surebrec was most certainly dead. She’d never see him again.
-
Chiwa saw him again. She couldn't believe her eyes. Over three years had passed, and he’d been buried so deep down in her heart and mind by that point.
There were sirens blaring and commotion occurring outside. Her mom held her hand as they ran out of their home. Chiwa watched in horror as it crumbled behind her.
She never could’ve imagined this happening, but the thing she couldn’t imagine most was seeing him standing there.
It had to be him; she wasn’t going crazy. White hair that looked like it had been burned in a fire, red eyes, and those gray gloves he cherished so much. It was him.
“Rudo?” In a millisecond, suppressed memories and feelings were brought to the forefront. She barely recognized the name, a tumbling whisper out of her mouth. It was only an instance, though, her confusion a detriment to the situation around her. Chiwa heard a shrill scream from her mother after a loud banging noise. She looked up in horror, right before a building collapsed on top of her.
-
Chiwa slowly opened her eyes, readjusting to the light once more. The sky above her was filled with smoke, and she felt dust on her face. She was lying flat on the ground. Her nose was bleeding, and she was bruised all over. Her right leg hurt most of all. Pain ruptured her entire body. She tried to move her hand as well, but felt a sting of pain. Chiwa flinched and sucked in through her teeth. Was that really him? Was that really Rudo she saw? She could hardly believe her memory as she recalled the building falling on top of her. It must’ve been some miracle she survived.
As her senses fully readjusted, she realised someone was talking to her “It’s alright, you're okay. She’ll help you.”
A girl with black bangs came into view. She had long, fluffy hair framing her face, dyed orange at the tips. A striped bow was in her hair. It was actually quite short in the back. There were scratches on her cheeks, but she still had a smile on her face. “This must be really scary,” she said, too chipper for the situation, “but don’t worry, we’re going to get you the help you need.” Her eyes were a bright orange, and her enthusiasm shone through. She had some raggedy, old boots on. A pretty dress too. One that indicated she must be some sort of nurse. A nurse of some sort, even though she couldn’t have been much older than Chiwa was. Chiwa watched as she hummed, preparing some bandages.
Chiwa broke into a coughing fit that felt like a truck had crashed into her lungs. The girl quickly turned back to Chiwa, frantically grabbed a flask of water, and helped Chiwa drink it.
“Thank you”, Chiwa mumbled.
The girl beamed in response, “Don’t mention it!” The girl lifted Chiwa’s hand off the ground, “Let me know what you need.”
Chiwa limply nodded.
“What’s your name?” The girl asked as she wrapped a bandage around Chiwa’s wrist. Chiwa could tell she was attempting to be delicate and precise, but her execution was a bit elementary. However, she figured she was in no position to complain about it.
“Chiwa”, the girl froze. Completely stopped her movement, like she was some sort of machine malfunctioning and needed to be rebooted. Some kind of unease, or possibly anger, washed over her before she shook her head and continued where she left off.
“Is that like a super common name on The Sphere?”
“Not particularly”, Chiwa responded. The girl bit her lip for a moment, and Chiwa figured that questioning what ‘the sphere’ referred to. She really wished she could read this girl's mind. Because all of a sudden, this girl who was so bright and cheery a moment ago seemed like she didn’t like her very much at all. Could it be? Was she a friend of Rudo’s somehow? He was here; it was possible that she knew him. “What’s your name?” Chiwa asked. Mostly to break the eerie silence that had grown between the two of them.
The girl blinked, her big eyes that were kind of goat-like should’ve been creepy, but Chiwa had to admit they were pretty cute. Like she was confused by the question, “Amo,” she said after a moment. Putting down Chiwa’s hand and turning towards her leg (Which was definitely broken. She couldn’t move if she wanted to), Amo. That was a very pretty name…She’d never heard a name like that before. It reminded her of an old word for love she read about once. She wondered if it was common where she was from.
An explosion in the distance caused Chiwa to scream, and despite the girl’s, correction: Amo’s, growing distaste for Chiwa, Amo quickly pulled herself over Chiwa’s body. She braced the two of them for impact, as debris and rubble fell over them. She felt it then, that Amo was shaking. Even as she tried to keep herself steady. It made Chiwa want to cry even more than she already did.
