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James Rhodes looked at himself in the mirror with a critical eye. He spent so much time in army fatigues now that it was strange to see himself wearing casual clothing. For tonight, he’d pulled on his tightest pair of black jeans. They made his butt look pretty damn good if he did say so himself. He’d paired the jeans with a red shirt and his favorite jacket. He checked his teeth in the mirror, gave a satisfied nod, and headed out the door.
Friday night traffic in New York City was a whole other beast, but Jim was pretty used to it. He made his way to the Stark family mansion without too much delay. As he waited outside the gates, he eyed the mansion with an equally critical eye. It had only a few years since Howard and Maria Stark died, but the mansion was already showing a lack of care. Mostly because Tony really didn’t care. It wouldn’t be long until Tony moved out of the mansion and into an apartment, Jim thought. Frankly, he was surprised Tony hadn’t done so already.
The cab drove up to the front door. Jim dug out his wallet, paid the driver, and climbed out. He took a deep breath automatically, inhaling the scent of the late Maria Stark’s prized roses. As the cab drove away, he tucked his wallet back into his jacket pocket and braced himself. The conversation tonight was going to be a bit awkward, but he couldn’t in good conscience let things continue without at least trying to address it.
“Rhodey!”
Jim could hear the excited screech before the front door even opened, and couldn’t help a smile. Seconds later, the front door flew open with such force that it rebounded and nearly hit Tony in the face. Tony dodged it just in time, jumping down the front steps with glee. He sprinted over to Jim and literally threw himself into Jim’s arms. Jim, having expected this, laughed.
“Tony, man, one of these days, you are going to get a black eye from that door.”
“Hasn’t happened yet,” Tony said smugly. “How have you been, my Rhodey-bear?”
“Not bad, all things considered,” Jim said, giving Tony one last squeeze before letting go. It had been about six months since they’d seen each other in person. Tony didn’t look great. He was pale, his eyes were red-rimmed, and his facial hair needed some maintenance. He was also thin - too thin. All Jim felt while hugging him was skin and bones. His concern deepened, though he fought not to show it.
“That’s good. You ready to party?” Tony said, rubbing his hands together.
“Sure,” Jim said. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? I’m fine,” Tony said. “Wanna take one of my cars? I have a new one. You’re going to love it.” He latched onto Jim’s arm and literally dragged Jim towards the garage, which was an impressive feat when you considered how skinny Tony was and how muscled Jim was.
“You’ve had a new car the last four times I saw you,” Jim noted.
“A billionaire CEO has to stay relevant,” Tony replied, hitting the button to open the garage door. And as the door slid up to reveal a brand new, bright red convertible, Jim had to admit that staying ‘relevant’ wasn’t half bad.
"Can I drive?" he asked before he could stop himself, and Tony grinned as he let go of Jim's arm and dug into the pockets of his jacket. He came up with a set of car keys and tossed them in Jim's direction.
"Of course. I plan to get drunk off my ass anyway," he said.
"What else is new?" Jim said, softening the harsh remark with a knowing smile.
"Hey, I could decide to get high instead," Tony said playfully. "Either way, I plan to bring home some company."
There it was, Jim's moment to speak up. Despite the fact that he'd probably never have a better opening, Jim still hesitated. He knew that Tony probably wouldn't respond well, and he hated to spoil their night before it even started. Especially after they'd been apart for so long. Still, he felt like he had to say something. It didn't seem right to keep letting Tony play this charade just because Tony felt like it was what he was 'supposed' to do. Or at least, that's why Jim assumed Tony was doing it.
"You know, you don't have to always bring home company," he said carefully.
Tony walked around to the other side of the car. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that if you wanted to come home alone more often, that would be okay," Jim said, unlocking the car's doors. He inhaled deeply again, this time breathing in that amazing new car smell. He looked appreciatively at the gorgeous Italian leather.
"Why would I come home alone? There's no end to all the beautiful ladies who want to come home with Tony Stark," Tony said, and Jim couldn't help thinking that that was about 50% of the problem right there.
"Yeah, you're a popular guy," he said with a small smile. "But - "
"But what?" Tony slid in the car, and Jim climbed in too. They looked at each other. Tony's brown eyes were wide and curious, and Jim's heart ached a bit yet. In so many ways, Tony was still just so goddamn young. He'd always been in the spotlight because of his family name, but the death of his parents had thrust him into the spotlight in ways that Tony was still privately struggling with.
