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The atmosphere of the apartment was quiet, the snow outside dampening any potential noise, or at least it was quiet. Only a couple moments prior a phone began to ring. Etho stared at the screen displaying the name and photo of his best friend, BdoubleO100. No fun nickname, no unique profile picture, just the facts. He listened to it ring, once, then twice, then however many more times it took for it to stop. The screen returned to black before lighting up again with a new notification. A text from his friend simply asking him to call back when he was free. Etho was free right now, and yet he didn't call. He sat in the silence of his room, awaiting a reason or the motivation to do anything at all. An hour passed, and then another, and nearly another before Bdouble called again.
This time Etho answered, albeit after several rings. “Hey Bdubs,” Etho answered, unnervingly cheerful.
“There you are Etho, I thought you died or somthin–” a chuckle slipped from his voice “–well, I just wanted to see if you were maybe able to get together this Friday?”
Etho hesitated with his response, knowing full well what he planned to say. He turned his head to the right to look at the small calendar pinned on his wall. The page hadn't been flipped to the proper month but that did not matter to Etho, he knew it was empty, it always was.
Etho was about to respond before being unknowingly cut off by Bdubs “I could invite Beef, Doc, even Joel if you wanted. Or, if you'd prefer, it could” –Bdubs took a deep breath in as he continued to talk– “be just us, me and you.”
Etho hesitated once again, but this time it was genuine. He knew what he planned to say, but after hearing his friend's offer, he began to reconsider. He solemnly opted the first decision “Sorry bdubs, I really wish I could but I can’t Friday–” as he was preparing to defend his answer, he was cut off by Bdubs.
“What about Saturday? Sunday? Or any day really.” Bdubs began to sound desperate. “It's been so long since I've spent time with you.” He wanted to add an ‘I've missed you’ at the end but decided that maybe it would have been too much.
Etho felt bad but he was not one to back down on his own lies “I just- I don't think I can make it work–”
Bdubs cut him off once again “I think you could if you tried.” It had been a while since bdubs got genuinely upset at Etho, maybe he never even has, but the streak was now finally broken. “Tell me Etho, do you actually want to make it work? Because I think you're lying. I think you're lying about all of it, I don't think you actually care. You've been declining and canceling plans left and right, you've gotten even quieter than before, not to mention, no one has even seen you in weeks, maybe months.”
Etho wanted to respond so desperately, he wanted to claim he did care but there was no proof any one else could see. Even he couldn't see it and he was beginning to think he couldn't feel it anymore either. The silence persisted as Etho wracked his brain for any good answer but no answer revealed itself to him. Etho tried saying something, anything, but all words were caught in his throat.
“Yeah, stay silent, like always,” Bdubs’ voice began to drag before sighing “I'm getting sick of this Etho. I'll talk to you later.” he hung up before Etho could even try to respond, not like he would have known what to say.
And there he was, in silence once again. The quiet used to be peaceful to him, that's what made solitude so alluring all that time ago, but now it was like an addiction he couldn't kick. Like an old friend he always went back to. The silence had the worst advice that he always listened to.
He looked down at his phone, screen now turned to black but Bdubs’ words lingered. Etho replayed them in his head, over and over. All of it was true, even the last statement, no one had seen him at all in a month and a half. Etho had not left his apartment in a long time but he reasoned that no one had come to see him either. Etho would say anything to make himself feel less guilty, but he could not shake the feeling that it was just his fault. He knew he was the reason he was alone.
He wanted to be alone, he always had, but now it was starting to hurt. He loved the quiet but he was starting to miss the voices of others. He had more personal space then what he knew what to do with but now he realized how long it had been since he last felt the warm touch of another.
There was a simple solution to all his problems, but he refused to believe it would work. That or he was too scared to admit he was the problem. He knew all he had to do was call Bdubs back. Even a text would suffice. But he could not bring himself to do it. He convinced himself it was too late, that Bdubs already hated him, the abrupt end to the call only furthered his belief.
He never intended for any of this to happen, he just did not know how to talk to people. How to talk to people about his thoughts, how to talk to his friends about his issues, how to talk to Bdubs about what he felt. It was too late now, he made a decision and he was going to go through with it. He simply needed time to prepare, both himself and his mind. He knew what he wanted to do and once he set his mind on something, nothing was going to stop him, nothing and no one.
