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Charles was well known for his parties at his flat just off campus. Every weekend, students, friends, and strangers alike gathered in the small two-bedroom flat to relax. Music played, and the alcohol would flow as they relaxed after a long week. Edwin knew it was part of living with Charles, and while he didn't particularly enjoy the noise or people invading his space, he had long ago reached a compromise with Charles that worked for both of them. During the week, their home was mainly quiet, allowing the two of them to study or relax after uni. People would come over, but things were calm. Friday, though, was Charles's night. The flat would become filled with people, and everywhere Edwin turned, he would run into groups of people dancing and drinking. The only exception was his room. His room was off limits, as it allowed him to retreat when he became overwhelmed.
Yet, tonight, even his bedroom wasn't enough.
It was his own fault, really. It had been a long week at school with revising and exams. He was tired, but rather than retreat to his room, he decided to spend time in the sitting room, drinking as he spoke with Thomas. Everyone, including Edwin, was well aware of the fact that Thomas only came to the parties to see Edwin. His flirting was lost on Edwin, as while he found Thomas attractive, his heart had only ever belonged to Charles. It was to Charles that he confessed his love almost five years ago when they were sixteen and had almost been separated forever. Charles hadn't loved him back in the same way, and Edwin had tried to move on, but even now, he couldn't make his heart listen. So, to protect his heart, he had encouraged Charles to pursue Crystal as he tried dating other men. So far, it hadn't worked, and his heart refused to let Charles go.
"I have to use the loo," Edwin informed Thomas during a break in their conversation. It was only half true as he had overindulged tonight, having more drinks than normal as he celebrated the end of exams. He stood up, practically going back down as he got to his feet. Thomas reached out to help him, and he batted his hand away as he moved to use the wall as a balance. He walked carefully towards the loo as he considered just by passing by it and going to his room, because while his bladder was making itself known, his head felt fuzzy and he just wanted to lie down. A decision he would most likely regret come morning. So he waited in the short line to use the single toilet in the flat, once more questioning their decision to have a party in a flat with only one loo. Finally, though, it was his turn, and he stumbled in. He used the toilet, then washed his hands, splashing cool water on his face in the process. It didn't make him feel anymore sober, and he wiped it away.
Upon exiting the loo, he turned to head towards his room. That is when he saw them. Charles was standing at the end of the hall facing the wall. It didn't take Edwin long to notice that his hands were under Crystal's thighs as he held her up so that he could snog her senseless. Edwin stared at them for what seemed like a long moment before he bit back a choked-off sob and quickly turned the other direction.
"Edwin," Charles called after him. Edwin ignored him as he made his way towards the front door. He grabbed his keys off the hook by the door. Only to have them snatched out of his hand immediately.
"Give them back," Edwin slurred as he turned to face Charles.
"Not happening," Charles answered. The rules of his parties were clear. Once you were here, you looked out for the others. Everyone who came to his flat left in the same condition they arrived. If you wanted to go home while drunk, you had a designated driver, or Charles called you a cab and walked you out to make sure you got in it safely. If none of those were an option, then you crashed at the flat and left in the morning on your own accord.
"Charles, I am perfectly sober enough to drive," Edwin tried glaring, but Charles just slipped the keys into pocket.
"Sure mate, and I will believe you in the morning," Charles answered. Irritated and close to a full meltdown, Edwin unlocked the door, pulling it open. He just wanted to get away from Charles and out into the fresh air for a moment, but Charles pushed it closed before he was able to step out. Trapped, Edwin couldn't contain the whimper that escaped as he slid to the floor. He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs as he buried his head into his legs. With the illusion of privacy, the sob finally broke free as he couldn't escape the pain in his heart. He barely noticed as Charles knelt down in front of him, using his body to shield Edwin from the rest of the people at the party.