"I just get this feeling that maybe you're not that into sex," Jim said carefully.
"What, like - you think I'm gay?" Tony raised his eyebrows with a cocky smile, and Jim snorted.
"No, not at all," he said. He knew for sure that there had been a few times when Tony had brought men home with him instead of women. In that respect, Tony Stark did not discriminate.
"Then I don't get what you mean. Of course I like sex. Everyone likes sex," Tony said. Was it Jim's imagination, or was his smile a little too wide and forced? He knew what Tony looked like when he was lying. That was definitely not an honest look.
"Not everyone likes sex," Jim disagreed, thinking about all the people he'd met in the army. He'd thought his world was pretty diverse, but the army had opened it up even more. People from all walks of life. Rich or poor, fat or thin, black or white, none of that mattered when you were crushed into the ground praying to god because enemy fire was raining down on you and everyone around you. People, he had discovered, were all completely different, and everyone liked and wanted different things.
"Well, I like sex," Tony said firmly. "I don't know where you got the idea that I don't."
"It's just - " Jim had to think about that. There was just something in the way that Tony talked about sex. It was either unenthusiastic, or too enthusiastic. And it hadn't escaped his notice that Tony had a carefully regimented schedule of when he brought people home. Even from overseas, Jim had noticed that. Tony brought someone home roughly two out of every three times he went out partying. It was like clockwork, and he couldn’t help thinking that Tony allowed himself the peace and quiet of going home alone every third time.
"What?" Tony demanded. He looked a little like an angry kitten, all puffed up and ready to defend himself to the death. Except he didn't have to. Not with Jim.
Jim sighed and set the keys down between them. "Tony, I'm not trying to pick a fight with you. I'm just worried about you, that's all."
Tony frowned, but his shoulders relaxed a little. "You don't have to worry about me, Rhodey. I've told you that a thousand times. I'm fine."
"Uh huh," Jim said, not believing that for even a second. Tony was definitely not fine. It killed Jim every time he had to leave New York and leave Tony behind with only the company of Obadiah Stane. Stane seemed to encourage Tony's partying ways if anything, which was surprising given that Stane should have been worried about Tony's antics having an impact on Stark Industries. Jim hadn't quite figured out that tangle yet.
"I am!" Tony insisted. "I like partying. I like sex."
"What's your favorite part?" Jim threw out suddenly, knowing that Tony would not expect that, and he was right. Tony blinked at the question.
"Uh - er - " He was clearly trying to think fast. "I like - uh, being naked. Yeah."
Jim just looked at him.
"That's a thing that I can like!" Tony said defensively.
"Of course it is," Jim said, sighing again. "I just meant that if you didn't like it, that's okay. You don't have to force yourself to have sex with people just because everyone expects you to."
He knew he'd hit the nail on the head when Tony's eyes widened and he went even paler than he already was. But there was only a grim sort of satisfaction in knowing that he was right. Just as Jim had suspected, it seemed like Tony was forcing himself to live up to the expectations of the media and the people he was partying with. People thought Tony Stark would be a slut, so that's what Tony Stark was. It made Jim a little sick to think about it; Tony was so naive in so many ways, and it would be so easy for him to get taken advantage of. It had already happened once with Tiberius Stone. Tony walked away from Stone in the end, but what would happen next time?
"I just want you to know that you can be honest with me," he added. "Anything you tell me will never show up somewhere else. I hope you know that."
Tony sighed. "Of course I know that. If you've never told anyone about that time I got locked on the roof of our dorm, then that means you'll never tell anyone anything."
"Exactly," Jim said, nodding. There had a few times when he was blowing off steam with his fellow army buddies that he'd almost told that story. He knew it would be a huge crowd pleaser. But he hadn't, because he'd promised Tony that day that he wouldn't. And promises meant something to James Rhodes.
"I don't not like sex," Tony said finally, looking out the car window. "Sometimes I’m in the mood for it. It feels like a good workout, you know? But... but I don't always like it either.” He paused for a few seconds, then added quietly, “Sometimes I have to force myself to do it.”
“Tony...” Jim said, horrified, and Tony shrugged.
“It's okay. I almost always like the orgasm part."