But it was getting late, so he decided to do it tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~
The sun had risen many hours ago and yet Etho was still asleep. Usually he would wake up to the sound of a text notification from his best friend, wishing him a good morning, Bdubs was always the earlier riser of the two. But this morning, there was no such text. Etho’s body naturally woke up much later than he wanted but he decided that there was no reason to stop his plans for the day.
Dragging himself out of bed, Etho made his way to his kitchen. It was not as dirty as he remembered, only half of the sink had dishes in it, likely a couple weeks old, and a few things left out on the counter, but other than that it was quite clean which was unusual for him. He took his time to put stuff away and wash each and every dish by hand, despite the fact he had a dishwasher. He did not want to wait for it to finish just for him to then need to put away the dishes when he could just do it now.
He spent the next two hours or so cleaning the rest of his apartment. Looking around after, Etho felt like a stranger in his own home, it had been a long time since it was last properly clean. His friends used to make jokes about how his place always looked like the outside was in and the inside was out. Now no one would recognize it, even Etho barely does. He used to never care what people thought when they saw how messy he was, and while he still does not, he did not want to be a bother to whoever found him.
He took out a singular paper, he only ever intended for the note to be short and sweet, and an old pen, the same pen his best friend Bdubs lended to him several years ago, the same one he never gave back. Anytime he used it, it would remind him of Bdubs due to the left over bite marks. Etho never thought of Bdubs as the nervous type but the pen he took begged to differ.
He looked at each indent purposefully this time, he used to let his eyes glaze over them but now he wanted to inspect them for the last time. Each mark held a memory, none of which were Etho’s but he held them all. Maybe the bites meant nothing, maybe there were no memories or feelings behind a single one, and yet, they still meant something to Etho.
He clicked open the pen and began to write. He did not have much to say, he did not plan on admitting anything, revealing secrets, or asking for anything, just a simple ‘goodbye’ and ‘I’m sorry’. But the pen did not stop. His hand kept moving. His words continued after sorry. When he was finally done he realized it still may not be enough for some people. His words still only took up one page, though there were many more things he wanted to say, but he planned to take those thoughts to his grave. He hoped that this dumb note was enough to make the people he would call friends forgive him.
As he folded the paper in half he felt his instinct to fold it into an origami frog. He used to make hundreds of frogs and hide them at his friends houses but lately his obsession with frogs had died down to almost nothing. If it were not for that instinct to fold the paper into a frog just then, he would have thought he had lost that part of him fully. That entire part of his life, just erased, like it was nothing at all. Not like it would have mattered now anyway, it was going to be erased either way. Maybe it could live on through the memories of others, but it was not going to last forever, all good things must come to an end eventually. Not even only the good things, but also the bad and the boring. All things end, so why bother prolonging the inevitable.
He made a final fold on the note and wrote on the outside of it one more ‘I’m sorry’. He did not know if he was apologizing for leaving, for being another thing to deal with, or for leaving so suddenly, whatever the reason was, he still felt sorry. Maybe someone could find it funny, a Canadian saying ‘I’m sorry’ as his last words, how fitting. Thinking back, Etho realized that maybe he did not say sorry enough. He was not the kindest man and only now at the end did he wish he would have changed that while he still had time.
That thought stopped him right in his tracks. He was not gone yet, he still had time to be a better person. He could stop this. He did not need to go through with it.
But no matter how many times he told himself he could stop, another part of him would call him a coward. Weak. Spineless. Scared. He was fully capable of stopping whenever, and yet, he chose not to. He set his mind on a goal and he was going to do it. Once in motion, very little could stop him.
He placed the note in his pocket and left the pen on the table as the only sign of anyone living in this common, ordinary apartment. It felt so empty now that it was clean, Etho no longer felt welcome, like this could not be the place he had called home for several years. He gradually made his way to a cupboard in his kitchen that contained an old bottle of sleeping pills he had saved for today. They had expired a couple years ago and even then, he knew he was going to save them for this very purpose. He had known for a long time that he wanted to cut his time here short, he just did not know how short back then.
Just as he picked up the bottle, he heard the doorbell ring. He wanted to ignore it as he usually did but something felt different this time. He knew that if he did not answer that he never would be able to answer it again. This was the last time he would ever be able to answer the door. He convinced himself it was likely a package sent to the wrong apartment and yet still, he made his way to the lone door.
Instinctively, he looked through the peephole, expecting nothing but a brown box with the incorrect address. Immediately he saw how incorrect his assumption was. Standing outside his door was his best friend, Bdubs. Etho panicked and quickly shoved the bottle into his pocket right next to the note as he grabbed the mask from a nearby side table. As his cold fingers struggled to put it on, Bdubs rang the doorbell once more.
