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The warm glow of the evening sun shone over the city, reflecting off the panes of glass that covered every building around him. Car’s brake lights bounced as they sat in the rush hour traffic. People scurried to and fro, minding their own business going about their evening.
Alex just sat above, watching. The world slowly dragging by. His legs dangled over the edge of the roof of the apartment building. His favourite place to sit when he needed to get away from the world. Alone, quiet and safe. It felt peaceful, detached from the world, as if he wasn’t part of it. He was just someone looking in on everyone else, admiring how they went about their day with such ease. While he was stuck unable to seem to calm his mind.
The air was warm and comforting, like a cosy blanket, just the perfect temperature. It was what most would call a perfect summer's evening. Sunset glowing, birds gently tweeting in the trees around him, watching the world go by.
Alex pulled out a small paper box from his pocket, getting out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a long drag. His third one in the short time he sat here. He couldn’t help himself, it was a comfort to him in the times he needed it most.
All Alex wanted was to sort out his thoughts. His head was currently racing at what felt like a thousand miles an hour. Feelings spinning, leaving him unable to know what he wanted or how to make anything work. He was confused, concerned and worried. The feelings that were constant inside him over the last few weeks.
He only found his way up here when he felt like this, when he wanted to think, needed some time to hide himself away. It usually worked. Watching the world go by from above usually helped put everything into perspective. Realising that his problems weren’t as big and as bad as he thought. Yet this once, nothing was becoming clearer for him.
The stiff door behind him creaked open and footsteps padded towards him. Alex didn’t even turn around, he knew who it would be. The only person who knew his hiding place. He felt a warm body sit beside him, sighing at the sight of Alex there.
“Smoking again?, What’s going on in that head of yours this time?”
Jack had been Alex’s best friend for longer than the two could remember. Navigating through life, creating a band, and touring the world. They had grown to know each other as well as they knew themselves. They had shared an apartment for a few years. Their place, together. perfect for hosting their crazy parties with friends or just spending quiet nights beating each other on Mario Kart while sharing a bottle of wine. No matter what, they were together. Best friends. Or at least that’s what they had been.
Jack always knew where to find Alex when he disappeared. He could tell how his best friend was feeling just by looking at him. If he was tired, Alex would twirl his caramel swoopy hair around his fingers. Or if Alex was smoking, something was plaguing his mind, he was trying to hide from the world and distract himself.
“Up here doesn’t even feel like you’re part of the world below, as if you’re just looking in on the rest of the population” Alex purposely ignored Jack’s questions. He wasn’t ready to talk about what was going on in his mind, especially not to Jack. He took another long drag and exhaled. Jack just watched him, his dark eyes fixated, trying to look into his best friend's brain, figure out what was going on in there.
Alex held out the box to Jack, open, a silent invitation to join him. He took one and lit it, engaging with his best friend in the quiet peaceful moment. Neither spoke for a few minutes, gazing below at the world passing them by.
Alex couldn’t help but steal a few glances at his best friend. His crazy bleached hair sticking up, held perfectly with an insane amount of hairspray. Dark eyes glistening in the evening sun, they glistened no matter what, always feeling the magic of life. His nose, slightly crooked, framed his face so well. All these small things were exactly why Alex was up here hiding. Trying to distract his mind from the man sitting next to him. The man he couldn’t stop thinking about.
Alex finished his cigarette, putting out the end and reaching into his pocket for another. Jack gripped his hand, a silent protest, stopping him.
“Lex, what’s going on? You can’t smoke your mind numb no matter how hard you try”
“Well, it usually works so why not now” Alex snapped back, trying to distract his best friend from asking too many questions.
Jack gently held Alex’s hand, looking him in the eyes while Alex gazed in every direction except back at the man in front of him.
“Talk to me please Lex. I’m right here. I know you, I know something is going on.”
Alex let out a huge sigh he was holding in. Relenting into Jacks soft touch. He was known as the jokester in the band, the partier, the one up for anything, yet underneath that he had a soft side. A side that cared so much about the people he loved. A side that would do absolutely anything for them. Especially for Alex.
“I don't know what to say, you’d hate me for it” he looked down at the ground, still holding jacks hand. If he looked too closely at the man in front of him, he might fall too deeply and give his feelings away.
“Well looks like I’ll just have to sit here with you until you talk to me then” Jack responded, leaning backwards gazing up into the sunset, helping himself to another cigarette out of Alex’s box.
Jack already had an idea what was wrong with Alex. Over the last few months, the two had become increasingly more touchy, more loving, affectionate. They’d always been affectionate in a way, yet this was new, different. Alex would lean into his side, cuddling in while watching a movie. Jack would hug him while in the kitchen, planting a little kiss on his best friend's cheek, passing it off as a joke. Yet to Alex, it meant so much more. The few times recently when Alex fell asleep on the sofa due to exhaustion, he would mumble while he dreamed, and when Jack listened closely the mumbles sounded suspiciously like his name. It all added up.
Alex thought he had hidden it well. Until it all was getting too much. He hid his face in his hand sighing, “just too many feelings” he tried to act casual, hoping Jack wouldn’t press for too many answers, but he did, of course he did.
