Work Text:
Charlie knew what she was doing was wrong. That much was clear, given the unsettling feeling of butterflies in her tummy, the way she hid under a blanket fort on her bed, and the way she hunched over her laptop with its screen on the dimmest setting, ready to slam it shut to hide the evidence if she suspected anyone might be approaching.
Charlie didn’t understand why it was wrong. She hadn’t even given it much thought. The simple truth was this: she had never heard anyone speak openly on the subject. It was something people seemed to naturally avoid, and every time the subject had come up, it had been in dark corners of the internet that she rarely had ever encountered. Subconsciously, Charlie had learned to treat the subject with uncertainty and shame.
Yet, the subject seemed so pure, so innocent, so wholesome. It was everything Charlie loved about the world. It contained everything that brought her joy. She couldn’t help herself. She had to engage with this content. She had to create some of her own.
She began her story writing about Noo-Noo finding his way into the Hazbin Hotel kitchen, and slurping up all of the jambalaya Alastor had made everyone for dinner. Noo-Noo loved jambalaya, in her fanfiction. He always sought out Alastor’s jambalaya, it was a running gag. Alastor would come in and scold Noo-Noo. In the story Charlie was working on currently, Laa-Laa entered the kitchen, excited for her favorite meal, which was Alastor’s jambalaya. Unfortunately, the jambalaya was all gone due to Noo-Noo, and Laa-Laa had become inconsolable, until Alastor showed up and quickly comforted Laa-Laa by magically conjuring up a new batch of ready-made jambalaya. Alastor then explained how important the cooking process itself was, and had Niffty come to give Noo-Noo a talk, explaining the difference between dirty trash to suck up and a valued meal that everyone was excited to share. Charlie was about to introduce some of the other hotel residents and the rest of the Teletubbies when her laptop began to glitch.
The document first began to distort, then a bunch of blocks of color filled her screen, then finally, her screen became entirely blue, and would not respond to any of Charlie’s commands. Charlie furiously tapped against the keyboard, even tried turning the laptop off, but there was no response whatsoever. Charlie’s frown was lit up blue, and she decided that she probably needed help.
Charlie had instinctively closed her laptop so no one would see what she had been doing just in case everything booted up back to the way she had left things. Downstairs, no one seemed to be home, which was somewhat of a relief. Charlie didn’t want an audience, given she was already feeling self-conscious about the activity she had just been partaking in. Yet, Charlie did need to find someone to help.
Unfortunately, the only other person around when she entered the lounge to look for technical help was Alastor.
“Charlie! Why the frown?” Alastor asked, beckoning her over.
Seeing Alastor relieved some of Charlie’s tension. Not only was he a sort-of trusted friend, he was also what Niffty would call a ‘bad boy’, and therefore unlikely to judge her for indulging in less-than-respectable activities. Charlie went to sit right next to Alastor, close enough that he would hear if she spoke quietly. She laid her broken laptop down on her lap and leaned in close.
“I was… using my laptop, when it suddenly stopped working!” Charlie explained. “I’d ask you for help, but I know you don’t like working with modern technology.”
Alastor watched Charlie carefully. It was clear she had more going on than just technological difficulties. She was too jittery. Too apprehensive.
“Hmm, you’ve got a point, my dear,” Alastor said. “However, repairing a broken laptop is well within my capabilities.”
Charlie’s frown nearly turned upside-down. If bad-boy Alastor could help her, she might not have to talk to anyone else to get it fixed.
“Oh, would you, Alastor?” Charlie begged. “Please please please please please-”
Alastor held a palm up, silencing her. Then he held his hand out towards her, as if to shake.
“Let's make a deal,” Alastor said with a mischievous grin. “I fix your laptop, and you tell me what you’re hiding right now.”
Charlie already assumed her secret would be revealed to whoever would fix her laptop, so she quickly took Alastor’s hand and shook. A blast of green magic exploded from between their joined hands. Charlie flinched at the gust of wind. When it died down, she released Alastor’s hand and opened her laptop. To her surprise, the blue screen had already disappeared. In its place, her text editor program was running, displaying her in-progress fanfiction.
Alastor adjusted his red monocle and leaned in. He hummed in surprise, then leaned back to look at Charlie. He was delighted by the deep blush that spread across her face.
“I don’t suppose this charming little tale is the secret that’s gotten you into such a tizzy?” Alastor said, sounding smug.
“Well, yes,” Charlie said, suddenly feeling quite embarrassed. It occurred to her that she didn’t understand why her fanfiction felt so transgressive. She couldn’t explain what was wrong with the Teletubbies, so she settled for addressing the much less serious but still mildly embarrassing matter. “Are you upset that I wrote about you in my fanfiction?”
