Work Text:
I do not own Merlin or any of it's characters
A/N: Very unpopular opinion incoming, my stories are never slash and that includes this fandom because though I do understand it, I personally think it's so much more beautiful for two people to not have a reason to spawn a relationship. That makes their closeness so much rarer and unlikely you know? And I think I just prefer brotherly love and bromance for that reason cuz they aren't getting anything out of caring and sacrifice for the other (which for a man is rare so that's why its lovely when it's found or written). Idk if that makes sense but I felt like I had to clarify that these stories are strictly platonic if that's ok(: alrighty I'm done pls don't hate me
enjoy!
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He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the wind.
Merlin sunk into the breeze and the air as it glided over his beautiful body. His sigh was a whisper of want. A want for every moment to be like this was. He'd grab it if he could.
Sunlight fell over him to win his peace. It was victorious as he smiled in the clarity and the warmth.
Frayed reins slid slowly through his palms as he opened his baby blues. He invented the term. He looked across the hills before him. Over a ways was a tree that swallowed every bit of light. The clouds above it covered everything else in shade but for a small opening, seemingly just for the tree. It was an unusual use of light by nature. The wind tickled every leaf on it as it danced in the melody of the earth. Merlin did not know how much he and that tree had in common. It was a parallel of how he existed in the world.
He opened his lungs feeling so connected to magic in that moment. Like it flowed through him with every breath. It tingled in his fingers and across the surface of his skin.
"Hey! Enough daydreaming Merlin, go and catch that colt!", yelled Arthur from across the way.
The king galloped after a wild horse that sped past Merlin bringing him out of his daze. The knights rode behind Arthur who waved Merlin hurriedly to chase after the healthy young equine who was close enough to still be caught.
Unbeknownst to Merlin who had been distracted in his own moment with time and nature, the king and his knights had been after the horse for the better part of an hour ever since Arthur had spotted him. He was a good breed and the royal enjoyed the idea of seeing him tamed. The men had caught him and managed just to get reins fastened on him before he reared and broke free of their hold.
Merlin didn't have time to second guess the idea. His hands slapped the reins he held now with determination replacing ease.
He rode hard and fast after the strong and stubborn animal. Merlin was racing faster than the wind, and just a little faster than the steed he was after.
Now he was beside it and he could sense the men riding not too far behind him and the two warm blooded elegant beasts.
He was riding in rhythym with the horse whose wild pelt was midnight ebony. The sun bounced off it like silver streaks of lightening. In those few seconds Merlin reached over to grab the reigns. It was difficult as eight hooves ran fiercely together and the tree line was nearing.
Merlin held the reigns in his hands now, starting to pull back when his own horse stumbled.
The men watched Merlin be yanked from his horse as he desperately kept hold of the wild horses reigns. Instead of falling or being dragged, he ran and skipped against the ground. He kicked off the earths surface as he swung onto the colts back in one smooth action.
He then pulled on the reigns as the horse eventually slowed just before the tree line. Merlin turned the steed around toward the men who slowed to a trot.
He rode up to them as he whistled for his original horse.
"Nice work Merlin!", said Gwaine enthusiastically.
"That was quite the trick I must say!", added Leon with a laugh of surprise.
"I just got lucky.", softly smiled Merlin.
"That's not luck you idiot that's skill.", said Arthur.
"Okay.", said Merlin with a shrug.
Arthur rolled his eyes unable to suppress a slight grin. "Come on.".
Percival took the reigns of Merlins first horse who trotted up now. They all headed toward the stables, though not without the slight fight from the captured black horse.
"Come on boy.", encouraged Merlin with a reassuring pat to his neck as they rode into the stables. The perfectly obsidious animal shook his head with an upset whinny, though he obeyed his rider.
The men dismounted as they wiped down their horses and unsaddled them and such.
"Shoe him Merlin.", ordered Arthur as he secured his pony in it's stable.
Merlin looked at Arthur with an expression of doubt. "He's freshly wild, I don't think he'll take to it.".
Arthur rolled his head over annoyedly. "He's fine Merlin, we got him in here didn't we?".
"Yes but-".
"Just do it.".
"M'kay.".
Merlin grabbed the bronze shoes and pulled a stool up to the horses rear. He breathed a bit cautiously and reached for the hind leg as the tail whipped mildy side to side.
His fingertips hadn't barely met the black hair when suddenly Merlin knew nothing at all.
A deafening all consuming ringing pulsed through his head and made his hearing obsolete. He saw nothing in that moment and thought nothing, though distantly he felt hands on his shoulders.
Then his eyes naturally opened to an incredibly blurry world as if he was looking through water. The sunlight coming in was bleary and sound was out and in and back out again. The hazy figure in front of him still holding his shoulders was saying something with frantic eyes, though he knew not what.
Merlin half sat up and was half pulled to sit up as he shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. As soon as a shred of clarity dripped into his reality, so did a flood of pain. He gasped in the intensity of it as he put the ball of his hand to his eyebrow.
He shook his head again hoping for clearer vision as he finally met the eyes of who was gripping him.