“Are you alright?” The noise stopped, and Amo removed herself from Chiwa. Chiwa felt her throat close up and only nodded. If she spoke in that moment, her voice would be embarrassingly hoarse. And for some reason, a voice told Chiwa that she couldn’t let this girl see her cry.
“Amo!” A voice shouted out as the world settled once more. Amo quickly perked up like a meerkat, looking in each direction for the voice. In the distance, Chiwa saw a woman with a black ponytail waving. In her other hand was a clipboard. “We have a tent set over here.”
“Alright, Mrs Tomme!” Amo shouted back with a nod. She turned to Chiwa, “Amo’s going to pick you up now.”
Chiwa knew she wasn’t asking for permission, more so telling her, “Are you sure-AHH!”
Chiwa yelped as Amo placed one hand underneath Chiwa’s legs and another on her back. Lifting her off the ground. Careful not to disturb her injured leg too much. Amo looked kind of snide and way too proud of herself before nodding and walking towards where the woman with the clipboard had set up camp.
More explosions and noise, and grunts of anguish, shouts, played out in the background as Amo carried her.
“Can I ask,” Chiwa mumbled against Amo’s shoulder, “what’s going on?”
Amo hummed for a moment, “If you asked Amo, she’d say it’s retribution. But she knows she’s a bit biased.”
“Retribution?” Was this Rudo’s final revenge? “Retribution for what?”
“Gosh, you spherites really don’t know anything. You’re as ignorant as Rudo made you sound,” Chiwa felt a wave of dread wash over her. She did know Rudo, and her phrasing made Chiwa believe she knew about Chiwa by extension. Amo sighed, “Sorry, that’s harsh. She means it, but it’s harsh.”
Chiwa wanted to slap this girl a little bit, but she was only able to grunt in displeasure as a response.
“It’s true! Did it ever occur to you that people might live below you?”
“Of course not!” Chiwa exclaimed, “That's a preposterous concept!”
“More preposterous than a floating heaven in the sky?” Amo huffed. Despite her hostile demeanour, Amo was still carrying her, “You don’t think about anything. You just discard and discard and don’t think about the lives it affects! You throw away everything, things you once held so dear! They’re just gone in a moment.” Chiwa thought of a stuffed animal that had been dropped on the ground. A gift just for her, now discarded like it was nothing.
She knew she couldn’t rebuke it either, “We even do it to people.”
“You do. Don’t feel too bad, though, that’s not exclusive to The Sphere.”
“It’s not?”
“It’s nothing but a world of trash down there. There are BEASTS of trash down there. Nothing can change down there unless we change things here. It’s all too big for Amo to wrap her head around. But she knows now that the world can change, so she wants to help in any way she can.”
“Is that why you're saving me?”
“I guess so. Though admittedly, Amo doesn’t like any of you all that much.” Well, at least it wasn’t just Chiwa that Amo disliked.
There were so many more questions Chiwa wanted to ask, but her time with Amo was cut short as she was set gently on a gurney-like mattress.
“Her name is Chiwa, she’s got a broken leg, and maybe a wrist as well. She’s probably got a concussion as well.” Amo told the lady with the clipboard, “She’ll be alright, though Amo thinks.”
“Good work, Amo.” The lady with the clipboard praised.
“Amo’s going to go find some more people now!”
“Alright! Stay safe.” The lady with the clipboard responded as Amo left the white tent. A bunch of people in a similar-looking uniform surrounded her bed.
-
Chiwa was pretty in and out of it after that. They gave her some pain medication that made her a little woozy, and Amo was right, she definitely had a concussion on top of all that.
The people were nice, even though she could tell that some of them didn’t like her. Just like Amo hadn’t.
Beasts made of trash. It sounded unbelievable, yet she remembers Regto once telling a story like that. When she asked her mom, she told Chiwa that Regto was a loon and not to listen to him. She’d only get in trouble.
It was then that she finally let herself cry. Wet tears flowed from her eyes, mixing with the blood on her cheeks. The lady with the clipboard gently brushed a hand against her forehead as she bawled.
Every couple of minutes, Amo would return with a new injured person. Some she recognised, some she didn’t. All of them were injured. Some were still unconscious, barely breathing. Others were awake, but Chiwa briefly noted that they were rather calm.