Etho took a deep breath in and tried to push back any hint of distress or sorrow. He cautiously reached for the door handle to let his friend in. Looking out, he saw Bdubs standing there, avoiding eye contact but still looking back at Etho. The silence between the two was deafening, neither one wanted to be the first to talk, not after last night.
“I-I’m sorry Etho, I was being harsh yesterday,” Bdubs finally spoke up. As he did so, he walked into Etho’s apartment, likely planning on saying more than just that. Before he could continue, something caught his eye, or more accurately, the lack of something caught his eye. “Uh, your house is clean?”
“What of it? I needed to clean it eventually, right?” Etho began to get defensive, it bothered him that Bdubs was here to apologize and one of the first things he does is make a comment on the cleanliness of his home.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. It just- it looks so different without so much all going on at once.” Bdubs’ eyes wandered the room, searching for any hint of the past. “When did this even happen? I know it's been a couple months since I came to your place, but I didn’t think it was that long.”
“It’s been a couple weeks, so not too long.” Etho was not quite sure why he lied, maybe he really could not be a better person like he wished, maybe it was too late for him.
Slowly, the silence got louder once again. Bdubs’ eyes still were looking around but they found nothing but an old pen and an open cupboard door. “Look, about last night, I’m sorry. I guess I just started to get irritated.”
Bdubs’ words continued but Etho could not focus on them, his mind was elsewhere. His thoughts kept jumping from his best friend standing in front of him, to the bottle in his pocket, to how Bdubs might react when he gets the news. No matter how far his mind wandered, Etho’s thoughts always landed back on Bdubs, even now at the end. Despite his mind always going back to his best friend, he could not forget about the sleeping pills in his pocket, afterall, his hand was fidgeting with the ridges on the lid from within the pocket.
Bdubs was still talking, or maybe he was just rambling, and a couple of his words finally caught Etho’s attention again. “We’ve missed you, I have missed you. I miss you all the time Etho.” Etho would have thought nothing of the sentence if it was not for the way it was delivered, more specifically, the way Bdubs said ‘I’. That singular word was enough for Etho to take a moment to reconsider, but he knew full well that nothing and no one could stop him now.
Bdubs had stopped talking now. He could have been waiting for a response, or maybe he just had nothing left to say, either way, the silence from before had returned. Etho was not sure how he could respond to something like that, especially because he knew Bdubs would miss him a lot more pretty soon. Hands still in his pockets fidgeting, Etho finally decided on what to say, “Can I just say Bdubs, how happy I am that you were my friend-”
“Were?” Bdubs abruptly cut off. “We still are ..friends.., are we not?” Bdubs argued, clearly hesitating on the word ‘friends’. Etho did not notice the hesitant words, he only noticed the mistake he had just made.
“Sorry, that's not what I meant,” Etho tried backpeddling. “I just got my words mixed up!” Etho quickly moved his hands upwards to mimic surrender, just as he usually would. In the quick movements to remove his hand from his pocket, the small bottle fell out and fell to the floor. The second the orange plastic made contact with the ground, Etho noticed and rushed to pick it back up. Bdubs noticed too.
“Etho, what is that? Etho, what was that?!” Bdubs voice started to sound more frantic and concerned. He would not have been so concerned if it was not for the way Etho rushed to pick the bottle back up.
“It’s nothing! It's just my Insomnia medication!” Etho was not lying when he said that, even if it was not quite the full truth either, they were his prescribed insomnia pills.
“You told me you stopped taking those a year ago!” Bdubs was yelling at this point. “Tell me the truth!”
Etho matched the energy and yelled in return, “And I started taking them again! It’s not that big of a deal! Why do you care so much?!”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I HAVE FOR A LONG TIME AND YOU ARE MAKING ME SCARED RIGHT NOW!”
Silence quickly filled the room.
Etho’s body was so still it looked like he was not breathing.
Etho refused to meet the stare of Bdubs’ wet eyes.
“...Just- just leave.” Etho finally looked at Bdubs’ face. He saw the way it had fallen even more than before. He could recognize Bdubs anywhere but right now, that did not look like his friend. ”Please,” he quietly pleaded.
Bdubs took a step back and looked at Etho one more time before slowly running out the door without a word, tears welling up. Etho stared at the ground unblinking as he finally let his body breathe. A few moments later he looked up and shut the door that had been left open after Bdubs ran out, leaving it unlocked.
