Archive of Our Own

“Well, Zooble, it was quite the challenge but I’ve done it! Everyone is safe and sound asleep,” Nurse Caine declared as burst into the communal room, as if he were announcing the arrival of a king or queen or some other royal figure. No one followed him though, of course, as he let the doors swing shut behind himself and walked up to lean against Zooble’s desk without much more fanfare. 

“How was it a challenge? You do that every night…I didn’t hear any crashes or clanging from Jax’s room so it seems like it might’ve been easier than usual, even…” Zooble muttered as they stood from their chair and began gathering their things, ready to head back to their own bedroom. 

“Well, you know after all the hullabaloo today, it was a bit more difficult…Ragatha seems all frazzled as of late and I just cannot put my finger on why…Pomni was a touch disturbed by seeing a multiversal version of herself have a breakdown twice in one week…Oh! And I did an extra round checking if any of the dopplegangers of ourselves needed anything.” 

“Did they?” 

“No. But it took some time. And honestly, I’m still a bit stressed out and exhausted from the whole jam ordeal this afternoon…” 

“Tell me about it.” Zooble wiped a bit of dried strawberry jam off their computer monitor. “Speaking of which, Jax didn’t give you too much trouble without my help, did he?” 

“Oh, no. No. He gave me…the usual…amount,” Caine said, his eyes spacing out for a moment as his upper jaw sunk, visibly feeling taxed. 

“I’m just worried that this won’t be sustainable.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you putting all the patients to bed while I watch the other Pomni every night,” They said, gesturing at “the other Pomni”, who was on the couch, happily kicking her legs and looking around the room as if she hadn’t ever been in it before. “Just Pajamas alone is a two-person job…” 

“Pajamas?” 

“It’s what we’re calling our Jax now,” They said with a shrug. 

“Ooo, okay! Suits him. And wait, oh my goodness, she’s still up? What time is it? By jove, it must be…9, 9:30 by now!” 

“It’s 10:30.” 

“OH MY GOODNESS!” 

“Wh-Caine, she’s 25, it’s fine. We have time to talk. Dr. Moon just has us put the patients to bed early ‘cuz they’re patients. They’re like, sick and [%$!#]. Pomni’s fine, just look at her!” Zooble gestured at Pomni again. 

“Oh! Hi guys!” She said, turning around to see them. “When do you think the others’ll get back from the adventure?” 

“Well…as fine as she can be. Dr. Abel obviously isn’t letting these guys go any time soon, we need to talk about a more long-term solution. Maybe one of the other dopplegangers could watch her?” 

Caine sucked in air through his teeth. (Or, well…his head?…His teeth.) “That didn’t go so well this morning…”

“Maybe not, but-“ 

“And I’m sure a little bit of sleep will have ‘the other Pomni’ feeling much better. We’ll work something out in the morning, alright? It’s practically midnight!” Caine walked away from the desk and up to Pomni before Zooble could object. They rolled their eyes and picked up their stuff to leave. 

“Helloooo there Pomni!” 

“Ah! Caine! You startled me,” She said, a goofy smile still stuck on her face. 

Caine chuckled. “I seem to have that effect on people. Are you feeling sleepy yet?” 

Pomni shrugged. 

“Well, it’s very late. And I thought you could sleep in my office tonight, on account of all the…unpleasantness…today.” 

“Oh, yeah! The jam…” 

“That, among other things…”

“Well, if it’s late.” Pomni hopped off the couch (which was honestly quite the jump for someone of her stature) and stared at Caine with a blank smile. He smiled back. He found himself liking her a lot, better than his Pomni at least…who would most certainly be spewing curse words at him and have to be physically dragged if he tried to make her sleep in his office. 

“Follow me,” He said, and turned to head back into the hallway. 

“Ok! Where are we going?”

After patiently reminding her that they were headed to his office about 10 times during the short walk there, they finally ended up actually in his office. Pomni looked around the small area, the same way she had been looking around in the community room. It seemed just a little bit less out-of-place though, now that she actually hadn’t seen this room before. 

“You can sleep on the couch there, if you don’t mind,” Caine said, pointing at the small two-seat couch pushed up against the wall. Pomni obliged and hopped up onto the couch, lying down but not closing her eyes, as the fluorescent ceiling lights still shined, and she sort of forgot why she was on it in the first place. He smiled again—She was a lot easier to take care of than his Pomni, since she actually did what he said, but of course, that wasn’t the only reason he liked her. She was also just simply kind, at least in a way he could see, and he honestly found her pretty funny. 

“Hey, did you know there’s a guy in your ceiling?” She said, pointing at the Where’s Waldo poster Caine had put above the couch in case he ever wanted to lie there and look at it. (Not that he ever had time of course—Waldo evaded him.)

He laughed, a lot more genuinely than any human had made him laugh in a while. “I know, I know, I put him there! I could take it down if you want me to though, of course.” Caine grabbed a pillow and a folded blue blanket from one of the shelves on his bookcase, which he kept there for situations such as this, or in any case that he happened to fall asleep himself. 

“No, don’t move him. I wouldn’t want him to have to move…” 

“Alright, then I won’t,” He chuckled again and handed Pomni the pillow, which she luckily seemed to know to put under her head.

“Bubble?” Bubble, who had been asleep under Caine’s desk, blinked awake and floated out from under it. “Get the lights for us, won’t you?” He asked as he unfolded the blanket and sat down at the end of the couch, next to Pomni’s feet. 

And damn did this feel like the worst possible moment for Pomni to come to. 

The sight of Caine- not even her Caine, if her brain was right for once- getting all up in her personal space was not something she was fond of. Which, honestly, was probably the understatement of the century. As he began to tuck the blanket over her, the jester shot up and backed up as much as she could… which wasn't very much, as she quickly realized she was on a couch of some kind, and already pretty squarely at the end of it, but hey, how was she meant to know that? She basically just got here.

Her eyes frantically scanned the room. It seemed like… an office of some kind? A desk was to her right, a computer and monitors sat atop it, and a chair tucked nearly under. As she swerved her head behind her, vaguely aware that her eyes would be meeting something other than drywall, she noticed a bookshelf packed with… well, some type of books. Her eyes weren't focusing well enough to be able to tell exactly what they were, but if she had to make an educated guess, she'd have to assume they were medical books of some kind. They were in a hospital, after all (They were, right? That's where she feels like she is, but…), and this certainly wasn't a library of any kind. It didn't make sense to her for them to be anything else.

As her gaze met Caine's again, she blurted out: “Wh-what the hell were you doing?” Pomni cursed the stutter at the beginning of her words for a second before realising that just maybe the auditory cue of her panic would be enough to make Caine realize that whatever the hell was just happening was not okay, if her visual panic didn't suffice. It usually didn't with his ringmaster counterpart.

“Oh! Uh!” Caine backed up as well, noticing her distress. He lumped the blanket up in his hands, a bit too surprised to fold it neatly. This “other Pomni” didn’t always seem that aware of what was happening at all, or was at the very least very forgetful, so he simply figured she must’ve forgotten what was happening. Again. “Sorry for startling you, my little superstar..I’m just trying to help you go to sleep, okay?” He moved slightly closer to her again, far enough that he wasn’t exactly in her face again, but close enough that he clearly intended to still put the blanket on her. 

Whilst Pomni was almost certain that backing up anymore was impossible, she still tried it as she held a hand out in front of her, pulling her legs close in another attempt to put as much space between them as possible. 

“Uh- pretty sure I can do that myself, thanks.” Pomni barely managed to get the words out. She'd never been the best at reigning her panic in on her own, but she tried her best to stay… somewhat calm despite that. If you could even call her current state ‘calm’. For a moment, she was pretty sure that this nurse version of Caine would think otherwise, but then she reminded herself that this was still Caine she was thinking of. And that he already tried to do the blanket thing a second time when she was clearly freaking the hell out… Yeah, maybe him puzzling out the nuances of her current state of mind wasn't something she should worry about. As long as she appeared calm and in control, no matter how fragile that was, he should leave her be, right? She couldn't exactly back up any further. Trust her, she's tried.

