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The hall that the gala was taking place in was large. Every honeyed word echoed off the ornate walls. Like guests were all singing in a grand chorus.
Also, Jason’s shoes were tight. Tight enough that it felt like his toes were being strangled.
The entire floor of the gala shimmered. Like stars had rained down from the sky to party among them. But the actual reality was mundane. The glittering and shimmering was from the crystal champagne flutes and the sequins adoring the dresses of so many women.
By contrast, Jason’s suit was simple. It was white and smooth, the monotony broken by a single red rose tucked into his pocket. And the entire outfit felt like it was choking the life out of him. It was folded tight over his skin and took up as much space as possible. Space that was supposed to be for his body, for his bones, skin, and muscle. But the suit was determined to hug him close.
Jason groaned and wiped the sweat away from his forehead. He leaned his head back against his plush chair and stared directly at the crystal chandelier. It hurt his eyes to look at it, like staring directly into the sun.
But it hurt a lot less than staring into the crowd. With all their fake smiles and egregiously priced accessories. Jason took a big gulp of his ice water and glared resolutely at the chandelier.
If he strained his ears from his little corner, he could almost hear Dick and Bruce. He didn’t want to look at them. He didn’t want to see them with the exact same fake smiles. Discussing meaningless topics like they were matters of life and death.
Just hearing their sickly sweet, airheaded tones was enough to make Jason feel like throwing up. He took another big gulp of ice water. One of the ice cubes fell into his mouth and he crunched down on it. The sound filled his head, muffling everything else. Ironically, that allowed him to finally melt into his seat.
A sudden gust of wind blew into the hall. It was likely just a guest entering fashionably late, but Jason didn’t care enough to look and confirm. He found himself lost in the way the chandelier shivered. The crystals adorning it danced, twirling and tinkling in the air, capturing light and morphing it however they desired.
And then new, duller crystals entered Jason’s vision. They were hanging off ears attached to a pretty face. The woman’s red lips were stretched in a smile.
“Hey, Wayne! We’ve been calling you for a couple minutes now. Do you want to come sit at our table instead of here by yourself?” The brunette woman asked. Jason wanted to refuse. But his tongue felt leaden and wrong. And Jason knew it wouldn’t obey him.
“Alright then,” Jason said in a quiet tone. He stumbled to his feet and followed the woman’s sure steps back to her table, which was only one down from the one Jason had been at. Of the eight chairs available, only five were filled.
One had a purse on it and was angled. It seemed to belong to the brunette woman. The chair on the left was occupied by a blond woman with bombshell curls falling down her back. The chair on the other side was occupied by a lanky man with black hair done up in gelled spikes. Heavily gelled spikes. One chair down from the blond woman was a couple, both redheads. The woman was sitting on the man’s lap, red wine swirling in her loosely held glass. That’s definitely gonna spill.
“Guys, I got a Wayne to come sit at our table.” The brunette began shoving Jason into the seat between the blond bombshell and the couple. “Here, sit down! Jessice, move your bag.” The blond bombshell - Jessica - obliged with a huff and lifted it off.
“Mary, you need to give my purse more respect. It’s not just some bag.” Mary huffed as she shoved Jason’s shoulders down, into the chair.
“Oh, whatever! We all know it’s a fake.” The table burst into laughter as Jessica’s face went splotchy and red. Jason, in the midst of it all, wished he was anywhere else. I think I’d rather be fighting Two Face and his gang. At least Harvey’s kinda nice to be around sometimes…
“So, Wayne.” Jessica turned to him right as Mary went back to her seat. Jason stiffened and his heartbeat echoed in his ears. “What do you do for fun?”
“Uh… I guess… I read?” That was an extreme oversimplification. But for all Jason loved words, they were failing him at this moment. Jessica raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
“Really? I have to say, Wayne. You don’t really look like you read.” Jessica took a delicate, tiny sip of her white wine. Then she looked back at Jason with a sharp smile. “No offense.”
“Yeah! Gotta say man, thought you would have been more into motorcycles or something!” The spiky-haired guy said as he leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Bro, if you’re actually into stunt stuff, you can totally tell us! But you gotta tell me where you do that. I mean I’m super into adrenaline boosting stuff. I mean, living in Gotham is usually enough, but these villains just don’t hit the same anymore! You get me, Wayne?”
