Chapter Text
"PLEASE JUST GO BE WITH OKARUN ALREADY!!!"
Jiji couldn't believe he said or did that.
In the midst of battle, he finally did it. He finally accepted that he was never going to be who Momo would end up with.
He knew it was only a matter of time, though. He knew going all the way back to when Evil Eye was accidentally let loose when he still didn't have control of the spirit.
The way Okarun pushed him away so hard that he thought he lost a friend he just made, the way Momo looked so warmly at him showing so much concern for her. That sparkle he saw, after he almost choked her to death, that was probably the smallest sparkle her eyes ever had with Okarun versus the biggest sparkle her eyes ever had when she was with him.
Maybe that's why the crush felt so strange to have.
There was always something wrong with it. It didn't feel like a crush that existed on its own.
When he hurt Momo, he knew he hurt a friend, and the fact that Okarun witnessed it made it hurt all the worse. He was lucky Momo was so quick to forgive him, and he was even luckier that Okarun was willing to shrink the divide that had grown between them to the point that the boy was willing to help Jiji get Evil Eye under control.
Only after that did Jiji start to understand what he felt for Momo, far too late for something healthy to be there inside of him.
He really wanted to be good to her, he wanted to give her the world, but that baggage of hurting her, both during their childhood and now, along with seeing how clear it was that her and Okarun liked each other, all it did was cause a storm to brew inside of him.
How was he supposed to handle having a crush on a girl he knew he wouldn't get but wanted to believe in whatever chance could've been there for him anyway?
But it would be wrong to say that he didn't know what the real answer was. He both knew it and lived it when Momo lost her memories and the dynamic she had with the group had to be built back up from scratch.
He knew who she really belonged with, and he knew that, if he had to, he would push her in that direction if she hesitated even a little bit.
That hesitation showed itself in the final run-up to her getting her memories back. She was with Jiji, who was getting her where she needed to be. Okarun was somewhere else, but still helping from afar.
One final battle with one final enemy, that was all that needed to be done before Momo could get her memories back, and it was Jiji who made the sacrifice to stay behind and fight the enemy standing between them and the restoration.
That was when he said those words.
And when he stood there once it was over, that was when the new reality he lived in actually hit him.
He caught up to them once the fight was over, and the aftermath was what he expected. Momo and Okarun were as close to official as he could expect. They never said they were, and he didn't see anything that would make it official like a kiss, but he just knew deep inside of him that this war of emotions that weighed him down could finally be over. He pushed her in Okarun's direction so she could finally and officially be with him.
And yet, it still hurt.
The girl he liked didn't like him back.
When they were enjoying their after-battle feast, Jiji wasn't himself. The glances everyone took in his direction revealed a very solemn face that people didn't know him to have.
His eyes, meanwhile, would keep going back to Momo and Okarun, completely inseparable. That sparkle was back in both of their eyes. They were able to get lost in discussions about yokai and aliens again. Pure excitement and joy were all those two were feeling, even as others tried to find a place to cut in and talk with them as well.
The two of them were in one place, while he was somewhere else.
There really was no going back. It was over for Jiji.
He lost.
He took a long sigh and excused himself from the meal and festivities, making sure to thank Seiko before he left. He first tried pretending that his master's quick recovery beyond all the doctor's expectations was something he could focus on instead, but he couldn't. There was just too much going on in his head.
"You sure you wanna leave so early, Jin?" she asked.
"Yeah," he replied. "I'm just happy that Momo's back to normal, so I think I should head back so my folks know I'm alright and don't have to worry."
It was the best excuse he could think of, a lie that could be easily defeated by just pulling out his phone and sending them a text or call, but it was the best he could come up with to get what he wanted, out of that house as soon as possible.
And Seiko was smart enough to know it was just an excuse, but the look in his eyes was anything but a lie.
He didn't even pretend to be someone he wasn't when talking. All his known energy and enthusiasm were gone. She would've at least expected the mask, but he couldn't even be bothered to put that on. It was as emotionally raw and sincere as he could be.
So, she gave him the grace he was looking for.
"Be safe gettin' home, kid."
It was the only time he left a gathering where the rest of the group was present and he didn't say goodbye to them. All he did was give them one last glance, his face unchanging in its broken, somber complexion, before finally leaving.