Arthur knelt in front of him with the knights standing behind him in a stunned group. He said Merlins name a good amount of anxious times along with a few curses.
Merlins vision finally cleared as his hearing gained clarity also. "Ow.", he said almost gaining laughter had any of them felt like laughing.
Since his hearing became clearer, the persistent voice of Arthur seemed like it was trying to aggrivate his momentarily tender senses.
Merlin went to instinctively touch his head that throbbed so vigorously when he found it dripping wet. It took him a moment to realize that the untamed horse had in fact not taken to being shoed. A swift and powerful kick to Merlins head got his point across well enough.
"Merlin are you alright!?", begged someone. He assumed it was Arthur but it was hard to tell with the daze and horrible pain that wanted to drown everything out. He'd just been staring at the hay covered ground as he processed it all.
With every use of his servants name that went without response Arthur felt more and more distress.
"Merlin are you alright!?", he repeated with a shake.
"Mmhmm.", answered Merlin like he meant it. He looked blankly in front of him like he couldn't focus his eyes.
"Someone go get Gaius.", ordered Arthur as Percival started stepping out the door.
"No, I'm fine. I'm fine.", reassured Merlin holding up his hand.
Percival looked from Merlin to Arthur to figure out which to do.
"It's fine don't get Gaius. It just took me by surprise.", said Merlin as he got up on shaky legs.
He grabbed a rag nearby and started to wipe the blood from his face. They stared at him as he did so.
"Guys I'm alright. I'll try shoeing him when he's a little more used to the stables.", assured the brunette.
Arthur removed the reigns of the wild thing and slapped his rear. It ran out of the stables before they could blink.
"Arthur-", started to object Merlin.
"We don't need it.", said Arthur as he wrapped the reigns around his hand.
Merlin nodded. He saw the act for the apology that it was. He began to wipe down his horse with one hand.
"You sure you shouldn't go check in with Gaius?", asked Gwaine.
"Yeah. I'll be fine.", replied Merlin as he blinked at the headache throbbing behind his eyes.
An hour later the knights and Arthur were long gone. Merlin had just finished cleaning the stables and mucking out the horses. Now, he took one horse at a time, right outside the stables as he washed them with a bucket and a brush.
Evening light, very gold and soft, melted over everything like butter on hot bread.
It was hard work and Merlin rolled up his sleeves as he wiped his brow. The well water spouted out right by there so he could easily use as much water as he needed to clean the dirty animals.
He bent down toward the spout, pumped it a few times, then cupped his hands as the cooling water spilled out onto his fingers. He let it pool and brought it up to wash his soft cheeks. Any remaining blood dripped away, though the little cut from which it came stung in purple swell. Drops of the orangey merigold light hung from his black eyelashes, and out he breathed his exhaustion of the long day.
Arthur drummed his fingers on a paper that at the moment couldn't have been more dull. He looked at it and just couldn't focus. The king sighed and decided tomorrow was a much better day for it.
He scooted out his wooden chair against the wooden floor making a small screech. He stretched and bent his bones to aid his achey back having been sitting a tad too long in the stiff chair.
Arthur huffed in the dullness of not wanting to do his proper kingly duties, and not having energy enough to do anything fun. The only logical thing he could think to do was go bother someone else to at least not be alone in the dullness. Then he felt his stomach growl. Some dinner could be good he thought. Both ideas led to Merlin, and so in search of him he went.
Out the castle and round toward the stables he went. The light and the warm air put such ease upon him. He smiled slightly and took a deep breath of it.
As his boots slid through the soft grass, he spotted his servant a few yards away at the stables, right where he'd left him.
Drenched in the amber, Merlin swung up the bucket he held as water flew from it onto the patient pony. The animal blinked and shuddered from his head to his rear. He seemed to enjoy the washing. It's easy to tell when a horse is happy sometimes.
Arthur walked up to the brunette who noticed his master as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with the front of his shirt.
The injury that hid at the edge of his hairline and was shining with swell reminded the blonde to question it's severity once again. The doubt was quickly replaced with another stomach growl reminding him of his goal.
"Let me guess.", started Merlin. "Bored and looking for dinner.".
Arthur smirked and squinted. "How'd you know that.".
"Well.", started Merlin. "I was thinking that we still have some bread in the saddle bags, and it's been a while since you've had the chance for an evening ride.". The servant smirked ever slightly knowing how his king would like that idea.
"Hmm...I like that idea quite a lot. And even more than that, I like the idea of besting you in a race to the western black rock.", challenged Arthur.
"Huh...good luck with that!", said Merlin as he quickly mounted one of the horses.
Arthur laughed and swiftly did the same.
Merlin had the head start as he rode hard and skillfully, but now in more of a free way than before. Like he could take the path he most liked.
"YOU CHEAT!", yelled Arthur after him as he threw his head back and laughed from his belly.
Merlin grinned and looked back mischievously. Laughter echoed from his throat into the wind that he made with speed.
"Hyah!", grunted Arthur as he started to catch up.
Merlin just slightly led now through the wide open trees. Sun dappled happily through the peaceful wood where a sunset would soon follow.
And there was the black rock. It was truly a grey rock, but destined to forever be black under the gentle beat of a thin waterfall, everflowing.