Chiwa must’ve been really out of it, because at some point, when a patient woke up and was acting erratically, some kind of aroma descended from Amo’s worn-down boots. And just like that, they were calm, and the people in the tent were able to give appropriate care.
Throughout it all, Chiwa could tell Amo was still scared.
At one point, she heard a shout that was the exact same one she heard the day Rudo was dropped into the pit. She could barely lift her head, but when she finally gained the muscle, she saw him. He was being beaten to the ground by a man she vaguely recognised with a staff. Rudo wasn’t exactly looking the most human at the moment, looking more wolf (like an actual wolf) than boy. Even then, he was still losing badly. Being thrown around left and right. Chiwa heard a taunting laugh from the man with the staff.
Amo looked especially distressed as she watched this. The two of them must’ve been closer than Chiwa dared imagine. But what was Amo supposed to do? That man was scary, and it looked like it would be it for anyone who got in the way.
Amo was still shaking. Even as her feet lifted off the ground at full pace.
"Rudo!" She cried out. The girl was scared, and Chiwa knew she was. Whatever was happening around Rudo was dangerous. Rudo might be dangerous.
Despite this, despite being scared. Despite the explosions, the danger, the fighting, she ran. She ran so fast she almost slipped out of her boots, faster than anyone Chiwa had ever seen. She kept calling out to him over and over. “Rudo! Rudo! Rudo!”
It seemed to stabilize the beast rampaging through Rudo.
Oh.
That's what she could've done.
Chiwa could've done that.
-
Though Chiwa was in and out of it for most of it, the conflict lasted for days. And at the end of it, the Sphere had fallen to the ground. Chiwa saw for herself what Amo had described. It smelled like shit, and she was given an oxygen mask early on due to the lack of clean air. There were also beasts of trash scouring around in the waste. Luckily, the uninjured Cleaners and their supporters were able to help deter them from medical sights. (And resident areas. Chiwa could not believe her eyes when she saw full towns and cities within the pit. She truly had no idea.
While it was impossible to avoid zero people dying in the crossfire, a miraculous number of people were saved. Including Chiwa’s mother, who, when she saw Chiwa, stood up, broken leg and all, to embrace.
She had learned a lot by asking questions. Some of the supporters were hesitant to answer, or flat-out ignored her, but Tomme (the Lady with the clipboard) filled her in on some things. She learned about Cleaners and Jinki’s, Raiders, and Trash Beasts, and eventually caught up on the whole story of Rudo’s new life.
Rudo. Rudo was out for two weeks after the fight. While victorious, he sustained a whole lot of injuries. Chiwa didn’t ask to visit; his friends and family had the right to do that sort of thing. Chiwa figured she’d be unwelcome as either. Rudo had been through a whole lot since he was dropped in the pit. Chiwa felt guilt rise up in her chest.
She asked about Amo after not seeing her for a while. Tomme told Chiwa she was attending to Rudo most of the time. The way the other Cleaners and Supporters snickered about it led her to believe the two were some sort of item. She would never admit it to anyone, because she knew she had no right to, but she felt so hurt when she realised.
But, it made all the sense in the world. Rudo deserved someone who, despite everything around them blowing up, would run to him for help.
After the Sphere fell, Chiwa was finally able to work through some emotions she'd been suppressing. Gathering her thoughts and feelings around her old childhood friend.
When she heard that Rudo had woken up and was eventually walking around again, she made up her mind to see him. But not before she scavenged what was left of her old home.
There was something she wanted to grab.
Luckily, it was mostly intact, surviving the descent and destruction. (Even though the dresser was destroyed) She would’ve been surprised if she didn’t know who fixed it the first time around.
She had given Tomme a note and asked her to deliver it to Rudo. Tomme smiled and said she would. Chiwa asked to meet at the old overlook where they used to hang out. The one where they could see the dropping point. They spent a lot of time there when they were young. It was a pretty view when no one was getting executed.
Of course, that view was distorted now, filled with ash and garbage. Mountains of it, as well as the wreckage of her home. But, she didn’t mourn the loss of what once was. At least, not that loss.
Rudo got there first. She was shocked by that. She had approached, holding what she had picked up behind her back.
The wind was blowing as he stared out into the vast wastelands he had plummeted them into. He wrung his hands nervously against the railings of the broken safety fence.