Caine moved back again, finally taking the hint and folding the blanket back up properly. “Oh. Um…alright then…If you say so. I’ll just…take care of some paperwork, then. Here,” He said, handing her the folded blanket. Pomni’s eyes flickered from the blue hospital blanket and back to Caine’s face for a moment. He looked concerned…or hurt? Apologetic? It was a bit difficult to tell, what with his face being not exactly human. Plus, whilst it was safe to make assumptions with her own Caine with how long she'd known him, everyone seemed a bit... different here, to say the least. She couldn't risk guessing that he was feeling one way only to be completely thrown later. She took the blanket in her own hands, hesitantly. Caine offered her a half-hearted smile, then took a seat at his desk with his back to her, and opened some sort of program on his computer. (Seemingly a version of flappy bird with a bee instead of a bird, not paperwork, but who was she to judge.) 

The blanket felt a bit rough, in the same way that almost anything in a hospital, school, or workplace was just a little rougher or low-quality than it would be if you bought it for yourself from a regular store, but it would do. She was used to discomfort, anyways. Besides, between finding herself in an unfamiliar room with a Caine that wasn’t hers very much in her personal space, and the memories of the day slowly creeping back, it was kind of the least of her worries. Looking down at the blanket, she noticed that it wasn’t just a plain blue, but had subtle patterns in a slightly lighter color sewn in. Some flowers here and there, with dots in between them..the occasional spiral. She didn’t want to lie down and put the blanket over herself yet, for reasons that would simply take too long to list, so she let herself get lost in the patterns for a moment, thinking as she carefully rubbed her thumb over the stitching.

It was somewhat calming, far more so than her previous attempts of trying to force a calm mind-set, which hadn't been quite as successful as she hoped. The opposite, really. As she stared down at the blanket she'd been so kindly offered, Pomni found feelings of regret beginning to sink in. She hadn't meant to get so… snippy with him, really. She just wasn't used to being around people whilst she was lucid anymore, and Jax really wasn't the type to get all up in her face like that, at least not anymore. 

Since she told him about her struggles with physical contact, he'd been better about getting too close… to the point he overcorrected a bit too much at first, but she appreciated the thought nonetheless. He was the first person in… probably years who she'd been lucid around who hadn't been screaming in her face the whole time, and even then he wasn't a particularly affectionate person. So going from that to Caine? And a nurse (a literal caregiver) version of him at that? It was a little much, sue her! Or, maybe don't. This hospital has staff, maybe this digital world actually has some sort of currency, whatever of which she didn't have a single cent or penny or whatever the hell to her name. She couldn't risk getting sued… by… her own… thoughts… yeah, okay, she was just trying to delay the inevitable at this point.

Pomni kept her eyes trained on the blanket, thumb methodically moving across one of the spiral patterns sewn within it as she began to mutter: “I’m… I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I didn't mean it. You just… freaked me out a little- oh, wait, is that mean to say? N-not in like, a bad way or anything! I just- wasn't expecting that, y'know?”

Caine paused his… “paperwork”, and turned in his chair around to face her. His eyes were a bit off-puttingly wide in surprise for a moment, but they seemed to soften. “It’s alright, my dear. I know I can be a bit… ‘much’, sometimes,”—He made air quotations as he said “much”—“And I tend to overestimate what you humans need my help with. But I’m working on it!” He fully swiveled the chair around to face her now, with a level of theatrics she was more used to from her own ringmaster Caine. It would almost make her smile, but there were just too many other things on her mind for her to do so. “So, if you do need help with anything, just let me know. But I won’t be, uh, tucking you in or anything anymore, if you’re not comfortable with it. EXCEPT in the case that failing to do so would result in physical, emotional, or unwarranted financial harm to yourself, others, or the hospital as an institution,” He rattled off the last part as his eyes blue-screened, it seemingly being some sort of legal disclaimer he was physically unable to stop himself from saying.

“Oh… thanks. I, uh, appreciate it, I guess. But I don't-” She paused as she thought over his disclaimer in her head, and panic set in all over again, but this time for an entirely different reason. “Wait, financial? Oh god, am I gonna have to like- pay to be here? Or something? We don't have money at the circus, I don't have anything to give you guys- I definitely don't want your help if every aspirin is gonna cost me $500 that I will never have no matter how many theme songs Caine makes me do- My Caine, th-that is. Obviously. Unless you make your patients do theme songs but that seems pretty out of place and also kinda messed up…” She really should've been worried about being sued, huh… Pomni was pretty damn sure that hospitals didn't like it when you stayed there for free. And her brain tried so hard to warn her, too… it was on her for questioning herself. Usually it was warranted.

“Oh! Oh, no no, it’s okay, that’s-that’s a preprogrammed thing I have to say. Originally, you would have to pay to be here, but, like I was telling your friends on that first day, almost every patient that’s ever entered the simulation has told me they found it in an abandoned hospital…,” He looked off to the side as he said this, a little despondent. Then he snapped back to his usual cheerful Caine demeanor, as if he hadn’t been sad at all in the first place. “So there’s no way any real money is being put in it and yet it seems to work just fine! So you should be alright, don’t worry about that. I can get you all the aspirin you need. There’ll be numbers in the code and whatnot, but it won’t actually represent anything real. Do you need aspirin? I can get you aspirin,” He said, his “nurse” programming obviously taking over a little.

“Oh… okay, that's alright then… really had me worried there for a second. Sorry, I haven't exactly been very present, so… didn’t know all that just yet. Jax must've forgotten the whole abandoned part of things…” She didn't really mind that, but she was totally gonna make it out to be a big deal next time she saw him to get back at the rabbit for embarrassing her like this. If she saw him any time soon… 

“I'm uh- good, by the way. I don't need anything.” Pomni continued. “I don't even see why I would need an aspirin. The jam incident wasn't that bad.” What she really needed was some damn sleep meds, now that she was in a place where they were actually available to her, but she didn't find herself all too thrilled to ask him. Pomni didn't exactly know what sort of side effects they'd have, and, apparently, she's sleeping in here tonight. And whilst Nurse Caine seemed nice, at least for now, sleeping around someone who was practically a stranger also wasn't something she was jazzed about. It honestly seemed like a better bet to lay still for 8 hours with her eyes closed and hope he didn't catch her out. Boring? Yes. Necessary? It seemed like it.

“Maybe not, but I like to cover my bases. I find that sometimes you can’t really tell if someone’s hurting without them telling you so. I’ll be here if you do need anything.” He spun his chair back around and unpaused his “paperwork”, merrily tapping away at the game as Pomni just sat and stared for a moment. Eventually he closed the game tab and pulled up what seemed to be actual paperwork, so she looked away. She took a deep, shaky inhale, and lied down. 

Damn, if that wasn't the call-out of the century (whichever century this was). Was he calling her bluff? Did he know something was up with her all along and now he's tryna act all sneaky so he can, well, sneak it outta her? Although… that didn't exactly sound like Caine. And especially not this nurse version of him. As she dug through her hazy memories of her involuntary hospital visit so far, she recalled he'd been… pretty damn nice. He'd helped her twice already. Which, well, sure, he was a nurse, that was his job, but Pomni was sure that there was a lot of people - or AIs - who would phone it in in his position. She was… actually pretty grateful he decided to be so gracious towards a non-patient like her. She wasn't quite sure that she deserved it. Especially not when it dawned on her what had happened earlier today.

She didn't quite remember every piece of it. She knows that she did something to Rags, that she fled the room she was supposed to stay in, and that Nurse Caine felt pretty negatively about it. How negative, she wasn't as sure of. Oh god, was he mad at her? From what she recalled, he had every right to be. 

And here she was, being such an asshole to him! What the hell was wrong with her? She'd already messed up with him today and he decided to be kind and generous to her despite that! And what did Pomni do? Act like he was scary or something and banish him off to his desk to do paperwork when he was just trying to help. Sure, it made her uncomfortable, but after she did… whatever she did, maybe she should've just stuck it out for his sake. Five seconds! She just had to give up five seconds worth of her time to allow someone else to be in her personal space (to help her), and she didn't let him have that? God… if Pomni had to deal with herself, she would've given up ages ago. She already had, really. She… didn't quite want him to give up on her yet, though. Was that too selfish? He did say he wanted to help. Knowing he didn't hate her guts after all the bullshit she put him through would be pretty helpful.