Jason did not, in fact, get him. Because Firefly had burned down five apartment buildings last week in the Narrows. And before that, Joker nearly succeeded in infecting the entire water system with Joker Toxin. The Bats were able to stop him, but a few people still ended up catatonic with permanent smiles.
Jason held Duke all night in the aftermath.
Jason wanted to say all that. He wanted to spit vitriol right into the spiky-haired idiot’s face. Jason wanted to punch him and knock every single one of his teeth out. That’ll give him a real adrenaline rush.
But what ultimately came out was nothing. You need to donate all your books, Jason Todd. Because this is sad.
“Well, you’re kinda quiet. But I can see it in your eyes, you totally get me!” Spiky-haired said as he leaned back, throwing an arm over the back of his chair. Jason felt irritation bubbling, itching under his skin. I hope Killer Croc crashes this gala and bites that arm off.
“Cool it, Jackson. Nobody wants to hear about your daredevil tendencies. We’re all too sane to even pretend we like hearing about that stuff.” Mary said with a pointed, scathing look. Jackson squawked and sat up straight, pouting. His arm fell back to his side.
“Oh come on, girl! I thought you liked hearing me talk!” Mary rolled her eyes.
“Keep dreaming! I’d never date you. And besides,” Mary turned to the redheaded couple. “I know that no relationship I’ll have will ever be able to match Mr. and Mrs. Couple Goals over there!”
“That’s right. My man’s one of a kind,” The redheaded girl purred. The man chuckled and pulled her closer by her waist.
“And no woman can compete with my baby’s…” He stared directly at her cleavage. Jason fought every instinct he had to prevent himself from gagging. “figure. Besides, you’ll never find a man like me, Mary. You’re too flat.”
Jason took a big, deep breath and closed his eyes. He tuned out Mary’s response and all the other voices around that wretched table. If he kept paying attention, he was sure someone would get knocked out. Don’t make a scene, Jason. These people are awful, but this night won’t last forever. Just make an excuse, leave, and then beg Bruce to take you and Dick home.
Jason opened his mouth, his excuse only half-formed. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going to come out.
But it didn’t matter. Because his mouth was left hanging open in shock as red wine doused his front. All over his very white suit. The table went silent. Jason lifted his gaze to the redheads. The woman was staring down at him, her glass tipped and her eyes wide.
“Oh, Wayne! I’m so sorry!” She blubbered with tears in her eyes. Then she threw the glass onto the table and sobbed into her boyfriend’s neck. He rolled his eyes and cupped the back of her head, fingering her curls.
“Man, that super sucks. But you’re a Wayne, you’ve got more!” Jackson said with a toothy grin. Jason took another deep breath, as much as his lungs would allow. He grabbed a napkin off the table and started to dry whatever amount of liquid he could.
“But you have to admit, my baby helped you out there, man.” Jason stared at the redheaded man with an eyebrow raised and the beginnings of a grimace. “I mean, it’s a distraction from all those nasty scars. Maybe you’ll actually have a chance at finding a girlfriend now.”
Jason stopped moving.
“Yeah. You’re hotter now with something to distract from them,” Jessica said, her gaze dripping over the red wine stains.
“I don’t like agreeing with Jessica, but she’s right,” Mary said, ignoring a heated glare from Jessica. “You should wear more colorful suits. Actually, if you want, I can give you the number of a tailor in Metropolis!”
“Yeah, Wayne! I gotta say, you really do give off a Crime Alley vibe. I didn’t want to believe that story, but looking at you up close proves it.” Jackson’s addition to the discourse was the final nail in the coffin. Jason felt frozen. He was sure he hadn’t blinked for the last few minutes.
I have to leave. Jason mumbled something to the group, but he didn’t know what. He just stripped upright and walked. Away from that table. Away from the crowd. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew it would be away.
Away turned out to be a balcony. The air was crisp and cold outside. Gotham was lit up below the hilltop estate. Jason’s eyes fell to Crime Alley, in the heart of Gotham. A small sliver of such a big city. Or a small scar.
Be it the cutthroat alleys where Jason desperately tried to find food. Or the facade of elite galas, glittering with grimaces and shining with stupidity.
It was all the same. All of it was unsafe.