"Is he alright?" Thomas asked. Charles was tempted to tell him to piss off, as he really didn't like the fact that Edwin was struggling and crying when others were around who could see. That wasn't fair to Thomas, though. Even if he and Charles had their differences, Thomas had been good to Edwin, and Edwin liked Thomas. Charles didn't like the thought of them being a couple, but then again, he was never happy with Edwin's possible romantic interests. Thankfully, there hadn't been many over the years.
"Can you get the door to my room?" Charles asked. Thomas nodded, hurrying in that direction. Charles didn't watch him go as he kept his focus on Edwin. He knew Edwin wouldn't be happy with him, but he didn't care as he quickly moved to Edwin's side. With gentle movements, he put one arm under Edwin's legs and the other at his back, picking Edwin up with ease as he rose. Edwin yelped and put his arms around Charles's neck.
"Put me down," Edwin complained half-heartedly. Charles ignored him as he carried him quickly to his room and through the open door. He heard it shut behind him and glanced back quickly, relieved to find out it was just him and Edwin in the room. Charles was careful as he put Edwin down on the bed, and Edwin curled into himself, sobbing. Charles didn't have to ask why. He had known Edwin since they were young, and he had seen the look of pain that would flash through Edwin's eyes when he caught Charles kissing Crystal. Edwin always denied it, claiming that he was happy for Charles, but Charles knew in his heart it wasn't true even as he chose to believe Edwin. He wasn't naive, though, and he could still remember clearly standing on the staircase as Edwin had declared his love for him. A love that Charles didn't think he deserved, and at the time hadn't been able to return in the same way. He thought that Edwin would eventually move on, but it was clear now to Charles that it hadn't happened. That Edwin was still in love with him, and he was only hurting the most important person to him by being with Crystal.
Charles wasn't sure what to do, as he loved Crystal, but he also loved Edwin in his own way, and he couldn't keep hurting him. Charles sighed as he reached for Edwin's foot, untying his shoe and slipping it off. He dropped it to the floor, then did the same to the other foot. Edwin didn't fight him as he continued to sob. It worried Charles, as even though Edwin wasn't a fighter, he usually was more than capable to lash out verbally.
"Edwin, you're starting to worry me, mate," Charles told him.
"Sorry," Edwin sobbed.
"Please don't apologize, I just need to know you're alright," Charles informed him.
"I'm fine," Edwin cried; it was obviously a lie. Charles sat down on the edge of the bed, resting his hand on Edwin's shoulder.
"No, you're not," Charles whispered softly. "But that's alright. Just sleep now, it will all be better in the morning." Edwin didn't see how, but he trusted Charles as he closed his eyes, sobbing until the alcohol and exhaustion pulled him under. Charles sat with him the entire time, gently rubbing Edwin's shoulder, offering him comfort. He sat with Edwin long after his breathing evened out, just watching him sleep. The party was still going on just on the other side of the door, but Charles really didn't feel like rejoining it. No one would judge him if he hid in the room with Edwin until morning, as they all knew Edwin came first, and if they didn't, that wasn't his problem. So, he took his time to make sure that Edwin was comfortable, tucking the comforter from his closet carefully over him.
Satisfied that Edwin was safe in his dreams, Charles reluctantly slipped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. In the main part of the flat, the party was still going on. Music was playing while the drinks continued to flow. Charles scanned the crowd quickly, finding Thomas standing off to the side. He was talking to a girl whom Charles didn't recognize, but that wasn't unusual, as people often brought their friends. Nearby, Edwin's good friend Niko was dancing with two others. They were mainly bouncing as they laughed, and Charles couldn't help but smile as he watched them enjoying the evening. He continued his search, finally finding Crystal leaning against the counter, staring at him. He caught her eye and tipped his head towards the hall, waiting until she pushed away from the counter before heading down it. The only private place in the flat at the moment was Edwin's room.
He pulled her just inside the door, leaning against the wall as he took in the familiar room. Edwin's bed was made up, and he had a book on his nightstand that he was reading. His wardrobe sat against one wall, his desk the other. Almost every other available wall space was covered with bookshelves filled to the brim with books that overflowed into the sitting room. Charles liked to joke that one day their home would become a library, and Edwin seemed happy with the idea. Maybe he would take him to the bookstore and allow him to add to his collection in a few days. He smiled briefly at the idea before forcing his mind to the task at hand.