“Hey- uh- Sorry to bother you in the middle of all your work and stuff but- about today… with Rags? I- I don't really remember what happened so this is probably gonna sound like the world's most hollow apology but… I really am sorry about that. I didn't mean to do that… at least I hope I didn't. I'm not sure anymore.” Pomni recalled some vague wishes of wanting to leave the room and explore. Shame curled tighter in her stomach, and, if she weren't laying down, Pomni was certain her body would've responded in kind. “You have every right to be mad at me, y'know. About that, about what I've just been doing. Don't… don't pretend you're not mad or anything, if you are.” She knew he was. “I don't like being lied to.” And yet she can't even begin to imagine how many times she must've lied to him since she's been here, if today was anything to go by. The jester didn't want to dig through anymore half-baked, terrible memories that only went to show how much trouble she's put him through since she got here. “I can handle it.” Yet another lie. When will it end? She was such a hypocrite sometimes. And yet she sat on that lie despite it all, because at least that one was for Caine's benefit and not for her own selfish gain like usual.

“…I’m not mad at you,” Caine said, in a tone that sounded almost surprised. His eyes lingered on her for just a second as he thought. He knew that *his* Pomni most certainly did not care if he was mad at her, and was frankly a little relieved that this one seemed to even care at all, but he still didn’t want her to beat herself up over an extremely minor slip-up. The conversation reminded him slightly of many that he had had with his Ragatha & Gangle in the past, but it still felt like new territory, and he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “…Why would I be mad? You clearly didn’t know what was happening. That’s okay. 

"Wait.” A realization that should’ve dawned much much earlier suddenly dawned on him. "Do you…know what’s happening now? Like right now, you know where you are and what you’re doing and whatnot…?” 

Pomni couldn't help but smile a little at Caine finally making the connection that something wasn't quite right, sitting herself up as she did so. It had honestly completely slipped her mind to bring it up, and by the time she had the thought, it wasn't like she could bring it up very naturally, so she'd kinda just decided to leave it be and see if he'd realize on his own. It seemed he finally had. “Yeah, I do. I mean, I don't exactly know where I am and what I was doing before now, but I can make some educated guesses. This is obviously an office of some kind, probably yours, annnd I'm meant to be sleeping whilst you get some work done, right? Instead of me just like, talking your ear off like I am right now.” She felt a little guilty about that, honestly, but he didn't seem to mind. “I can…kinda focus better, in the dark? I don't know exactly how to explain it. This sorta stuff probably makes a ton more sense to you than it does to me. But, yeah, I know what's going on, right now at least. Sorry I didn't bring it up earlier. I hope you're still not mad at me.” She laughed a little at her own ‘joke’, trying to relieve the awkwardness of her terrible explanation with an even worse attempt at humor.

The jester had thought she had learnt from her attempts at explaining it to Jax during their trip to hell, but the only thing she'd really changed was avoiding explaining her own guesses on why she could no longer focus in the light and only retained it when it was dark. Nurse Caine didn't need to be burdened with all that. He had far too many other issues to deal with, and it wasn't like he was outright asking her to tell him like her Jax was. Even if he were to ask, it was none of his business, and she would hope he would realize that (if he even picked up on the fact that Pomni wasn't quite telling the whole story). He seemed pretty understanding, honestly, which surprised her a little. This nurse version of her ringmaster friend was a lot easier to talk to, as much as she loved the Caine she was used to. If he were closer to his ringmaster counterpart, she wasn't sure if she'd be speaking to him at all right now. Emotional conversations weren't exactly his strong suit.

Caine looked at the linoleum tile floor, thinking. His eyes then snapped back to Pomni almost with an element of urgency. “Okay, well, that’s important. If you’re focused right now, you could tell me what I need to do to make sure you’re safe when you’re not. Like, what tends to trigger your panic attacks? And who do you think should keep an eye on you while you’re not aware? Et cetera, et cetera, stuff like that. I would offer to keep the lights low all of the time, but Dr. Abel controls most of the lighting and the only way that would work would be if we just kept you in a bedroom 24/7, which certainly wouldn’t be helpful.” He paused for a moment to let her respond, but before she could he tacked on, “Oh! And what should we call you? We’ve been trying to come up with nicknames to differentiate ourselves. I’m obviously nurse Caine, your Ragatha is Rags and ours is just still Ragatha, and apparently we just started calling our Jax ‘Pajamas’. Isn’t that fun?” He smiled as if he hadn’t just hit her with several rapid-fire questions. 

“Ohhhhh… That is a. Very loaded question to start with. I feel like you're meant to save the big ones like that for the end, right? Uh… well, the first time one of those happened here it was because it was the first time I'd been focused since I'd arrived and seeing two of Jax without any context plus another version of me was… unsettling, to say the least, let alone being somewhere I didn't recognise whatsoever. I'm used to that with the adventures but it didn't feel like my Caine's doing at all… that was kinda just the cherry on top, though. And uh, the second time… I kinda had some personal history there… I thought it was dealt with but… I wasn't expecting to see him outside of an adventure. Characters that are known to be NPCs are rare around the circus, at least ones that aren't mannequins. Seeing Gummigoo somewhere I thought would be safe- or, well, safe-ish just… got to me, I guess. I'm not really sure what else would get me, though. Maybe we just avoid the NPCs as much as possible?” As soon as she said it, Pomni felt bad making such a big ask. After all, keeping her away from Jax (didn't he say it was Pajamas now actually?), Gangle and Zooble sounded like a lot of work. Plus whatever other NPCs were around… “Or, uh, I can just stick it out. It shouldn't be an issue, really. I can keep my cool. I know you haven't really seen any proof that I can yet, but I will prove it to you. Eventually. Hopefully.

“When it comes to who watches me or whatever… maybe Jax? My Jax, not Pajamas. I don't think he would mind… I'm the only person he really hangs around at the circus so… if that's not okay though, I guess just whatever you think is best. I think I can trust you enough to not put me with someone who will outright torment me.” Sure, he put her with Rags earlier, but Rags was way nicer to Pomni when she wasn't lucid. She could see why he would make such a mistake. “Don’t worry about the lights thing. It's not like you're tryna keep me out of it or something. And being trapped in a single bedroom when I'm focused enough to have the ability to be bored out of my mind sounds a little… mindnumbing. I've had enough of that as it is, trust me. I'd rather be anywhere else whilst I'm here.”

It took her a second to remember what his last question was. Whilst she was lucid now, her memory was still quite terrible. Eventually though, she caught it. “Oh, and nicknames! Yeah, I've got nothing. Those aren't really my strong suit… Jax has come up with a lot for me but I don't think they'd be ones I'd be very happy about everyone using… I’m just glad Pajamas is already taken so I don't get stuck with that, as fun as it is.” The nickname for the other Jax was very fitting. He must hate it.

Nurse Caine nodded attentively as she spoke. Before now, he didn’t really have the clearest idea what to do to help her, so it was a relief for him to talk to her while lucid. He had been trying his best and all, but he always felt like something was falling through the cracks. This conversation could at least patch up a few of them, he thought. “We can definitely keep you separate from the NPC’s while you’re here. I usually have to call them in, anyways, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. And Jax—your Jax, not Pajamas—is a great choice! You know, after the first panic attack, he actually asked me what he could do to help if it ever happens again. He clearly cares, I would trust him to watch you. ‘Pajamas’…not so much. And no ideas for nicknames, huh? Well, I just so happen to be excellent at nicknames, so don’t you worry your little head!” 

Pomni felt her face heat up at the mention of Jax's question to Nurse Caine. Dang… she knew her Caine was always making advancements to the NPCs, but him going out of his way like that to figure out how to help her without her knowing… it meant a lot, despite the strong possibility that he was only doing it because he had to, rather than wanting to. She could only hope it was the latter and not the former… But what if- no, no she had to stop thinking about this. Pomni was just going to send herself into a spiral and Nurse Caine would be left to pick up the pieces. What had he been talking about again? Oh. Right. Nicknames. 

“Hm…What about Pomni #1?” 

Pomni laughed a little at that. “Wait, why would I be Pomni #1? I'm not even the Pomni from here! Wouldn't your Pomni be Pomni #1?”

“Well, sure, but you’ve been nothing but cooperative this whole time! Our Pomni isn’t particularly…thrilled, to be here and be treated, to say the least. I think you would better deserve the title.” 

“Well, as flattering as that is, it's a little… wordy. You got anything else?” She also didn't exactly want to start anything with the other Pomni. She didn't think that she'd care, but the jester was also unwilling to take that risk. 

