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Changbin passed the joint to Chan. Once his lungs were cleared of smoke, he said, “Hyunjin told me the girls I slept with talk about my small dick.”
Chan choked on his water and started coughing like a toddler—mouth open, tongue out, nothing covering his germs from flying onto Jisung, whose head was in his lap. He was sprawled out across the entire couch with his toes wiggled underneath Changbin.
“But in, like, a flattering way,” Changbin added. “Like, I know how to use my small dick.”
“I don’t want to hear about your dick,” Jeongin whined. He was sprawled out on the carpet, staring at the ceiling. He tapped out after two hits.
Changbin shrugged. “I don’t really want to hear about my dick either, man.”
“Unless it’s Hyunjin talking,” Jisung mumbled. Chan held the joint up to his lips for him; Jisung didn’t even have to lift his head.
“Ew.” Jeongin turned his head to scrunch his face up at him. “Why—” He looked back at the ceiling. “Whatever.”
“Hyunjin is the exception to everything,” Changbin agreed. “Everything he does turns me on.”
“Eww.” Jeongin thrashed around on the ground.
“So, what.” Jisung sat up and crossed his legs, turning his back to Chan and facing Changbin. “People are speaking on your peen?”
Changbin, Chan and Jeongin all looked at each other, unsure how to proceed.
“Um…” Changbin took the joint from Chan. “I guess? You definitely didn’t have to say that, though.”
Jisung shrugged.
Jeongin abruptly sat up. He looked Chan dead in the eye and said, “Seungmin says my dick is bigger than yours.”
Chan’s body went stiff and his eyes went huge.
“Jeongin?” He asked, like he was confirming that it was indeed Jeongin sitting in front of him.
Jeongin laid back down. “Yeah?”
“What—why—” Chan sputtered.
“Felix likes to compare notes,” Jisung explained. He uncrossed his legs and settled back into the couch, leaning his head over edge.
Chan's posture went ramrod straight. “Huh?”
“Yeah, Jeongin has the biggest dick,” Jisung said. “Which used to make me sick but now I think it’s kind of a flex.”
“You’re flexing…your best friend’s dick size?”
“Yeah, well I’m obviously not highly ranked.” Jisung gestured at himself. “Best friend ranked one boyfriend ranked two, though, so.” He flexed both of his arms.
Chan’s eyes went even wider. “There’s a ranking?”
“Yup,” Jeongin answered.
Changbin turned towards Jisung. “So, what, you have a big dick in proximity?”
“No, I have a big dick inside me,” Jisung corrected. “Not Jeongin’s, obviously. Yuck. But second class big dick.”
Jeongin shook his head disapprovingly.
“Am I third?” Chan asked. Changbin snorted.
“Hyunjin is three for length,” Jisung answered. “He argues that yours should technically be bigger on account of girth but we judge by inches and he has more than you.”
“Who is we?” Changbin asked.
“Mostly him and Felix.” Jeongin nodded towards Jisung.
“So you just have this ranking memorized, then,” Changbin said to Jisung as he passed to him.
Jisung inhaled. Through lungs full of smoke, he answered, “Yeah.” He blew the smoke towards the ceiling.
Changbin thought about it. “I’ve never measured my dick, though?”
“Yours is the smallest, we don’t need the stats.”
Changbin shrugged. “I’m comfortable with that.”
“You’re comfortable with this?” Chan asked, distress all over his features.
“Okay ‘am I third?’” Changbin mocked.
“It’s really cool of you to have the smallest dick, hyung,” Jisung said. “You’re a lot more secure than me, so I appreciate you taking that on for us.”
“Uh…” Changbin looked around. “You’re welcome?”
“I have some masculinity stuff that I’m trying to deal with right now.” Jisung sighed at the ceiling. He lifted his head to look at him. “I might start fucking around and wearing skirts around the house, by the way.”
“…Congratulations?” Changbin responded, because he didn’t know what else to say.
“By Hyunjin’s logic—” Jeongin started.
Jisung groaned loud enough that Chan winced a little.
“By Hyunjin’s logic,” Jeongin repeated louder. “Changbin’s is bigger.”
“We go by inches.” Jisung sat up off the couch, leaning towards Jeongin. “I have more inches, I’m ranked above him.”
“You don’t have more inches,” Jeongin argued. “You barely have an inch.”
Jisung flipped him off, and Jeongin burst into giggles, so Jisung burst into giggles, and then they kept giggling for what felt like a really long time. Jisung kept giggling even after Jeongin stopped, Changbin wasn’t really sure what was funny anymore but he did love the sound of Jisung’s laugh.
Jisung gulped in a big breath of air. He got his giggles under control.
“Hyunjin and Felix saw my erection,” he suddenly said. Chan jumped.
“I just want you to stop saying weird shit,” Jeongin answered. “For, like, a day. An hour, even.” He shook his head. “You and Minho made each other so fucking weird,” he mumbled, mostly to himself.
“Hyunjin didn’t really see it, he was really adamant about loyalty. Like, super dramatic about it,” Jisung continued, ignoring Jeongin. He looked at Changbin. “I said you wouldn’t care, but.”
Changbin tilted his head. “I mean… I don’t?”
“Can we get some context to this?” Chan asked.
“We were drunk,” Jisung explained. That felt like a given. “It was super hard to get it up. I had to get Minho for a second.”
Chan’s eyes bulged. “Minho was okay with this?”
“It was for scientific purposes,” Jisung answered. “We’re very secure in our relationship, hyung.”
“You can be secure it your relationship and not want other people to—” Chan did finger quotes. “‘See your erection?’”
“Are you not okay with it?”
Chan paused. He thought about it. “I actually…” He thought for another second. “No, I actually think I am? Okay with it.”
Changbin holds up his hand over Jisung for Chan to high five. Chan fist bumps it.
Changbin chooses to ignore that. “That’s major progress, bro.”
“I think it’d probably be okay if you weren’t okay with it,” Jeongin cut in. “I don’t want any of you looking at Seungmin’s dick, no offense.”
“Uh… None taken?” Chan responded. He turned back to Jisung. “I’m still shocked Minho was okay with that.”
Jisung shrugged. “I don’t think he would’ve liked it if it wasn’t Hyunjin and Felix.” He thought about it. “Well, it was just Felix, really. And he was just in the room, it’s not like he was looking.”
Changbin couldn’t process this right now. He decided to let it go. Hyunjin looked really pretty when he left this morning, he closed his eyes to picture it.
“You said he saw your erection,” Chan said.
“Like, briefly. But also the ruler was kinda cold and I made like a—” Jisung whimpered. Changbin opened his eyes to see Chan’s eyes darted around the room wildly, terrified. “Kinda sound and Minho didn’t like that so he shut it down.”
“This was a mistake,” Jeongin said. “Drugs are bad.”
Jisung looked deep in thought, like he was meaningfully pondering that statement to give a legitimate answer.
Instead, he said, “I would smoke all of you if we freestyled right now.”