"Crystal," Charles began, not sure how to continue as he turned to face her. He didn't want to break up as he cared deeply about her. She had been his rock alongside Edwin, helping him get out of his parents' house into the flat he now called home. He knew he would have been lost without her help, and he owed her so much. More than he ever felt that he could repay.
"How's Edwin?" Crystal wondered before he could find the words. She had seen the tears in his eyes and witnessed his collapse by the door. She wanted to help, but she also knew she was the cause of his pain.
"Asleep," Charles answered truthfully.
"In the morning, can you tell him I'm sorry?" Crystal asked.
"You did nothing wrong," Charles argued. Crystal stepped forward, taking Charles's hand.
"But I did. Anyone who spends any time with the two of you can tell he is in love with you," Crystal told him. "Hell, I thought you two were already married when we met."
"I remember," Charles chuckled. It didn't matter that they were only fifteen when they met Crystal, she was still convinced the two of them had some how got married.
"So you don't have to explain or apologize. We both knew this fling wouldn't last long from the beginning," Crystal explained. It wasn't true. They had never been just a fling even if their relationship had always been complimented. Neither one of them had been ready when they started dating at seventeen. Crystal had just come out of a complicated relationship with an abusive boyfriend, and Charles was dissecting his feelings for Edwin. It had been a horrible idea that only lasted a month the first time, but they had remained friends and their relationship had been on again and off again every since. This most recent time, they had been together almost six months and had no plans to end it, but he also refused to hurt Edwin anymore.
"I'm sorry," Charles replied anyway.
"Don't be. You're not getting rid of me that easily," Crystal responded, and Charles wrapped his arms around her. He held her close, thankful that he hadn't ruined their friendship. Eventually, they broke apart and returned to the party. Now, it didn't seem as fun knowing that Edwin was heartbroken on the other side of his bedroom door. Charles was just thankful Edwin was currently asleep and hoped silently that his sleep was dreamless. Still, he couldn't stop himself from looking at the door every few minutes, even as he talked to others.
"You don't have to stay out here. I can keep an eye on things if you want to go to bed," Crystal told him as he looked towards the door again. Normally, he would have declined, but he trusted Crystal.
"Wake me if you need anything," Charles told her as he headed to his room. Edwin was still curled up asleep, and Charles quickly stripped to his boxers and singlet before climbing into the bed behind him. He curled up against Edwin's back as he wrapped his arm over Edwin, holding him close. He closed his eyes, just listening to Edwin breathing evenly. It was soothing, and soon he found himself joining him in his sleep.
Edwin woke with the weight of Charles against him, warming his back. He felt tears fill his eyes as he knew that Charles just liked to cuddle when drunk and that Charles would never really be his. He took a shaky breath in and let it out on a soft cry. He should go back to his own room, but he didn't want to crawl into the cold bed alone. The thought hurt even more than lying here with the man he loved, but didn't love him back. He took a deep shuddering breath and felt his stomach flip, and he practically threw Charles off of him as he scrambled out of the bed.
"Edwin?" Charles questioned as he was awoken to Edwin elbowing him in the ribs in his hurry to get out of bed.
Edwin didn't answer as he ran out of the room, and Charles didn't hesitate as he went after him. He caught up to Edwin as Edwin fell to his knees in front of the toilet. Charles stayed by him the entire time, rubbing his back gently and offering him comfort. Edwin didn't bother to tell him to leave, as he knew there was no point in speaking the words. Charles wouldn't listen anyway. Charles would insist on staying by his side in case Edwin needed him, and Edwin couldn't deny the fact that he appreciated the comfort. Especially because once his stomach was empty, Charles was there with a glass of water so he could rinse his mouth out and two paracetamol. Edwin took them gratefully, swallowing the pills with another small sip of water. He gave the glass back to Charles before getting to his feet.