Caine looked off to the side, tapping his fingers against his chin (or more accurately the lack thereof) and thinking. “Maybe…Oh! I know! Some sort of nocturnal animal! Because you’re more aware in the dark? Like…like fruit bat? Or cacomistle?” 

“I think those might take a bit too much explaining… Fruit bat doesn't make much sense without context, and the context isn't very fun… would rather avoid that conversation. And what even is a cacomistle?” Pomni asked. She wasn't even trying to get off the subject of her lucidity, she was just genuinely curious. Did they invent a new kind of animal or something? Or was this an animal that didn't exist where she came from and did exist here? There was also the possibility that this was a very common animal in both worlds and this question was about to make her look very stupid, but this was a chance she was willing to take.

Caine nodded. “No nocturnal animals, got it. And oh! A cacomistle is an animal that looks sort of like some sort of cat? Its name comes from a Nahuatl word for ‘half-cat’ or ‘half-puma’…It has a striped tail and big eyes, which sort of remind me of you!” 

“Okay , you've gotta show me a picture of one of those some time because that sounds adorable, but yeah, probably not a winner. Even if I do sort of see where you were coming from with that one now…” Pomni darted her eyes away as she felt her face flush a little with embarrassment, moving her hand so she could fidget with her hair. The explanation made the nickname both better and worse. The animal sounded very cute, and she found herself feeling kinda happy that Nurse Caine thought of something like that when it came to her, but she also wasn't exactly up for a cutesy nickname. She already struggled enough to be seen as a capable adult, and a nickname like that was a step in the wrong direction. The jester could already hear Pajamas and Rags making fun of her… not that she'd remember it very well, but still. It was bound to happen if they took that kind of route.

He smiled again. “I’ll show you a photo in the morning, after you get some rest. Hm…OH! Oh my goodness I think I’ve got it! What about ‘Star’?” His eyes lit up like the very objects he was referring to. “Because of the dark thing, and because of the stars on your outfit!” 

Pomni thought it over for a moment. It was definitely easier to explain than nocturnal animals, but it still had the issue of being a bit too cutesy. Plus, she was worried it might seem a little… vain to everyone else? Giving herself a nickname that made her out to be so… It just didn't seem like the best idea. But Nurse Caine seemed so excited about it, and she didn't want to reject another nickname suggestion. She was already feeling bad over how many she's rejected already when he's the one putting all the work in. Maybe she could figure out a way to get this one to work, like… “What if we added an s on the end and go with Stars instead? So it's more clear it's about the stars on my outfit and not, well, y'know…” 

“Ooo, I like that! And if it makes you more comfortable, then it’s perfect. Would you want me to tell the others tomorrow morning, or would you rather tell them yourself?” 

She smiled a little. “Stars it is, then. I, uh, I'm not sure if I'll be in quite the right headspace to be able to tell them. Would you be willing to?”

“Of course,” he said, his voice warm. “Is there anything else you’d wanna tell me while you still can? It’s getting pretty late, I wouldn’t want to keep you up all night.” 

“Are you sure I'm not the one keeping you up all night? I mean- Wait, no, you're an AI nurse, that's stupid… it's not like anyone else could really watch the patients all night, huh…” The realization hit her like a truck, and suddenly all the warmth and joy she felt before felt as if it was sapped out of her. “Oh god, you're meant to be watching all the others and here I am wasting all your time- why the hell would the only nurse on staff who can stay up 24/7 spend his whole night with me? That's- that's bad, right? God, you must think I'm crazy or something… I wouldn't blame you. I guess I kinda am.” 

People have been calling her crazy (or even just thinking she's crazy) for years, but the realisation that Nurse Caine probably thought so too kind of hurt, even if it was at least a little true. He wasn't here because he cared about her, he was just making sure she didn't do something stupid and get herself hurt. Damn it. Why does she always get so caught up in this stuff? She would be frustrated at herself if she wasn't too exhausted of this exact situation to care. It was more of a dull ache now, an annoyance that wouldn't go away no matter how much she wanted it to. Sure, this was slightly different from the usual, but the basics were the same. He was here cause he had to be. That was all.

“Now, hold on, ‘crazy’ isn’t the right word at all,” Nurse Caine said, a deeply concerned look immediately draping over his face. “I’m not leaving you alone because I don’t want you to have another panic attack with no one around to help, and because we were worried about you getting lost or confused, not because you’re ‘crazy.'” He made especially exaggerated air quotes as he said this. “That’s a terrible word! I-it’s just so unspecific, it doesn’t really mean anything, as if being offensive wasn’t bad enough…I mean seriously, I have a whole pre-written seminar about how we shouldn’t just call people that. 

I know that it might be a little bit awkward and all, but if I need to give that seminar to your friends, I can. Nobody should be calling you that.” 

“Then what is the right word, then? I definitely don't know, and I don't think anyone else does, either, cause nobody has told me yet. If you're having to worry this much about me getting lost or confused then I doubt it's a very pleasant word. But I guess you're right, crazy is a bit… one size fits all. That's probably why it's thrown around so much. Y-you don't have to do that seminar, by the way. It's not like I really remember what they call me. Honestly, I could just be completely wrong and no one's ever called me that- wouldn't be the first time.” Pomni didn't want the others getting in trouble because of her, especially over something so small. If it was a serious problem, sure, but calling her crazy? It wasn't anything she hadn't heard before, and Pomni very much doubted that it would be a hard solve when it came to figuring out who the seminar was about. There were two suspects, and if it was for the other then it would've happened long before she and her castmates arrived. Sure, she wouldn't be fully present for those scathing looks, but she still didn't want to be on the receiving end of them.

“Well, I…I don’t really know a good word, off the top of my head. I think maybe a label at all is kind of unhelpful for this situation. I mean, we could maybe do some psychiatric testing, though? Find out if you have a specific disorder? If you’re comfortable with that, of course.” Nurse Caine stood and grabbed one of the books from his shelf, a medical psychiatry book. He sat back down and began skimming through the pages, half paying attention to it and half still to Pomni. “And I won’t do the seminar if you don’t want me to, but still…you don’t deserve to be talked to that way.” 

“That sounds uh… pretty serious. You should be giving that kind of attention to your actual patients, not me. I'm just some rando who stumbled in here and could be gone any day. You really don't have to deal with me if you don't want to. And would you even be allowed to do that kind of stuff for someone who isn't even a patient? But, yeah, maybe a label isn't helpful either. I don't really know what would be. None of this stuff makes any sense to me and I doubt it ever will…”

She sighed, burying her head in her knees before mumbling: “Thanks for listening. And for sticking around like this, even if you should be with other patients… you're… you're pretty nice to talk to.” And just nice in general, but Pomni still wasn't quite sure if he was being nice because had to be, or because he liked being around her. He was being really helpful, but he is also a literal nurse, so whether that qualified to earn him points was a mystery for now.

Nurse Caine smiled at her, but concern still clearly lingered in his eyes. “You’re more than just ‘some rando’, Pomni…Stars. You’re a human being. And it’s my job to help you, no matter how long you’ll be here. A diagnosis could still help you, even once you are back in the circus. Some people are comforted by knowing the exact name for why they are the way they are. Again, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.” He closed the book and put it back on the shelf, although in a completely different spot. “I’m glad you think I’m nice to talk to. We can talk for just a bit longer, if you need to,” He said as he quietly glanced at the watch on his wrist. He looked up from it and offered her another warm smile, not wanting her to feel rushed. 

“Oh…” She stared up at him for a second, searching his eyes for any signs of lies, but figuring out her own Caine's deceits had never been an easy task, usually because he didn't see them in the negative light he should. So, eventually, she just gave in and let herself believe him. Pomni knew she needed this. And it's only for a little while. When she gets back to the circus she can go back to avoiding blind trust like this. Whilst she wasn't exactly sure if she was human anymore, he seemed to think so, so she would trust that she was, even if it was just for tonight.

