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WPNZ finished tying together one last piece of string, before snapping off the loose end with a quick tug. He stepped back, and examined his handiwork. He had converted a blank section of the motel room wall into a makeshift board, and was using it to determine where he and Puzzles should conduct their heist.
A hodge podge of ephemera littered the board, from street maps to building schematics, along with several photographs taken from odd angles. Lengths of red thread stretched across in a web-like pattern, coming to a point in the center. The whole thing was a cluttered, illegible mess that only he could make sense of.
Since completing his hit jobs, WPNZ had gotten to learn more about the town’s inner workings, as well as its people. He’d kept tabs on notable areas, such as roads with high traffic, or shops that happened to close up early. He’d also learned that a notorious gang roamed these parts, and that they allegedly had the mayor in their pocket. They weren’t of any concern to him just yet, but they may become a problem in the future if they caught wind of the arranged heist.
He narrowed his eyes at the board, tilting his head in thought. He crossed his arms, dissatisfaction gnawing at him. There must’ve been something he’d missed, an angle he wasn’t seeing. He was so close to hitting paydirt, he could feel it, he just wasn’t digging in the right spot. He had hoped that by literally throwing everything at the wall, the pieces would just fall right into place, but there had been no such luck.
He’d never done so much research in his life, not even back when he used to work for Hitman Inc.. His plans were always on the fly, and he hardly ever needed a thorough briefing on the target, he just needed to know the basics before hopping right to it. It didn’t matter if his kills were quick, clean, or efficient, so long as he got the job done.
This time however, WPNZ knew that his “smash and grab” style of crime wasn’t going to cut it. Him and Puzzles had only scratched the surface of this new world, and were still drifting in uncharted territory. It was better for them to be prepared rather than go in completely blind. This plan required intricacy, perhaps more so than he would have liked. Was he out of his element, was that why he couldn’t solve this?
He wished Puzzles were here right now to give him a hand, or at least provide some kind of moral support. He had “gone out to think” in his own words, though WPNZ wasn’t sure how him taking a stroll around the block was going to help. The former star was always cooking up some convoluted scheme to earn them riches beyond their wildest dreams, most of which involved being thrust into the spotlight. They never panned out in the end however, and often left the duo back at square one.
He had no idea when his partner would return, or if he’d return at all. That boxhead better not have gotten himself into trouble again, because so help him if he had to drag his sorry behind out of another scrape-
As if on cue- which was completely in line with Puzzles- the door opened, and the man in question appeared, an elated expression on his screen.
“I’ve come up with the most brilliant idea!” His jovial voice resounded across the motel room.
WPNZ took his eyes off the board and acknowledged him with a curt nod. “The hell’ve you been?”
“You’ll have to excuse my tardiness, but I assure you there’s a good reason!” Puzzles quickly walked through the doorway with a spring in his step, unable to contain his excitement.
WPNZ immediately took notice of Puzzles’ upbeat attitude, and hoped that it meant he’d come back with some useful information.
“Lay it on me.”
Puzzles faced his partner, and cleared his throat before speaking. “As I’m sure you’re aware, we’ve been struggling with adjusting to our new…”
He paused, eyes scanning the room judgementally. “…Situation.”
“But this-” He continued as he revealed a stack of papers, hoisting them high in the air as if he were clutching a golden chalice. “Is the solution to all our problems!”
Puzzles held out the papers for WPNZ to take, and he did so, eying the cover briefly. He began flipping through the pages, believing them to contain a treasure trove of intel.
“Whoa, where’d you get all this?” WPNZ was impressed. “This is enough dirt to-”
As he got a closer look at the contents, he did a double take. It quickly dawned on him that these were not important documents, and when he got to the last page, he looked up at Puzzles in confusion.
“This is a script.”
“Part of a script.” Puzzles corrected, oblivious to his partner’s chagrin. “While I was in town pondering the perfect heist location, I happened upon their historic theater!”
WPNZ’s shoulders slumped in tandem with his sigh. He really should’ve seen this coming. “Oh boy-”
“B-Before you reject me, hear me out!” Puzzles waved his hands in front of him defensively, a bead of sweat forming on his brow.
“You weren’t supposed to get distracted.” WPNZ understood that performing was Puzzles’ passion, just as killing was his, but he didn’t want this to hinder the heist plan.
“I didn’t, I swear!” Puzzles promised. “This still has to do with the heist, just let me explain!”
WPNZ raised a brow at him, skeptical. Given Puzzles’ track record, it was a little hard to believe him. Even if he had a good argument, he’d clearly done this with an ulterior motive in mind, a selfish one. Which, in all fairness, WPNZ likely would have done the same. That was the thing about them, they were both opportunists (in their own way), it was one of the reasons why they clicked so well.