No one looked back at him or tried to stop him.
The long walk home was nothing but self-hatred and loathing. It was a night that was rightfully meant for someone else, but he was making it about himself in his own head. He was being so selfish when he should've been happy that his friend was back to normal and was going to be with a guy he knew was right for her, who would treat her like gold.
If a villain came and attacked him, he honestly wasn't sure if he would've fought back to the point of pummeling their head into nothing but paste or just let himself get beaten to a pulp since he felt like he deserved it.
Again, how was he supposed to handle all of this?
There was no answer to be found as he walked back home, just his own mind screaming at him for how much he felt he wasn't worth his friends.
Not even Evil Eye was trying to make a noise, both because the spirit was upset Jiji dragged him away from all the tasty food, but also because the boy's mind was louder than any noise the spirit could make. He would've been happy to switch if Jiji wanted to back at the party, but Jiji just wanted out of that house entirely.
The boy would eventually make it home, and the moment he stepped inside, something changed.
The safety of the walls surrounding him made all the emotions he was facing into something he could finally let out.
Pure sorrow.
His mom saw him come in, but he couldn't even bring himself to address or acknowledge her. He simply dragged himself to his room, where he closed the door, sat on his bed, and finally got a release of some kind as tears started falling down his face.
He couldn't stop thinking about all the mistakes he made that led to this point. He mocked Momo when they were growing up for something he didn't understand, he hurt her trying to save the spirit that possessed him, he let his feelings override his thinking and got off on the wrong foot with Zuma because of it.
He unknowingly showed her how wrong he was for her and did everything he could to push Momo to a man that he knew was better for her, and it just so happened to be his best friend.
It wasn't just that he lost the chance at being Momo's boyfriend. It really felt to him like he didn't deserve her or Okarun as his friends at all.
Eventually, his mom knocked on his door and came in, her own usual levels of energy greatly tempered by seeing her son in the state he was in.
"Jin, are you okay?" she asked.
There was no way he could hide his crying, but he was going to give it just one shot at trying to make himself seem more like who he usually was, the happy, expressive boy who would smile through anything.
"Mom..." he said, turning around with a smile completely betrayed by his tears.
Then, he just got it out of his system.
"I never had a chance with the girl I like..."
She didn't hesitate, hurrying to sit next to him and wrap him in a hug. He wouldn't even try to hold anything back now that he was in her arms. He just cried as much as he needed to as he clung to her, getting all the frustrations and sadness boiling inside of him out.
Somewhere deep down was that friend he wanted to be, the one who wanted to see Momo be happy, to watch her thrive in life with the man she loved by her side. They were going to be a great couple, he knew it.
He just wished it didn't come at his expense, and he hoped they wouldn't hold it against him for being this upset about it.
Falling for Momo felt like the worst thing that ever happened to him.
Meanwhile, back at the dinner, Aira was being her usual self to everyone around her.
Towards Okarun, she fawned over him. To Momo, she bickered with her. To everyone else, she simply addressed them as needed.
The exception to this was Jiji when he was still present. His face was nothing like she was used to from him. He wasn't supposed to be someone sad like that. He had to be upset about something, but before she thought about asking him what was wrong, he excused himself from the meal and left.
That was definitely strange, and she made a note to keep an eye on him more when she saw him in school tomorrow.
Otherwise, she was happy, because she got to see her friend back to normal.
Momo's memories were back, meaning they could settle back into their normal routines. As the situation had dragged on, it began to weigh on her, and Aira was worried things wouldn't go back to how they were. Her connection with Momo was one she greatly cherished, and she meant it when she said she was worried about her. Now, she could rest easy knowing their friendship was well and truly back.
But of course, much of her happiness still hinged on Okarun being present, and he was still her primary focus.
This time, however, something was off with Okarun whenever she tried engaging with him.
She noticed he was more reserved compared to his usual ways of being flustered and embarrassed when she was around him. He was quiet instead of loud.
It didn't take long for her to theorize that she should take this as a victory. She well and truly believed that this meant he was becoming more accepting of her advances towards him, opening his heart up more to her.