“If you think it would help, we could try it, maybe… it'll make things easier on Jax at least if he knows exactly what's wrong with me.” If he gave up on her, then at least she knows he's human. If he didn't… well, whilst things could still go either way, at least she had some kind of support. “Are you sure? You must be really busy… I don't want to keep you from anything important longer than I already have.” Caine glancing at his watch was a pretty big indicator that she was really wasting his time, and there was zero chance she was going to waste any more of it. Sure, he said it was his job to help her, but she was fine, at least for now. Surely he had other responsibilities then making sure she didn't get herself lost in a tiny room like this. “Trust me, I can survive a little while whilst you make sure Pajamas isn't terrorizing everyone in their sleep.”

“I’m not too busy at all. I mean, I have some work and all, that never really stops while you work in a hospital, but I can talk to you and work on them at the same time. I just wouldn’t want to keep you up too late. We could maybe schedule an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow, if you would prefer that? And don’t worry about Pajamas. I can watch him and the others and make sure they haven’t suddenly turned into cannibals or need a band-aid or something from here, see?” Nurse Caine turned back to his computer, clicked some various buttons, and what seemed to be security camera footage of each of the patients’ rooms appeared on the screen. The footage was in black and white and without audio, but it could be made out that Ragatha was the only one actually asleep. Jax—that is, “Pajamas”—was clearly trying to wriggle out of some sort of arm restraints, but failing miserably. Pomni (the other one), was sitting up in her bed and reading something, and Gangle seemed to be doing the same, but drawing. Caine gave a disapproving hum, but then shrugged. “Technically I’m supposed to go in there and take their things to make sure they fall asleep…but I can just pretend I didn’t see that,” He said as he closed the tab and smiled. “I’m sure they’ll get to sleep on their own, eventually. They usually do.” 

Whilst she should probably be more weirded out by the security cameras, she couldn't say it was anything she wasn't used to. Pomni shuddered at the thought of her Caine's all-seeing eyes. At least cameras are in a fixed position… “Huh… well, okay, if you say so. And uh, an appointment tomorrow sounds good… thanks, Caine. I think I can try to get some sleep now.” Or, well, lay there and stare at the ceiling. Which is practically the same thing, right? Just because she knew she wasn't gonna get to sleep didn't mean she wasn't trying to.

Caine smiled, wide. A “patient” who was actually willing to go to sleep at all was sort of a rarity to him, and a very welcome one at that. “Great! I’ll get that set up for you while you catch some shut-eye. Night-night, Star—I mean Stars.” He spun around in his chair and began jovially tapping away at some sort of form, completely unaware that she’d struggle to sleep much at all. He was here after all, wasn’t he? 

Pomni smiled slightly before sighing, unfolding the blanket beside her and carefully placing it over her legs before laying herself back down on the couch, ensuring her head was settled comfortably on the pillow. It was going to be a long night, after all. She stared up at the ceiling, noticing that there was a vaguely familiar poster placed there. Huh. Pomni scanned her eyes across it, as if she was searching for something. She wasn't sure why. Her gaze caught on red and white frequently, as if it was something to be sought after, before she finally landed on a man with glasses dressed in white and red. He blended in well with everything at first, but now that she'd seen him, he stuck out like a sore thumb. 

The jester guessed this was what she had been looking for. She wasn't sure why, but she was uncertain of a lot of things. Sometimes it was easier to go along with it instead of questioning. There was nowhere that led to that she wanted to go. Instead, she just kept her gaze transfixed on that one point, hoping if she stopped herself from constantly scanning around the room that she might be able to lull herself to sleep, yet she was still here, just staring at someone she vaguely recognised and trying to pretend she didn't want to know why. Was she even trying anymore? She knows she wants to sleep, but it never comes. Was her body rejecting it, or was she? It wasn't like she ever slept long anyway, but Caine clearly wanted her to sleep, so Pomni should at the very least try… why was she still staring? She didn't have a reason to stare. She didn't want to keep staring. So why is she? 

This is stupid. She should just screw her eyes shut tight and let the pitch darkness do the work for her. But the shapes and the colours and the lights beneath her eyelids had them flying open far sooner than she wanted them to, and she had to stop herself from groaning at her own idiocy. It shouldn't be this hard. How could it be this hard? Pomni couldn't remember the last time she slept. She was exhausted beyond belief, and yet all she could do was stare at the ceiling, at a different, yet somehow more painful reminder of her humanity. At least her note tried to convince her that she still had some. Her fleeting memory of this tiny little speck of a man made her feel like maybe it was already gone. Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep. Nurse Caine didn't need to sleep, right? So why would she? Maybe the stupidest part of this wasn't that she was failing to sleep. It was that she expected to ever sleep again.

A realization dawned over Nurse Caine, slowly. He had been doing a lot of work with the abstractions, lately, spending most of his free time in the quarantine room with them, trying to break through to them, somehow. He had also been observing everyone very closely, and noticing the behaviors and demeanors of those who ended up abstracting soon. Maybe it was just because it was around the time he would normally be in the quarantine room, or maybe it was just because it was Pomni, but an awful sneaking suspicion began to creep up on him. What if she was close to abstraction? It was almost like he could feel it in the air, like an invisible fog. He was relatively sure she was alright, that his digital mind was just playing tricks on him, and tried to finish one more question on the form, but he couldn’t quiet his anxieties enough to even type another word. He had to double-check. 

“Pomni? You ok?” 

Her gaze snapped away from the poster and towards Nurse Caine, the question shocking her out of her thoughts. “Huh…?” Was all she managed to get out, her words escaping her. So many had been swirling around in her head just a moment ago, and yet the intrusion of another voice that wasn't of her own mind seemed to scare them all off. 

“Are you alright? I just…,” Caine wasn’t quite sure how to articulate why he felt something was wrong. The fear was starting to feel a bit silly again. “…I got a bit worried about you. Are you having trouble sleeping?” 

“I-” Pomni quickly stopped herself, before taking a deep breath. She needed to clear her head a little first. “I’m fine, really, I just-” No, no… she didn't… she shouldn’t bother lying to him like this. She'd probably worry him more. “I just struggle to sleep most of the time… all of the time, really. I don't really remember the last time I managed to but I definitely haven't since I got here. Sorry, I know you wanted me to. I did try… I think.”

Caine was still concerned, but he was quite relieved that she didn’t simply abstract before his eyes. He sighed. “You clearly are trying, I-I appreciate that. But if you know you struggle with something don’t hesitate to tell me, alright? I want to help you as much as I can. We can get you some sleep medicine.” 

“Would… would that be alright? I- I don't want to put you out or anything-” She wasn't even sure if she wanted to try taking them. What if they responded poorly to her being from some place other than here? Pomni knew she couldn't die, but she also knew there were fates worse than death- no, no, she's over-exaggerating this. He wouldn't offer her anything that he thought could put her in harm's way. It would be fine. She just had to keep telling herself that and hoping it would be true.

“Of course it would be alright,” Caine answered, standing up from his chair. Pomni didn’t show it incredibly clearly or anything, but he could sense she was nervous. “Trust me, I’m a nurse, I know what I’m doing with medicine.” He laughed, in an attempt to reassure her. 

“I'll take your word for it.” She smirked in response. 

Caine froze with his hand on the door handle. Crap. The medicine would be in a completely separate room, and one a while away as well, but he didn’t want to just leave her alone, especially not after feeling the eerie sneaking sense of abstraction that he had just felt. If there was one thing he had learned from his abstraction research, it was that being alone only made it worse. But what was he supposed to say? Pomni had thought he thought she was crazy because of him wanting to stay close to her side before. Surely now, when she’s completely lucid and aware, she’d be even more offended by having her hand held to be dragged off to a room she didn’t even really need to be in, just to make sure she doesn’t lose it. God knows his Pomni would be. 

“How about you come with me? Maybe the walk’ll tire you out,” Caine said, giving his absolute best attempt at a passable excuse, and hoping she wouldn’t see right through it. 

“Sure, why not.” She shrugged. “It would be nice to see what the place is like. All I can really remember right now is that it's very white, but I'm about 99% sure there's more to it than that.” The white halls felt endless to her earlier that day. Pomni hoped that now they were cloaked in shadow, they wouldn't be so daunting. And besides, she was alone on her little ‘walk’ earlier. At least this time she was with someone who knew where things actually were. The jester heavily doubted the walk would do anything to ‘tire her out’ as Caine hoped, but she doubted that she would get another opportunity to explore a little in the dark like this, so she would take what she could get.