Chiwa had told Tomme not to tell her who gave her the note. She thought that if Rudo knew who sent, he never would’ve come. If she were him, she wouldn’t. Chiwa must not even crossed his mind as an option. He, at one point, sensed her presence and turned sharply. On edge, ready for a fight. But when he saw who was standing there, his eyes widened, and his mouth hung a little agape. Like he couldn’t believe who he was seeing.
“Chiwa?”
“Hi, Rudo.”
-
They stood awkwardly for too many moments. Standing in the picturesque ambience blew all around them.
Rudo looked frustrated at first, angry at her, but he took a deep breath, trying to temper his reaction. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” Chiwa told him, “I miss talking to you.”
“Do you now?” Rudo said, annoyed. He hunched down, his chin lying in between his crossed arms on the bars of the fence
Chiwa took a couple of steps forward so she could talk to him clearly. But still didn’t stand directly next to him. Hovering his back left.
“I know, I know. You must hate me.”
Rudo didn’t respond to that, only burying himself deeper with a grunt.
“Look, if you never want to see me again, I get it. I wouldn’t. But please. Just let me say I’m sorry.” Chiwa pleaded, “I’m so sorry, Rudo. I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you back then.”
Rudo’s head rose a little bit. He looked a little shocked that this was the conversation they were having. Rudo must’ve realised she had to get this out, so he didn’t interrupt as she spoke.
“No. It’s not just that. I used to use you as a way to make myself feel better than every other craphead on the Sphere. I thought if I were friends with that criminal’s son, then I was different. That I was braver and wiser and kinder. Everyone in these slums was a piece of shit, but me. I was special,” she squeezed her fingers around what she brought behind her, “that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like you. But I didn’t like you purely because you were you. I liked you because of what you could’ve represented. I thought I was such a good, good person that I was the only one who could see your tough boy, which wasn’t tough at all, and the moment I had to prove it. I didn’t. I didn’t say a thing. I was just like everyone else in the crowd. And for that I’m very sorry.”
Rudo processed what Chiwa had said for a moment. Chiwa did too. Her words were getting away from her for a moment.
Rudo granted her the mercy of being delicate, “It’s-it’s." Chiwa paused, regaining his composure, considering what he really felt, "Chiwa, I have spent so much time being angry about so many things. But that one. That one it's-I’m over it.”
“Over it?” Chiwa was almost offended. She had laid her heart out for him, and he was just ‘over it’.
“Chiwa, I won’t say it’s alright, or forgive you, or anything. Because it wasn’t alright for me. It really stunk. It hurt. Bad. But since then, so much has happened.”
It had been around three years, and for Chiwa, not much had changed, but as she looked at Rudo, she could tell he had. He was taller than she remembered. She figured that came with age, but tall meant more than height. “I’ve heard.”
“And honestly, Chiwa, I don’t know what you could’ve done,” Rudo told her. Chiwa felt her ego collapse, yeah, she knew that.
“I could’ve said something, or run after you. Despite what everyone was saying, a true, deep part of me knew.” She choked, because how could it ever been Rudo, “knew that you didn’t murder Regto. You loved Regto. He was your dad, and everyone thought you killed him. What a ridiculous conclusion. Deep down, I knew.”
Rudo looked upset, his eyebrows furrowing, but he only huffed, wringing his fists against the fence, “I still would’ve been sent to the ground. They wouldn’t have believed you. And they would’ve killed you.”
“But I could’ve...”
“CHIWA! Enough already,” Rudo interrupted her rudely, temper flaring, “Just stop.” Stop. If you remind me about what you could’ve done, then I will start to be less ‘over it’. Yeah, you could’ve done a lot of things. But to waste time on the ‘oh I should’ve done this’ or the ‘I could’ve’. If this shitty thing didn’t happen. If I weren’t there, if I said this. You didn’t. That’s where it has to end. Because if you wallow in the past, it won’t change a damn thing.”