"Okay," Jim said. He didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to wrap Tony up in a hug and protect Tony from the world, but he also knew that Tony would adamantly refuse to let that happen.
"Sex is just really unsexy," Tony said. "I don't know if you ever noticed that. When I really stop and think about it, it’s hard to see the appeal. I mean, boobs and dicks are about as exciting as an elbow, you know?" He sighed. "And – and sometimes it's really challenging figuring out who to bring home with me."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked cautiously, and Tony shrugged.
"I have to bring home someone hot, right? Someone worthy of the Stark name," he said. "Obie doesn't really give a shit what I do, but he'd be pretty mad if he found out that I was hanging around with someone ugly."
Jim had step on his temper to avoid saying something nasty about Obadiah Stane right then. Of course that's all Stane would care about, he thought with a private eye roll. God forbid that the tabloids write about the Stark heir fucking someone beneath their "level". No wonder Tony brought home both men and woman. It sounded a little like he latched on to the first attractive person that he saw, regardless of gender. And it was also no wonder that Tony looked so relieved when he didn't bring anyone home. He didn't have to worry about choosing that day.
"It's a lot of effort," Tony went on, idly tracing the pattern stitched into the upholstery. "Everyone else makes it look so easy though. I've seen it happen... people go out, they see one person, and it's like a little bell goes off in their head. But that doesn't happen to me. People are just... people. I’ve never felt sexually attracted to anyone.” He whispered it like a dirty secret.
"So then you know you don't have to have sex with them, right?" Jim said gently, and finally Tony looked at him.
"That's the thing, Rhodey. I do. Sometimes I want to. And when I don’t, well... people expect me to be living it up. It's what every other rich boy or girl my age is doing. It will look weird if I'm not doing it too. And..." He pressed harder into the pattern, scratching at it. "I want to be normal. I want to fit in."
"Oh, Tony." Jim ached for him.
"I know that's dumb," Tony added, looking awkward.
"It's not dumb at all," Jim said. In fact, that was all Tony Stark had wanted for as long as Jim had known him. Being a young teenager in university meant that Tony had stuck out like a sore thumb. And really, there was nothing about Tony that was normal or usual. Whether it was his intellect, money, connections, or plans for the future, Tony Stark was born to stand out in all the ways that mattered.
"Yeah, it is. I know I should worry less about what other people think." Tony made his voice high-pitched and scornful. He was clearly repeating something that had been said to him a lot. Jim made a mental note not to say that to Tony anytime soon. It didn't sound like Tony would appreciate hearing it.
"You should, but that's much easier said than done. Everyone worries about what other people think," Jim said. "Even me."
"You?" Tony looked at him skeptically, and Jim nodded.
"Of course. I was so nervous when I initially joined the army, Tony. And I was nervous before I went to school too." He shrugged. "It's normal."
"But you don't have as many eyes on you as I do," Tony pointed out, and Jim had to give him that one. He nodded.
"You're right, I don't. I don't really know what it's like to be you, and I never will. But that's why I'm here. Because I love you, you dork, and I want you to be happy," Jim said.
Tony snorted and looked away fast. "Don't be sappy, Rhodey. It doesn't become you."
"Oh bullshit," Jim said, laughing, and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Look, I'm just saying. If you don't want to have sex, then you shouldn't be having sex. If you want to, that’s fine too. But forcing yourself? No. You can party as much as you want to, but sex doesn't need to be a part of it."
"But what will people say?" Tony said, and he sounded very tired.
"I don't know," Jim admitted. "But I'll be here for you through all of it, okay? I'll always be here for you, Tones. No matter what." He reached out and clasped a hand onto Tony's shoulder, hoping that Tony knew he meant every word of that.
"Thanks," Tony said, shooting him a small smile. Jim studied Tony's expression and realized that chances were high nothing was going to change. Tony was going to do whatever he thought was best even if it meant that he was hurting himself, and no one could stop him. But for tonight, at least, Jim could give him a reprieve.
"How about we skip going out?" he suggested. "We could get a pizza and some donuts instead. Then we could come back here and get comfortable. We could watch trashy movies and stay up all night."
"That sounds awesome," Tony said, his eyes lighting up. "Oh man, the best pizza place opened up, you're going to love it -"
"Then just show me the way," Jim said, starting up the car. He guided it carefully out of the garage and through the gates, heading into the city.