Caine opened the door and smiled, relieved that she accepted the offer. “I will say it is quite white, but most hospitals are like that, from my understanding. I wouldn’t know, I’ve only ever been in this one. There should be some fun murals on the way to where we need to go, at least.” He kept his voice slightly hushed, not wanting to wake anyone up. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” She matched his tone as she spoke, following him out of the room. “I don't really remember much from before the circus, so I'm not exactly the best person to tell you what other hospitals are like, but I'm sure this place is better than all of them combined. I mean, fun murals? What could be better than that, amiright?” Pomni felt a little bad at the realization that Nurse Caine wouldn't even have had the chance to have seen anything outside of the hospital, unlike the humans. Sure, that meant he didn't have anything real to be missed, but the image a person can build up in their head of something they can only ever dream of seeing can be pretty painful, too. Maybe the assertion from a human that he isn't missing anything special could take a bit of that away, even if it probably didn't mean as much as it would from one of his patients… or any human other than her.

Caine’s face lit up like the sun. “I KNOW RIGHT?!” He practically squealed, forgetting to keep his voice low. A human who liked the hospital. Or at least said they liked it. That was certainly a first, and it warmed his heart like an overheating computer. “Wait, wait, oh my goodness I have to show you my favorite, hold on—,” Caine couldn’t run very well, but he walked as fast as he could around the corner and down the hall a bit, Pomni in tow, until they stopped at the end of it. There, was a big mural of an anthropromorphized bee, dressed in a doctor’s coat and declaring in a speech bubble, “Healthy choices are the BEE’S KNEES!” He stared up at it like it was a painting of some sort of religious figure, then turned to Pomni with a goofy grin, waiting for her own reaction. 

Pomni couldn't help but share his smile as she looked up at it. Was it silly? Yes. Was it incredibly childish of her to like it? Most definitely. And yet she found herself fond of the mural anyway. It wasn't as if Nurse Caine would judge her there. He was so excited to show it to her, after all. She was allowed to like this. “I can see why it's your favourite. My Caine is obsessed with bees, too. Plus, it has cute word play and it's educational. It's the complete package.” Whilst she very rarely went out of her way to make ‘healthy choices', she did find herself agreeing with the mural. And, now that she was thinking about it, Nurse Caine had kinda gotten her to start making some tonight. It wasn't that often she accepted help from someone, and yet she let him help her with the whole nicknames thing and was willing to let him give her sleep meds. Huh. Maybe agreeing with the mural wasn't as hypocritical of her as she thought. Pomni wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. Good, maybe? She'd settle on that for now. 

“EXACTLY!” Caine shouted, still lit up. He then gasped and covered the part of his jaw where there would be a mouth if he had more… human proportions. “Ah, I shouldn’t be shouting like that, sorry…I just got a bit excited. Wouldn’t want to wake up the patients, it’s-oh my.” He checked his watch again. “Gosh, it’s 1:00am. I’m happy you like talking to me, and I like talking to you, but let’s not keep you up any longer. Let’s go get those meds, ok?” 

“Ah, yeah, right, cool, that's what we're out here for after all-” Pomni yammered as she shifted her gaze to the side. Yes, she was still a bit nervous about the meds, but she was mostly caught off guard by what he'd said before that. It shouldn't be such a surprise to hear him say he liked talking to her. After all, her own Caine was very fond of her, and this Caine had been able to stand talking to her for probably a few hours now (god did it feel weird being able to accurately measure time again… she kind of missed when the days blended together), but it still made her heart swell knowing that there were people that actually enjoyed talking to her and wanted to do it of their own volition. “I mean, we can always talk more another time… right?”

“Of course! I’d always be happy to chat with you. Come on, this way.” Caine led her down several bleach-white halls. There weren't as many murals of equal caliber to the “Bee’s knees” one, but there were a few wall stickers here and there of things like bandaids or injured teddy bears. Pomni also noticed the doors of the humans who lived in the hospital. They had similar placards to the doors back in the circus, but with a few differences to match how the different characters looked. It was interesting to note which features she had remembered, and which felt almost like new information. They turned a corner, and passed by the rooms where she and her circus-mates were sleeping. There were no placards on the doors, but instead drawings done on paper and taped up where there would be one. 

“Ah, here we are! The medicine room,” Caine announced as they reached the end of the hall, where there was a door labelled with a number of “employees only” signs that clearly must’ve had some story or justification behind why there was more than one. He shuffled around with some keys for a minute, then unlocked the door and grabbed something from inside. “These should do the trick,” He said as he shook a small bottle of melatonin pills. “They’re non-prescription, so don’t worry, it’s just still not really safe to have random medicines lying about.” 

“Yeah, I can imagine. We've already seen what Pajamas can do with just a little jam… do those signs on the door have anything to do with him, by any chance?” It was incredibly interesting to Pomni how Nurse Caine decided to keep an NPC who caused such chaos around. Had he simply grown fond of the rabbit and didn't want to let him go? She couldn't really think of any other explanation for why the AI would allow him to run rampant, other than the small possibility that he was human. Whilst her experience with Nurse Caine tonight had her wanting to try and be more optimistic, having more than the miniscule bit that she was able to manage when it came to the Jaxs’ humanity felt basically impossible. That optimism was better placed somewhere else. Still, she felt herself wanting to get to know Pajamas just as much as she did Jax. After all, an NPC that was derailed off of its programming yet was still kept around? There's so much to learn there…

“Oh, yes. I mean it’d be normal to have just one sign but apparently that won’t work on him. The extra signs don’t really work either, but it’s worth a shot. He has a bit of a different idea of fun than the rest of you humans.” Caine started walking back in the direction of his office, signaling for Pomni to follow. 

“Yeah, I guess he does, huh…” She mumbled as she took the hint and began walking after him. The rest of you humans? Pomni wasn't quite sure what to make of that. She was kind of hoping that Nurse Caine would at least be honest about the status of the NPCs, but that was pretty wishful thinking. After all, what point would there be to having an NPC for a patient if you weren't pretending they were human for the benefit of others? Her theory that Caine was just attached gave a little room for that hope, but that didn't mean she had to latch onto it like that. It was okay, though. It was just one lie. A lie she'd forget about soon enough. Pomni still liked him. After all, her Caine had pulled this same trick on her many times and she still considered him a friend. It would be hypocritical of her to not allow Nurse Caine the same grace, especially after all he's already done for her. It's not like she could tell anyone, anyway. 

The two silently walked back down the same path they had came, past the white empty halls, the doors labeled with drawings of her castmates’ faces, and the doors labeled with the placards of those who actually lived in the hospital. Caine halted as they reached the one depicting a fluffy grinning Jax, in a pink hospital gown. “Oh, speaking of Pajamas…while we’re here, I better check that all the patients actually went to sleep. Sorry to make you wait, but uh, here. If you can dry swallow or drink from the water fountain in the hall over, take two and you should be pretty sleepy by the time I’m done checking and we get back to the office.” He handed her the bottle of melatonin and began shuffling through a ring of cartoon-ish looking keys, eventually landing on a purple one. Pomni watched him as he attempted to quietly unlock the door to the room. 

Pomni began to rotate the bottle in her hands as he entered the room, trying to stop herself from going down the path she so desperately wanted to avoid. And yet, she couldn't help it. What the hell was the point of putting on a show for her like this? She wasn't even from here! And she wouldn't be here much longer, right? Sure, he said that she was important, and Pomni appreciated that, she really did. But not when it meant that he was going to lie to her like this. She can't even tell anyone! So what's the point of stringing her along? He finally has someone he can safely tell about what he's doing. Why wouldn't he take that opportunity? See how it feels to tell the goddamn truth for once? Was this just fun for him? Watching her blindly believe every word that comes out of his mouth? Now that she's shown he trusts him, is he taking that trust as far as it can go? 

She was having a nice time. She felt like he genuinely cared about her. But maybe he's just messing with her. After all, he said he'd keep her away from the NPCs, and yet here she is, right outside the door of one. She thought it was a big ask because they were his ‘patients’ and it would be difficult to take care of both her and them when they had to be kept separate, but maybe it was a big ask because he just wouldn't be willing to do it. Because it would ruin his little trick, right? To admit that they were fake? Was keeping up his deceit more important than her? Maybe she would prefer to just be locked in a dark bedroom like he suggested… it would be better than whatever the hell he was doing now. He probably isn't gonna help her at all, huh? Could she even trust these stupid pills in her hands? She was already scared of them before, but now… damn it, how could she be so stupid? Of course he'd want to mess with someone who won't be around long enough for him to have to deal with the consequences of their suffering. She was practically the perfect little guinea pig. Great. Perfect, even! At least she's good for something, even if that something is being easy to string along. God… and she was gonna let him just get away with it. What's wrong with her? Pomni doesn't even think she'll get to find out anymore.