Merlin slowed his horse just before Arthur. He had won, but instead of turning to look and gloat, he watched the view to the right of the rock. They rode toward the edge of a cliff that looked over the lower part of the forest. Above it layed the colorful beginnings of a gilded sunset.
Arthur trotted up behind him and watched thin clouds become gold threads coming loose off the sun.
"My old tutor used to say a golden sunset meant the next morning would bring good tidings.", said Arthur.
"I bet there's some truth in that.", replied Merlin.
They watched it for a moment more before Arthur remembered the race.
"I never pegged you for a cheater Merlin.".
"Well seeing as you've had years of training and practice I thought I'd just even the playing field.".
"Ah right of course that seems fair.", replied Arthur sarcastically.
Merlin took his reins again. "So, where to now?".
"Follow the light!", said Arthur as he kicked his horse. "Try to keep up!".
He galloped back through the trees but upward now to toward the gold. Merlin was soon beside him as they scaled the steep forest hill side.
The light was so dreamy with it's yellowing softness and speckles of wood floating through defined rays that lit the grass in hazy delicacy. The wildflowers were white and little, growing by the thousand.
Merlins fingers held the reigns near his horses mane that tickled it's stiff bristles against his knuckles.
The horses loved the small journey up the mountainside, their riders enjoyed it even more. One thing the two boys had in common was their fondness for silence. They both carried the weight of the world on their shoulders. To be silent together was a breath of fresh air when life was filling with smoke.
One of them would take the lead and look back to wait for the other. The horses and light were patient.
On days like these, chests and throats were always subject to easy laughter and a lightness that made you feel just on the cusp of flight.
By then the light was really starting to disappear. And since every adventure, large or small, should really have some kind of destination, Arthur and Merlin went toward the nearest clearing of trees that gave view to the setting sun. This time they watched it descending toward violet mountains.
The bread in their saddle bags was long forgotten as they watched the view they rarely got to catch let alone linger on.
And as the sun reached the mountain tops they knew it was time to go.
Before long they were exiting the tree line bathing in the dim tint of lilac. They rode steadily back to where they started from at the stables, gentle grins permanently tattooed on their lips.
They dismounted and returned their horses to their stables.
On the walk back to the castle Merlin held his hands behind his back and Arthur watched the interesting purple hue swallowing his grey castle walls.
"I've been thinking on that horse. I think he was a Caspian breed.", said Merlin as he watched his feet move through tall unbound grass, well fed in equal sun and rain.
"You're probably right. He had the right build. I wonder on how he'd make his way so far west.", replied Arthur.
"Who?", asked Merlin after a moment.
Arthur looked at him strangely. By now they reached the castle as they went inside.
"The horse...".
"What?", asked Merlin confusedly as if he'd never said anything about the animal.
"Ah! There you are Sire!", interrupted Leon as he walked up to the pair.
The knight began talking to the king, though Merlin had tuned it out. He felt like he'd somehow lost track of his thoughts and direction and really couldn't remember what he was doing. When his stomach growled he left the two talking men. When his stomach growled that meant usually that Arthur was also hungry and he was to fetch his dinner.
Arthur watched curiously confused as Merlin walked by the dusk drunk windows.
Before long Merlin had a platter in his hands filled up with meat and fruits and bread. He used one hand to carry it as the other rubbed the back of his neck. His headache had really started knawing at him since he'd...no he wasn't sure when.
He tried thinking on why the day was such a blur, and after frustratedly thinking for far too long, he grumbled aloud. The conversation he was having with himself in his head was so endless and loud and man did his head hurt.
"Merlin!", said Arthur a bit loudly and a bit annoyed.
Merlin jumped and scrunched his face in painful agitation. The contents on the platter also jumped and landed back onto the silver surface without spilling.
"What?".
"I said your name twice. Now can I have my dinner or are you going to stand there all night?", half begged Arthur from down the hall outside of his bedroom door. By now he was nearly ravenous with hunger.
"Sorry.", responded Merlin as he walked down the hall.
Merlin went into Arthurs room as he set down the food on the bed. "It's late, can I go to bed?".
"Go on.", waved Arthur without looking as he picked up the leg of chicken.
Soon as Merlin gratefully crawled into bed, he looked tiredly at the moon through his window. He shuffled away from the tender bruise that stained his head. He then curled up for the deep sleep he wanted more than anything.
He tossed for a little bit as his steady pulsing head knocked on his eyes and veins. He whined in a whisper as he grabbed and shoved at his blankets. As he layed on his back in defeat, he wondered if he could use a sleeping spell on himself. He didn't realize he'd wondered it with his eyes shut and before he could try the spell, he was drifting off.
At the end of the quiet night rose a warm sun made of fire which sung honey into it's rays that made paths from earth to heaven.
Merlin opened his eyes to find a gently burning sunrise that baked tender clouds. He found himself wishing for more sleep. He felt also surprise for how his headache had not faded within the night, in fact it seemed to have worsened. He sighed in the awful discovery and sat up disdainfully rubbing his hands down his face.
By the time he reached Arthur's chambers the king was almost awake.