“Mind telling me how exactly this aligns with our goal?”
Puzzles pulled WPNZ closer so that they were shoulder to shoulder, and directed his attention to a specific spot on the board. He parted some of the thread with his finger, revealing what was underneath. It was a hand-drawn schematic of the theater building, its paper aged and worn.
“If you’ll look right here,” He moved his finger further down, and traced a circle over a specific segment. “You’ll notice that there’s an underground substation settled right beneath the theater.”
WPNZ wasn’t sure what Puzzles was getting at. “And?”
“And, it happens to generate the entire block’s power,” Puzzles informed him. “Not to mention, each generator is labeled to which building it powers.”
“That’s…helpful, but I still don’t see how-”
“Just across from the theater,” Puzzles pointed to the opposite side of the schematic. “Is the town bank.”
WPNZ finally grasped what Puzzles was suggesting, and turned to him. He had considered the bank as an option for the heist earlier, but decided against it because the street it resided on was too busy. However, if he could cut off the bank’s power and disable its security defenses, then he may actually have a chance at pulling it off.
“Alright, doubt withdrawn.” WPNZ placed a hand on his hip. “But uh, what’s the script got to do with any of this?”
“Why, I’m going to audition for the upcoming play, of course!” Puzzles explained. “It’s our best shot at getting direct access to the substation without drawing any unwanted attention. The play’s in a month, so there’ll be plenty of time to…”
Puzzles noticed that WPNZ was looking away.
“What is it?”
WPNZ awkwardly scratched the back of his head, and glanced at the floor. “Look, Boxhead, it’s a solid idea, but the thing is, you tend to- you get a little…y’know.”
Undeterred, Puzzles put his hands on WPNZ’s shoulders, and locked eyes with him.
“WPNZ, the heist is what matters most. I will not let my priorities go astray.” He affirmed with a nod. “And if they do…”
He slowly walked behind WPNZ, and pressed against him. WPNZ tensed, and glanced over his shoulder warily. Puzzles lowered his head, leaning in close to his partner’s face. WPNZ could feel static tingling against his steel cheek.
“Then you have my full permission to…set them back on the right course,” His voice dropped, low and cooing. “Through any means necessary.”
WPNZ’s breath hitched for a second, and he silently cursed Puzzles for managing to extract that small reaction out of him. Puzzles always knew which buttons to press, it was slimy, underhanded, and downright diabolical. But, WPNZ couldn’t help but respect it, the way he could weaponize his opponent’s (or partner’s) affections.
He’d never say it out loud, but he still had a fear that if he ever got close to someone again, they’d use his love against him. In this case however, Puzzles was not being malicious in any sort, he was simply teasing, and WPNZ recognized that.
Puzzles stroked his gloved finger along WPNZ’s jawline. “You must be so exhausted from having to do more thinking than you’re used to-”
“Watch it-”
“Just let me take care of it, and I’ll have everything ready for you. I’ll be the perfect distraction, all those adoring eyes fixed on me, all the while you’ll be able to slip by completely undetected."
WPNZ considered the proposition. “Sounds like I’m gonna be doing all the heavy lifting.”
“Acting requires serious dedication, you know.” There was a twinge of offense in Puzzles’ inflection. “Besides, I’ll still be able to pull some strings even from the stage.”
“You don’t think anyone will notice?”
“If anyone does, you’re welcome to take them out at your leisure- but do so discretely.”
That made WPNZ smirk, and he cracked his knuckles enthusiastically. Maybe this really was their big break. “Aw, what the hell, let’s do it.”
Puzzles went starry-eyed, and adoringly flung his arms around his partner. “Oh, WPNZ, you have no idea how thrilled I am to hear you say that! I couldn’t have done this without you!”
“You bein’ modest now, Hollywood?” WPNZ teased.
Puzzles stood up straight. “I’m simply expressing my gratitude.”
“Yuh-huh.” A sudden thought occurred to WPNZ. “Hey, you got a backup plan in case you don’t get the part?”
Puzzles let out a haughty laugh, and waved his hand dismissively as if the mere idea were absurd.
“Trust me, WPNZ-”
Both his voice and screen suddenly turned dark.
“I will.”
“Once rehearsals start, you’ll be able to visit me any time with a pass. Whether you’re in the auditorium or backstage, you can watch my progress.”
“So, I get to witness even more drama from you, but now there's a big stage where everyone else can see it?” WPNZ joked.
“Hmph!” Immediately validating WPNZ’s point, Puzzles pouted, crossed his arms, and spun on his heel indignantly. He closed his eyes, facing away from him.
“Well then, if you’ve had enough of my “drama”, then I suppose I’ll just have to find another practice partner for my audition.”