This caused her to keep leaning into her cutesy, clingy side she had developed specifically to try and make him like her more, but she didn't realize what this was causing to happen.
In Okarun's mind, he was thinking about something else, and it went back to what she did on school grounds the same day they found out Momo lost her memories. Momo was doing her usual thing of stepping in to cause more bickering, but for Okarun, he felt there was something he now had to do, something he wished he had done sooner.
He didn't want to fall back into old ways and risk Momo walking away from him again. She was the one he was in love with, not Aira.
And because of that, he decided it was time for him to do something.
"Aira, I need to talk to you, alone," he said with one of the most serious looks he ever had in his eyes.
He then followed it up with a hand on Momo's shoulder. His eyes were clear on the message.
"I'm stopping this."
If only Aira could've understood what he was doing, but instead, she was giddy and excited. She only saw this as one thing, that it was the time he was finally going to confess his love for her.
So, she followed him outside with a spring in her step and a smile on her face.
Once at a reasonable spot away from the house near the main shrine, he spoke.
"Listen, Ms. Shiratori, I need to be honest with you about something."
"I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE ME TOO, TAKAKURA!" she exclaimed without even giving him a chance to say anything else and giving him a massive hug. "We're gonna make such a cute couple at school! Then we'll graduate and get married, and then we'll-"
"NO!" he said as he pushed her away from him.
It was a hard push, one that didn't fit who he was as a person. Even he felt bad about how much force it felt like he used on her, even though it didn't hurt her.
"...Sorry about that, Ms. Shiratori, but you need to let me finish."
She was surprised enough by his force, as well as confused enough by him rejecting what she was doing a second time, that she gave him time to speak.
And he did not waste a single word when he did.
"I'm sorry, but I'm never gonna be your boyfriend. Ms. Ayase is the one I love, not you, so I would appreciate it if you stopped making all these advances towards me."
Then, silence, where all Okarun could do was wait for the words to settle into her.
Aira's face didn't change. She simply stood there, a statue with no movement, as her mind tried to process what she just heard him say.
He formally and explicitly rejected her. He admitted to her that she was not the one he loved.
This wasn't like the first time. He told her who the other person was. There was no chance of being rejected purely because she botched her rejection and made him uncomfortable with it. She got rejected because she wasn't the girl he was in love with.
Okarun was standing firm, his fists clenched at his side. Even if he was thinking about running back to the house since he got that off of his chest, he stayed put. He needed to know she got the message.
But she wasn't doing or saying anything.
She just stood there as the words took their time to absorb into her.
The longer this lasted, the more uncomfortable he began feeling, as he wasn't getting any sort of signal from her that it landed. Even her breaking down crying would've been preferred to this, because even if he would've hated seeing her like that, it would've let him know that the message landed.
So, he took the next initiative to try and snap her out of it, and it started with approaching her.
"Ms. Shirator-"
And then, she grabbed his shirt caller in her fist.
She kept her head to the ground, not moving an inch out of this position as she began to speak.
"Why?" she started by asking. "Why not me...what did I do to make you choose someone else?"
He grabbed her wrist.
"Ms. Shiratori, please let go of me."
"Why was it Momo?"
"Ms. Shiratori, please, I-"
"Why?!"
She looked up and revealed the tears falling down her face, though she tried her hardest to show a face of anger instead of sadness.
This was the kind of reaction he needed from her, even if it hurt to see. However, as much as he wanted to feel bad for her, Momo was still more important to him, and he wouldn't let his discomfort of having to deliver a rejection like this prevent him from thinking about her first and foremost.
He was done with anything that had the chance at tearing them apart. Momo was who he loved, the girl he was able to confess his feelings to. Aira wasn't that girl, and she would never be that girl.
And he was ready to say as much.
"She makes my life better by being in it," he answered.
"...I don't?"
"Not like she does."
"...Tell me what I have to do then."
"You can't do anything. You're not the one I like."
"Stop saying that!"
"But it's true!"
"There's gotta be something! Just tell me!"
Then, a second hand grabbed her wrist.
Momo was now present and going to involve herself in this conversation, against what Okarun had planned and against what Aira wanted.
"Let go of him," she said.