Caine walked out of the room and locked the door behind him with a stupid, unaware smile, as if he genuinely had no idea what he was doing. “Looks like he tired himself out,” He mentioned with a chuckle to Pomni, not looking at her face long enough to catch that something might be wrong. He then turned towards Gangle’s room, walked over and started shuffling through his keys again. 

“You really don't have to do this, you know.” Pomni started before she even realized it. “You can just be real with me, it's fine. It's not like I can tell anyone. This little song and dance just feels patronising, honestly. Is that on purpose?”

Caine stopped fiddling with his keys and turned to her, confusion evident on his face. “I…What? What are you talking about? What song & dance? I want to make sure the patients are asleep because it’s very late, and it’s important for their health that they get a good night’s sleep. I-I can check in on them through the security cameras, if it really bothers you that much.” 

“Oh come on, don't pretend like you don't know what I mean!” She hissed, trying to keep her voice low for the patients. Sure, only two of them were human, but it wasn't like they knew that. It wasn't their fault. It was his. “I already know Jax and Gangle are NPCs. Zooble, too. I'm not stupid. They don't need to sleep! Honestly, it's kinda cruel that you make them. But that's just part of the illusion, right? Of course they'd sleep if they believe they're human… Having to waste their already short lives like that… Look, I can take the truth okay? I've known for a long time. So just… quit the bulls**t. Please? I'm already kinda pissed that you tried to sneak this past me, I'm not gonna be much happier if you keep lying. I almost let you get away with it, but you just had to rub it in my face, huh?” Pomni almost felt like crying, but she had just barely enough self control left to keep it in. She couldn't show him how weak she was. Not when she was trying to get him to give up on this stupid charade. She would lose all her power, the little of it she liked to think she had.

Caine scanned her face as if some answer to all the questions she had just given him would suddenly come to light on it. He was quiet for an uncomfortably long time as he tried to decipher everything she had said. “L-Listen, Pomni? Stars? Jax and Gangle and Zooble are not NPC’s, okay? They have to sleep just as much as you do, and they spawned in randomly just like the rest of you. Neither Dr. Abel or I created them. I mean, why would I even keep an NPC that breaks into medicine closets and does various generally unpleasant things with jam around? That would waste so many resources.” He chuckled a little, trying to reference what he thought was a joke between them in an attempt to lighten the mood. “And Zooble mouths off to me all the time. I-I love them and all, but if it were me making an NPC, don’t you think I’d make them a bit less…snarky? And even if they were an NPC, why would I lie? Gummigoo and Moon and Sun are all NPC’s, I have no reason to lie about that, and if Zooble or the others were, I’d have no reason to lie about that either.” 

“I-I don't know! I kinda just figured you got- attached or something! Didn't want to get rid of him just yet… and even if that isn't why, you can't just up and get rid of him. You'd have to lie and say he abstracted or something. That would just bum everyone out, right? Not as bad as them figuring out the truth, but still. I doubt you want to tell them their friends dead. And Zooble… having NPCs be nice and polite all the time is just boring, right? And people would start to get suspicious eventually. Not everyone can be all sunshine and rainbows 24/7. My Gangle is like that and, she's nice and all, but if all my castmates were like that… I don't get your argument with the doctors, either. They're only here sometimes, right? And it's not like they're made to be… friends with the humans like the ‘patients’ are. Why would it matter if everyone knew they were fake? Trust me, it hurts a lot more finding out your best friend only gives a s**t about you because someone else forced them to than finding out someone you see once in a blue moon isn't real. Stop trying to weasel your way out of this! It's not gonna work. I won't let it.”

Caine paused again, and was quiet for a bit longer this time. He nodded, his expression still desperately confused. “I…is there anything I could say or show you that would convince you otherwise? I promise, as far as I know, Jax, Gangle, and Zooble are human. But there’s no use arguing over this in the middle of the night if there’s nothing I say to convince you. N-npcs or not, we seriously need to get you to bed.” Sleep was the only thing Caine could think of to solve whatever the hell was going on right now, but he could also tell that that wasn’t exactly an easy solution. He took a step closer to her, his hand outreached slightly, trying to seem welcoming. 

She stepped back slightly, almost on instinct. Pomni knew he wasn't going to do anything, but still. She clutched the pill bottle tighter. “I'm not the one making this into an argument. You're the one who refuses to just be straight with me. I-I kinda thought we were bonding… and… I love my Caine, I really do, but the sort of stuff he pulls… I was hoping you wouldn't do the same. It's- it's just a lot. And it would be a whole lot easier if you'd at least tell me the truth. I’m- I’m not going anywhere until you're honest with me. It's not that hard. I'm probably gonna forget, anyway, so it's not like I'll tell anyone. You don't have to worry about me spilling your secrets, okay? You can trust me. Can I trust you?” The answer was no, her mind screamed, over and over and over again. But a small, quiet yes ached in her heart, and she wanted to give it a reason to be louder.

Caine stopped moving towards her again, not wanting to back her into a corner. “Yes," He said, with a sort of ache in his voice. “Listen, being told that your friends are human and then finding out that they’re not sounds…upsetting, to say the very least, but I promise, I’m being as honest as I can! I can’t know about your Zooble and Jax and Gangle, but mine are human, as far as I know. I-I can’t make NPC’s as advanced as your Caine can, only simple ones. Let’s…let’s just get you out of this hallway, okay? I don’t think being in here is very comforting for you. Come on.” He stuffed his keys back in his pocket and took a step in the direction of the office, looking back at the jester to see her reaction. His eyes seemed almost pleading. 

“I…” That… that part kind of made a little sense. After all, Nurse Caine couldn't make adventures, right? She recalled him mentioning one, and small bits of what happened after, but none of it was even close to what adventures were at the circus. It was all completely centered within the hospital, not some secondary location that exists entirely for the purpose of that adventure alone. Why would he be able to make NPCs that advanced? Surely the people who made the program wouldn't give him abilities beyond what was necessary, and Pomni was pretty much certain that there was no scenario that existed in which Nurse Caine being able to create advanced NPCs would be a factor. And this world was very different from her own… 

Versions of her castmates that are 100% human… it was a weird thought, but maybe… maybe he could be telling the truth. He hadn't lied to her yet. Before Pomni could stop herself, she gave him a jerky nod and stepped forward, her arms crossed tight as she dug her fingers into the sides of her arms. She was pretty sure if she tried to talk right now or let up any of the pressure she'd start crying, and she really wasn't up for that. She just had to hope that alone would get what she wanted it to across.

“Thank you,” Caine said, breathing a giant sigh of relief. He continued leading the way back. Cogs turned in his head as he walked, trying to figure out what exactly Pomni had meant. The idea of Jax, Gangle, and Zooble not being human shook his whole reality, to the point he couldn’t let himself even entertain the idea. A knot twisted up in his stomach as he came to the conclusion that it must be a delusion of some sort. His Pomni had had what he still believed to be hallucinations before, so this Pomni having delusions didn’t seem that far off. He still absolutely would not use the term “crazy” for such a thing, but he knew that saying “that’s just a delusion” to her face would certainly make her feel like he was. He would try to push the appointment with Dr. Moon earlier, he thought. And he certainly wasn’t going to leave her alone now. It wasn’t the same thing, but he had noticed that those who abstracted tended to stop treating their fellow patients like other humans right before the abstraction, dehumanizing both them and themselves. Pomni was infinitely kinder than to do that, but it felt too similar for Caine’s comfort. He glanced behind himself, checking if she was still there. 

Pomni was still silently following along, eyes trained on the ground as she ran over what just happened in her head and hands still clutched tight around the bottle of melatonin as she tried to keep her head on straight. Why did she have to bring that up? He was already so different from her Caine, why would she just assume he pulled the same stupid stunts as him? Maybe… maybe he just felt too good to be true? He was kind, helpful, he listened to her. He didn't even think she was crazy, even after her insane outburst just! If anyone said that kind of stuff to her and she didn't know what she did, Pomni would probably think they were losing it. Of course, it wouldn't stop her from trying to be there for them, the exact opposite actually, but she knew most people would give up on a person this far gone. And instead he just… helped. 

