Work Text:
The Gray Ghost Saves Christmas
or
The Mystery of the Missing Film
Boy_Scout: So, any word on the GGHS?
Brucie_Boy: The what?
Boy_Scout: The Gray Ghost Holiday Special.
Brucie_Boy: Oh. I told you, the existence of an extant copy of the GGHS is an urban myth.
Boy_Scout: So is Batman.
Bruce leaned back from the console and rubbed his temples. Every year it was the same...someone would get ahold of the same tired rumor and send the internet into an uproar for several weeks. He didn't even bother to check his favorite message board anymore.
Brucie_Boy: It never aired, and the studio eventually taped over the tapes. You can't get it anymore than you can get some of the early Doctor Who episodes. Or the original tapes of the moon landing.
Boy_Scout: Check your email, oh skeptical one.
Bruce shook his head, but opened his email program anyway. As the virus-checker scanned the attachments, he wondered which pieces of 'evidence' it would be this time. Really, Clark should know bett-
His train of thought came to a halt as the first attachment opened automatically.
Brucie_Boy: Where did you get this?
Boy_Scout: :-) I *am* an investigative reporter, you know.
Brucie_Boy: Is this a prank?
Boy_Scout: ;-) You're the World's Greatest Detective. You tell me.
Clark grinned, stretched, and signed off, confident that if anyone could make his way through the mysterious maze of paperwork surrounding the Gray Ghost Holiday Special, it would be his friend.
* * *
Simon Trent knew Batman. He knew that the vigilante never used doors and never knocked. Still, it was a bit of a shock to come home one day and find the costumed hero sitting at his kitchen table, arms folded.
"Batman!" he said, startled. "Is there something I can do for you?"
Batman stood, his cape rustling, and took a step forward. Suddenly he seemed to exude menace.
"I've followed the paper trail, Simon. It all points to the same thing."
Simon blinked. "I'm sorry, Batman, I don't know what you're talking about."
Batman took another step and poked Simon in the chest. "You have a copy of the Gray Ghost Holiday Special, don't you?" he thundered accusingly.
Feeling the color leave his face, Simon swallowed. "I...well..."
Batman scowled at him. "Simon," he said warningly.
Simon's shoulders slumped, defeated. "I bequeathed it to...to Bruce Wayne in my Will," he said. "But I didn't want anyone to see it while I was alive."
"You *did*?" For a moment Batman seemed genuinely pleased, then he frowned again. "But why not? Everyone says--"
"I know. Everyone says that the Holiday Special is the best of the Gray Ghost, the finest thing the studio ever made, a lost gem..." he sighed. "Except no one that says that ever actually *saw* the Special, Batman."
Batman was silent a long moment. "You mean," he said, "It's not--"
"Why don't I let you judge for yourself?" said Simon, sliding open the closet where he stored his Collection of memorabilia. Sliding away a loose floorboard, he reached into the opening...and stopped.
"It's...it's gone!" he cried.
"Let me see," said Batman, pushing forward. If anyone could solve the Mystery of the Missing Film, it would be The World's Greatest Detective.
* * *
Finally, it was his. Lex Luthor rubbed his hands together. The popcorn was popping, the projector warmed up, the couch very comfy. He put on his favorite ratty old bathrobe and opened the safe where he was storing the precious item. They would never be able to trace the theft back to him.
He smiled as he ran his hand over the metal surface of the container. Soon he would be the only person in the world who had actually *seen* the Gray Ghost Holiday Special...and after gloating about it on his favorite message board, he would auction off the film to the highest bidder!
He slid off the top of the round film case...and screamed.
There was nothing inside but a note bearing the combined insignia of Superman and Batman and the words, "Happy Holidays!"
"Damn you, Superman!" bellowed Lex Luthor, and threw the tin to the floor in a fit of rage.
* * *
Clark cocked his head and grinned. Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. "Lex just found the empty container," Clark explained.
"Ah." Bruce's own lips curled into a small but wicked smile.