"Good morning.", greeted Merlin as he walked in.
"Mm.", said Arthur with half open eyes.
After a yawn they were all the way open and watching Merlin open the curtains. The servant flinched at the light and squinted before looking away.
Arthur did wonder on the action thought to be unseen, though before he could think further Merlin was putting his breakfast on the bed.
"Ughhh yes I am starving.", said Arthur as he pushed himself up.
Merlin opened the cabinet to find Arthurs clothes for the day. The beige and red shirts lay folded and stacked neatly. He stared at them as if he were trying to choose, though really he was finding the excuse to give his brain a break. Blankly he looked at the cabinet trying to take the few seconds to comprehend the ache and constant throb of his skull. He wanted to whimper and find somewhere very dark.
"Same one's as every day Merlin. Nothing new in there trust me.", teased Arthur looking to the servant for only a second.
Merlin clenched his jaw and decided not to give a reply. The pain made him not want to move. Talking felt like the biggest chore.
He picked out the clothes and grabbed the kings boots so they could quickly be off. A council meeting was being held in less than half an hour and he knew Arthur liked to be the first one there.
Arthur stood and stretched as he left the ravaged platter on the unmade bed. "Alright, we should get a move on.".
Shirt, pants, boots. The nicer ones though. And in the mirror Arthur watched Merlin carefully put the silver crown on the blonde head of combed hair, both of them catching the shine of intrusive morning sun.
"Dreading it are you?", asked Arthur.
"No.", replied Merlin sincerely. "Why would I? I like the meetings.".
"Well I'm just trying to read your mind since you're so being quiet today.".
"Sorry.".
"You like the meetings? You?".
"Yeah I do. I always looked forward to you becoming king and seeing how you'd do things differently. And seeing you make change and help the kingdom, I don't know I just feel sort of strangely proud I guess. You're good at it that's all. Leading and making decisions and things.", explained Merlin as he shrugged like he hadn't said anything interesting. That could have been because his pain tore any emotion from him into tired apathy. Or because he just felt like being too lazy not to be transparent.
Arthur stared at him a moment in surprise and excessive thought.
Merlin didn't notice because he had started making the bed and cleaning up breakfast. His fingers slowed as the mess in front of him twisted and blurred. He stood very still and clenched his jaw, desperate to keep his balance. To Arthur it just looked like he was staring blankly at the bed, like a very deep thought took precedence over finishing his task.
"What?", Arthur asked.
Merlin hadn't heard it. The writhing pain that had been so consistent was now finding a new high. His headache wrung loudly between his ears and stole clarity from his senses. Maybe he'd over spoke and it taxed his mind. He didn't quite know but was just thankful his vision was returning to it's normal sharpness.
"Merlin?".
Merlin looked up. "Hmm?".
"What is it?".
"What do you mean?".
Arthur sighed. "While you're cleaning up be sure to look for your brain I think it fell out somewhere around here.".
Merlin lightly laughed. "Sorry, I was just wondering how you manage to make such a mess in just one meal.", he joked.
Arthur rolled his eyes with an annoyed grin. "Come on let's get down there.".
The pair walked into the room that was flooded with the dominating daylight through the large windows. Merlin gasped under his breath and turned his head the other way a moment.
"Did you drink last night?", asked Arthur thinking he finally connected the dots.
"What? No, I was with you.", defended Merlin.
Arthur realized he was right just before having his focus shifted. The knights had walked in for the meeting.
Soon so did the rest of his council as Merlin stood by where they all sat. The conversation traveled from crop growth to taxes to trade and law and anything else they could think of. In Merlins mind that was developing an addiction to pain and becoming slightly deluded, he predicted that the council knew of his agony and was carrying on the longest meeting known to mankind.
The light blared right into his innocent pupils forcing him to rub his hands into his eyes. The black relief was for only a moment but he was grateful for it anyway. Arthur saw the action though his thoughts were directed immediately back to the subject at hand.
"With the ordinance you've implemented against fishing in the eastern lake many of the villages are dismayed.", explained one of the peoples liasons between royalty and peasant.
"There were hundreds of dead fish washing up on shore. It's clearly an infected lake with goodness knows what. Has that been explained to the people?", replied Arthur judiciously.
The man nodded. "Yes, but I'm not sure they are, well forgive me but it seems they just don't trust your judgement Sire.".
Arthur shook his head with mild frustration. "I cannot risk it. Tell them we are clearing a path through the forest to the northern lake for their boats to be moved through. Until then there is plenty of game and grain to eat for the villagers.".
"I will Sire.", responded the man.
The meeting soon ended though that had left Arthur feeling unsettled. As everyone cleared out Merlin stood by waiting for Arthur to leave his chair. But he could see his kings internal unease.
"These are the kinds of decisions that if you keep trusting your gut and making without the sway of temptation toward being liked, you'll eventually gain respect and trust that you need from the people. Time and time again they'll see you were right, you just have to wait. So don't worry, just keep following your instincts.", comforted Merlin.
Arthur lifted his thoughtful hand from his chin as he looked at his servant. He nodded. "I hope so.".
Minutes later they were walking toward the training field.