He tried to go back to his own bed, but Charles wasn't having it as he carefully but firmly steered Edwin towards his room again. Edwin tried to resist briefly, but he was tired and just wanted to go back to sleep, so he allowed himself to be taken back to Charles's room and tucked in again with Charles curled against him. When Edwin awoke again, it was light outside, he opened his eyes before closing them again quickly as the light made his head pound. He wasn't sure how much he drank last night, but he had obviously overindulged. He took a deep, steadying breath, and the scent of Charles filled his senses. Opening his eyes a crack, he looked at the familiar blue blankets, quickly figuring out that he was in Charles's room. Turning his head, he found the curly-haired boy sleeping soundly next to him, his mouth slightly open as he breathed deeply. Edwin stared at him as parts of the night before came rushing back to him.
He groaned, shoving his face into the pillow. He had made a fool out of himself last night, and he didn't want to face his classmates on Monday. Not only had he tried to leave the flat while drunk, but he had also broken down crying in front of everyone. It was that thought that made him pause as he remembered why he had broken down, and he forced himself to think about it. It wasn't like he hadn't caught the two of them making out in the past, as Crystal had been a steady fixture in their lives since they first met her at fifteen. He had watched them kiss many times over the years, and it had always made him unhappy, but last night had hurt. He knew in his heart that he couldn't keep doing this as his love for Charles refused to wane. He didn't like it, but the best thing he could do to protect what was left of his heart was to possibly move out. It would allow Charles to fully explore his relationship with Crystal, while he no longer had to witness it.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Charles was awake until he felt a soft kiss on his shoulder.
"You had me worried last night," Charles informed him as he kissed Edwin's shoulder again, confusing him. It was morning, surely Charles had to be sober now.
"I'm sorry, I was drunk. I won't let it happen again," Edwin tried to explain it away as he rolled so that he could look at Charles. It was clear from the expression on Charles's face that he wasn't buying it. Edwin had been drunk around Charles before, and it had never ended with Edwin trying to leave the flat in the middle of the night.
"You are allowed to be upset, mate," Charles informed him. Edwin shook his head no.
"You should be allowed to kiss Crystal without having me ruin your evening," Edwin told him.
"Crystal and I broke up," Charles answered him bluntly. The thought still stung as it was fresh in his mind and would take more than just one night for him to get over.
"You don't need to break up on my account. I was just drunk, and I won't have you ruining your relationship for me," Edwin informed him. Charles smiled at him.
"You didn't ruin our relationship. Crystal and I are just better off as friends. Besides, it is hard to date someone else when the one I love is beside me," Charles told him.
"You don't love me, though," Edwin argued softly.
"Pretty sure I do," Charles replied.
"Since when?" Edwin demanded to know. Charles shrugged.
"Does that matter?" Charles wondered as he wasn't sure the exact moment his feelings for Edwin changed from those of friendship to love. Perhaps he had always been in love with the other boy.
"I won't be a rebound relationship," Edwin snipped, but there was no heat to his tone.
"We can take it as slow as you want to. I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to realize that you are the one I want to be with," Charles responded. The thing is, Edwin knew that he wouldn't be able to take it slow with Charles. He had been waiting for five years now for Charles to return his love, and once he got a taste of what he could have, he would never be able to resist having it all. He would want to wake every morning with Charles and not just on days they shared a bed, as they were too drunk or tired to make it to their own. He would want morning kisses, afternoon cuddles, and evenings spent in quiet as they both enjoyed each other's company. He wanted to fall asleep in Charles's arms at night after their bodies moved together.
"Can we start with breakfast?" Edwin asked. Charles smiled at him.
"Of course." Before getting out of bed, Charles leaned in close, giving Edwin a chance to move away as he brought their mouths together. Edwin leaned in, pressing his lips gently against Charles's. For first kisses, it was sweet and short but promised so much more. After all, they had a lifetime together to figure out the rest.