He sat quietly with himself letting his friend's words play over and over again in his head. Each time, memories would rise of Bdubs acting that should have told him sooner. The time Bdubs suggested they hung out on Valentine’s day together because they were both single. The way Bdubs would hover around him when in groups of people. Or the way sometimes could not look him in the eye, or how other times, how he could not stop looking. Just like how he had a hard time looking away from Bdubs’. Or how he would only go to group events if Bdubs was there. Or how each year he waited and hoped for Bdubs to ask to be with each other on Valentine’s day again. Maybe if he had said yes the first time, everything could be different.
Etho picked back up the pen and grabbed another paper. He knew in his heart he needed to write a second note, one only to Bdubs.
~~~~~~~~
Dear Bdubs,
I’m sorry I asked you to leave, especially after what had just happened. I was already planning on doing this and nothing you said could have stopped me, sadly not even that. You see, I think “Love” is a strong word, I don’t like to use it lightly, that being said, I think Love might have been the right word to describe what I’ve felt for all these years.
I wish I had the guts to tell you then but I love you too Bdubs.
I hope you can forgive me for this, and I hope you can find someone else, someone who loves you more than anything, someone who could hold on, unlike me.
I didn’t tell the others why I was doing this, but I feel you deserve to know, even if I don’t have much to explain. To put it plainly, the thoughts got too loud. I'm letting them win because this is the only way I’ll find my peace. That and I decided a long time ago I wasn’t going to last even this long. Not to mention, I hope this can make up for what was my fault all those years ago, and that if there is anything after this life, she can forgive me.
You were one of the few reasons I lasted this long, I hope you know that. But I just can’t do it anymore.
Please know that there was nothing you could have done to stop this, Goodbye Bdubs.
~~~~~~~~
For the first time today, Etho’s eyes began to tear up. He thought about what his life could be if he stopped now and called Bdubs. What would happen if for the first time, he did not go through with a plan. If he broke the promise he had made to himself all that time ago. He folded the not just the same as the other, and wrote ‘For Bdubs’ on the outside of it.
He wiped away the tears forming and got right back to business. He did not want to get too emotional fearing it might actually stop him. He walked into his room and grabbed the duvet of his bed and walked it back into his living area. He laid it down flat on the now empty floor, hoping it could help lower the inconvenience to whoever found him.
He took off his coat and set it on the table he was just writing at. He grabbed both notes, the pen, the bottle and a knife from his kitchen. He walked back to the blanket and sat down. He slowly rolled up one of the sleeves to his turtle neck, feeling the cold hit his bear arm. Semi healed cuts tormented Etho, staring at him with hatred and contentment. He set down the knife, opting to do that second.
He took the bottle and opened the lid, the scent of stale chalk hit his nose, making him cough. He took off his mask and poured out the twenty or so pills into his other hand and started to take them, one by one. Each one hurt more than the previous going down his dry throat. He believed he deserved the pain, if he was really going to do this, then he had to make it at least painful. He finally got down to the last pill, already feeling like he might vomit, he took it, just the same as all the others. Nothing special about the first, nothing special about the last.
He picked back up the blade, colder than before, and pressed the sharp side against his skin on his wrist. He slowly dragged it up his forearm, pushing deeper and deeper as he went up. He finally stopped an inch or so away from the crevasse of his elbow. He watched the red slowly drip his arm and onto the duvet below, keeping the carpet clean. Despite the fact he had already taken enough pills to kill himself, he made another cut on his arm, hoping for no chance of survival. This time he traced the most visible vein through his thin, pale skin. The pain stung more than anything he had ever done to himself before, and yet, still not as painful as the memory of the scar on his face.
As he started to lose consciousness from the medication and blood loss, the same few memories kept on resurfacing. How he got the scar was one of the strongest, the bright lights, the glass, the screams from his mother, the sound of the other cars speeding past like nothing had happened. The aftermath was just as bad of a memory, the staleness of the hospital, the quiet weeping from his father, the surgery and recovery time. The pain of loss was worse than the pain of the crash itself.
Other memories flashed by, most were given only a few seconds, others lasted longer. The day he moved away, the day he met Bdubs, the calls he would get from his father, that one Valentine’s day, and today, when Bdubs yelled a confession and Etho could not reply. He still felt like he could hear Bdubs’ voice. This time calmer, this time it sounded like he wanted Etho to be safe more than he wanted Etho himself. This time it sounded a little too real.