Merlin pressed his fingertips into his knuckles, woven together behind his back and containing the agony that flowed through him. The bright sunlight was coming at him at every defenseless angle. It was so blinding to his eyes that weren't welcoming the daylight like they normally did. He clenched his jaw and wished for shade or a merciful cloud to feel his desperation and find enough empathetic grace to block out the deafening sun.
"Let's start with defensive sword play.", stated Arthur to his knights that were right behind them.
'Great.', Merlin thought sarcastically. This was not his day.
CLASH! CLINK! WHAM!
The steel blades came down on the silver shields like cracks of lightning. Merlin stood by awaiting orders as he winced and flinched. Every crash between metal felt like someone finding the source of his headache and taking a whack at it. With a stick. A very big stick. Maybe with spikes on it or something.
"Merlin, hand me that rag.", ordered Arthur.
Merlin grabbed it and took the step toward Arthur to hand it over. The king took it as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"Arthur wouldn't now be a good time for lunch?", Merlin asked trying not to be obvious.
Arthur looked at him with a scrunched face. "No. Breakfast was just a bit ago.".
Merlin sighed through his nose. The knights continued to thrash their swords against shields and the brunette could hardly take it. He'd result to anything at this point. Anything to get away.
"You must need something Sire. Anything.", Merlin pushed.
Arthur tilted his head a bit. "No. Not right now Merlin.".
The servant still did not step back and resume his waiting stance.
"Arthur...I-I have this absolutely splitting headache and this is, the worst.", the brunette told honestly as he gestured to the loud activity and then to his head and ear area.
"Oh. Why didn't you just say so, now it all makes sense.", replied Arthur as he folded the rag over and wiped the back of his neck. "Actually I am thirsty. Go on.".
Merlin breathed out in relief with a smile. "Thank you Arthur.", he praised before leaving to get the water.
The royal continued his practice as his knights did the same.
Not long after he left, Merlin returned. It wasn't the break he needed, but it got him by a little longer. Lucky for him though as another hour or so passed it was soon lunch time. Merlin was sent to fetch it and he was very eager to do so. That hour had been practically unbearable. He'd almost asked Arthur for mercy because he'd been understanding before, maybe he'd surprise him he thought. His instincts told him to keep his mouth shut though.
So he made and brought the men their food that was eaten in record time of course. No rest for the weary. Merlin rubbed his eyebrow for the millionth time as he cleaned up the meals remnants.
And after another half hour Merlin could hardly think or see straight. His mind constantly taxed by the ache and throb from what was beginning to be just passed what he could handle. His heart beat harder for a moment as he realized the very real possibility of losing conciousness. Or maybe something worse, this didn't feel normal.
Merlin looked down and away for a moment pretending to look at something or get something out of his eye. He didn't care what they thought for the moment if they were even looking. He just needed to close his eyes for a half a second and find that miniscule moment of distraction and relaxation. Just half of a second was all he was alotted.
"Sire.", a guard stated as he approached.
Everyone stopped and looked over at the man who bowed with respect.
"Yes?", asked Arthur.
"The village leader is asking for an audience. He's very adamant sire.".
Arthur nodded and excused the soldier. "Good work today men.", said Arthur before signaling Merlin to follow him. "C'mon Merlin.".
The servant stood still looking at the blank air. His gaze, set on the static air, was either full of thought or completely empty, it was hard to tell.
"Merlin.", repeated Arthur.
He was a foot away, but he hadn't heard the voice of his master. He wasn't zoning out, the sound simply hadn't entered his ears. Somehow you could tell it really hadn't.
Arthur swatted him to get his attention. Merlin looked at him with surprise. Then he saw the guard for the first time who was walking away. He quickly realized he'd missed something and Arthur saw it on his face.
"Come on.", he repeated. He didn't feel like catching him up. That was mostly due to the fact that he was anxious about why his presence was requested, it wasn't very normal. He had a bad feeling after the poisened lake debacle. And his servants strange behaviors were peculiar to be sure, though he chocked it up to the headache he'd mentioned.
In the throne room was a man pacing with a mixture of anxiousness and frustration.
He was the village leader and had some things to say on a new problem with foxes getting to the villages chickens. Their eggs and meat were essential for many of the townsfolks livelihoods and as a key food source. The man explained that the problem was worsening and that the people were upset at the castles ignorance of the issue.
Arthurs response was well constructed and dignified. He promised a hunt right away by his best men and the man left satisfied though slightly unsure.
Now as the evening light was reaching for darkness the servant and his master prepared for sleep in the kings chambers. It had been silence since the meeting with the man and Merlin watched the thoughts tumbling around behind Arthurs blue eyes.
Merlin layed down the covers for his king as Arthur slipped on his night shirt, standing by the cabinet.
"I can tell somethings bothering you, why don't you talk to me about it?", offered Merlin.
Arthur looked up from his deep thoughtful gaze at the floor. He shook his head in disappointment. "I just don't know why the people have such little faith in me. They trusted my father in almost every decision that he made. When will I earn that?".