This was the last person in the world Aira wanted to see right now. The fact she lost to her was bad enough, but with both her and Okarun present, she now felt really weak in their presence.
As hard as it was to hide it, she would try, though, and it started by obliging but with force, as she slung her arm back to her side while letting go of Okarun's shirt.
"You..."
She couldn't think of anything meaningful to say. She wanted to get her frustrations and pain out, but the words that would let her do that just didn't come.
And it was all because she didn't even know how much she should hate Momo for this.
She wanted to pretend she really was a snake, someone who took her future boyfriend away from her when she wasn't looking just to laugh at her, but she just knew deep down that wasn't the case. She just wanted an excuse to hate the woman who took her first love away from her.
And yet, she just couldn't bring herself to hate her like that.
She liked Momo enough that she was willing to squash the rumors she herself tried to spread at the cost of making herself an outcast to her class. That kind of person just couldn't be truly hated, even for something like this.
And now, it was only being reinforced, as Momo looked on at Aira not with a smug or victorious face, but one with pity. Even if she won Okarun, she wouldn't relish in causing this kind of pain to her friend.
The only thing Aira could do was look away from both of them as she gritted her teeth.
"I'm going back in," she said, prepared to stomp off, until a hand grabbed her arm after a couple steps.
"I'm sorry, Aira..." said Momo.
Aira took her arm back.
"Easy for the winner to say."
"No, it wasn't easy, not when I thought I could've lost to you, Vamola, or any other girl for the longest time."
"...Am I supposed to feel better, then? After all the effort I tried putting in to make him like me turned out to be worthless?"
Both Momo and Okarun had no way to respond.
"I don't want to here it. Just get away from me."
She marched back to the house in a huff, Momo and Okarun not doing anything to stop her this time. After entering the front door and slamming it shut, she didn't move. A few seconds past as reality continued to settle in her mind.
It really was over. Okarun wouldn't be hers.
And she wanted to hate the two of them. She wanted to believe her feelings were strong enough that she had the right to hate him for rejecting her and Momo for taking him away from her.
But she still couldn't. She just couldn't bring herself to truly hate her friends.
So instead, she turned around, opened the door, and ran.
Anywhere felt like sanctuary as long as those two weren't present. She just had to get off that property, forever now in her mind the place where she experienced her first heartbreak.
And the only place she could think to run to was home.
She ran, fast and hard, her breath escaping her lungs and getting sucked in through gritted teeth. Whatever exhaustion she felt was second to what her heart was feeling. She just needed to keep running to a place she believed was safe.
In front of her house, she stopped, completely winded, and unfortunately, her mind still filled with everything that happened. At least she got what she wanted at that moment, away from Momo and Okarun.
Now, she didn't have to hold back what she felt.
A few tears had already managed to escape while she was running, but she refused to give in while still in the outside world. Even the trek to the front door saw her cheeks get stained with several drops, but she still held it together enough that no one would've heard her.
Only once she got inside and closed the door did she finally feel safe to let it out.
She slunk down to the ground, buried her face in her legs, and cried.
In that moment, and for the rest of the night, there was no leader. Just a teenage girl whose heart was broken because the boy she loved rejected her for her friend.
Her dad wasn't home that night, so it was her turn to fill the house with tears.
Both Jiji and Aira wanted to feel better after that night, the really did, but it was too much for the both of them to deal with that they could just get over it in a day.
They both had to accept that their feelings for other people just weren't going to work in their favors. For Aira, that was enough to drag her down by itself, but for Jiji, there was an extra set of emotions that were weighing him down, as he couldn't let go of all the times he hurt the two of them. Aira was just upset that she lost, while Jiji was upset he did everything he could to feel like he was someone they should stay away from.
But that wouldn't stop him from trying to do the same thing he always did to mask his real feelings.
So, the moment he ran into them the next day, he cranked the energy volume as high as he could and acted like nothing was wrong at all.
He danced around everywhere, exaggerated all his words, and posed like he was at a magazine shoot. His friends bought into it since they were so accustomed to seeing him like that, but he was still not doing himself any favors by just trying to avoid what he felt rather than actually coming to terms with it.