Alastor laughed. “I doubt you could offend me even if you tried, my dear. Though, I am charmed you think highly enough of my culinary achievements to include them in your creative writing endeavors.”
Charlie noticed her laptop screen glitching again. It seemed the visual distortions were focused on all words on screen relating to the Teletubbies. Upon realizing this, Charlie’s stomach sank. The vague notion she had about the impropriety of the Teletubbies was being confirmed right before her very eyes, and she was helplessly clueless as to why.
“What’s happening?” Charlie asked, turning her laptop screen towards Alastor. “Why… why can’t I write about the Teletubbies? I feel silly for even asking. Is there something wrong with it that I don’t know about?”
“Oh Charlie, you have nothing to worry about,” Alastor said, giving Charlie a few comforting pats on top of her head. “Though I suggest from now on you relegate any Teletubby-related artworks to non-electronic mediums, such as pen and paper.”
“But why?” Charlie asked, her curiosity starting to win out over her anxiety. “What’s wrong with the Teletubbies?”
Charlie heard a new voice begin to burst out in laughter. She quickly turned and saw Angel Dust bent over, holding his sides as he shook.
“Charlie, did you just ask… what was wrong with… the Teletubbies?” Angel asked, struggling to get his words out through his uncontrollable laughter.
Feeling belittled and mocked, Charlie crossed her arms and frowned. Alastor noticed and responded by glaring at Angel until Angel noticed Alastor’s escalating static and forced himself to calm down.
“Sorry, Charlie,” Angel said, walking over to take a seat across from Charlie and Alastor. “Its just… well, it's a funny story, but we ain’t really supposed to be talkin’ about it, cuz of Vox.”
Charlie looked confused.
Alastor nodded. “Its a sensitive subject for the old picture box.”
Charlie was even more confused.
“You see, Charlie,” Alastor began to explain. “Vox may have the biggest ego in all of hell, but his ego is also incredibly fragile. At one time, someone compared his likeness to that of a Teletubby. It resulted in a trend of digital comics that popularized the comparison.”
“That’s Alastor-speak for viral memes,” Angel explained.
“I never saw these ‘memes’ myself,” Alastor said. “But I was quite entertained by Vox’s irrational display of indignation that occurred in the aftermath.”
“Vox lost his shit,” Angel said, laughter bubbling up once again. “He was so pissed!”
Charlie tried to put it all together in her head. She tried to understand why this would be such a big deal for Vox. Sure, powerful men sometimes threw tantrums when their image was tainted a little, and Vox was clearly that type of man. Yet, Charlie felt like she was missing something. It all felt so absurd.
“But I don’t get why my laptop would just break!” Charlie said. “I wasn’t saying anything offensive about Vox at all!”
“Oh no, you don’t get Vox,” Angel said. “He’s real sensitive about his image, alright? And most people don’t know this, cuz he scrubs it from the internet anytime anyone tries to say somethin’, but Vox’s got a lil’ TV screen on his tummy just like them Teletubbies. I actually saw it once when he was visitin’ Valentino at the studio, but he covered himself up real quick when he saw me. He’s real sensitive about it, ‘specially after the Teletubby incident. He fucking hates Teletubbies now. It's completely banned from any form of media he or the other Vees got control of.”
Alastor suddenly got an idea. He grabbed Charlie by the shoulders in excitement.
“Charlie, I have a proposition for you. When you finish your story, I could print paper copies and have them distributed throughout all of Pentagram City! We could even establish more of those free little libraries like they have in Cannibal Town and put a copy of your story in every one! Vox never goes near those things, but he’ll hear about it eventually, I’m certain of it!”
Angel’s eyes widened. “Ooooh, Vox would lose his shit!”
Charlie seemed hesitant. “Well… I’m not sure I like the idea of doing something just to be hurtful…”
Alastor rolled his eyes. “Nonsense, Charlie! Think of the children! And all those poor Teletubby fans such as yourself! Your electronic devices damaged remotely, your innocent interests shamed, and all just to coddle the ego of an evil man? Surely, you must see how your Hazbin Hotel Teletubby crossover fanfiction is a transgressive work of art that challenges the corporate establishment and empowers everyday sinners! Charlie, you have quite the opportunity at your very fingertips to support and protect your people, a simple and brave act of resistance that I am more than willing to assist with!”
“Well, when you put it like that,” Charlie said, beginning to smile. “Maybe I should do it! I think my mom would be proud of me… Okay, Alastor. Lets Teletubby our way to freedom!”