“Uh-”
“Oh no, don’t bother, it wouldn’t interest you anyway.” Puzzles, knowing fully well what he was doing, sighed in exaggeration before holding out the script in a specific way so that WPNZ would see it. “It was just a boring scene where the lead bestows a kiss to their romantic interest.”
He waited a beat before turning his head, side-eyeing WPNZ.
“Could you imagine that, WPNZ? Me, locking lips with a stranger, putting all my effort and passion into it to really sell the romance?”
WPNZ knew that Puzzles knew he wasn’t dense. So, he wanted to play that game, huh? Act like a petty primadonna until he caved into his demands? He didn't give Puzzles the explosive, jealous reaction he was seeking, instead he sat down on the edge of the bed, and crossed one leg over the other.
“You really think that’s gonna work?”
“You tell me.” Puzzles looked like he was holding back a grin.
WPNZ rolled his eyes. “If you stop being a priss about it, then-”
“I’ll take that as a yes!” Puzzles zipped right over to WPNZ’s side in the blink of an eye, instantly dropping his played up spite.
He placed a segment of the script into WPNZ’s hand, already having taken the liberty of highlighting his lines.
“In this part of the play, the brave knight has been gravely injured, and the heroic protagonist validates their love to him!”
While the plot itself was a touch corny, even for Puzzles, he just couldn’t resist the chance to perform again…without also committing a crime. Which, he still was, but at least he’d be less involved with this one.
“You’ll be assuming the role of the knight, of course, and I, the prince…or princess, whichever one they end up preferring.”
WPNZ kept swapping between the pages he was given, trying to figure out where the scene started.
“This is- what am I s’posed to-?”
“Now then,” Puzzles said. “Lay down.”
WPNZ looked up from his script and blinked at him. “What?”
“Lay-”
He put his hand on WPNZ’s chest, and firmly pushed him down onto the bed. The back of WPNZ’s head hit the pillow, and the mattress bounced slightly from underneath him.
“-Down.”
“We’ll start on my mark, okay?” Puzzles gave his partner’s chest a light pat as he settled into position.
WPNZ’s eyes darted to the side, still uncertain on what to do. “Okay?”
Puzzles closed his eyes, readying himself. He pinched his fingers together with his free hand, and sucked in a deep breath. He held it, and as he exhaled, he drew his hand away from his face.
“Oh, my cherished champion, what ever shall I do?” Puzzles conveyed his lament through dramatic, over the top gestures. “I find myself at a crossroads, torn between my devotion to my kingdom, and my love for you.”
“And, after what we’ve just endured, I’m afraid I simply can’t go on!” He tilted his head towards the ceiling, and raised a hand to his brow as if he were about to faint. He went quiet, and retained that same pose for several moments, waiting for something- or someone to respond.
WPNZ just stared at him.
“You gonna keep going, or-?”
Puzzles opened one eye and spoke through his teeth. “That is your line, WPNZ.”
“Oh, right-” WPNZ held the first page close to his face, squinting. “Uh-”
“Do not despair, my liege…” He delivered his dialogue in an awkward, clunky fashion, making his inexperience with acting painfully obvious. “How my heart yearns for thee and only thee…it’s thirst nigh unquen- unquenchable. Forsooth, I- Forsooth? The hell does that mean?”
Puzzles broke character with an annoyed scoff. “Are you even taking this seriously? I thought you cared about the heist.”
“I do!” WPNZ retorted. “I’m just not as used to this as you are.”
“We do it all the time, whenever we need to distract a crowd mid-swindle,” Puzzles reminded him. “This is no different, aside from the fact we’re not swindling- yet.”
“You’re the one who does most of the distracting,” WPNZ countered. “Matter of fact, you volunteer to be the distraction.”
“Okay, yes, but in the times where we’re both the distraction, you always know what to do, don’t you?”
WPNZ shrugged. “I kinda just wing it.”
“Then take those skills of “winging it” and apply them to a neatly structured script.” Puzzles reassuringly took WPNZ’s hands in his. “I know you can do this, WPNZ.”
“Fine,” WPNZ conceded. “Let’s give it another go.”
“From the top, then!” Puzzles clapped his hands together.
He ran through his line again in near identical fashion to the first time he’d done it. When it was WPNZ’s turn, he hesitated, but only for a moment.
“Forsooth, I believe it was your own love that protected my aching heart from that fatal arrow.” He still read his lines flatly, but it was much better than the previous attempt.
Puzzles gasped in astonishment. “Art thine words pure?”
“Nods- Fuck, I mean-” WPNZ nodded like his script instructed. “But of course. I am eternally in your debt, I don’t know what I would have done if your love hadn’t given me strength.”
