Work Text:
"Hi I'm Danny and I'm hard-launching my new boyfriend Tim!" Danny who is sitting at a table facing a camera announces to it.
Tim who was out of frame comes in to wave reluctantly and Danny drags him to sit beside him.
"I still think this is a really bad idea," Tim worries.
"Maybe, but don't lie and say you won't enjoy it!" Danny argues.
"Why do I need to be here for this?" Tim wonders to himself, "This is gonna be a shitshow, someone will come find you."
"I'm not worried," Danny declares.
"Babe," Tim starts but is interrupted.
"I am not worried," Danny repeats himself forcefully. The two of them just look at each other and then Tim nods.
"Okay no one will come for you, but I am a public figure and have been in relationships with public figures, so keep that in mind," Tim warns.
"Noted, but really I am truly not concerned," Danny sings.
"So! First one is Ariana, I don't know much of her, but Tim remembers her fondly so 8/10!" Danny begins.
"Ariana if you see this, I hope your doing well," Tim says wistfully.
"Your first love will always be special in some way," Danny nods, "it teaches you so much that sets the foundation for the future."
"That is surprisingly mature of you," Tim marvels.
What? I am mature, and you learned a lot from your first relationship, unfortunately you went into your next one, and oh boy," Danny grimaces scratching his head.
"Steph, I love you and I think you're great, but you and Tim were not good for each other, 3/10," Danny determines with Tim looking at him in horror.
"3/10?!?! Like I know we didn't end great but I thought we did a good job together, we had some good times!" Tim protests.
Danny turns and looks at him, "I'm sorry how does a relationship that started with a brick to the face suppose to be a good one?"
"Listen, it was a misunderstanding!" Tim argues.
"Ah yes, sit here and argue about your ex girlfriend who is now dating your sister. How she was such a good partner to you," Danny states flatly.
"I may have made a tactical error here y'all. I'm just gonna let you have that one," Tim winces.
"I thought so," Danny agrees with a nod.
"So moving onto the next person, Cassie, she was too good for you, you bagged a baddie and you failed. 6/10 because she realized she deserved better," Danny muses.
"I-"
"Tim you told me about your relationship with her and she randomly infodumped on me about it, you sucked as a boyfriend. You've gotten much better/I've trained you well," Danny pats Tim's hand.
"Trained?" Tim responds mildly offended.
"Relax, I haven't trained you for real," Danny placates. But when Tim looks away Danny shakes his head no to the camera.
"Honestly I wasn't a great boyfriend, I'm just glad that we were able to stay friends, love you Cassie, platonically!" Tim calls out to the camera.
"You were not, and honestly I think in the next relationship you had you overly compensated to make up for it," Danny ponders out loud.
"What?" Tim questions.
"You heard me, Bernard, -3/10, dude cheated on you and told you that you were too needy and too much," Danny looks enraged thinking back.
"Well the cheating part really wasn't great but I was too needy and too much. I was texting and calling him frequently, and I moved too fast," Tim reflects with a frown on his face.
Danny grabs Tim's head and turns it to face him, "Love it was not your fault that your ex cheated on you. You might have texted and called more than the average person, but he should have talked to you about it. And you're not too much, I hate that you now have this idea in your head. You are not too much, no one is ever too much, the other person just isn't at the same level as them. Your ex just wasn't the right person for you, and the fact that he blamed you for being too much speaks of his immaturity and inability to speak to you."
"But-"
Danny put his hand over Tim's mouth, "I won't let you insult yourself like this, you deserved better. I am privileged to be able to show you this and help you get to the point where you will start to believe this yourself."
"I-"
"We're getting a little heavy here, you wanna pull back a bit?" Danny questioned gently.
Tim nodded, "Can we cut that from the final part?"
"Of course, we can make it go a bit differently, let's go again?"
Tim once again nodded, "from the ranking?"
Danny without a beat opened his mouth, "-5/10, the man believed in the Loch Ness monster. He also dumped you via text during an important meeting you had with the board, that he knew how important it was. Then you came home to all of his stuff gone and a broken vase by the entryway."
"I can't even disbute that, that fucker broke the first homeowner's gift I ever got," Tim admitted ruefully.
"See he sucks!" Danny immediately responded, "I saw the photo of that vase it was nice, but you got a nicer one right?"
"Well no, it was in a bad spot, I never put anything back there," Tim reflected.
"Oh no, we are not letting him take that from you, we're getting you a new vase or something else for that spot," Danny declares.
"We are?"
"Immediately after this, or later today. I am a man on a mission and you deserve this sweetheart," Danny decides for them both with Tim just looking fondly.