Bdubs was knocking on the door, in real time, no trick of his memories this time. Bdubs was there right now. His knocking became increasingly more aggressive and rapid, his mind fearing the worst. He finally went for the handle, hoping Etho, uncharacteristically, left it unlocked. To Bdubs’ luck, Etho had done just that.
He stepped inside and intimately saw his friend, bloody and unconscious on the floor, an empty bottle next to him, and a bloody knife still in hand. He ran over to Etho faster than he ever thought possible, nearly tripping over himself. His dried eyes rapidly began to cry again. He quickly tried to shake Etho awake, hoping it could help stop what was clearly a suicide attempt. When Etho did not open his eyes, Bdubs knew it was all too possible he was too late.
He quickly reached for his phone and dialed the emergency line, hoping that at least they could help if he could not. He could barely hold his composure up when trying to talk to the lady on the other side of the line. The ambulance would take a minimum of eight minutes to get to the apartment and Bdubs feared Etho did not have that kind of time.
He looked back down at Etho and noticed how peaceful he appeared, like all his worries and anxieties were gone. His mask was off and for the first time, Bdubs properly saw his face and the quiet smile his lips had formed as he became unconscious. At least Bdubs hoped it was just unconscious, he did not know how to check for a pulse to confirm. As he impatiently waited for the ambulance to show, he noticed the papers on the ground next to Etho, the one addressed to him slightly dipped in his blood. He slowly picked it up and began to read.
It was hard for him to make out the words with all the tears in his eyes, but he eventually understood the words, he simply had a hard time believing them. ‘How could Etho feel the same for this long and yet never say anything?’ Bdubs thought to himself. He did not want to sound selfish but now he hoped even more so that Etho would be fine once given medical attention, just in hopes Etho would be willing to give them a chance. Bdubs continued to reread the note over and over again, letting his tears hit the page, mixing with the ink and blood, forming a sorrowful stain on the paper.
The longest eight minutes of Bdubs’ life had finally passed and the ambulance had arrived at last. EMTs rushed in with a stretcher, pushing Bdubs to the side. They picked up Etho’s body, knife falling out of one hand, a pen from the other. Bdubs picked up the other note, the pill bottle and the pen Etho had just been clutching and sped out right behind the EMTs as requested.
The ride to the hospital was anything but quiet. The sound of people trying to resuscitate Etho, the ripping of cotton bandages to stop the bleeding, and the questions Bdubs was asking and asked. “PLEASE! You’ve gotta let me stay by him!”
“I’m sorry sir, only family is allowed in the room,” an EMT responded, his voice tired but caring.
“I’M THE CLOSEST THING HE HAS TO FAMILY HERE!” Bdubs’ screaming made the other man wince.
“Please sir, there is no need to yell.”
“I-I’m sorry.” Bdubs hesitated before continuing, “Please, his dad is in Canada, there's no way he could make it here tonight.”
“I’m sorry but being his friend is not enough to permit you access to his room,” the man responded, sounding genuinely sorry.
Bdubs thought for a moment before deciding to lie slightly. “I’m his boyfriend, not just his friend who happened to find him.” His voice bordered on sounding sassy.
The EMT hesitated for a moment before quietly responding, “I’ll see what I can do.” The man turned his body away from bdubs before he could thank him.
They had finally arrived at the hospital and Bdubs waited in the hallway before being let into the room by the same man as before. He walked in to see a breathing but sleeping Etho, just as peaceful as before. Bdubs could not help but stare at his face, he had never seen Etho's mouth before today and he wished he could have kissed his lips. Etho had joked in the past that Bdubs was sleeping beauty with how much he loves to sleep, but now it looked like Etho was the one who needed the life saving kiss. Bdubs knew better than that though, even if Etho did love him back, he was not going to kiss him in his sleep.
Bdubs sat in the chair in the corner, planning to sleep away the night. Etho’s father would likely arrive sometime in the early morning so he would not need to be here alone forever. He knew he should contact Beef, Doc, Joel and some of the others, but for tonight, he decided it was better if they did not have that weighing down their conscience, it was already so late anyway.
~~~~~~~~
Bdubs awoke to a still and silent room, he looked up to see Etho still sleeping, just as happy and peaceful as before. It made him wonder, what if he let Etho get the ending he wanted? If Bdubs came an hour later, then Etho could have been this content and peaceful forever. Bdubs quickly shut these thoughts down, trying to convince himself that what he did was right and what Etho would have wanted.