As much as he’d rather be focusing on the heist itself right now rather than reciting frilly nonsense, WPNZ found this a little bit amusing. This was what Puzzles did for a living, to a point where he once had his own television network? How did he even remember so many scripts, were they all stored in that big, boxy head of his?
Touched by those words, Puzzles smiled. “And I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your bravery knows no bounds.”
WPNZ looked at his script again, and grunted, pretending like his “wound” was irritating him. “Tis nothing, my liege. Fighting for your kingdom is what matters most to me.”
“My dearest knight!” Puzzles cried abruptly, startling WPNZ. “My heart is in your grasp, but my father, the King, shan’t approve of us! He wants me to be wed to a high-status suitor, not a knight. He views them as uncouth brutes!”
WPNZ didn’t even realize he’d done it, but he frowned. That particular line stirred something within him. Relatability, perhaps? No, it couldn’t be, he tried telling himself. Puzzles was just…really good at selling his role, that’s all.
He held Puzzles’ gaze, and his words came out far more sincere than he’d intended them to.
“Is that how you see me too…?”
Puzzles slowly shook his head.
“There are those out there who view you as such, yes. However, I am not one of them, I believe that there is so much more to you than your metal exterior.”
“You mean it?” That line wasn’t in the script, and WPNZ immediately caught himself, checking over the pages again. “It…It makes me glad that you’re able to see me as more than just my armor and lance.”
Puzzles sighed longingly, and stared out into the distance. “Why must we be kept apart by societal conventions?”
“We don’t have to be,” WPNZ took a slight deviation from the script, cupping the side of Puzzles’ frame with his hand. Puzzles, although a perfectionist, let it slide, leaning into the touch. “We could run away together.”
“But, what of my kingdom?” Puzzles asked. “I cannot abandon my people, I must take my place upon the throne.”
“Is that what you truly want?”
“I…am not sure.” He admitted. “But, once I am ruler, I can change the law! Then, we can be together without scrutiny!”
“I fear that your people will not respect you if I were at your side, my liege.” WPNZ told him regretfully. “You won’t be able to command them. And…”
“And?” Puzzles leaned in a little closer, prompting WPNZ to continue.
“And I cannot wait that long.”
Puzzles looked down sullenly. “You’re right. Your life was nearly taken today, how much longer will it be before I lose you for good?”
“I will not force you to choose me over your kingdom.” WPNZ said. “Tis your birthright, as well as your sworn duty to help it thrive. Just as it is my sworn duty to protect it.”
Puzzles’ expression withered. “Dare I ask, does your loyalty lie with me, or the crown?”
“You are the crown, my liege.” WPNZ answered. “Why does that fact disappoint you?”
“Is our love not in its truest form?” Puzzles sounded hurt. “Do you only see me as a noble to be loyal to?”
“No-!” WPNZ objected, actually starting to get a little bit into his role. “Do you not see how I bleed for you, how the very proof of my love spills out onto the forest floor?”
Puzzles grabbed WPNZ’s hand tightly, and moved in closer until their faces were almost touching.
“My knight?”
WPNZ swallowed. “Yeah- Yes?”
Puzzles’ voice was barely a whisper, blending in with the low, staticky buzz of his screen.
“My heart has always been yours.”
“As has mine.”
Puzzles sealed the remaining gap between them, and much like an actual prince, solidified his admiration for his lover through a kiss. He treated the moment as if it really were the last time he’d ever see WPNZ, delicately gliding his glass screen over his lips. WPNZ reciprocated, surprisingly just as gentle.
Puzzles let the kiss linger for a few heartbeats longer than the script demanded, and started to pull away.
He was stopped by a set of hands grabbing either side of his head, and in one swift motion, was pulled back into a deeper, more passionate kiss. Puzzles’ screen flickered in surprise, but it didn’t take him very long to give into WPNZ’s embrace. WPNZ craned his neck, and pressed harder, his lips brushing against Puzzles’ technicolor teeth.
After a full minute, Puzzles reluctantly freed himself from the kiss. He pulled back, eyes fluttering open. He smiled down dreamily at his equally smitten partner.
“How was I?”
“Great,” WPNZ breathed. “Really great.”
Puzzles chuckled. “I meant my acting.”
“Oh, that-” The tiniest hint of a blush painted WPNZ’s face. “Yeah, you nailed it, you’re definitely gonna blow all those other chumps outta the water.”
“You flatter me, WPNZ.” Puzzles sat up, and WPNZ did the same. “Although, I do have one small note.”
“What’s that?”
“The script does not call for the usage of tongue during the kiss.” He playfully batted WPNZ’s arm with the rolled up script.
WPNZ grinned mischievously at him.
“What’s the matter, don’t like improv?”
Puzzles replied with a light hum.
“I’ll allow it in this instance.”