But at least in Crime Alley, Jason could find help. Restaurant owners who took pity. Shop owners willing to hire Jason for odd jobs, or buy whatever he brought them. And those beautiful, rare days where his mother was lucid enough to spend the day with him.
But in the grand halls of Gotham’s upper crust, Jason felt like an out-of-place monster. An ugly, unlovable, ruined monster.
Jason let out a warbled gasp when the thought came to him. His knees buckled under its weight and he fell to the cold floor of the balcony. Jason wanted to curl up completely into a ball and bury his face away in his hands. But then his face would be covered in the rough texture of scars overlapping on his fingers. And Jason wasn’t sure he could handle that.
“Jason? Are you okay?” Jason jolted and whipped his head around. The door to the balcony was filled with a large, hulking shadow of a man. The shadow had a rough voice. But Jason had heard it enough times to know that it was filled with concern.
“...Bruce.” His father’s face was lit up with blue, red, white, and yellow. Colors and lights from Gotham danced upon his face, illuminating his worried features. He wore Gotham well. Like a knight draped in ceremonial finery. Bruised, but never broken.
But Jason had seen Gotham’s ugly heart as well. And the city had chewed him up and spit him out. Jason hadn’t been strong enough. He was a piece of porcelain, hopelessly repaired. Always on the verge of falling apart again. Doomed to never again be what he once was.
Bruce crouched down next to Jason and began to speak. But Jason knew what he would say. Platitudes, questions, and emotionally constipated comforts. All meant to chase Jason’s tears away.
So Jason decided to speak first.
“Bruce, why did you bring me into this world?” Bruce paused. Mouth opening and closing like a fish. “I don’t belong here, I never did. And I never will. Why did you bring me here at all?”
“What do you mean? You’re my son, you belong by my side,” Bruce said. “What brought this on?”
Jason gave a sudden, strong shiver. He stared back out into Gotham beyond. Right into the heart of it.
“I’m a monster. Gotham chewed me up and spit me back out. And all that’s left is…” Jason looked down at his hand. Wrapped in scars and burns.
Bruce’s breath hitched. Then he brought his head down to rest his forehead against Jason’s temple. Jason wanted to leech comfort from that gesture, like when he was a boy and would run crying to Bruce.
But a single thought prevailed in his mind: The knight of Gotham shouldn’t sully his armor by touching a monster.
Jason reeled backwards, scrambling away from Bruce. His chest heaved, up and down, up and down. Bruce stared at him, sorrow pooled in his gaze. But he didn’t come closer. And Jason eventually calmed enough to speak.
“...You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t touch me. I’ll ruin you too.” Jason saw something inside Bruce break through his eyes. He inched closer again. Then stopped when Jason tensed. But he never stopped his incredibly slow journey to Jason’s side.
“You won’t ruin me, Jason. Please, let me hold you. If you won’t accept it for your sake…” Bruce’s voice broke. He coughed, cleared his throat, and met Jason’s wary green eyes again. “Then please let me for mine.”
Jason knew he should have said no. But his selfish desires jumped first.
“Okay.” My tongue is barely mine tonight.
“Okay,” Bruce responded. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms over Jason’s shoulders. He placed a shaking kiss on the top of Jason’s head. His lips were wet. And when he rubbed his cheek over Jason’s, it was wet as well.
“Jason, you are my son. You are everything in the universe to me. So, please. Don’t say that you’re a monster.” Bruce moved his head down to make eye contact with Jason. And when Jason shied away, Bruce cupped his chin and brought his gaze back. “You are not a monster. You are Jason Todd. And that automatically disqualifies you from being a monster.” Bruce punctuated his point with another kiss. This time right over Jason’s eyelid.
Jason couldn’t stop himself from curling in his father’s arms and crying his heart out. And when his vision blurred, he brought up his battle-roughened fingers to clear the tears away.
Jason wasn’t sure how long they sat there. At some point, Bruce’s shirt was so drenched Jason could see his pale skin underneath. And at some point, Dick stormed onto the balcony as well, hair askew. He told Bruce they were leaving with a shark-like grin and gave Jason a loud, messy kiss on his forehead.
The next morning, Jason woke to a surprising headline: Dick Grayson physically assaults fellow elites at a late night gala, leaving some with broken noses.
Jason blinked hard after reading that. Then rushed to the kitchen to get ice for the knuckles Dick had neglected to tell Jason he’d hurt.