“But I-”
“No!” Rudo sighed, “No more 'but I's' I get it. I’ve been down that road before. There was a time I hurt someone, really bad, and I used to think of how I could’ve done it differently. The strife that would've been avoided. But she told me that it was still my hands that opened a new world for her. That’s when I realised I was wasting time ruminating and wondering. There was so much more I could learn from that experience. Like how to control myself, listening to others, patience. And I’d like to think I’ve done better in a lot of those areas.” Chiwa had a guess on who the ‘her’ was, “I’ve decided. I want to repair the world. I wanna create a world where the shitheads aren’t on top, where the kind can roam free. Where we can connect our hands instead of raise them. That’s what we all have to strive for, or the regrets, they’ll never end, and this world will never change because we all hate ourselves too stubbornly.”
“It sounds like a nice world”, Chiwa mused, as her anxiety was cleared. She never had thought of Rudo as a wordsmith or much of an uplifter of spirits, and yet with his words, they elevated Chiwa's.
“It will be, for all the people I love who’ve been hurt by it, for me.” He finally looked Chiwa in the eyes, “I hope you get to see it too, Chiwa.”
“I hope I do.” She really liked the sound of Rudo’s new world, “Might take a while."
“I’m only 18. I’ve got time.”
Only 18. She was about to spiral in her mind about how three years ago, Rudo was only 15, but she stopped herself. Because what was that going to do?
“I have something for you”, Chiwa said, finally revealing what she kept behind her back this whole time. A pink stuffed dog, with stitches from the first time it was repaired by Rudo. Dusty from the destruction of her home, but in one piece. She held it out for him to see.
“You kept it?” Disbelief in Rudo’s face as he stared at the old stuffed toy. The one he had fixed just for her all those days ago.
“Yeah, I…I came back for it later on. I just couldn’t let it go. I kept it in my dresser, and whenever I needed to remind myself…” she stopped herself, deciding repeating her earlier points in her apology was unnecessary, “I liked it too much to throw away.”
“Nah, it’s fine, you can keep it.”
“Really?”
“Sure, I don’t need it.” Rudo shrugged, “And I made it for you anyway. Keep it. It'll be in good use with you."
“Okay. Thanks. I really like it.” Chiwa smiled. Chiwa thought for a moment that she might be able to stand next to Rudo but the red collar around Rudo's neck lit up. Tomme told her they were a special kind of communicators people used on the ground.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Rudo responded to the choker, he looked back at Chiwa again, “I’ve gotta go. I’m being summoned.”
“Your girlfriend asking for you?” Chiwa questioned a little coyly.
“No, it’s Enj-” Realisation hit what Chiwa had asked. Rudo’s face reddened, “My whatnow!?”
“Y’know the pretty girl with the black hair and orange eyes. Kind of sheep-like, a nurse.” Chiwa pretended to forget her name for a moment, like it hadn’t been haunting her heart since they first met, “Amo”, she drawled. “Wasn’t it?”
Based on Rudo’s flustered reaction, she had shot right on the money.
“She’s super cute, ain’t she. She is your girlfriend, right?” Chiwa prodded, hoping to get the confirmation she needed.
“She’s my…yeah, she’s my person,” Rudo told Chiwa, scratching his cheek with his finger, which was dusted pink. A shade down from his original flush. A softer color than she'd ever seen on him. “One of the reasons I want to change this shitty world, so she can feel safe in it.” his eyes softened thinking of her. Chiwa could tell just how much the girl meant to him.
“Does she make you happy?"
“She does." Rudo nodded, "Really, really, happy.”
“I’m happy for you, Rudo.” And Chiwa meant it. She thought hearing her suspicion's confirmed would make her feel a whole bunch of pain. Instead, she felt like something in her heart turned into a bunch of butterflies and flew away from her. A chapter of her life, she knew she had to let go and be free without her to hold on.
Rudo smiled. He was never too good at it, but she could tell he was really trying. Really meant it, “Thanks.” his communicator glowed again, “Yeah, yeah! I’m coming, ya’ turdface,” he seethed. “NO I’M NOT CHEATING ON AM-YOU ASS I’ll be right there!” Some parts of Rudo, like yelling and foul language, never seem to change. He began to stomp off before turning to Chiwa once more. “See ya around.”
“Yeah, see ya around.” Chiwa smallily waved. And with that, he was gone. She looked out at her new world, and Chiwa smiled, hugging the stuffed toy in her arms. Chiwa really was glad that Rudo had survived that fall. Now maybe she could survive hers.