The thoughts started again quite quickly, after all, this was not what Etho wanted, Etho wanted to die, Bdubs was the one that wanted this. Etho chose death, Bdubs was the one who decided he should live. He made that decision for Etho. Bdubs’ thoughts continued to spiral, only stopping when a nurse knocked on the door.
She walked in, not acknowledging Bdubs, and started a small check up on Etho. right behind her an older man walked in. “You must be Mr. Slab,” Bdubs managed to cough up, voice still scratchy from the night before.
“Call me Bevan, please.” The man took a seat next to Bdubs, clearly still exhausted. “And you’re BdoubleO I'm assuming? You know, Etho would often talk about you on our calls. I’m just happy he finally asked you out, it was so clear he had fallen for you a couple years ago. A little sad I found out this way though.” Bevan tried taking a breath to calm his nerves. He clearly was not in the right headspace but his eagerness to be polite took over.
The nurse finally left. Still not talking to either of them. Bdubs took the opportunity to relatively tell Bevan the truth. “Well, we’re not exactly dating. I did lie a little so they would let me stay.” Bevan laughed a little at the situation.
A silence quickly fell upon the room. Bevan looked at his son, lying on the bed, so still someone might already think of him dead. “I knew his mental health was bad but not this bad.” Bevan began to cry for what was clearly not his first time this hour. Bdubs did not respond, he did not know what to say and he definitely did not want to say the wrong thing.
They sat in that room together in near silence for a while, each crying, sometimes louder, sometimes quieter, but it felt less depressing now that they were crying together. A couple hours had passed at this point, Etho’s father had fallen asleep, and Bdubs was left in the quiet once again. Bdubs finally decided it was time to text all of their mutual friends. He tried to let his cold fingers navigate the keyboard on their own as his eyes were too blurry to help.
He sent out a dozen or so messages, getting replies every once in a while. The day was long, Bdubs never left the room for anything other than the restroom, not even for food. Some friends came in at one point to leave flowers but none stayed longer than an hour. Sooner than Bdubs realized, it had already been twentyfour hours since this all started. He had gotten to know Etho’s father during this time but that was not a big enough distraction from what was weighing on both of their minds.
Bevan decided to try and sleep the night away again, Bdubs tried doing the same but it was hard for him to sleep knowing any moment could be Etho’s last.
Bdubs heard a quiet mumble and instantly shot up. He did not know it before, but he could recognize that voice anywhere. Etho slowly started to move, no different than how he would when waking up in the morning. Bdubs stood still, not wanting to overwhelm his friend. Etho lifted himself up to see his father sleeping and his best friend staring at him.
“How did I get here?” Etho asked with a dry, scratchy throat that still hurt from him dry swallowing the pills. Etho still was not fully aware of his surroundings, not fully understanding the gravity of Bdubs standing right in front of him. “What are you doing here?” Etho asked while trying to open his eyes enough to look at Bdubs.
Bdubs could not stand back any longer, he ran up to Etho’s bedside and hugged him so tightly Etho coughed out all the air in his lungs. “S-sorry, I’m just–” Bdubs took a breath, trying to calm his racing heart. “–I’m just really happy you’re okay, relatively.” He glanced down at Etho’s arm on that last word and immediately looked back up at Etho’s face.
Etho’s peaceful smile had reverted back to his more natural flat face stare, but this time, everyone could tell now that he no longer had a mask with him. Etho noticed the fact his mask was gone and quickly shifted his head to face away from Bdubs. He was embarrassed of his face, he did not want his friends to see him like this, let alone a friend like Bdubs. A friend he wished was more than just his best friend.
“You don’t need to hide your face, Etho. Please, look at me,” Bdubs requested, his voice grew softer which was abnormal for him but necessary in the moment. Etho slowly turned his head towards Bdubs, refusing to make eye contact. “Etho, please…”
“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Etho replied, fearing the worst.
Bdubs softly grabbed Ethos face and tilted it to look him in the eyes. Etho grew red quite rapidly which normally would be hidden by his mask, but not this time. “Did you mean what you said? in the note,” Bdubs asked Etho.
“What part?” Etho questioned to himself. ”Doesn’t matter, it’s all true.”
“In that case, may I?” Bdubs asked while still holding Etho’s face, likely loving this opportunity to be taller than him.
“May you what?” Etho soon realized what he meant when Bdubs kissed him. The kiss was short and sweet but Etho wanted more. He grabbed Bdubs by the collar of his shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him properly. He never realized how much he wanted this but he was happy he finally got it.