"I mean,"
"Unless you really don't want one, which is fair but I think you deserve to get one, to have pretty fresh flowers in your home. Or something else that makes you smile when you see it," Danny says rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.
Tim smiles, and pats Danny's arm, "you know what? I'm okay with getting something new, and I would love your help to find it."
Danny lights up pleased to be able to do this and change a bad experience for Tim to a good one, "yes! I have ideas!"
"I will happily take them," Tim smiles softly as he agrees.
The two of them just look at each other and smile.
"Now, the last person I'm gonna talk about is Connor, he gets a 8/10 for taking care of you, but I'm keeping an eye on him!" Danny muses.
"I'm not dating Connor? He's my best friend?"
"Oh I know, he also better know that too," Danny says pointly into the camera.
"He knows that?" Tim is honestly baffled by the notion that Kon needed to watch himself.
"Oh he does, but reminders help!" Danny sings, but with a glint in his eyes.
"Danny what did you do?" Tim questions with a slightly concerned look on his face.
"Nothing, nothing at all!"Danny responds immediately.
"Danny!" Tim repeats forcefully, "I don't like it when people try to control me, what did you do!"
Danny freezes and turns to Tim with a slightly guilty expression on his face, "Darling I really didn't do much, he just came up to me when we all went for drinks one day and said how much he loved our relationship and how happy I make you. He also said that this was the happiest he's seen you in a very long time and that he was so happy you had others to rely on now, that we could help shoulder your burdens."
"But what does that mean in terms of keeping an eye on him?"
"I just worry that you've known him longer and will prefer to confide in him rather than talk to me about the things that bother you," Danny confesses with a regretful look, purposefully not making eye contact with Tim.
It was now Tim's turn to make Danny look at him, "Listen, we're always gonna have different people we confide with. Our relationships with our friends and the people in our lives will always make us talk and speak with them about different things, however you're my priority and I'm yours. We will always put the other above everyone else in comparison. As long as we keep communication and the relationship itself the priority, I think we're gonna be fine."
Danny can't help but smile at his partner, addressing his concerns, soothing and coming up with concrete solutions.
"Okay fair enough, promise to keep talking and prioritizing us?" Danny holds his pinky out, waiting for Tim to grab it.
"Promise!" Tim grabs the pinky with his and shakes it, "we pinky promised, that is sacred."
"Agreed," Danny nods his head in agreement but doesn't let go of Tim's hand, he instead grabs the whole hand and presses a kiss to it.
Tim reddens but allows Danny to keep holding his hand, "so did you want to leave this in or cut it?"
"Hhhmmm, how about we film another response and see how that feels during editing?" Danny offers because this was important for them, but does the world get to see this? He's not sure if he wants them to see this and leave any risk down the line.
"That's fair, how about you start again ranking Kon and we go from there?"
Danny takes a deep breath and fixes his face facing the camera, he grins a bit and opens his mouth, "Now, the last person I'm gonna talk about is Connor, he gets a 8/10 for taking care of you, but last time he came over he finished my last sparkling water so he's on thin ice!"
"I offered it to him?" Tim reproaches with a smile.
"Yes but he's the one that drank it and I'm petty," Danny argues with smirk on his face.
"Yes you are, blame me, not him!" Tim disputes playfully.
"Well, you gotta replace it," Danny states with a nudge to Tim's side.
"You get that from star city? Do I gotta go drive there one day?"
"Well, we can make it a road trip one day soon?"
"I'll have to check my calendar but on both of our next days off together we can go? There is a great Japanese place there I've been craving," Tim admits.
"Sold! I get a special romantic day with my partner , Connor you get a 8.5 out of 10 now!"
"You're easily manipulated by food aren't you?"
"No but I do love getting to spend time with you, and he unintentionally helped with that, so he goes up .5!"
"Fine, he'll take it, are we done?"
"Did you want to rank my exs?"
"Absolutely not, I am not insane."
"And I am?"
Tim looks at Danny fondly, "I like a little crazy, I am from Gotham."
"Well, that was hard-launching my boyfriend by ranking his ex-boyfriends! I hope you all enjoyed it!"
"I still think this was a bad idea," Tim muses.
"Yeah well, you helped so we're both in it now," Danny responds with a smile.
"Well, I'm with you, so clearly I'm doing something right."
"You're so sappy!"
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"Oh?"
Tim reaches over to turn the camera off, "Well I'm gonna make him, good bye everyone."
"How are you gonna-"
The camera turns off, but the image of Tim starting to lunge at Danny is where the camera turns off.