Clark's heart beat fast as Bruce handed him a red and white square box of popcorn. This was it. The holy grail for Gray Ghost fans. Long thought lost to the ages, unaired and then taped over by a heartless, careless TV studio, the Gray Ghost Holiday Special would now be seen for the first time in decades.
"Clark."
"Yes, Bruce?"
"You're...vibrating."
"Oh. Oh, uh...sorry. I'm just excited."
Bruce snorted, but it was clear that he couldn't really muster a scowl. He slipped the DVD into the player almost reverently. This was a copy of the original. Simon Trent himself had given Bruce permission to watch it when Batman had returned it to him.
Clark wondered again why Trent hadn't just sold the rights along with the rest of his collection, or at least later, when the Holiday Special became such a sought-after item. He shrugged. It didn't matter. They...*they* had the only copy of the only original left in the entire *world* of the Holiday Special...and they, he and Bruce, were going to see it *first*.
Bruce smirked at him. "The entire GG Fan Club message board is going to be SO jealous," he said.
"I *know*!" said Clark, starting to vibrate again.
* * *
Bruce weakly offered Clark another tissue for his streaming eyes and drew one for his own.
"And the elves..." Clark put his head in his hands and howled.
Bruce had managed to maintain his own composure for longer, but even he had his limits. "...when the Gray Ghost put on Santa's suit and flew the sleigh into space after the aliens--" he managed to gasp out.
"And that surreal trip to candyland, with the tiny...dancing...cookies!"
"Oh god..."
"I can't laugh anymore, it hurts..." said the invulnerable alien.
"And that *kid*--"
"Kid! He was twenty-six if he was a day!"
"Was it just me, or was he a little..."
"It wasn't just you!"
"And as you know, Clark, Santa's elves have their own language, which I have made an extensive study of--" He was cut off as Clark collapsed against him. "Batman and Superman, defeated by an old piece of celluloid," wheezed Bruce.
"What are we going to tell Simon?" said Clark, wiping his eyes again.
"...I don't know," said Bruce, sobering slightly in turn. "I can understand his reasons, but it seems a shame not to share this...this gem," he started to crack up again, "with the *world*!"
"I know *just* who to give the first...well, second...copy to, too," said Clark. "I think Lex Luthor should find it under his tree this year, don't you?"
Bruce couldn't speak in reply, he was laughing too hard. Finally, when he'd caught his breath again, he said, "They'll never believe it anyway, you know."
"Who?"
"The Gray Ghost fan community. They'll brand this as a hoax, pieced together by some greedy and unscrupulous individual. Actually, they won't be *that* far wrong," he added, thinking of the copious amounts of stock footage the studio had stuffed into the Special.
"Oh!" said Clark, "We could start the rumor *ourselves*!"
"Clark! Shame on you! And here I thought Superman never lied. I'm just going to have to punish you," he picked up the remote, "By playing it again."
Clark's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."
Bruce smirked at him and pressed 'Play'.
The speakers blared out the traditional sweeping and swooping of the Gray Ghost theme, which quickly transitioned to 'Jingle Bells'. A snowy scene filled the screen, and the words, "The Gray Ghost Saves Christmas!" faded into existence over it.
"Nooo!" howled Clark, pinning Bruce to the couch. "Give me that remote!"
"Huh-uh," said Bruce, tucking it beneath him so he could better grapple with his opponent.
"Bruce!"
"Or you'll just have to think of a better way for us to spend the rest of Christmas Eve," said Bruce.
Clark's eyebrows rose. "Oh, I can think of a way or three," said Clark with a leer.
Bruce froze, which gave Clark the opportunity he needed to lean down and kiss him. After a moment of stillness, Bruce kissed back.
In the background, the Gray Ghost Holiday Special played on.
"Gee, Gray Ghost! You're saying that the Martians have captured Santa Claus?"
"That's *exactly* what I'm saying, young chum. And we're the only. Ones. Who can save him!"