“And who are these feelings about” Jack replied in a cute sing song voice, trying to tease his best friend, the only way he knew how, yet also giving the hint that he was aware. Or at least he was pretty sure who they were about
“Ugh, no one it doesn't matter” Alex’s head was still buried in his hands, refusing to look at Jack. Refusing to see the glint in his eye which will make Alex’s heart beat out of his chest. He was already in too deep, he couldn’t go deeper.
“Come on, we tell each other everything! Tell me who it is!” Jack pressured, refusing to let the situation go. He slowly gripped Alex’s hands and pulled them away from his face, bending over slightly to look his best friend in the eye.
“Alex” he spoke softly, a small sweet smile on his face.
“Who are the feelings about?”
Cautiously he looked up, catching his best friend's eye. Jack's soft smile and gentle hands coaxing him into a sense of security.
He took a deep breath before finally responding. Thinking each word through like they could destroy everything.
“You. They’re about you Jack.” Alex's voice was blunt, as if he was stating facts from the dictionary not confessing his feelings.
Jack smiled, soft and continued holding Alex’s hand tight. “Can I try something?” He responded, a small smirk playing across his lips.
“I suppose”
Jack's calloused hand reached up, cupping Alex’s cheek with one hand and gently raising his chin with the other. He moved slowly giving Alex time to back out if he needed to. But he didn’t.
Their lips connected, sweet and tenderly. The evening sun was setting behind them. To any onlookers it would have been like a romance movie, the two finally getting together with their first kiss.
To Alex, it felt electric, like everything was finally going just as he wanted, until his brain kicked back in. He pulled back from Jack's lips, his best friend smiling, looking happy, content and casual. Like this was normal to him.
“I think I need to go to bed” Alex spluttered and he quickly stood up from the ledge he had been sitting on. The world no longer feeling idyllic. Everything around him spinning, moving too fast. He didn’t know how to think, out of all the reactions he had thought Jack might have, this was not one of them.
He raced back through the stiff rusting door, down the stairs, and back into their apartment. Not even stopping until he threw himself into his bedroom and collapsed on the bed. The feelings, stress and concern all overtaking him.
Alex stayed shut in his room for the evening. Curled up in bed, doom scrolling, trying anything to distract himself so he didn’t have to think about what happened. He’d have to eventually but right now all he wanted was to hide.
Jack tried not to bother him. He knew Alex too well, that when he hid away, not to disturb him. It won’t help. Yet he had sent a message. Reassuring Alex that he was here, okay and willing to talk whenever he wanted to.
The night was long and by 3am Alex had been tossing and turning for the last 4 hours. The inability to remove Jack and the kiss from his mind meant insomnia was plaguing him.
All he wanted was to be tucked up inbeteeen jacks long arms, his face buried in the crook of his neck. Breathing jacks warm aroma, softly while they slept. Finally, after what felt like forever, he caved in to his feelings.
Slowly padding around the apartment to Jack's bedroom. He listened, ear pressed up against the door. He could hear Jack in there, tossing and turning too. His mind likely racing, just like Alex’s.
He pushed the door just a crack cautious not to startle the other man in there. “Hey”, he whispered, “can I join you?”
Jack looked up, shocked to find someone else in his room at 3am, especially Alex, considering he had freaked out and run away from him earlier when they kissed.
“Of course”. Jack shuffled along to one side of the bed, lifting up the dark covers and patting the soft mattress, indicating for Alex to join him.
Alex crawled in, instantly feeling calmer with his best friend's body next to him. Jack instinctively put his arms around Alex.
They laid silently for a few minutes just breathing together, relaxing into holding each other close.
“I’m sorry I freaked out earlier” Alex whispered, so quietly Jack almost missed it.
“I had thought of as many possible outcomes from telling you and that was never one that even crossed my mind”
Jack held Alex tighter. Pulling him in so there was no space left between their bodies.
“I meant what I did, even if it never happens again, I want you to know i meant it” Jack whispered in return. If the kiss was just a one time thing, then he needed Alex to know how much he meant it.
“What if I want it to happen again?” Alex questioned nervously.
“Only if you promise not to freak out on me this time?” Jack giggled pulling Alex even closer and connecting their lips without giving him a chance to answer.
The kiss was sweet, tender, with so much care and affection between the two. Chapped lips moved against each other gaining pace quickly becoming heated.
Hands travelled over each others already bare torsos, feeling every curve, holding each other close.
Small Kisses were planted all over Alex’s face and neck, sucking and biting on the little spots that made Alex squirm with anticipation. Small purple marks blossomed, a semi permanent reminder of the first night together.
“Okay okay let’s stop before we get too excited” Alex giggled pushing Jack away gently.
“We have forever for this, we don’t need to rush it.
“Forever ayy?” Jack questioned, the glint in his eye back, watching Alex begin to freak out at what he’d said. Hoping Jack was feeling the same.
“If that’s what you want….? Then yeah, forever”
“I like the sound of that” Jack smiled, kissing Alex once more before they both snuggled down to finally get some sleep.
“Forever sounds perfect”