Merlin sighed through his nose. "You may not be in the market or the tavern or the square very often. But I am and I've been with the people. Most of them have complete faith in you, they hold you in the highest of respects. Even above your father. And those that don't will see your greatness in time. With every sacrifice you make and victory you steal, more and more of them internally pledge their allegiance. So just give it a few months or years if you have to. Until every last one of them sees the valor and loyalty that you preserve for Camelot. And the justice that you use to strengthen this kingdom's morality and equity with honor and righteousness. They'll see that. Trust me.".
Arthur thought heavily on the words he needed to hear. Then he chuckled softly. "Alright you're writing my next speech.", he joked.
Merlin laughed softly. He was half smiling in satisfaction with himself for being able to come up with that through his foggy thoughts. His brain felt like a church bell being constantly wrung and it was only getting more painful with every passing minute. All the words had burnt out the last of his mental energy. He could hardly breathe now with how consuming this was becoming. He prayed Arthur couldn't see it. He prayed he'd be able to make it to his bed. He prayed that whatever was wrong with him wasn't as serious as it felt.
"Thank you.", added Arthur. "I hope you're right.".
"When am I not?", teased Merlin.
"About half the time.".
"Well I'm right more than you are.", argued Merlin with a smirk.
"Oh please, in what world!?".
"This one.".
"Shut up!", replied Arthur as they both laughed. He threw the pillow from his desk chair seat at Merlin who barely dodged it. He wasn't as quick as usual because of how unstable he felt.
Merlin knew the second attempt at hitting him was coming because it always did. Arthur liked throwing things at him and he usually deserved it, and it almost always ended with them laughing. But this time Merlins reaction was lagging from having to duck the first time. It was a motion that his head didn't like and it sent his vision spiraling. Arthur saw the spinning in his servants eyes in the half second before the leather bound journal left his hand. Regret was too late to grab it back as Merlin threw his useless arm up and turned his head. The journal slammed into the back of his throbbing skull.
Arthur wanted to take it back as soon as it collided with Merlin who took a step back and gripped his hand to the bed post. The other hand instinctively went to his head. The blonde suddenly realized all in one moment that his strangeness and the headache he'd admitted, it all led back to the injury still visible on the brunettes forehead. He felt instantly very stupid and very regrettable.
Arthur quickly stole the few steps between them as he grabbed Merlins shoulder and studied him.
"Your aims gotten better.", said the servant trying to distract. He rubbed his head not quite believing the level of pain he was experiencing. Even if he were alone he couldn't have used magic to stop it through the agony. His vision was almost completely black though his mind stayed awake and his body stayed up. His eyes were open so Arthur had no idea he was blind in that moment.
"You're usually quicker than that.", Arthur said blamingly with an undertone of guilt.
Merlin didn't respond as he breathed through his nose and shut his eyes a minute. He had no choice.
Arthur fearfully scrunched his eyebrows. "Merlin look at me.".
"What? It's fine.", Merlin said in a breath. He looked up as he mustered everything he could to look fine like he lied and said he was.
Arthur noticed his pupils that didn't look quite right. And it was easy for him to tell when Merlin was saying the exact opposite of how he felt about something. He was lying right through his grinding jaw.
"Honestly. It's just the headache, I'm fine.", swore Merlin.
"Right like you were fine yesterday after that horse kicked you in the head. I don't think you've been right since then and you've been lying to my face."
Merlin looked at his master. "Arthur, would I tell you I was fine if I wasn't?", he said as he looked at him hard and tried seeming as genuine and serious as he could.
Arthur scrunched his face as he felt unsure.
"A little bump and a headache never killed anyone now did it. Now listen you need to get some rest you had a tough day.", said Merlin pushing Arthur a little to get a move on.
Arthur found his words convincing and realized how much then that his bed was calling him.
He layed down his head as Merlin was blowing out all the candles but for the one by the bedside.
Before blowing out the one he looked at the troubled face of his king.
"I know you're feeling like you're coming up short. Like you're an imposter or maybe just not good enough. But the only thing I am hard headedly, full heartedly sure about in this world is that you will be the greatest king to ever go down in history. No one can do or ever has done what you have already achieved. And what you still have to accomplish? It will be miraculous, and the stuff of legends. Just trust me on this one.", told Merlin. Then he gave him a soft smile as Arthur looked at him without a word to convey his thoughts.
"Now,", Merlin continued in a low soothing tone. "today was hard, so go to sleep. And when you wake up everything will be fine.".
Arthur loosened his slightly anxious grip on his pillow. "How can you be sure of that?".
Merlin let a small chuckle out his nose as he smirked. "I'm as sure as I am that the sun will rise in the morning. Have some faith.".
Arthur nodded in agreement. "Okay.", he lamented. No fight or joke was needed then. He then let himself breathe and sink into his bed as Merlin blew out the last candle. And by the time the flame was out, so was Arthur.
Daybreak. It was misty and gently blue.
Arthur opened his eyes to see his window and dawns view through it. He wondered at his servants forgetfulness to close the shades. This time though his mistake turned out to be a blessing because Arthur found his own smile from the sunrise. It had been such a deep and comfortable sleep. Merlins words had really set him into a beautiful ease even if he'd never admit it.