The keys rattled in Caine’s hand as they stopped in front of the office door again. He took a moment sifting through them to find the right one, but eventually did, only to realize the door had already been unlocked. He laughed a little at himself, but it was extremely quiet, as he didn’t want to wake anyone up or seem insensitive to everything Pomni had just said. Honestly, he was a bit too concerned to really laugh as much as he normally would’ve. He silently opened the door and signaled for her to come in. She did so, and sat back down on the couch, still gripping tight onto the bottle. “I have some water somewhere around here,” Caine whispered, then shifted around some things until he eventually found a bottle of water. He handed it to her, trying his best to offer a warm smile at the same time. 

Pomni stared down at the bottle of water, putting all her focus into not crushing it in her hands. It was a lot harder to hold than the bottle of pills, she found, which she had left upright next to her, out of sight but not out of mind, just like the things that lead to her current situation. She couldn't just leave this, could she? She was just going to keep stressing about it if she didn't say anything. “Why… Why didn't you yell at me? I… I was pretty harsh to you back there. I wouldn't have blamed you if you got at least a little mad.” She wasn't even sure if the words were loud enough for him to hear. If they weren't, well, she'd just pretend she never said them. Pomni wasn't sure if she could get that out again.

“Yell at you?” Caine echoed with a tone of utter bewilderment. He sat back down in his chair, still turned to her. He thought for a moment. “…No matter what, you’re clearly having a hard time. Yelling at you wouldn’t fix that. I mean…the other me wouldn’t do that, right?” 

“No, never! He- He's never raised his voice, at least not at me.” She had a few fuzzy memories of times Caine yelled, but she never reached for them. There couldn't be anything positive there. “I just- running a circus is very different from running a hospital. I don't know, I expected you to be more… strict? You kinda just keep letting me get away with being terrible to you, I- It doesn't make any sense. If anyone else talked to you that way, would you be treating them the same way you did me? I haven't spoken to someone like that in a long time, but I feel like the consequences are meant to be a lot worse. As in there’s meant to be consequences.”

“O-oh. Well…,” Caine shifted in his seat a bit, trying to get more comfortable, as if his discomfort had anything to do with his position. “A-admittedly, we do have…a system of… ‘consequences’ in place, but still, you don’t deserve that. You were acting like anyone in your place would, I think. And…admittedly my Pomni sort of drives me up the wall, so I would…maybe be a little less patient with her if she spoke the same way, but still, if she believed what you believe, I’d try to understand. I..find the punishments usually don’t help with things like that. And besides, you’re a visitor, not a patient, so you don’t even have to worry about it.” 

“Huh. Th…that's good then. You're a pretty good nurse, huh? Trying to understand this kinda stuff and not just punishing people for it… it's cool.” Pomni still felt pretty bad for losing it on him the way she did, but, if he said it was okay, then she wasn't going to push her luck. “I would say I'm shocked that the other me gets on your nerves, but everyone seems to be kind of different, so…” Nurse Caine had implied a few times that he liked her more than his own Pomni, and whilst she felt a little sorry for her counterpart (who at least seemed nice enough from the very few things she remembered, but maybe she was wrong?), she couldn't help but feel kind of flattered over it. It felt nice to be liked.

Caine smiled, the same happy feeling of being liked bubbling up in his own chest. “Thank you. Yeah, our Pomni is…well, she’s also pretty smart and kind, but she mostly uses that intelligence and kindness to try to shirk around the rules. I cannot get her to take her medicine without a fight,” He groaned, rubbing the space in between his eyes where there would be a nose, if he had one. “I think I can still get through to her…but she can be a little contrarian, is all. Speaking of medicine, though?” He pointed at the bottle of melatonin. “You’ll be up and at ‘em by 9am or so if you take some now.” 

Huh. Maybe she wasn't so different from the other Pomni after all. She remembered that she used to enjoy doing that sort of stuff, too. Although, she didn't really find it any fun without someone else to do it with. The ‘also’ on the smart and kind comment managed to get a smile on her face. Sure, she did try to be kind, but Pomni had never really thought of herself as ‘smart’, at least not recently, and especially not at any point tonight, so hearing Nurse Caine refer to her like that felt… strange. But not bad. The opposite, actually..

At the mention of the medicine, her eyes snapped to where he was pointing. Oh. Right. She was gonna try to sleep, wasn't she? In all her… everything, she'd almost forgotten what the whole point of this was again. “Ah. Right. I was kind of meaning to ask… is there any… side effects that I should be worried about?” Pomni didn't specify that she was worried about getting even worse nightmares than usual. She had already been childish enough tonight. She didn't need to, so she wouldn't.

“Well, there are some, but we’ve been using these for forever, and I’ve yet to see anyone get any real side effects besides more vivid dreams, and being a little sleepy in the daytime.” He smiled again, unaware that he had basically just confirmed her fears. 

So maybe she did need to mention this. “Oh, uh- god, this is embarrassing... I… get some pretty bad nightmares almost every time I sleep.” The fact that her downplay still sounded bad wasn't lost on her, but it was easier than admitting that it was every single time. “It's part of the reason why I never really get any rest. Even if by some miracle I manage to knock myself out, it doesn't tend to last very long. I really do want to sleep, but…” Pomni let herself trail off. She wasn't sure what she was meant to do here. They'd gone through so much to get to a point where she had access to something to help her sleep, and now she was too scared to take the damn things. Great.

“Oh. Oh dear…I see.” Caine thought in silence for a moment. “Well, it’s worth noting that side effects aren’t guaranteed to happen. But if you do have a worse nightmare, I’ll be right here, alright? It’s my job to look after you & make sure you’re safe. Ragatha and our Pomni—the other you— and some past patients, have all had pretty intense nightmares as well, so I’ve gotten used to handling them. Would you maybe like some music or white noise? I find that helps sometimes.” 

“Yeah, we- we could try that. If you think it would help. If… if the side effects aren't guaranteed, and… you're here… I'll try it. I don't think there's anything bad enough that could happen that would stop it from being worth the risk.” She's an adult, she should be fine handling this kind of stuff on her own, and she usually was. But it felt good to have support, and taking the offer for it wasn't as hard as Pomni thought it would be. She carefully unscrewed the cap of the water bottle and far-less carefully unscrewed the bottle of melatonin pills (were those caps always such a pain?) before taking a moment to recall how Nurse Caine had said to take them and doing it just as instructed, even if it was a bit slower than she would've wanted. But she didn't linger on it. It was over with now, after all. 

“There you go,” Caine said, with a genuine, warm smile. “I’m proud of you. You should be asleep in about thirty minutes. Here, I’ll go ahead and put some music on.” He turned back to his computer and clicked through some things, until gentle classical music began to fill the room. “Is this good?” 

“Yeah- yeah, that's great. Thanks.” Pomni stumbled through her words, definitely not still hung up on the fact that he'd just said he was proud of her. It wasn't like she had done anything he should be proud of. All she'd done is take some meds. She was pretty sure he watched people do that day in, day out. So why did it make her so happy to hear him say that? Maybe she didn't have to overthink this one. Maybe she could just let herself enjoy the feeling. After all, she was only going to be awake for a little while longer. Pomni would rather enjoy her time in the dark with him whilst it lasted. “Not just thanks for that… Thanks for everything tonight. I don't think I've felt this good in… N-nevermind. You probably hear this kinda mushy s**t all the time, huh? F-forget it, it's not important-” Pomni quickly pulled the blanket over herself and laid down, curled up on the couch with her flushed face facing the cushions, as if it somehow negated what she just said.

Caine stared at her back for a minute, trying to think of what to say in response. He felt like picking her up and grasping her in the biggest hug he could muster, but that likely wouldn’t go very well, he figured. “Of course,” He landed on eventually, his eyes soft as he said it. He turned back to his computer and began tapping away at more paperwork, the sound of the keyboard barely audible over the calming music. 

As the music and the white noise of Caine working comforted her, Pomni felt her eyelids begin to grow heavy. Usually, when such a feeling overcame her every now and again, it was met with nothing but dread.

But tonight? She didn't mind it.