And Aira wasn't helping herself either with her method of coping, which was just avoiding the group entirely. Tsubami and Anzu were her refuge now, and even they weren't granted the privilege of seeing Aira truly vulnerable after this. Since she never told them about her feelings for Okarun, she didn't want them to feel bad for her losing out on a love they never knew she had.
Even her own dad wasn't allowed to see her truly down, because she saw what he was like when he cried, and she didn't want to believe she was falling to his level. She thought she was stronger than that, so she prevented herself from being that heartbroken girl in front of him, too.
There was only one set of people who were regularly exposed to how one of them was really feeling, and they were Jiji's parents.
The Jiji around his friends was not the same Jiji at home. He was somber, low energy. Even the worst Zaint-Germain loss wouldn't get to him this badly.
On several occasions, his mom tried getting a reaction out of him. She knew he was embarrassed by her antics and tried to amp her own energy levels up, but it didn't do anything. He just seemed stuck in this emotional rut he was in.
It also didn't help that he wasn't the one showing up to dinner anymore. It was always Evil Eye in control. It didn't matter to Jiji since his body would get food anyway, but it was never him at the table. The spirit was the one at the table, and while Mrs. Enjoji had come to see Evil Eye as her second son, it was Jiji who was hurting. He was the one who needed help, and his mom wanted to do just that.
So, she began thinking about any way she could to help him through the pain he was feeling.
She wasn't going to settle on anything that would only be temporary in nature. Something like watching a PZG game wouldn't be enough when that was only a few hours once every few days. She also couldn't count on something like him getting absorbed in soccer practice either. He was already gifted as an athlete, and he was only a temporary player on the school's team anyway, so practice or a game couldn't be counted on to help him take his mind off of what he was feeling either.
But she still believed there was something he could do that would help make him feel better. It just had to be something that would take up time.
As she thought about all of this, she believed that it had to be something that required his attention and ownership of something. She believed that giving him something that had a level of responsibility to it would be what he needed, as she firmly believed that helping someone else with their problems was the best way for someone to make sense of and peace with their own.
It first started with a call to Seiko, important since Jiji was going to miss that week's training because of his emotional state. Mrs. Enjoji told her of her idea to help him, and as she had hoped, Seiko put her in contact with someone who could give her son exactly what she wanted for him.
So, once she ended the call with Seiko, she made her first call with said new contact.
The third day was more of the same.
Jiji was still overtly high energy with his friends, but still emotionally muted at home. Aira, meanwhile, was just a no-show to the group.
For him, he just couldn't get past how badly he wanted to go back in time to fix all the times he felt he wronged Momo and Okarun. Just like they always seemed to, those feelings for Momo took on yet another wicked form where he refused to let his friends be the reason he was upset, and instead found a way to direct all his hatred at himself. He didn't want to be angry at his friends and never wanted to. He wanted it to always be his fault, and because of that, he was almost determined to hate himself as much as he could over this.
He wasn't giving himself a chance to heal, and it locked him into this state for longer than he or anyone would've liked, or at least, anyone who knew he was hurting.
He was still pushing his energy as hard as he could, while his friends were still doing their own things and hanging at school, always together as a whole or in their different subsets, subsets Jiji never really felt like he needed to be in for the group to feel complete.
That certainly wasn't helping him either. Even if it wasn't true, that false observation was still almost a validation of what he was currently feeling about himself.
By then, though, his mom had already gotten the gears working for the plan she had to help him.
And at dinner, she revealed it.
"Hey, Evil Eye," she said to the spirit in control of her son's body.
"What?" Evil Eye responded as he ate.
"Can you let Jin out? I need to talk to him about something."
"No way! This stuff is too tasty!"
"Evil Eye, you will let Jin out, or no dessert for you."
The spirit was unhappy, but nonetheless obliged his adoptive mother, putting Jiji back in control.
"Honey, just so you know, I'm gonna be putting you in charge of something starting a few days from now," she said.
It was almost intentionally vague, but it did get a reaction out of him at least.
"What is it?"
"You're familiar with the kid of someone who knows Seiko, right? I spoke to his father recently."
"A kid of someone who knows..."
"I believe his name is Chiquitita."
"Oh yeah, I know him."
"Well, I'm going to have you babysit him for a bit."