After a few minutes of watching the blue be broken by pale rays of sun the king sat up.
He rubbed his hand up the back of his neck when he froze mid sigh. His eyes found a sight so shocking he didn't think it was really there.
Merlin was across the room between the fireplace and the window. He layed like a corpse on the wooden floor. His fingers still loosely gripping the last candle he'd blown out the night before. Dried blood dripped from his nostril with eerie simplicity. His skin, an unholy shade of white.
Arthur swallowed hard with widened eyes. Then he yelled at his frozen bones that finally scrambled off the bed. His bare feet hit the floor in a frenzied rush.
His knees met the hard surface that his servant layed upon. He searched him frantically without a hint to help him understand. All he could think to do was put his arm under the brunettes neck and lift him up to take his weight onto himself so that Merlins head was by the blondes shoulder. If not so that he might wake up then that he might be less tortured by the floor at the very least. Man was he light. Hardly any weight at all.
He looked so lifeless. Arthur wasn't sure if he was even breathing because he himself was shaking so. His heart beat so hard within him it felt blinding.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!", he screamed from a desperate throat, hoarse from the recent sleep.
Everything that followed was a swift blur that felt both like seconds and hours long.
He felt like fear itself as his fingertips anxiously gripped the rough fabric of Merlins cheap thin shirt. Finally before he had to scream again, in burst Gwaine still in his night clothes. He held his sword, drawn and ready despite the sleep pulling at his eyes.
In half a second he scanned the scene before him, looking at the two of them with distress.
Arthur didn't need to say anything even if he'd had time. With just the sight of them and Arthurs expression with a rare flicker of emotion twisting his raw face, Gwaine was already gone in a blur.
Leon and Percival arrived just in time to see Gwaine sprinting away barefoot and to look through the troubling doorway. Their stoic king looked more distressed and uncomposed than he ever had. It set the harrowing tone of it all.
Arthur didn't even notice them, he just felt his nerves shivering and the panic ripping his chest to shreds. The kings stare was stuck on Merlins head that hung slightly off Arthur's elbow. The gash on his hairline, the black bruise with the ghostly outline of a hoove. It made him sick to his stomach.
Before he knew it Gaius was there with Gwaine. The physician started worriedly looking at Merlin before asking something along the lines of 'what happened?'.
When Arthur didn't answer or move his gaze, the knights looked at each other.
Leon answered for him as he told Gaius about the horse and showed him the evidence on the servants forehead.
"Did he lose conciousness?", he asked.
When Percival answered that he had, Gaius' face fell in an even deeper expression of worry.
The physician couldn't believe something so serious and violent had happened that he hadn't known about.
Beautiful humble sunlight poured in, dementedly contrast to how they felt.
"Arthur.", Gaius put a hand on his shoulder. "Has he done anything different or strange since he was kicked?".
Arthur breathed and nodded. "Bad headache, he couldn't hardly look at the daylight. He was forgetful and confused. I think he was slurring his speech a bit. And his eyes, they looked different.". Then the king shook his head with angered disappointment. "Damn I've been blind.".
Gaius checked Merlins pupils and confirmed their difference from each other.
"What do you think Gaius?", asked Gwaine who couldn't disguise his anxiousness.
The physician didn't answer at first. He just stared at his ward. "It may be a very bad knock to his brain. There might be a fracture to his skull. It's almost impossible to tell.". He said the last word in a breath like he was losing. He'd been acting like he normally might with any patient, either for himself or for them. Either way, he couldn't keep it up for long.
"What can be done?", asked Leon.
Gaius sighed. "I could do nothing and he'll either heal, die, or go into a coma...which he may already be in. Or, I can do a procedure to relieve pressure and...". Arthur didn't hear the end of the sentence. He felt like he was under water and he couldn't figure out why. Why was the sight and thought of Merlin at that moment so agonizing? It hurt like real pain and Arthur could do nothing but blur his eyes and put his mind on hold.
"Sire, it's your decision.", said Gaius.
There was anxious silence a moment as they all stared at the tortured royal.
"He's almost your son Gaius, what do you think.", replied Arthur.
"Yes but he's your...", the older man didn't know how to finish the sentence. Their relationship was one without definition. Gaius also realized that it wasn't fair to move a weight from his own shoulders to anothers. He sighed. Arthur looked at him. "I think the chance of death is greater if I don't do the procedure.".
Arthur breathed and ran a hand through his hair. He nodded and clung to his belief in the physician.
"Arthur.", said Gaius like he'd said it once already.
Arthur looked at him without all of his focus. He clenched his jaw and breathed in through his nose.
"We should take him to his bed.", suggested Gaius gently.
Arthur took a moment to think on it. He swallowed like you do to prepare for speech so fresh from sleep. "In that horrible excuse for a bed? No.". He said just loud enough for them to hear. He then put his arms under the brunette and stood up with ease. Onto his own bed he put Merlin. A skinny worthless servant laying on the kings fine sheets, a strange occurrence to be sure.
"We should act fast.", said Gaius as he grabbed the bag he took with him and went to the bed. Gruesome surgeries didn't usually want an audience and usually people didn't want to be one. So the men left with their worries. Arthur was yet to leave though as Gaius began to prepare in a careful rush.
He looked at Arthur with half a second he could barely spare. "This won't be pretty your highness.".
"I know.", replied the blonde. What the words were truly saying was that he didn't want Merlin to go through it alone. The servant had been right by his side through every horrifying and fear stricken moment that he'd been through. He would return that favor right back as hard as it would be.
He sat on the edge of the bed as Gaius took his blade to Merlins innocent skin. The king tensed up at the horror of it as he took Merlins lonely hand and turned away. Somewhere distantly, Arthur knew that Merlin would feel the violence of what was happening on the surface.
Arthur found a spot on the floor to latch onto as he waited for it all to be over. And finally after a little while it was. Gaius was stitching up before cleaning away the aftermath.
Hesitantly Arthur looked over. "Well?".
Gaius sighed softly. "Time will tell my king.".
Arthur stood up as he took a step toward the window and rested his hand on his torso.
Time was fluid as the sun inched up and up. Gaius' eyes had drooped shut at some point when they'd been watchfully locked on his apprentice. The day was warm and drowsy and he'd been woken up in an early fright. So Arthur wasn't surprised.
The king had tried some work at his desk but it was pointless. So he sat in his chair by the window full of thought.
The rays of light that fell in through the window were thick yet tender. They made you want to yawn and listen to some sweet quiet music.
Arthur rubbed his dry face and thought sleepy thoughts.
Then suddenly he found his eyes opening after drifting off for goodness knows how long. Bleerily he blinked them open and rubbed them. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Merlin sitting up on the bed with his legs hanging off the side. Pain twisted his pretty face.
Arthur got up quickly taking the step toward the bed. Merlin couldn't give him more than a glance because he was too overtaken. He was still so pale and it made the injury and the circles around his eyes look that much worse.
"My head, it's so much worse. I don't think I can take it.", he whimpered the wish to understand. At least he was being honest now thought the blonde.
Arthur studied him helplessly. He could see in his every fibre and in his tortured eyes that the pain and it's consistency was overwhelming him. It was like he wanted to ask what to do, how to make it stop, but that was impossible. Or how to escape your body or crawl out of your own skin. There was absolutely no deliverance in sight and that was terrifying for both of them.
Arthur sat down beside the brunette and looked at him, eyebrows bent in a sympathy so tormenting it made him want to slaughter what was hurting his servant. But you can't kill pain. So instead, as Merlin trembled in agony, eyes watery in bloodshot angst, Arthur put his hand on Merlins shoulder.
The touch instantly gave Merlin the comfort he needed to get permission to untense his muscles and take a breath. "I know you think me weak, but I can hardly think straight. I'm on the verge of asking you to knock me out just so it'll stop."
Arthur looked at him knowing if he could see into his thoughts he would eat his words. But he didn't know how to express how vehemently he disagreed.
"You think I'd think you were weak for this? You must've been hit even harder then I thought.", said Arthur in a low tone not just for a sleeping Gaius but for the raw gentleness of the moment.
Merlin looked at his master, then at the floor with touched surprise. Then with a small snore from Gaius, Merlin looked behind him to see the physician. Then he scanned the bed he sat upon and finally found enough room in his thoughts to question it all.
"I don't understand, why-", he started to reach toward his head before Arthur stopped him.
"Don't.", he stopped his wrist.
It earned him a look of bewilderment.
"Gaius just had to...well...", Arthur hoped Merlin could figure out the rest based off his vague hand gestures.
"Oh, no wonder.", swallowed Merlin. He let out a small gasp as he rubbed his eyes. "I was hoping it would all just pass. I didn't think...". He was overtaken by the pain that he should've been asleep for. He was so fresh from the procedure and the climax of the repercussions from his neglect to himself. Arthur knew how much he should've been asleep. The servant probably wasn't used to a bed so soft.
Merlin swallowed the rest of his words and ground his teeth. A moment went by that you could tell was one of unbridled pain. The brunette face was the sculpture of anguish. He put his forehead in his hand as water of severe physical torture slipped into his very red waterline. Arthur just watched horrified at his own uselessness.
"What do I do Arthur?", he whispered in shaken breath, with more desperation than Arthur had ever seen him emit, maybe anyone.
"Lay down Merlin. Wait for it to pass. I'll wait with you.", promised Arthur, shaken himself.
The servant obeyed.
The dreamy yellow evening light took time from them so that eventually Merlins exhaustion would defeat the pain. They sat until it faded enough for him to fall back asleep which his wounded brain was craving. Arthur still sat on the edge of the bed, gladly swimming in the deepest relief. And Merlin didn't wake for two days after that. Maybe he'd needed Arthur's reassurance, or his permission to rest. The gentlelest sunlight swallowed him into the sleep that saved his life. And the good rest with a lot of time in the weightless lightless dark, Merlin would be okay. Arthur watched over him almost constantly from the window or his desk. He waited so patiently as he slept.
And when Merlin healed, Arthur found that the waiting had payed off. He smiled softly at the accomplishment. Little did he know that in the near future, Merlin would return the favor.